No Longer Bound: Leaving Broken Yesterdays In the Tender Arms of God’s Love

By Chantal R. Levitchi

For years I've done all that I could to try and hold it all together. I tried to maintain the false pretense of my life-but God knew that I was shattered in a million little pieces. He knew that secretly I felt like a failure and had many insecurities. He knew that I had been deeply wounded and injured, and that my healing had not yet come. He gently, patiently, and lovingly worked out the events of my life to begin the process of putting the pieces of my life back together. This book was placed in my heart long before I wrote it. It was given to me so that I could begin the process of healing from my past. It was given to me so that you too can begin your healing of pain, of addictions, of wrong choices, and find wholeness in the One who restores!

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Dec 23, 2014
• ISBN: 9781483545363

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PART ONE

My Beginning

CHAPTER 1

ST. LUCIA

Allow me to paint a picture for you of my back story and birth-place as I take you on a little tour of the Island of St. Lucia-Its history, its political make-up and its social structure.

(History of Saint Lucia. Retrieved September 23, 2005)

The first proven inhabitants of St. Lucia were the peaceful Arawaks, believed to have come from northern South America around 200-400 AD, the more aggressive Caribs arrived around 800 AD, and seized control from the Arawaks by killing their men and assimilating the women into their own society. They were later feared by the invading Europeans for their ferocity in battle. In 1635, the French officially claimed the island but didn’t settle it. Instead, it was the English who attempted the next European settlement in 1639, but that too was wiped out by the Caribs. Around 1600, the first European camp was started by the Dutch, at what is now Vieux Fort. In 1635, the French officially claimed the island but didn’t settle it. Instead, it was the English who attempted the next European settlement in 1639, but that too was wiped out by the Caribs. In 1664, Thomas Warner (son of the governor of St Kitts) claimed Saint Lucia for England. He brought 1,000 men to defend it from the French, but after two years, only 89 survived, mostly due to disease. In 1666 the French West India Company resumed control of the island, which in 1674 was made an official French crown colony as a dependency of Martinique. Both the British, with their headquarters in Barbados, and the French, centered on Martinique found Saint Lucia attractive after the sugar industry developed, and during the 18th century the island changed owner-ship or was declared neutral territory a dozen times, although the French settlements remained and the island was a de facto a French colony well into the 18th century. In 1803, the British finally regained control of the island and restored slavery. The British abolished the African slave trade in 1807; they acquired Saint Lucia permanently in 1814. It was not until 1834 that they abolished the institution of slavery. Even after abolition, all former slaves had to serve a four-year apprenticeship, during which they had to work for free for their former masters for at least three-quarters of the work week. They achieved full freedom in 1838. By that time, people of African ethnicity greatly outnumbered those of ethnic European background. From 1967 to 1979, St. Lucia had full responsibility for internal self-government, but left its external affairs and defense responsibilities to the United Kingdom. This interim arrangement ended on February 22, 1979, when St. Lucia achieved full independence. St. Lucia continues to recognize Queen Elizabeth II as titular head of state and is an active member of the Commonwealth of Nations. (History of Saint Lucia. Retrieved September 23, 2005)

St. Lucia is a small, lush tropical Island that is still rather unknown. It is one of the Windward Islands in the Eastern Caribbean Sea on the boundary with the Atlantic Ocean. It is located north/northeast of the Island of Saint Vincent, northwest of Barbados, and south of Martinique.

Saint Lucia is 238 square miles. Saint Lucia was named after Saint Lucy of Syracuse by the French, the island’s first European settlers. Castries is the capital and the largest city of St. Lucia.

English is the official language spoken by St. Lucians, but the natives also speak a French Creole commonly called Patois (pronounced patwa). It is based on French and is influenced by the grammar of West African languages. Proper English is spoken at schools, in government, and the media, but Patois is mostly spoken by the locals at home, on the streets, and at informal gatherings. The name of St. Lucia in patois is Sent Lisi.

St Lucia is filled with rich and fertile soil, and a wide variety of fruits and vegetables grows throughout the country. Depending upon the season you are sure to find a wide array of fruits—Bananas, Mango, Guava, Sweetsop (Sugar Apples) Oranges, Lemons, Limes, Grapefruit, Pineapple, Breadfruit, Avocado, Coconut, Passion fruit, Goose Berry Pomegranate, Soursop, Glaze Apple, Star Apple (a.k.a. Five Fingers), Tamarind, Sea Grapes. Just to name a few.

The national dish of St. Lucia is known as green figs and salt fish. The figs are actually unripe bananas, peeled and sautéed with garlic, onions, celery, and peppers. Unripened bananas or green bananas as Lucians call it, they are not sweet. Green Bananas & Salt Fish (Salt fish is salted cod) that needs to be rinsed thoroughly to drain out most of the salt, then flaked and sautéed with the bananas and vegetables. It is a delicious, hearty, filling meal for lunch or dinner. Bananas, green and ripened, are abundant on St. Lucia and are actually the island’s primary crop for export. St. Lucia. Montreal: Ulysses Travel Guides. ISBN 2-89464-396-9 (2007)

St. Lucia is surrounded by coconut palm trees-Palm trees that averages 75 or 80 ft tall." The local men climb up the trees to cut down the coconuts. It might seem intimidating but climbing a palm tree is relatively simple when you know what to do. Immature, green coconuts are usually filled with a light flavored coconut water not milk. Sometimes the coconut meat inside has not hardened yet and it has a jelly texture, that is sweet. The young coconut is green and referred to as a jelly coconut or a water coconut it is good for you and loaded with electrolytes. Most people in the Caribbean carry straws with them in their glove compartments so they can stop for a water coconut. The coconut man is always extremely skilled with his machete and can cut the coconut in the blink of an eye. A hole is cut in the top and you put your straw in and drink it down. When you’re done drinking the water, the coconut man will usually ask you if you want the jelly. If you do, he cuts the coconut in half and slices off a coconut spoon to get the jelly out. This is a very enjoyable experience and so unbelievably delicious. But when the coconut is hard and mature, it turns brown, and the outside skin becomes dry and wrinkled. Then you get coconut milk and meat out of it." PickMeYard (Archive for how to eat a green coconut) 2010

Because the Island is surrounded by water, Fresh fish is caught daily.

Fishing is a way of life for many Islanders, and many of the locals come to the market to buy their fish fresh for supper.

One of the main sources of livelihood of the economy of Saint Lucia is its bananas. And actually, the production and export of bananas accounts for most of the country’s revenues. The weather in St. Lucia is of a tropical and humid climate. The weather is hot all year round. There is also plenty of rain which mostly falls during summer and autumn, but temperatures are still high.

St Lucia has many beaches-you can decide to choose from stretches of white beach or the tranquil turquoise waters of the Caribbean Sea, both are enjoyed for swimming and water sports. When the time and opportunity presents itself, many people living on the Island go to the beaches. It’s not unusual for this event to be an all day occasion, with the whole family including some cousins, uncles, aunties, grand-parents, and friends. Plenty of food and drinks are prepared for a fun-filled day at the beach.

Cricket and football (soccer) are the most popular sports in Saint Lucia. Cricket is very popular on St. Lucia. Its national cricket team competes regularly against the British team. Cricket is by far one of St. Lucia’s leading spectator sport, many use these sporting events as opportunity for a partying and entertainment affair, with food, music and lots of drinks.

"Calypso and Reggae music are quite popular throughout the Caribbean. The St. Lucian kwadril , a popular traditional dance, reflects the island’s French heritage (it is based on the quadrille). It is a complicated dance with five distinct parts." Philpott, Don (1999).

Dancing is extremely popular on St. Lucia, and is held regularly, even in the smallest towns. On the weekends you are sure to hear some of the local music being played rather loudly by the People of the Islands. Friends and family enjoy gathering to celebrate and to party the weekend; with a large array of food, drinks, laughing and good times. And of course patwa is being spoken.

There are also many festivals throughout the year in St. Lucia, but the two main traditional festivals, is La Woz(The Rose, on August 30) and La Magwit (The Marguerite, on October 17), Towns hosting the festivals organize an array of local food and drink, such as breadfruit, green fig, plantain, salt fish, king fish, roast pork, Johnny Cake (fried bake) and a famous dish, bouyon (fish, chicken or meat stewed with dasheen, yams, plantains, banana and dumplings), lime drinks, guava drinks and more. This day is remembered by a majority of people by wearing the island’s national attire called madrasand those who do not wish to wear layers after layers of skirts and tunics make their own outfits out of a special kind of plaid material. Huge crowds from all over the world come to see, hear, and experience this festival held each year (Copyright by Artamus Travels 2008). In St. Lucia you need to drive on the left hand side of the road, you also need be aware that other drivers always keep to their side of the road. The roads are narrow with bends, and steep inclines. Driving on the left side is not too difficult. It may seem intimidating, but you get acclimated after sometime with a right-hand drive vehicle. Even the signal and wiper stalks are reversed. Schools in St Lucia are run either by the government or are privately owned, and attendance is mandatory between the ages of five and fifteen. Children attend primary school until the age of eleven. They then have to take an entrance exam to move on to secondary school. All lessons are taught in English, but many children speak Creole at home. School days lasts for eight or nine hours. It is also mandatory for all children to wear a school uniform.

The practice of corporal punishment is not legally prohibited in Saint Lucia and remains a legal way to discipline children. Corporal punishment is even practiced and advised as a preferred form of discipline. Any parent, teacher, extended family or legal guardian is allowed to impart a reasonable punishment in this way.

Breakfast is a very important meal for Lucians. Before they leave for school children usually receive the traditional breakfast usually consisting of loaves of hot Creole bread, and warm tea. Cocoa tea is a traditional tea made from grated cocoa sticks. Then bay leaves, cinnamon, and nutmeg are then added. Then the cocoa sticks are allowed to steep in the spices for about 20 minutes. Evaporated milk, (Canned milk as Lucians call it) or powdered milk is added, then it is sweetened, usually with brown sugar. This is a delicious tea enjoyed by adults and children alike. There are other types of mixed teas that are made from local plants, tropical shrubs, grasses, and leaves known as bush tea. Bush tea has a number of medicinal uses but are also generally enjoyed for taste. Drinking a cup of hot tea, in the morning or in the evening is very customary.

You are unlikely to find a nursing home in St Lucia, because children are expected to care for their parents in old age. It is also very typical for extended family such as grandparents, aunts and uncles to live with the family.

CHAPTER 2

MY BEGINNING

My mother was born and raised on the Island of St. Lucia. Growing up in St. Lucia back in the 50’s and 60’s was a different time; people lived off the land, collected water from the river, washed their clothes by hand, television was scarce and violence even more so. Fast food restaurants did not exist, and everyone greeted each other with Good morning Good afternoon and Good night. Weekly washing was done at the river either by hand or on a washboard; then the clothes was hung out in the hot Island sun to dry. It wasn’t unusual to see the locals carrying large packages and parcels on top of the head. Nearly every St. Lucian family cooked with a two-piece coal pot well into the 1970s, but the propane stove has changed the traditional method of slow-simmering over hardwood charcoal. Life was hard, and raw; but it was also real and genuine. There were always chores-especially since families were usually large. In spite of the many chores and responsibilities St. Lucian children still enjoyed endless hours of fun and laughter as they played games they usually came up with on their own; or they shared and enjoyed such things as marbles. Spending hours by the river swimming and sliding down the waterfalls was very common. It was also not uncommon to see school children, barefoot with their school uniforms disheveled walking home from school, but still finding the time to throw stones into fruit-laden mango trees and then later with their bellies full, pulling the mango’s stringy bits from between their teeth. This was the St. Lucia that my mother grew up in…

My mother grew up with her mother and step-father in a home where she was the third of eight children. There was an invisible divide that existed between children and adults in those days. You were a child, and they were the adults-period. In my grandmother’s home you did not cross the line; you did not jest or fool around with your elders. Children had their place and to step out of it would mean that you were rude and unmannered. You were not even allowed to look at an adult while they spoke to another adult. You were considered grown and without manners, if you were caught. You did not ‘Butt in’ or interrupt. There was not much frivolity, and jest that existed. There was a certain kind of respect and high regard for your elders that you don’t find too much of today. As a child you did not voice your opinion. Your opinions did not have a place. Things were the way they were, you may have had thoughts towards a certain situation that you may not agree with but you kept your view point to yourself, and do what you were told. Suggestions were not sought from children. You were not asked how you felt about a certain subject. Times were different and that was just the way it was. My mother’s mother (Granny) was strict and rigid with rules that were not to be disobeyed.

With so many children and a husband to take care of; Granny was usually always busy, there was much work to do and not too much time for laughing and frivolous play at home. Personal one-on-one interaction, and shared moments of fondness, between the children and my grandmother were not experienced often. Few and far between were moments of demonstrated affection. My grandmother did not have very much time or much experience to show compassion or tenderness. Everyone had their jobs to do and you did yours without excuses. You did not have sick days. Back in those days, discipline meant only one thing - a good old fashioned beating with whatever was close by-a broom stick, a pan, a belt, a hand, or whatever was handy. My mother got her share of this disciplinary abuse and not much affection. So, of course, that was her experience and the reality of her time.

During her early twenties my mother relocated to one of St. Lucia’s neighboring Islands called Martinique. She lived with a French family that she worked for as a Nanny. She attended the same church that my father’s family attended, which is how their friendship and, ultimately, their relationship began. They were not in a particularly committed relationship with each other. My mother even told me a few times that she did not particularly like him that much. Nevertheless, one of their encounters resulted in me being conceived. I was definitely not planned by either one of them. They were both still young in their mid-twenties and I’m sure having a baby at that time was not very easy or accepted-especially since they were not married. In that culture, and in that time, being pregnant out of wedlock was shameful, and looked down on. But in-spite of that I was conceived. I was a fact; I was real, and people were quickly going to find out about me. My mother then decided to moved back home to her family in St. Lucia before I was born. She decided that she would stay with her mom for a while until she could get on her feet and be able to support herself and her soon-to-be baby. She desperately needed encouragement and assistance by those who knew her and loved her, but sadly she was not received kindly. Once my mother got back and her condition was made known she was told that she was not welcome and could not stay at home. My mother was turned away from her home and her family.

As a girl growing up in St. Lucia my mother had a very dear friend for many years. As young girls the two of them would giggle, gossip, play together, tell their deepest secrets to one another, and share their hopes and dreams with each other. They were like two peas in a pod. My mom and her best friend Lynn loved each other, trusted each other, confided in each other, and were always there for each other. Lynn was married-she had gotten married at the young age of eighteen. My mom found refuge with her best friend, and her husband. (Lynn) opened up her arms and her home to my mom when she had nowhere else to go.

One hot summer day in August I was born to an unwed mother. In spite of her circumstances however, my mom loved me from the start. I was told that I was born extremely hairy, not only did I have a head full of thick hair that extended to my eyebrows; but my back, and my arms were also hairy. I was a joy to my mom and to (Aunty Lynn). The two of them doted over me, took care of me, and loved me. My mom remained with her best friend until I was a year. My mom then got her own little place for the two of us. Life was not easy for my mom; she was single and supporting me on her own with very low income and limited resources.

As the months continued and I began to crawl My mother’s place was not very far from where my grandmother lived and as a result my grandmother would see my mother carrying me from time-to-time. She would see me standing in the doorway, behind the barricade that was placed in the door to keep me from crawling outside. She would see me as I sat in the washtub that my mother placed in the shade under the tree as she hung out her clothes on the line to dry. She would hear my squeals and laughter throughout the day. My grandmother was still upset with my mom for becoming pregnant outside of marriage. She had not spoken to my mother since the day she turned her away. She was still disappointed, because this was not the life that she wanted for her child. But the fact was she missed her daughter, and she wanted to know her grand-daughter. So one day after over two years of not speaking to my mother, my grandmother decided to put away her pride, bury her anger and swallow her disappointment. She desperately wanted to make amends with my mother, and be a part of my life.

In her small one bedroom apartment, my mom took care of me as best she could. She loved me in spite of the unfavorable events of my origin. In-spite of the way she felt or did not feel towards my father. She shared her small bedroom with me as she would sleep with me on her stomach every night. Resources were very scant. I was left with my grandmother while my mom worked part-time to support herself and me. She barely made enough to pay her bills. Buying food was a bit of a challenge. As a result of her meager food supply my mother was not receiving sufficient nutrition to continue to breastfeed me, but I was told that I refused to eat any other source of food. When my mom tried to feed me something other than breast milk she would have to first crush it, put it in my mouth then quickly insert her breast in my mouth so that I would swallow it. Many times my mom would have to dilute a can of milk with twice the amount of water as recommended, so as to make it go further, and last longer for her to be able to make herself some oatmeal, or porridge until her next pay.

My mother never had much to say about my dad; and the little that she has told me about him hasn’t been very endearing. It seemed as if my dad was a bit arrogant, selfish, and egotistical. He considered himself and his circumstances superior, and had a tendency to look down on others. I don’t know what transpired between my mother and my father before my birth, and then after my birth. In fact I don’t know much at all about this man whose name was Roger (pronounced Wojay in French-long O, long A)

One day my father came to visit me for the first time. He made a comment to my mom about how thick my hair was. He gave my mom some money for me. I supposed they may have talked for a few minutes, once the conversation was over however the visit was over. He visited me that day for the first and last time-never to see me again. He left that day forever…

When I was about two years old, I developed a form of extreme attachment towards my mother. It became so severe that being with my mother was actually depleting my body of good health. I was becoming sick over my mother. Eventually my mother reached out to her older sister for help. I was given to my Aunty Cecile for about a year. During this time my mother continued to come as often as she could to see me, and to bring supplies for me. On her visits she had to try her best in order for me not to see her. I was told that if I were to catch even a glimpse of her I would then become sick again, and the process to bring me back to health was slow, I would refuse to eat, and eventually I would lose weight. I do not know nor can I explain this phenomenon. I had never heard of this before. I am not aware whether this is a medical condition, or whether it is only a condition of the heart. Perhaps even at such a very young age, I sensed the disunion, and estrangement of my dad. Perhaps even at such a very young age, I was already an extremely emotional and sensitive child. Whatever the reason this was a real experience and a real condition that I sustained. After that year, I was told that I was recuperating well. I had gained weight, and eventually I was able to go back to live with my mom.

My mother’s relationship towards my father’s family in Martinique was not very favorable. It could be for a number of reasons-Perhaps they felt like they were better. Perhaps they knew my mother was with child, or perhaps they initially did not know. Perhaps, because my mom refused to remain in Martinique once she learned of me, and took me back to St. Lucia, Perhaps because my dad may have painted a false picture of my mom. Whatever the circumstances and details of this relationship, it definitely created a divide that would continue to always exist, and would always continue to affect my life…

CHAPTER 3

CHANTAL

Chantal is a French name that was originally given in honor of Saint Jeanne-Françoise de Chanta. It has become associated with the French word chant, meaning song. The name Chantal, when pronounced by the French, is a beautiful name that I love. The N is not pronounced in the French version-it is silent; so it sounds like Shaw-TAHL. In the French culture, and even in Martinique the name Chantal is very common. I personally know of three other people whose name is Chantal in Martinique.

Unfortunately for me however that name would bring about mispronunciation, ridicule, frustration, and dislike in my life. I did not grow up in a French culture so my name was hardly ever pronounced correctly and, as a child, I truly hated my name. It made me very uncomfortable, an extremely annoyed when it seemed like no one was able to pronounce it properly.

Here are a few experiences that others have had with this name: I named my daughter CHANTAL because I am a French teacher and always thought it was the most beautiful name to say, hear and see. Most Americans do not know how to properly pronounce it, but she has accepted it. Her/our biggest problem is that people want to ‘Americanize its spelling and make it -el or -elle at the end. We are working on accepting that, but it’s going to be harder!" (Laura Wattenberg, 2008) Another experience: My name is Chantal. I get a lot of comments on my name, some surprise me and some don’t. I get a lot of people that are confused by the sound, origin, and spelling of my name. I’ve had people come right up to me and tell me that it’s a black name, a Latino name and, of course a French name. I’m Caucasian and from New England so I think it’s interesting the mispronunciations and spellings of Chantal. I’ve been called everything from Chaniqua, Chantine, Chanel, Michelle, and even Show-and-tell. It used to frustrate me, but now I just think it’s funny. I think that because people have been so careless with what they call me I try hard to make sure I call people by their names. I hate when it’s mispronounced Shawn-tell is not my name.