Fade to White

By N.L. Churney

While trying to survive years of abuse Nicole -a young, beautiful mother- feels that this is her only existence. Until, she meets Shawn. The illustration of a 'bad boy', Nicole tries to subdue the attraction that is felt between them. After a near fatal attack, her friends -Janet, Trevor and Shawn- help Nicole try to regain her freedom. Their only obstacle is Chaz, the ex-husband. As her feelings for Shawn begin to grow, so does her ex-husbands attempts to make her life miserable. She is forced to make the decision to run, hiding to keep herself and the ones she loves safe.

Making a new life with a new identity, home, job and friends. Nicole has a hard time letting go of her past, especially Shawn. She gives in and contacts him. Opening up a once closed door her world is turned upside down again. Her only choice is to confront her fears, putting an end to this once and for all. When the truth is revealed, hearts will break, and life will never be the same for anyone.

Fade to White, is full of earthshattering emotion, paranormal protection, steamy romance, as well as a heartwarming love story. So many unexpected twists, you will be surprised time and time again. A little something for everyone, that makes this a wonderful Upmarket Novel. Inspired by true events, this is sure to have you in tears as you witness Nicole's heartbreaking story of love, courage, heartbreak and hard choices.

• Language: English
• Publisher: N.L. Churney
• Release date: Sep 20, 2014
• ISBN: 9781311848741

N.L. Churney

I'm a full time writer living in Florida. I've always had a love of story telling since childhood. When I was younger, I used to put on one man plays for an uncle. Now that I'm older, I love to write stories that get the readers emotions going. I love it when one of my readers tell me that they cried at the end, or they laughed when (fill in the blank) happened. I strive to evoke some type of response from my readers. I have been accused of being extremely detailed in my writing. That the reader feels as if they are in every scene as a bystander. Those types of responses are why I write. BE ON ALERT FOR THE HIGHLY ANTICIPATED NEW RELEASE ...SARA: THE BEGINNING!!! COMING IN NOVEMBER, 2014!!!

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FADE TO WHITE

Inspired by a true story

By N.L. Churney

Copywright©2014 N.L. Churney

Published by N.L. Churney at Smashwords

This story was inspired by true events. Most of the names, places, and some events have been changed to protect privacy. If there are similarities to any person, place, or things, this is strictly coincidental. Due to graphic and adult content, readers should be 18 years or older.

Chapter 1

Looking at the clock, I realize that I need to get moving. It’s 4:30am and I need to have everything ready to go before he wakes. I crawl out of bed, making sure this didn’t wake him. Good, he’s still sleeping.

I hurry to the hallway bathroom. Using the one in the master bedroom would wake him. Finishing my shower, I look at my reflection in the mirror. I barely recognize myself. My long blonde hair is lifeless. Dark circles have made a permanent home under my eyes. A long time ago, they had a sparkle to them. But now, are void of any type of emotion.

Making sure my make-up and hair was exactly how he liked it. My jeans and a white baby doll top finished off the look. I grab the bleach bottle from underneath the vanity, and begin to clean away all the signs that I had been in there. After I’m satisfied that everything is perfect, I rush to the kitchen. I whipped up bacon, eggs, and toast. Exactly like he likes!

I see the clock read 5:30 a.m. I realized that I needed to hurry if I was to be done on time. There is no excuse for being late. Because if I’m late then so is he. I grabbed his clothes that I had ironed the night before. I drape them across the back of the couch, careful not create any new wrinkles. I set his work boots and socks on the floor. I had to hold up the socks to see which one is the right foot and left foot. I never thought there would be a difference, but apparently there is. Looking at the arches, this tells me which one is right or left. If they aren’t right, he doesn’t go to work. We need him to go to work! He made me quit my job.

I made my way back to the kitchen, put his breakfast and his lunch bag on the table. I began cleaning as fast as I could. There couldn’t be any sign that I had just cooked. Scrubbing the sink with Windex, my alarm on the counter sounded. It’s time to wake him up.

Instead of having butterflies in my stomach, they were full grown bats. Approaching him always scared the hell out of me. I couldn’t tell which man would emerge.

Giving the kitchen a quick check, I made my way towards the bedroom. Careful not to make too much noise, I go to where he was sleeping.

Chaz? It’s time to wake up. It’s 6:15. My shaking hand patted his leg. Hey, Chaz. Come on.

I heard a grunt coming from under the covers. Chaz, are you awake? You need to get up.

Leave me the fuck alone, Nicole! Startled, I took a step back. Great, another beautiful day!

Exciting the room, I returned to the kitchen. I would have to wait about 5 to 10 minutes before I could try again. Any less, I would have to endure another fight.

I opened the door to the second bedroom. My pride and joy was still sleeping peacefully. Jacon was 10 months old, and the only light in my life. I loved that little boy more than anything in the world. He was the main reason why I put up with everything that I did. Chaz had told me time and time again, if I left him he would take my baby away from me. I couldn’t lose him! That would destroy me.

I stood admiring Jacob, then decided it was time to try again.

I tried several times to wake him. It was getting late, 6:30am. He had to be at work in a half hour. After the 4th time, he swung the covers back and sat up. Glaring at me with venom. Fucking happy now? He stomped towards the master bathroom. His fist swiped at me as he passed. My arms flew up to protect myself. He laughed and continued his path to the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. I was so nervous that my hands were shaking. I couldn’t wait for him to just leave for work. Then I would have my time with Jacob. Life was always better with him around.

I made my way back to the kitchen. I straighten the silverware and pour his coffee. I turned the plate so that the scrambled eggs were on the left side. Making sure none of the food was touching. This would cause him not to eat. I grabbed my coffee cup and sat in the chair that was directly across from his. I didn’t dare drink anything until he was sitting.

I tried to calm down. I couldn’t let him see that he got to me. If he did, he would continue to torment me. Without even a glance, he came into the kitchen and sat down. He surveyed the food. He glanced over at his clothes and began to sip on his coffee.

The coffee is cold. Wrinkling his nose, he shoved the cup at me. I stood with his cup in hand and rushed towards the coffee pot. Refilling the cup and adding two creamers and two sugars. I returned his cup, setting it in front of him. Bringing a fork filled with eggs, he took the bite. His expression turned to one of disgust, This is fucking shit! It’s cold as ice! His voice was getting louder with each word. Glancing at the plate, the steam was visible.

I lowered my eyes, not making eye contact. I didn’t want to encourage him. He pushed the plate away, Guess there is not going to be any breakfast for me this morning! You can’t cook anyway. He stood and began picking up his clothes to dress. When it came time for him to put on his socks, I heard him cursing under his breath. Fucking idiot. Then a string of curse words.

When he was finally ready, I handed him his lunch. He jerked it out of my hand. Turning to leave he said over his shoulder, I’m going out tonight. I won’t be home after work.

I need to go to the store to get some things for Jacob. I never took my eyes off of the floor. I didn’t want to look at him, he made me sick!

Whatever, you will have to figure out a way to get there. I’m not coming home after work. And I’ll be late tonight. With that he walked out the door. Slamming it so hard that the pictures on the wall rattled.

With a deep exhale, I began cleaning up the mess he left on the table. This is my life. This is my everyday routine. I’ve been with him for 7years. We started dating when I was 15, he basically raised me. I know that I should leave, but I can’t risk losing my Jacob. Throughout the years I did try several times. He would find me, sweet talk me, and I would give in. I felt like such a looser. Why did you always give in? You ask? Most people wouldn’t understand. I don’t expect them to.

After I cleaned the kitchen for a second time, I walked towards Jacob’s room. It was almost time to wake him and give him his breakfast. I opened the door, trying not to startle him. He was sitting up playing with a stuffed animal. When he noticed me, a beautiful one tooth smile spread across his face. He reached with his chubby little arms for me to pick him up. Hey baby boy! How’s Jacob this morning? I scooped him up into my arms, putting several quick kisses on his cheek. He giggled, scrunching his face from my tickle kisses. He was a beautiful boy. His medium blonde, natural curly hair swirled every which way.

Let’s get your butt changed little man. I think you might have surprise for me in there. He giggled when I wrinkled my nose.

After I got him cleaned and dressed for the day, I set him up in the highchair with some Cheerios. I cut up some strawberries and bananas, then filled a lidded cup with milk. He squealed while smashing the bananas into the tray.

My day was pretty much routine. After I would get Chaz off to work, I would begin with Jacob. I would set Jacob up on his blanket in the living room while I cleaned the kitchen for a 3rd time. Then it was the dusting, every room needed to be completely free of dust. Next would come the vacuuming, then scrubbing the kitchen floor. I would use Windex afterwards to make the tile shine. After that, the bathrooms. Cleaning them similar to the kitchen, with bleach and PineSol. I would also start a load of laundry. Clothes first, then the bedding. I washed the bedding every other day. Chaz said that I would make the sheets stink. So to keep them smelling fresh, I would just wash them more often.

During my daily routine, I would try and make play time with Jacob. I never sat and played, I didn’t have time to do that. I would make a game out of cleaning. Playing hide and seek was one of his favorite activities.

I had to accept that this was my life. I had such hopes and dreams when I was younger. I wanted to become a journalist, a doctor, and at one time an actress. But instead, I’m a mother and a punching bag. The mother part I love! The punching bag, not so much! But, there was no way I could leave. He would make sure I suffered. He would try and keep Jacob from me.

When I had finished the cleaning, I put Jacob in the stroller and headed towards the store. We were out of milk and he was going to need diapers. Since Chaz took our only vehicle, walking was my only alternative. With the weather still warm, Jacob was thrilled to be outside. I enjoyed the exercise and fresh air.

We walked the back roads to the market. I tried to make a game out of it by swaying back and forth, making Jacob giggle. If I could bottle up that sound, I would. I’d start to speed up, then make a screeching sound when I came to a sudden stop. It’s amazing how something this little made him so happy.

After several minutes of this, I decided to slow down and take my time. I wanted to enjoy the peace of the walk. The time that we get together alone, are precious to me. It boggles my mind how something so beautiful came from something so ugly.

Coming up to the market, Hey Jacob, you ready to get cooled off a bit?

I pushed his stroller up the wheelchair ramp, and stooped down to unfasten his safety belt. Raising his chubby little arms towards me, I picked him up. He began kicking his legs and giggling. Come on Butter Bean, let’s get you something to eat.

I walked through the automatic doors, and the instant rush of cold air felt wonderful. I pulled one of the carts out and put Jacob in the little seat and fastened him in. I retrieved the grocery list from my pocket. Starting on isle #1, I killed time by going down each isle. It helped to cool Jacob and me off. Another plus, this was one of the places I could still go without getting the third degree.

After about ten minutes of wandering and getting things on my list. I decided that I had best be on our way. He always told me that he had friends I didn’t know. And I was constantly being watched. If that were true, I didn’t have proof. I didn’t want him to deny these trips.

I pushed the cart into the checkout line and began to unload the items. Jacob was becoming irritated, whining. Shoosh, it’s ok baby, we’re almost done here. I know you’re getting tired. We’ll go home and Mommy will rock you to sleep. I rubbed his hair and kissed his forehead.

The cashier rang up my items, and smiled at me, That’ll be $20! I handed her my debit card, and she ran through the process. Swiping my card, waiting, then her face fell. Um…There seems to be something wrong with your card, honey. Its saying ‘declined’ She gave me a sympathetic look. I was mortified.

Do you have another card? Maybe you gave me the wrong one? She tilts her head to the side and smiles. I could see the sympathy in her eyes. I’m so embarrassed. I definitely don’t have another card.

Just then, Jacob started crying. Great! I picked him up and started rubbing his back. I don’t have another card. I’m so sorry for this. I started pushing the cart out of my way. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. I’m sorry. I guess I forgot to put my husband’s check in the bank yesterday. How stupid of me. I swirled around on my toes and hauled ass out of there.

Once outside, I put Jacob in his stroller. Made sure he was secured, and walked as quickly as I could away from the store. Everyone inside was staring at me. I could feel it.

I forgot to put my husband’s check in the mail?! Yeah, right. More like he did. I said in a whisper to myself. I always tried not to say negative things about Chaz in front of Jacob. I didn’t want him effected by his parent’s drama. The thing that pissed me off the most…he knew that I was going to come to the store this afternoon. He KNEW that he didn’t put his paycheck in the bank. And, to top it all off, He’s going out tonight. Which means the money will be gone. Now I’ll have to go to the food pantry.

Letting out a big sigh, I stopped just on the backside of the store. I got Jacob’s bunny out of the basket in the back of the stroller and handed it to him as I sat down on the ground. He immediately grabbed it and began chewing on the ear. I gave him a sad smile, then buried my face in my hands. I just started to cry. I mean not the kind of cry that would make you hyperventilate. But the quiet, shoulder shaking cry. I couldn’t let Jacob see me. I couldn’t let anyone see me cry. That was not acceptable. I had to keep it together. Crying shows weakness. That was something that I’ve learned NOT to do. When that weakness is exposed, it’s open to people who would abuse it.

Wiping my eyes with the backs of my hands, I stood up and began making baby talk with Jacob. He was the source of my strength and the one that kept me going. I grabbed the handles of the stroller and began to turn around, realizing that I wasn’t alone. Standing at the corner of the building was a tall muscular man. He was just watching me, just staring at me and Jacob. His smile was pleasant, but it didn’t reach his eyes. With his hands crossed over his chest, his biceps were huge. He was wearing a black t-shirt, and dark faded jeans. His hair was cut close to his head, kind of like a marine haircut. He had some kind of tribal marking running down his arms. I was definitely uncomfortable. No, make that scared. My husband’s voice comes into my mind, You don’t know who I know. I could have you killed and you would never see it coming.

I immediately swung the stroller around and moved in the opposite direction. I walked as fast as I could without scaring little Jacob. One of us being paranoid is enough.

After a few minutes of speed walking, I began to slow down. I looked behind me to check if bouncer dude was following me. When I realized that he wasn’t, I slowed almost to a stop. Hanging my head down, I breathed a sigh of relief. This is what my life has come to. Constantly running, looking over my shoulder. This has become my normal. I’m in a constant state of fear. Always aware of my surroundings to the point that I know when someone is there before they even appear. This is what keeps me alive. Keeps me safe. I have to rely on my instincts. Learn to read and interpret the signs. Constantly on alert. This is my life now.

I slowly rub my hands over my face. Get it together, girl! You have to get it together. I took a deep cleansing breath, shook out my arms, and tilted my head back. Taking minute to calm myself. I needed to get to the Food Pantry before everything was gone. And the fact that I had already been gone for almost 45 minutes, well that wasn’t good. Somehow he always knows that I’ve been gone longer than I had originally planned.

I started to push the stroller at a more normal speed. I continued down the back roads to the Pantry. It wasn’t that far, maybe 15 minutes or so by foot. So with a new steel resolve, I pounded on.

I was only about a block away, when I heard a loud truck coming up behind me. I knew the sound of his truck. It was slowing down. I turned to look, only confirming what I already knew. It was him, Chaz!

He pulled up and rolled down the passenger side window. The look on his face was murderous. What the fuck are you doing?

I flinched, he was angry. I took a stuttered breath and replied in the most calming voice I could. I couldn’t get the stuff for Jacob at the store, the card was declined. So I was walking to the food pantry to get what we needed. My voice gave away my rising anxiety.

He hit the gas and whipped the truck to a stop in front of me. He swung the door open and stomped back to where Jacob and I were standing. Grabbing me by the arm tightly, he jerked me so that I was flush with his big body. Grabbing my other arm with his other hand, he squeezed hard. Get in the fucking truck, NOW!

Wh …what? I stammered. I had to get out of getting in the truck. If I did, I knew what was coming for me. Just as sure as a psychic was about the future. I could not get in that truck. But he was not giving me a choice.

I said, get in the fucking truck! NOW! What are you not only stupid, you’re deaf now? You’re a real piece of work. GET IN THE FUCKING TRUCK NOW!!!!

With that he jerked my arm hard, I thought he would pull it out of its socket. I stumbled forwards, almost falling over the stroller. I caught my balance. I looked down at Jacob, my angel. I had to defuse this situation for him. So I reached in to pick up Jacob, and with him in one hand, I tried to fold up the umbrella stroller. It was difficult, but I managed to accomplish the task. I put it into the bed of the truck. With Jacob in my arms, I climb into the truck cab and fastened the seat belt around both of us (I usually wouldn’t do this, but I really have no choice.)

DADA Jacob was smiling and raising his hands out for Chaz. Chaz grabbed his little finger and leaned over to kiss his little hand.

Hey little man! How’s my little guy today. Your stupid mother give you heat stroke yet? As he said that, he gave me ‘the look‘. I knew what was going to happen next.

He took drew his other arm back, punching me in the face. What is wrong with you, stupid bitch? He shook his head and threw the truck into drive. But instead of taking us to the food pantry, he did a U-turn, heading in the direction of our house. I just stared blankly out the front window. I could feel my eye starting to get puffy. I knew it would turn into a bruise before too long.

I start to play out all possible scenarios in my head. If I can get out of the truck with the baby in my arms, maybe I would get away with just a little verbal beating. Once inside, make sure I keep myself positioned by the door, I can run outside if he starts it up. He won’t follow me outside. The neighbors would see him, and they are his friends. He wouldn’t want them knowing what was going on. I also remember that I forgot to put a knife up. It’s still sitting on the counter. I could grab that if I needed to. I just had to make sure he didn’t find it first. That would not be a good thing.

As the truck comes to a stop in our driveway, Chaz grabs Jacob out of my hands before I even know what’s happening.

He got out of the car. Looking at me with a look that said Come on! I slowly unbuckled my seatbelt, and then reached for the door handle. Before I could, it was yanked open for me.

What the fuck? Get out!! Stupid bitch! Do I have to tell you how to do everything? He reaches in, grabbing a handful of my hair. I let out a screech, trying not to cry. With my hair tangled in between his fingers, he pulled harder. It felt as though a large piece had been ripped out. Tears immediately started to form in my eyes. He pulled me out of the truck, pushing me so that I fell head first into the yard. The force of the fall caused stars to form behind my eyes. I tried to steady myself on my hands and knees. My vision was starting to come into focus again. Thinking that I could try to stand, I tilted back on my feet. I felt a tight hold on my arm, then the feeling of being pulled roughly to a standing position. I was actually air born for a minute.

Get up. His tone, whispered and lethal. Trying to catch my balance, I took a step back. He immediately gripped my arm with more force. There was no getting away from this. It’s going to happen. Now I have to re-route my plan. Duck and protect myself. Make sure that Jacob is safe in his crib. Try to keep him out of the kitchen, no sharp or blunt objects for him to use as a weapon.

As I am pulled into the house, he slams me into the wall just inside the door. Don’t fucking move! He continued towards Jacob’s room.

The fear consuming me. It felt as though my heart was going to jump out of my chest. Chaz was huge compared to me. I’m only 5’4 and only weighed about 105lbs. He is over 6’1 and weighs in at a whopping 220 pounds. I was no match for him. I learned a long time ago, that fighting back was -and always will be- a tragic mistake.

I heard his hard boots on the hallway floor. My breathing hitched in my throat. I was staring at the floor when he stopped right in front of me. Looking up at him, he was standing there with his arms crossed over his broad chest. His legs spread shoulder length apart. This is it!

Where were you going today? His voice was terrifyingly calm.

I…I already…told you. My voice giving away my terror.

He started coming towards me. Stopping only inches away from me. My breath stuck in my throat. No, slut, you told me a lie. His voice was slightly louder now.

Now I want you to tell me the truth. Where the FUCK were you going? He dipped his head so that his face was directly in mine.

I… I’m not … Before I could finish that sentence, he raised his arm. Back handing me across my face.

Now, tell me WHO HE IS!!! He was all but screaming the last part.

Stunned and hurting from the force of the blow, I turned my head towards him. Looking at his chest, because I couldn’t stand to look at him. What are you talking about, Chaz?

The motherfucker you were going to see. As soon as I’m done with you…it’s his turn. As he said this, he grabbed me by my shirt collar and slammed me up against the wall. Stunned for a moment, I tried to regain my composure. I begged him to believe me, I wasn’t going to see anyone! I promise! I was going to the Food Pantry to get food for Jacob. Struggling to keep the tears and sobs from forming.

YOU’RE A LIAR!!!! I KNOW WHAT YOU WERE DOING!!! I’M NOT FUCKING STUPID. He roared. Slamming me again against the wall. My head hit the drywall, leaving a small dent.

I had to try another approach. This obviously not