The Adventures of the Beard

By Celia Fenderson

There are strange happenings in a small southern town. Two high school buddies are the targets of a man with control over the physical world known only as "Him." They have to go the distance and limit their exposure in order to prevail, but will they succeed?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Celia Fenderson
• Release date: Jul 18, 2014
• ISBN: 9781310201929

Celia Fenderson

I was born on an island in southern Louisiana and raised there. I had a fairly uneventful life up until this point, and the writing of a book is the most eventful thing I've done for the most part. I've got many hobbies such as knitting, crochetting, origami, and I want to try my hand at blacksmithing when I get the chance. I have an interest in older weaponry for some reason. Axes, swords, knives, daggers, everything of that sort. I guess that kind of shows through in my writing, since Will's arsenal is much bigger than Darrel's in my book "The Adventures of the Beard." That or I think of condensing when I think of the future. How many things can our phones do at this point? They can do anything a computer can on a smaller scale, and who knows how long it takes for that scale to balance.

Book preview

The Adventures of the Beard

A Crash Coarse on Manhood (Not Really)

Celia Fenderson

Copyright 2014 Celia Fenderson

Smashwords Edition

Prologue

I don't know if any of you guys ever have those days where you just sit alone, depressed, wondering what the hell you're going to do with your life, but I'm having one of those days. I have no real job, nor an education. I dropped out of high school five months before it would've been over, and now I'm working towards my GED. I'll probably wind up going to trade school after and make something of this worthless hand I've been dealt. Hell, I'll probably wind up with one of those 'temporary' jobs that people in this position wind up getting themselves into, but not out of. That seems like an obscenely depressing life to me, but it's more than likely what I'll wind up with if I'm not careful.

As I sat there on my porch, a little cigar perched between my lips, I heard a slight whirring noise. I soon realized it was not, in fact, a CIA helicopter above my apartment, but the phone in my pocket, I looked at it. It was a text from Darrel, an old friend of mine. It was a bunch of letters and numbers that was part of a 'code' he used in text messages. It was just hexadecimal ASCII, which wasn't difficult to decode for anyone who wanted to. He thought the government was spying on us and, for some reason, actually cared what we were saying. He was always a bit paranoid for one reason or another. Probably genetics. The text said to get over to his house, so I grabbed my skateboard and my ax and started over there.

Chapter 1

On the way I was wondering whether or not the government actually had the resources to read everything like that. It was against the constitution, but it's not like they're above breaking that. I guess it didn't really matter to me in the long run. Every bit of our lives was getting sold to some anonymous advertiser, anyway, so why should it matter now? I kicked the switch on the skateboard and sped over there without much more effort. Darrel was a tinkerer who liked messing up everything I own with some form of electronic thing. I do like progress, but he tends to go overboard. It's almost like the first car ever invented was equal to the modern race cars. I had to convince him to not make this one so fast that I'd fall off and lose it.

I got to Darrel's front door and saw... absolutely nothing out of the ordinary. The house was in shambles, as always. I walked into his room, ready to kick his ass, and saw him pushed up against his desk, pale as a ghost.

What's wrong? I asked him.

Close the door and lock it. He replied.

Just as I closed the door, he jumped forward. The top drawer of his desk opened and a little black... thing crawled out. It made a dash for the door, which was sealed on the bottom.

The fuck is that? I asked.

I don't know, but I can't kill it.

You called me here to kill a snake?

No, I called you over to kill that thing.

I picked up my ax, swung down, and cut its head off. I thought I did, anyway. When I picked the ax up, it was perfectly fine. It didn't even seem to be hurt by it outside of panicking.

Is that what happened when you tried to kill it? I asked Darrel.

Yep.

He might be of some use to us, then. I said with a smile.

Dammit, Will, you know I hate snakes.

I know.

We're not too old, so we still get a kick out of tormenting each other. Everyone did, though. It's just a thing that everyone did around here.

You can talk with animals, right? I asked Darrel's

I can, but I don't know if it even has a brain. Darrel responded.

Try anyway.

I'm not wasting my energy on that.

You say that like it'll make you pass out in a second.

What if it will?

It won't.

How do you know?

Because you controlled me for a whole day, asshole.

And? That's with people.

Quit being a pussy, hand me a translator, and tell it to open its mouth.

He sighed, reached into his drawer, and pulled out a translator he made. He tossed it to me and the snake opened its mouth. I crammed the translator in.

Say something.

What do you expect me to say to you two? My very existence torments the small one, the snake responded, pointing its head at Darrel and you slammed that thing into my neck. He pointed his head at my ax.

Good point. What did he even do to you? A kid can beat his ass.

Darrel mumbled something that I couldn't understand and I smirked.

He stepped on me and screamed in an extremely high pitch.

I burst into laughter

I wish I'd gotten here sooner, in that case. What are you, anyway?

Whatever you decide that I am. We don't name different species where I'm from.

Do you have a name, then?

You name other humans, too? That's strange.

It reduces confusion in most cases.

I see.

Yeah. It'll really help for the earpieces.

Earpieces? The snake asked. I couldn't tell if he looked curious or not. He didn't really have much of a face.

I pulled mine