Hold Me: Jiai Jouwa, #1

By Hildred Billings

The JIAI JOUWA (Story of Love) series takes a look into how one lesbian relationship overcomes the dichotomies that can keep two hearts apart: age, class, social expectations, and distance.

Born into an elite family, Jun has spent her life cultivating the professional qualities needed to claim her inheritance, the Nippon Royal Hotel empire. Just when she thinks her dream is about to come true, however, Jun's uncle ships her from her homeland of Hokkaido to the city of Nagoya to become the new local general manager.

Enter Saya, a twenty-something who invades Jun's life with a bang and leaves just as swiftly. It's the hope of seeing Saya again that keeps Jun grounded in her goal of taking over the family empire one day… and the more she encounters the enigmatic Saya, the more she realizes she's falling for her.

Under the scrutiny of her uncle, Jun must prove that she can become the head of the family. But she also must prove to herself that she is capable of sustaining a romantic relationship, even if her intended has an insatiable wanderlust. Her family's judgment, Saya's crippling demons, and the needs of the people she meets along the way will conspire to change Jun's life forever.

PLEASE NOTE: This romance novel includes a HFN (happy for now) but depicts the journey of a couple who explores polyamory to make their relationship work. 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Barachou Press
• Release date: Sep 27, 2013
• ISBN: 9781498963497

Book preview

Keep up with Hildred’s latest releases by joining her mailing list! Behind the scenes, first looks, and even some free snippets!

This book is dedicated to those who ever knew what it was like to hold the one they love.

Hold Me

Part 1

Sapporo; February 6th, 2013

The empire would one day be Jun’s.

She assured herself of that as she looked out the twentieth floor of the Dai-1 Hotel building in the heart of Sapporo. Only two neighborhoods away, beneath a thick layer of clouds, was Dai-2, the smaller hotel that Jun managed as if it were her obedient child. The only child I’ll have. To see it still standing made her proud as a professional; to see it shining made her proud as an Isoya.

"The chairman will see you now," the secretary said from behind a large oak desk. Jun flashed her teeth as she approached her uncle’s office. The secretary held firm until the last moment, when Jun winked at her – then she covered her mouth to contain her girlish giggles.

"Shitsureishimasu," Jun excused herself as she entered the executive office of her family’s business empire. While not a large room, it was expensive, with old wood and musty tomes lining the walls, flanked by the portraits of every chairman to come before her uncle, Akihiro. The picture before his was a man Jun stopped to glance at every time she entered: her father, who died when she was young.

Akihiro sat behind the desk, quiet and alone. His black-rimmed glasses shielded his eyes from the light and from the dark hair falling into his face. A short man, he did not lack for confidence or authority. He had been chairman for Jun’s adult life. He was family – the man who saw to her well-being after the death of her parents – but he had the power to make or destroy her professional life. Jun wished she knew what that frown on his face meant.

Sit, he said. Jun sank down into the nearest one, her back straight and her hands clasped on either thigh. Please let this be the day. She dreamed of it since grad school: the day she would be recognized as heir to the empire.

You’re looking well, Uncle, she said.

Akihiro glanced up and snorted. He finished signing the document before him and set it off to the side, nostrils still flaring. His small, wrinkled hands folded together as if he were about to deliver a sermon. Jun knew she had done nothing wrong or against policy recently, so she pretended this wasn’t a rehash of the time she was caught smoking in high school – five times.

And you’re looking like yourself, he said with too much candor. Jun bristled. Her usual attire of matching jacket and trousers, covering a silk blouse matching her cropped hair did not sit well with some of the extended family. Do you know why I summoned you here?

No, I do not. She hoped it would be quick. Although she worked only a couple of neighborhoods away, Jun did not like to be gone for long.

Akihiro’s eyes wandered toward the portraits hanging above the long bookcase and lingered the longest on his father and brother. How long have you officially been an employee in the family business now, Junri?

Jun checked her annoyance at being called by her full, stuffy name. She also hid her suspicions: her uncle knew damn well how long she had been out of school. Fourteen years, she said. General manager for five. The day she was promoted to her first management position at Dai-2 was one of the proudest of her life. It not only meant her family recognized her education and skills, but that she was also on track to achieving her ultimate goal – the chair her uncle now sat in. After he retired, of course.

Yes, you have been quite accomplished. But you knew that already.

Something seized within Jun’s chest. Tell me what I want to hear already. Akihiro was not a man of flair or affection. His idea of telling Jun she was now legal heir would be sending her a memo via courier. I am ready to hear what you have to say. She ignored the pulsing excitement flowing through her veins.

Are you? Akihiro pulled out another piece of paper and his official seal. Do you want me to laud you for how valuable and how intelligent you are? Do you want me to say that your father would be proud of you? That I am proud of you? Those are meaningless words. You are an Isoya. Nothing less is acceptable. In order to be a woman of distinction, you must go above and beyond what is expected of someone of your bloodline. The bare minimum gets you one of the smallest hotels in our chain. I know you, Junri. You want more. He stamped the paper and signed it in both Japanese kanji and the Latin alphabet. You are, after all, your father’s daughter.

She nodded, throat clogged.

Tell me. Do you think I should name you my heir?

Jun grasped the armrests beneath her hands. She knew her face paled from how cold her skin became. I think you should name the best person.

Are you the best person?

Hubris would demote her. I strive to be.

Another paper signed. I believe you think you do. But that isn’t enough. I won’t name you heir because you are my older brother’s daughter. I have a son as competent as you.

Just as competent! Her cousin scraped through university with passing grades and could barely hold his own. He was the night auditor of Dai-1, a position considered beneath hers in the realm of the empire. The kid could barely check guests in and out without passing out from an anxiety attack – and forget having the managing experience! The idea of him being named heir was the vilest form of nepotism. If Jun didn’t know her uncle as well as she did, she may have been worried. This was a test and nothing more.

You’re suffocating here. Akihiro licked his fingers and flipped through more papers, each white sheet slicing through the air like a blade. Your talents are wasting. He stamped with fervor. Your brain is turning to mush. It’s going to your head. If you want to be heir someday, you need a roost better than the commoner’s Dai-2 establishment.

That piqued Jun’s curiosity. Was he promoting her to Dai-1, the flagship hotel of the entire dynasty? Her father managed Dai-1 for decades before ascending the chairman’s throne. Her uncle managed it after his brother. The current general manager was a great uncle who did it to keep his brain sharp and hands busy in lieu of retirement.

That’s why I am transferring you to the Nagoya branch, effective next week.

He stamped another document before that sank into Jun’s frozen brain.

Nagoya? Nagoya? I… she began, her mouth turning into cotton. I…

Yes? Is there a problem? Akihiro handed over her transfer papers, freshly signed and stamped. You should be happy. Nagoya is a much more prestigious branch than Dai-2. Much more befitting someone like you. You will lodge in the Isoya Suite until you can secure your own residence. Since it is more expensive to live down there, you will also be earning a 30% raise. It’s a promotion, Junri. He handed her the last of the documents.

‘I…what? Jun tossed the papers onto the desk, her face as incredulous as a dying ghost’s. Why are you sending me all the way to Nagoya? Nagoya! It was down in Chubu, lost between Tokyo and Osaka! I can’t believe this. Who’s going to take over Dai-2 from me?"

My son. It’s about time he learned some real responsibility. And I would appreciate it if you did not speak to me in such a vulgar manner. It’s unbecoming as a leader, and as a woman.

As a woman! Since when did that mean shit to Jun? Was she doomed to always be nothing more than the confused orphan with a short haircut? Her aunt, Akihiro’s own twin sister, was the general manger of the Tokyo branch, the largest hotel in the empire’s clutches. No one treated her like this.

See this as an opportunity for you to learn some more responsibility as well. You start next Wednesday.

"You’re giving me a week to move to Nagoya? She still couldn’t believe it. No matter how many times she said that city’s name, it was like a foreign word. What about my condo?"

My wife will look after it in your absence. It would be unfitting to sell an Isoya estate.

That’s my damn condo! The same one her parents bought before she was born, and the one she inherited when they died. How long am I going to be down there?

However long you need to be down there. Maybe a year, maybe a decade.

"A decade?"

Akihiro sighed, brows sagging and patience thinning. I suggest you take this opportunity with grace and optimism. I will relieve you for today. You have some packing to do.

Jun got up and bowed to her uncle, as was customary, but she did not walk softly out of the office. No, she stomped like an angry teenager, grinding her teeth and slamming the door behind her. The secretary jumped in alarm. When she asked Jun if she could get her some tea or a cigarette, the uprooted woman merely said, You can get me my birthright. She growled her way out of the Dai-1 building, aware of the distance set between her and her uncle’s chair.

***

Neither the beautiful women twirling about her nor the lively conversation permeating the room could lift Jun’s spirits as she drank at a bar that Saturday night.

It won’t be so bad, Harmony, the proprietor, said as she poured Jun another drink. Nagoya is a nice place! You said so yourself that your uncle promoted you.

Jun grabbed a chunk of her hair and tugged on it as she groaned into the counter. I have to start over again. She never lived anywhere but Sapporo all thirty-seven years of her life. "I’ve barely even been to Nagoya! And he’s only giving me a week to go there! I arrive Tuesday!"

Harmony shook her head. Although older than Jun, she was shorter, leaner, and wore frilly outfits and heavy make-up. Most of the newcomers at the bar pegged her as a middle-schooler and were subsequently shocked to discover how legal she was. You’ll be fine. She rolled her eyes as Jun downed her next shot. But if you’re going to be moving out of here, you better pay your tab tonight.

Wiping her upper lip, Jun went to reach for her wallet when a figure careened into her, arms outstretched and giggles smashing into her ear. She almost toppled from her barstool, but the woman held her upright again with a laugh loud enough to overpower the dance music coming from the basement. "Jun-san! What is this I’m hearing about you leaving Sapporo?" The woman slapped her hand on Jun’s thigh as if it belonged there.

It’s true. I’ve been transferred to Nagoya. She still didn’t believe it, although her clothes were packed already. That earlier afternoon was spent arranging courier services to pick up her moving boxes. Jun planned on buying new household items when she got there instead of dragging her old ones, but she needed her clothing, her books, and her favorite decorative pieces. Watch my new place have no room for any of it. Nagoya was denser than Sapporo.

The woman, Ayami, frowned. You can’t leave us! I haven’t even fucked you recently!

Jun leaned onto the counter, Ayami’s thin frame still clinging to her. Aren’t you with Yuna again? she asked, referring to another old friend who was probably lurking somewhere. Or did she dump you again for your cheating? Ayami claimed to only be happy if she were cheating on her significant other – something about the rush of being bad. Yuna was her on again-off again girlfriend of the past decade.

She scoffed. What’s a little bumping and grinding between old friends, eh? Ayami went for a boob grab beneath Jun’s silk shirt. At first she allowed it, but morality returned, and she shook Ayami’s hand off.

I don’t want to fuck tonight. I want to get drunk and forget that my uncle is an asshole.

Pouting, Ayami slipped off Jun’s frame and sat on the stool next to hers. The dim lights played with her bleach blond pixie haircut. But we could party in your honor…

Leave her alone, Harmony said with a swish of a dishrag. And on that note, I’ve got a party to tend to downstairs. She disappeared, dishrag over her shoulder as her hands put flourishes into her ponytail.

But Ayami was never one to leave any friend alone. She whined into Jun’s ear, entreating her to attend the party downstairs. Harmony’s abode, the hybrid bar and club Escape, served thirsty patrons up on the street while the basement was an endless dance party on the weekends. A burly bouncer came up the stairs to check messages on her cell phone. Juuuuuun, Ayami said, shaking her friend’s shoulder. Come downstairs and I’ll give you a going away lap dance.

Let me guess…in front of your girlfriend? Yuna would love that.

…Maybe.

"Dame da." Jun got off the bar stool, intent on heading home to kick her moving boxes around and hate her life.

She changed her mind when she saw a small group of young, hot women come through the bar door and go straight for the stairs. Two of them turned to look at her, smiled, and blew kisses as they descended into the party. Jun did not have many soft spots, but gorgeous women out having a good time? Ichiban. Number one.

Ayami was all squeals as she latched onto Jun’s arm and accompanied her downstairs. The dark bar gave way to a bright, violet-basked party filled with women of every size, shape, hair color and gender representation. Dance beats throbbed between the walls; drinks poured at the back station; couples made out on couches surrounding stripper polls occupied by drunken amateurs. That’s my favorite seat. Ayami shooed away a couple of strangers from one of the circular couches and signaled for Jun to join her. Somehow she was not surprised when Ayami instantly tried to kiss and fondle her.

There you are! The harried voice of Yuna cut through the music behind them. Jun craned her head back to see dark hair and a scowl obscure her vision. "I’m so sorry, Jun-san, Yuna said. My soon-to-be ex ran away from me again."

You naughty girl, Jun said with little chagrin. You’ve pissed off your girlfriend.

Ayami slithered to the other side of the couch, creating a gap for Yuna to slip into with a heavy rear. She never lets me have any fun.

"Because fun to you is sleeping with other women!"

It is fun!

While they conducted their lover’s quarrel, Jun stared at the revelry around her. Those beautiful women she followed down were at an island bar chatting up Harmony. I should invite one of them back to my place. Who knew what the lesbian scene was like down in Nagoya.

Fine! Ayami said with a heavy voice. I’ll do it for you too!

Jun looked over the moment her friend hopped onto the small stage in the center of the couches and did one swing around the stripper pole. Yuna crossed her arms in a huff and said, She thinks it’s okay to pole dance for the whole room if I watch.

Well? Is it?

Doesn’t matter, does it?

She knew better than to press the issue further with Yuna, who was too far in love with – and living with – Ayami to do anything about it. Once, Jun pitied her. Then she realized that the whole break-up and make-up routine was a part of their mutual seduction. Not my thing. Jun would become polyamorous before letting her love life turn into that. If I had one to begin with.

Ayami was a talented dancer who knew how to twirl at the right moment to make the overhead lights shine off her golden head. She thrust her hips in time to the music and lifted her shirt halfway up her torso. By then Yuna’s demeanor improved. She sat with a wan smile as Ayami came off the stage and hopped into her girlfriend’s lap for a private show.

Jun excused herself – by then her friends were lip locked and half naked.

For a party the basement was empty enough to let Jun go as she pleased without bumping into anyone. She made a lap around the room, picking up a drink along the way and looking out for anyone she knew – or didn’t know, since that was fun too.

Hey stranger.

She stopped a few steps away from the group of young women flirting at the island bar. In the shadows stood a petite woman holding a soft drink and kicking her heel out in Jun’s direction. Well, well. Been a while since she last saw Riho, the tiny woman who packed a bigger punch than Harmony. They used to be friends with benefits, but recently Riho had a new part-time job that kept her away from Jun’s free time. This night was almost redeemable.

I hear you’re moving soon, Riho said, taking a drink of soda. Her long, black hair framed her striking cheekbones, jutting beneath eyes lined in thick make-up. She was small compared to Jun, who was taller than most women she knew, but experience said she had more personality than a cobra in a bad mood. She bit like one too.

Jun leaned against the wall, cordoning Riho away from the other women moving around them. In a couple of days, yeah. Will you miss me?

I don’t know how different it would be from these past few weeks anyway. Seems like I hardly see you anymore. Riho stroked the front of Jun’s silk shirt.

The party was over.

Jun said goodbye to her other friends and stopped to pay her final tab to Harmony. After a hug and a promise to return as soon as possible, Jun left Escape and took a taxi back to her condo, friend in tow.

They never bothered to turn on the lights when they entered. Jun took Riho by the wrist and hauled her into the master bedroom, where only half their clothes came off before they were rutting in bed like desperate animals.

It was what Jun needed for her final weekend in Sapporo. Riho’s passion burned between them, infusing Jun with her own desires as she marked flesh and folded within limbs. It allowed her to care nothing about what starting life over in Nagoya would be like, where she would have to reestablish herself not only as a professional but as a viable lover as well. At least in Sapporo she could always count on some friend – whether Riho, who she rarely saw, or Ayami, who was probably cheating on her girlfriend – to share her bed, if not give a go at a relationship. It’s not fair. Her bemoaning almost claimed her as she fell face first into Riho’s wet and warm omanko. Jun was thirty-seven. How was she supposed to start over again at that point in her life?

She forgot her self-pity when Riho came so hard she grabbed a pillow and threw it against the wall while grunting like a beast and slamming her body into Jun’s face. When she was finished, Jun climbed on top of her and claimed her own pleasure.

The sex was over sooner than Jun would have liked. Riho rolled off her, turning on the lamp on the nightstand so she could adjust her dress straps and smooth down her hair. Jun remained in a supine position, wearing nothing but her white undershirt and a new lovebite on her throat. She gazed at Riho’s figure. I once asked her to be my girlfriend. Jun asked a lot of women to be her girlfriend, but most of them were put off by her work hours or convinced she was too much of a playboy. Riho said no because she was a free spirit who would not be kept caged. Whatever that meant.

For a woman who is moving soon, not much is packed up around here, Riho said, her breasts disappearing back into the bust of her dress.

That’s because I’m going to buy new things, or get a pre-furnished apartment.

I see. Who’s going to take care of this place? You’re not getting rid of it, are you?

For the first time in hours, Jun was filled with a bolt of anxiety fit to cause heart attacks. No! She would never, unless she was that desperate for money. This was her home as much as it was a memento of her deceased parents. She changed some of the décor in the master bedroom, but in essence it was still her mother and father’s old abode. No one could purchase that sentimentality from her. My aunt is taking care of it while I’m gone.

Riho kicked her legs over the side of the bed. Was she leaving already? Jun pulled a cigarette and a lighter from the other nightstand. She lit up and searched for her bedroom ashtray.

Won’t you stay tonight? Jun asked, as Riho rounded the corner of the bed. I could use the company. She always wanted to share her bed.

A sad smirk appeared on Riho’s sharp features. Would that be a good idea? Maybe it’s best we part naturally. No attachment necessary.

Jun twitched behind her cigarette. You know what I mean. She didn’t want to say the words. I’m lonely. Perils of being a romantic with a busy schedule. Come to bed and hold me. Nothing gave her more comfort and reassurance than having a woman to hold in her arms while she slept – or to be held in another’s arms. In actuality, she much preferred the latter.

Of course I do. That’s why I suggested that. Riho finished adjusting her sweater over her emerging curves. What? Since when did she have curves? Riho was usually so thin the wind could blow her away. Jun figured it was the new sedentary job making her fill out.

It’s my last chance before I leave. I don’t know when I’ll be back, and who knows if we can meet then?

Riho stopped halfway out the bedroom door. Even so, I’ll probably be busy.

Why’s that? Your job?

When she turned, Jun swore she saw more curves she hadn’t seen before. No. I’m having a baby. I’m pregnant.

Jun gave a start, coughing on smoke. Since when?

Another noncommittal shrug. A couple of months now. I fooled around with a guy from work. I’ve decided to keep it, so he and I are getting married, or at least until the baby’s born.

Jun was still too flabbergasted to properly reply for a few seconds. She knew Riho was bisexual, but the idea of Miss Free Spirit marrying and birthing babies was almost too much to believe. I don’t know what to say.

You don’t have to say anything. See? It’s for the best you’re leaving. We can’t get reattached to each other. You don’t like kids anyway.

"I like kids, just not my own. Shinjirarenai." She still couldn’t believe it.

Riho opened the door. I’ve always enjoyed my time with you. You’re a good lover.

She was almost out the door when Jun jerked forward again, cigarette ashes spilling into the ashtray beside her. "Matte! she bade, signaling Riho to wait. The woman stalled. Daite. One more time."

The door closed with a sigh.

Riho stayed most of the night, arms wrapped around Jun as they forced themselves to sleep. I don’t love her in that way, but I love this. She loved it with all women. Their arms around her, holding her, protecting her from the changes of the world threatening her. Only in bed did she feel such safety.

***

The first thing Jun thought as she disembarked the plane was that Nagoya was too bright.

She slid her designer sunglasses onto her nose before rolling her carry-on into the airport proper. Her handbag slipped down her arm and threatened to knock her water bottle out of her hand. All she could do was yawn. The flight was only a couple of hours, but she had stayed up most of the night wallowing in self-pity and making last minute arrangements over the phone. Her condo, when she left it, was in a state of chaos.

The airport was also much too bright. The vaulted ceiling was lined in skylights, showcasing the clear blue winter sky. Jun attempted to find the baggage claim before she was blinded with Nagoya-branded sunshine. Give me the cloudy heaven that is Sapporo any day.

Her day got more obnoxious when she found a young woman holding a sign that said, ISOYA-SAN in English letters.

Turned out she was the night auditor at Jun’s new hotel, sent there on her day off to pick the new general manager up and escort her to her temporary accommodations in the hotel. By the time Jun got the manic woman to calm down long enough to introduce herself, the night auditor talked herself hoarse and could barely manage a, Nice to meet you. I am Mimi Honda.

She insisted on trying to pick up Jun’s suitcase at baggage claim. At first Jun stood back, amused, watching this tiny lady try to manipulate a suitcase two-thirds her size. Not only was it the largest suitcase allowed on the plane, but it was also so heavy with Jun’s clothing that she had to pay a weight fee for it. Eventually Jun jumped in before Mimi was crushed by half of her boss’s professional wardrobe.

A company van waited in the parking lot. Although Mimi insisted on helping load up the suitcase, Jun shooed her to the driver’s seat to get things ready. This blasted sunlight. It glared off the metallic frame of the van and made her want to throw up. Jun slammed the trunk shut and climbed into the passenger seat, where she promptly passed out.

She woke up ten minutes later when they were on the bridge linking Nagoya to the island the airport sat on. Bright blue water expanded around them, rolling in gentle waves and mocking the sky above it. Jun lifted her head off the window and readjusted her glasses. A train blew by them and forced her to look out the windshield, where the skyscrapers of downtown Nagoya loomed in the distance.

"Everyone is looking forward to meeting you, Isoya-san. Mimi kept her eyes on the road. We haven’t had a manager for a couple of weeks now, and things are a bit crazy for everyone."

Great. A mess for her to clean up. Who is in charge?

The assistant manager, Mr. Aoyama. Mimi pulled something from the backseat with one hand. I have brought a general file on the hotel for you to look at in your downtime.

Jun snatched it, much to Mimi’s dismay. I have downtime now. More than she wanted.

While Mimi drove in silence, Jun flipped through the binder, looking at photographs of the hotel and its general information. She perused the staff pages but did not retain any of the faces or names. All she could think