Learn English with Funny Advice

By Joe Crossman and Gail Crossman

Hello. Our names are Joe and Gail, and we teach English to foreign students at a university in Canada. My wife, Gail, and I have a strong belief that the best way to learn English is to make it fun and enjoyable. We try to do that every day in our classes and we have had wonderful results for many years. That is the same idea behind this book. We wanted to write a funny book that could help readers have fun and improve their reading skills and vocabulary at the same time.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Joe Crossman
• Release date: Jan 25, 2015
• ISBN: 9781311443618

Joe Crossman

Hello. Our names are Joe and Gail, and we teach English to foreign students at a university in Canada. My wife, Gail, and I have a strong belief that the best way to learn English is to make it fun and enjoyable. We try to do that every day in our classes and we have had wonderful results for many years. That is the same idea behind our books. We wanted to write funny books that could help readers have fun and improve their reading skills and vocabulary at the same time.

Book preview

Learn English with Funny Advice

By Joe and Gail Crossman

Copyright 2015 Joe and Gail Crossman

Smashwords Edition

Table of Contents

Introduction:

Letter #1 Thirsty Japanese Guy

Letter #2 Bad Friend John

Letter #3 Long Left Leg Guy

Letter #4 Head Over Heels Girl

Letter #5 Drowning Guy

Letter #6 Serious Diet Girl

Letter #7 Embarrassed Zipper Man

Letter #8 No Favorite Color Guy

Letter #9 Greedy French Fry Guy

Letter #10 High School Drop Out

Letter #11 Reluctant Movie Star

Letter #12 Serious Grass Cutter

Letter #13 Dog Lover

Letter #14 Confused Nephew

Letter #15 Frustrated Office Worker

Letter #16 Teenage Voice

Letter #17 One Shoe Gone Girl

Letter #18 Air Pollution Victim

Letter #19 Afraid of Toilet Snakes Guy

Letter #20 Old Car Owner

Letter #21 Unbelievably Shy Man

Letter #22 Horrible Saver Lady

Letter #23 Two Timing Guy

Letter #24 Illiterate Professor

Letter #25 Bus Riding Nose Picker

Letter #26 Bad Team Fan

Letter #27 Chicken Eater

Letter #28 Single Divorce Seeker

Letter #29 Noisy Stomach Girl

Letter #30 TV Lover

Introduction:

Hello. Our names are Joe and Gail, and we teach English to foreign students at a university in Canada. My wife, Gail, and I have a strong belief that the best way to learn English is to make it fun and enjoyable. We try to do that every day in our classes and we have had wonderful results for many years. That is the same idea behind this book. We wanted to write a funny book that could help readers have fun and improve their reading skills and vocabulary at the same time. 

In this book you will find three main sections in each chapter. First, there is a funny photo of me or us acting out some part of the chapter’s topic. The second part of each chapter is a letter presenting a crazy problem from somebody and then my advice letter back to the person. The final part of each chapter is a small glossary exercise. Important words or phrases from the letters are presented with two possible meanings that you have to choose from. One is the right choice and the other is a big joke. Hopefully you can figure out which is which. 

We know that most students don’t enjoy reading. Throughout school, many students just have to read boring books that their teachers tell them to read. No wonder they hate reading. I hated it too back when I was younger. That is why we like to write funny books. We think if we can help change people’s opinion about reading, then we will be able to help them a lot in their quest to improve their English. 

Anyway, we hope you keep reading and have some laughs. If you like what you are reading then your brain will get switched on, it will learn more, understand more, and remember more. If that happens, then you will become better at English without even having to study. That’s how we like to help our students, so we hope you will keep reading and let us help you, too. 

Letter #1

Dear Joe the Teacher, 

I am a twenty-year old ESL student from Japan and I have a problem. I am living in Canada in residence at a university and I have two Canadian roommates that keep drinking my beer. I like to drink beer on weekends at parties, so I buy some every week. However, my two roommates always just take my beer out of the fridge and drink it before I get a chance. Is this a normal custom in Canada, or are my roommates just a couple of thieves? I like my roommates, but I don’t want to keep buying them beer every week because it is expensive in Canada, especially because of your government’s high taxes. What should I do?

Sincerely, Thirsty Japanese Guy

Dear Thirsty Japanese Guy, 

I am sorry to hear about your problem. This situation is not a common custom in Canada, but it has been seen before in university residences. Young Canadians often like to drink beer and, unfortunately, sometimes they don’t care that they weren’t the ones who bought it. However, that being said, there are some definite things you can do to solve this problem. 

First, have you tried punching your roommates in the face? I find, when I am angry at someone, a good punch in the face can often solve the problem. Of course, you should also tell your target why you are angry and you are hitting him. If you don’t, then he might want to hit you back.  

Secondly, perhaps you could try calling the police. You could report a theft of beer and the police would investigate and arrest your roommates. That would solve the beer stealing problem, but next month when you have to pay rent for your apartment, you would have to pay more since your roommates would be in jail. 

The last solution that I can think of is just talking to your roommates about the issue. Guys don’t usually like to do this because it is a slow way that is usually used by girls. You could ask them why they don’t buy their own beer, or if they ever plan on paying you back for the beer you bought and they drank. This conversation might end up in a fight, so just punching them in the nose might save you some time. 

I hope you have found my ideas helpful. Happy drinking in the future, Thirsty Japanese Guy. 

Sincerely, Joe the Teacher

Learning Tip

If you want to improve your vocabulary then I suggest you read for fun every day. Reading books, magazines, or websites that you are interested in each day will turn on your mind and help you learn new words and remember them longer. If you just read boring things like textbooks, then you will not learn English vocabulary quickly. 

Try to guess the correct mean of the following words:

Words and expressions from letter #1:

ESL student

1. A student who is studying English as a second language. 

2. A student who wants to eat ice cream.

Roommates

1. People who live with you who are not in your family. 

2. People who like to build sand castles on the beach.

Custom

1. An activity that people do that is part of their culture. 

2. A material that bank