Anticipation: Book Three

By M D Curzon

K is disenchanted. She works a dead end job and shares a small apartment with her alcoholic mother, Maya. K doesn’t want to inherit Maya’s defeatist attitude, but her natural talents as a fashion designer seem irrelevant in a life that isn’t all that she dreams of.

When K meets Mallory, a mountaineering addict, she falls head over heels in love, only to discover that he is unattainable. With her best friend overseas and her self-esteem at an all time low, she looks set to follow in her mother’s bitter footsteps. But all too soon Maya falls terminally ill and before K can come to terms with their relationship, her mother is gone.

In her loneliness and desperation K beguiles Mallory into take her climbing, where her recklessness leads to disaster. This episode forces K to consider the nature of the choices that she makes and to take responsibility for her future. But just as she is gaining confidence in her chosen career her estranged father contacts her, hoping to see her again after an absence of twenty years.

K’s memories of her father are the memories of a young girl. Will she lose what little she has left of him if they meet as adults and equals? The potential disappointment is overwhelming but the anticipation of seeing him again is too great to ignore. K finds that her struggle with this dilemma is also her means to a new way of looking at her life, and ultimately to the decisions that determine who she is.

‘Anticipation’ is divided into three 'books', each of which represents a dimension of the relationship between anticipation and reality. Book three follows K's journey as she comes to terms with her identity and pursues her calling as a fashion designer.

• Language: English
• Publisher: M D Curzon
• Release date: Dec 7, 2014

M D Curzon

I was born in Nepal and grew up in the UK and NZ. Travelling is an essential part of my life and I am interested in all that is new to me. I am an active member of the Sydney Writers’ Room in Australia, and have always written poetry, lyrics and prose for my own pleasure. My degree in philosophy sometimes helps me to justify why I didn’t choose a more sensible career. I have just published my first volume of short stories, entitled 'Imaginary Friends'. These stories were written over a number of years but are now available for the first time in anthology form. 'Imaginary Friends' includes the title story and a dozen others, from the experimental juvenilia of 'Space Stations and Weather Balloons' through to the recently refined 'One Thing in Light of Another'. ‘Anticipation’ is my first completed novel and is, I hope, an accessible work of literary fiction. My protagonist is a young woman in search of her place in the world. Having fallen in love and been rejected, K’s story draws on a number of spiritual and aesthetic dispositions in a journey that is fundamentally one of optimism and self-determination. ‘Anticipation’ is divided into three 'books', each of which represents a dimension of the relationship between anticipation and actuality. I hope that 'Anticipation' succeeds in provoking some philosophical thought whilst also being a page-turner of a story, with a reflexive and rewarding conclusion. The covers for 'Imaginary Friends' and 'Anticipation' were designed by the fantastic Fahimah Badrulhisham.

Book preview

For MKM

Copyright © 2012 M D Curzon

Cover art © 2014 Fahimah Badrulhisham

Published by Swing Wing International

All rights reserved

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and events are either products of the author’s imagination or are used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual events or to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means without prior permission in writing from the publisher.

Chapter One

K smiles at her reflection in the studio mirror. At first the smile seems awkward and artificial and the muscles in her cheeks feel strange and stiff. For a moment she does not recognise herself. The girl in the mirror has sharp cheeks and a cute smile. Her hair frames her face in waves like the sea. Her grey eyes flicker as she glances across her symmetrical features. Her skin glows softly. Tiny constellations of freckles decorate the ridge of her anime nose. Natural eyebrows divide her forehead in proud arches, like an anchor, but upside down.

K’s smile broadens involuntarily, until she finds herself beaming radiantly. A super-distant star explodes, ever so gently. The fluorescent lights behind her tremor. K yawns and rubs her eyes. It feels good to have a sense of purpose. Even feeling tired feels good. So this is virtue, she thinks, as she savours the moment. It’s been a long time since she has felt such simple pleasure.

Deciding to study fashion design has helped propel K towards herself. The course isn’t easy and she finds some of the work tedious, but for the first time in her life she is heading in a direction that fits her ideas of who she wants to be. She understands that a career as a designer will not guarantee anything in itself, but she enjoys being creative anyway, and she knows that she has a flair for it. Her designs speak for themselves.

The atmosphere in the course is supportive and K likes her colleagues and teacher, even though she does not know them well. She finds herself completely engaged to learning. She attends every optional lecture and discussion panel. She particularly enjoys classes on new technologies, and maybe it is not surprising that she has become fascinated with space suit design and materials. Although the course is only a part time commitment she spends many extra hours in study, researching history and technique, and immersing herself in this newfoundworld.

The promise of spring filters through the windows of the studio. At last the days are becoming lighter and longer and the edge has been taken out of the air. Now evening is falling and the clouds are beginning to rust. As usual K has stayed later than she realised, and there is no one else around. She gets up from the pile of cushions in front of the mirror and returns to her computer to tidy up her things. She feels an unfamiliar surge of pride as she takes a last look at the fiberoptic Stardress on the screen. She was given the idea of combining lights with clothing by Rama’s jacket, but with the Stardress she has turned the idea on its head. The lines of the dress flare toward the digital floor in a galaxy of a thousand twinkling stars.

Although the luminous design on her computer is beautiful, K knows that bringing the Stardress to life will still be another story. Not only will she have to manage the fragile fibre optic fabrics themselves, but there is also the question of how the dress will hold its shape. She casts her eye over the mannequin beside her desk. The prototype hangs like a sack of potatoes. Even the glow of the fibreoptics isn’t right, somehow. K sighs and turns back to the computer. She copies her design files to a flash drive and heads for home, locking the studio on the way out. There must be some way of making the Stardress work. After all, she has already elected to submit it as her graduation project.

***

The hospital ward is like an in-between world of artificial air and dissonance that K can’t wait to leave behind. The smell of disinfectant on linoleum gives her a headache. The multilayered sounds of electronic life-assistance and forced conversation and footsteps in approach and footsteps falling away make her feel dizzy and she has an overall sense that she is being wrapped in cotton wool and physically beaten by the experience. Boredom rules over all. There is very little to tell between day and night. Doctors and nurses visit her from time to time with varying degrees of enthusiasm, but it is only when they bring her morphine that she can set sail beyond herself.

K is kept in the ward for observations and a few general tests, and it is a week before she is finally released back into the real world. By that time her scratches and bruises have almost healed without trace and the scar on her thigh is the only reminder of her narrow escape from death. Mallory shows no resentment or ill will towards her, and visits every day with fruit and flowers and old National Geographic magazines for her to read. One article that fascinates her traces the history of luminous materials from the development of radioactive dyes through fibreoptics to the future possibilities of photoluminescent fabrics.

One afternoon Mallory brings Dylan to visit her in hospital. K is mortified when she recognises him, but it doesn’t take long before they are getting along like old friends.

‘K, this is Dylan. I think you remember him from that time you ran…’

‘Yes’ K interjects hurriedly.

‘I’ve heard so much about you.’ Dylan smiles. ‘Mallory said you might want to work for me, but that was a long time ago…’

‘Work for you?’

‘At Zebedees’s Place’

‘There was a miscommunication’ explains Mallory. ‘She thought you were my… you know…’

K lunges toward Mallory but he dodges her with a grin.

‘What? Really?’ grins Dylan in mock indignation as K blushes.

‘Take it as a compliment, man’ Mallory laughs.

There is something similar about Dylan and Mallory. Having them both in the same room is reassuring and a little unnerving at the same time.

‘I still might…’ smiles K timidly as she sinks back into the pillows, ‘Want to work at Zebedee’s Place… If you need someone?’

After Dylan has taken his leave the ward falls quiet.

‘Your physician’s name is Dr Honey!’ Mallory reads from the chart at the foot of K’s bed ‘She sounds sweet’

‘Yeah, she reminds me of your mother’

There is definitely something familiar about Dr Honey. Her voice is gentle and reassuring and K has been wondering if they may have met somewhere before. For a while she lies in silence thinking about it, but soon she can’t help but fidget. The painkillers are wearing off and the throbbing in her thigh is making her irascible. As much as she wants Mallory