Real Influence: Persuade Without Pushing and Gain Without Giving In

By Mark Goulston and John Ullmen

People won’t put up with being “sold” anymore. If they sense they are being pushed, their guard goes up—and even if they do comply, lingering resentment undermines the relationship...maybe forever.

Yet, most books on influence still portray it as something you “do to” someone else to get your way. That out-of-date approach invites resistance or cynicism from those who recognize the techniques. Manipulative tactics might occasionally wear down a colleague’s or client’s resistance, but they fail to produce the mutual trust that sustains successful relationships. In short, they just won’t work in our sophisticated, post-selling world.

In this groundbreaking book, authors Mark Goulston and John Ullmen reveal a new model for authentic influence—the kind that creates a strong initial connection and survives long after agreement has been reached. Based on listening, genuine engagement and commitment to win-win outcomes, Real Influence provides a powerful four-step method you can use to:

• Examine your priorities
• Learn about the key players and what they need
• Earn their attention and motivate them to hear more
• Add value with your questions and actions

Complete with examples of the steps in action and insights from real-world “power influencers,” this one-of-a-kind guide shows that being straight with everyone means winning for all.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AMACOM
• Release date: Jan 2, 2013
• ISBN: 9780814420164

Mark Goulston

Mark Goulston, MD, FAPA is a board-certified psychiatrist, fellow of the American Psychiatric Association, former assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at UCLA NPI, and a former FBI and police hostage negotiation trainer. He is the creator of Theory Y Executive Coaching—which he provides to CEOs, presidents, founders, and entrepreneurs—and is a TEDx and international keynote speaker. He is the creator and developer of Surgical Empathy, a process to help people recover and heal from PTSD, prevent suicide in teenagers and young adults, and help organizations overcome implicit bias. Dr. Goulston is the author or principal author of seven prior books, including Why Cope When you Can Heal: How Healthcare Heroes of COVID-19 Can Recover from PTSD, PTSD for Dummies, Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior, Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone, Real Influence: Persuade Without Pushing and Gain Without Giving In, and Talking to Crazy: How to Deal with the Irrational and Impossible People in Your Life. He hosts the My Wakeup Call podcast, where he speaks with influencers about their purpose in life and the wakeup calls that led them there. He also is the co-creator and moderator of the multi-honored documentary Stay Alive: An Intimate Conversation About Suicide Prevention. He appears frequently as a human psychology and behavior subject-area expert across all media, including news outlets ABC, NBC, CBS, and BBC News, as well as CNN, Today, Oprah, the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Forbes, Fortune, Harvard Business Review, Business Insider, Fast Company, Huffington Post, and Westwood One.