Sir Bigwart: Knight of the Wonky Table

By Alan MacDonald and Mark Beech

When King Eggnog rashly offers the hand of his daughter Princess Miranda in marriage, Sir Bigwart sets out on a daring quest with his faithful squire Toby in tow. The quest is to bring back a tooth of the Ogre of Ghastly Fell, a fearsome, flesh-eating giant whose breath is so bad it can knock you at a hundred paces and whose two heads are constantly squabbling with each other.

Sir Bigwart's real talent is for empty boasting so he's going to need a lot of help from his resourceful squire on the way - which is a little awkward since Toby is secretly in love with Princess Miranda himself. To make matters more complicated, Miranda is bored of embroidering her dad's coat of arms on cushions - she's coming along for the ride and anyone who tries giving her orders had better watch out.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Bloomsbury Publishing
• Release date: Dec 20, 2012
• ISBN: 9781408818978

Alan MacDonald

Alan MacDonald has written over 150 books, including the Devil's Trade and Axel Feinstein series for Scholastic, along with titles in the Dead Famous, Pickle Hill Primary and Double Take series. He is also a regular writer for the Oxford Reading Tree and has had picture books published by Little Tiger Press. Alan MacDonald started his working life in a travelling theatre company. In addition to writing and directing plays, Alan trained as a drama teacher. He has written stories and dramas for the BBC (both television and radio), as well as many children's books. Alan lives in Nottingham.

Book preview

Chapter 1

Marrying Marigold

‘Odds frogs!’ exclaimed King Eggnog the Eighth. ‘At this rate there won’t be any princes left to marry!’

‘No indeed, sire,’ agreed Lord Fawnley. ‘Prince Frederick wrote to cancel his visit next week. Apart from Prince Bobbins he was the last on our list.’

‘Prince Bobbins? What’s wrong with him?’ asked the King.

‘He’s six months old, my lord. I’m told he dribbles.’

The King paced up and down his throne room. It was a vexing problem. Princess Marigold was his only child and he loved her dearly, but one day she would sit on the throne of Eggnog. In his view it was high time she met a handsome prince and got married – after all, she was eleven years old. (King Eggnog never considered that his daughter could look after a kingdom perfectly well by herself. A kingdom needed a king, he said, or else it would be a queendom, which didn’t sound right at all.)

‘Perhaps, my lord, the Princess isn’t ready for marriage yet,’ said Lord Fawnley.

‘Poppycock!’ said the King. ‘A princess without a prince is like a … a knight without a nightie.’

‘Yes, sire, but if the Princess refuses to take one?’

‘A nightie? She has hundreds of them!’

‘No, sire. I meant a husband.’

‘Well, that is why I’m asking you, Fawnley. You are my Lord Chamberlain, you’re meant to advise me. Think, man. We need a thingummywot.’

‘A plan, sire?’

‘That’s the fellow – a plan.’

There was a long silence while Lord Fawnley gave the matter some deep thought, stroking his pointed beard. Beards were in fashion among the knights of Eggnog and Lord Fawnley kept his as neatly trimmed as a lawn. He glanced in the mirror and remembered he was meant to be thinking.

‘I think I may have it, sire,’ he said.

‘Go on.’

‘A quest.’

‘Ah, a quest! Excellent! And how would that work exactly?’ asked the King, who hadn’t the faintest clue what Lord Fawnley was talking about.

‘I believe they are very popular with knights these days, sire. Usually they involve a long and dangerous journey with some kind of deadly peril waiting at the end.’

‘Such as marrying the Princess Marigold, you mean?’

‘No, my lord. Such as slaying a dragon or breaking a curse – that kind of thing.’

The King frowned. ‘I see, but how is that going to help Marigold?’ he asked.

‘I was coming to that, sire. The knight who completes this quest will prove himself the bravest in the land. What greater reward than claiming the Princess as his bride.’

‘Excellent!’ said King Eggnog. ‘But just one thing – if there are dragons and so forth what if the brave knight comes back missing his head?’

Lord Fawnley smiled. ‘That’s the beauty of it, sire, we just send someone else. Don’t forget you have one hundred knights. I’m sure they’re only too eager to prove their worth.’

‘Fawnley,’ said the King, ‘you are not as stupid as you look.’

The Lord Chamberlain bowed. ‘You are too kind, my lord.’

‘We shall proclaim the quest tonight,’ said King Eggnog. ‘Tell the court to gather in the Great Hall at supper. Oh, and I nearly forgot, Fawnley – the deadly peril. What’s that going to be?’

Lord Fawnley smiled to himself. ‘Oh, leave that to me, Highness. I think I know just the thing.’

Chapter 2

Bigwart the Brave

The knights of Eggnog did not know that one of them was about to set forth on a dangerous adventure. If they had, they might have found some excuse to stay away from court that evening. Not one of them had ever fought a fire-breathing dragon or rescued a damsel from anything more distressing than a puddle. The truth was they were a spineless bunch of cowards. Ten of them were scared of spiders, seven didn’t like the dark and at least one could never get to sleep without a bedtime story. Most of the time they stayed in the castle, feasting, drinking and playing games in the Great Hall. Their favourite game was indoor jousting, which is much like outdoor jousting except that no one gets hurt. It is played by two knights who each ride piggy-back on one of their friends. The knights charge at each other, armed with mops and buckets, and usually end up in a messy heap on the floor.

The knight who invented this game was called Sir Bigwart. Sir Bigwart had round, rosy cheeks and a nose like a knobbly potato. His armour was old and so rusty at the joints that it almost matched the red of his beard. At present his helmet was out in the