Clueless Emperors: How to Overcome Problem People and Not Be One Yourself

By Victoria Humphrey

Clueless Emperors are people who abuse their power in selfish or foolish ways. While bad behavior is nothing new, it continues to be a force of nature. Why does this kind of exploitation persist? Understanding certain aspects of human nature that influence behavior and motivation is a key to overcoming problem people. Armed with that knowledge, the next step is developing the skills to prevail—the mechanics of which are described in this book.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Nov 28, 2013
• ISBN: 9781939288400

Book preview

day.

Introduction

"The only end of writing is to enable the readers better to

enjoy life, or better to endure it."

—Samuel Johnson

We don’t always get along with each other for a wide variety of reasons. It would be an exceptional person who is logical, kind-hearted, and socially skilled—all the time. Unfortunately, selfish motivation is common and when people behave this way, resolving differences with them isn’t easy. Tempers can flare at a moment’s notice—even our best intentions can’t be counted on to prevent bruised relationships—resulting in stalled progress and communication breakdowns. So we get stressed out, ask our friends for advice, don’t get enough sleep, and wonder how to make things better. Without the right skills, our efforts to protect personal territory fail, and the final outcome is all too predictable. In the life-isn’t-fair department, the person with the highest rank usually prevails, regardless of the facts.

Have you ever clashed with someone whose primary motive seems to be self-promotion at all costs? Disagreeing with a need-to-win person isn’t pleasant and hoping for fair and equitable treatment is wishful thinking. To complicate matters, persuading the antagonist to listen to your point of view feels like an impossible assignment. When such a person is taking undue advantage and also has the power to control how things work out for you, who gets the last word?

Any satisfaction we might gain from informing people of their bad behavior—even under our breath—is short-term. Although name-calling may have some blow-off-steam appeal, it also implies a sense of helplessness if labeling their misconduct is all we do. Quietly giving up and giving in when people have the power to shut us down doesn’t work either—it just makes their job easier, and our lives more stressful.

Understanding the root cause of power struggles can significantly improve the odds of being successful. To help with that, the term Clueless Emperor provides insight into their self-centered ways:

They’re clueless about any form of common good.

They add a misuse of control or authority to the mix.

They act like emperors in whatever setting—and toward whatever people—they’re able to dominate.

Looking at problem behavior through this lens provides clues for recognizing the force that drives inappropriate actions. People in a Clueless-Emperor state of mind, regardless of the territory they control, have one trait in common: they use their power foolishly or selfishly. And they certainly do suck the life out of people who lack the skills to stand up for themselves. Clueless Emperor behavior is pervasive. We may work with people who behave this way, or socialize with them, do business with them, and even live with them. And sometimes we are them.

Clueless Emperors—especially when there is no opposition—cause hardship with wide-ranging penalties: from benign to life altering. In extreme cases, people die as a result of their destructive actions. When circumstances give them the power to ensure an outcome—guaranteed to be in their best interests—problems are inescapable. Some skilled individuals have the talent to prevail when Clueless Emperors obstruct progress, but most people are immobilized, like deer in headlights. They’re also clueless, but in a very different way, and for a very different reason: they have less power than the Clueless Emperors taking advantage of them and don’t know how to take care of their own needs.

Abusing authority for personal gain is a historical equalizer, so Clueless Emperors’ misconduct is certainly nothing new. It’s also not new that people in the vicinity of Clueless Emperors often feel the pressure to conform. So why does this kind of exploitation persist? The answer lies in understanding certain characteristics of human nature that influence behavior and motivation. Once armed with appropriate knowledge, the next step is developing the skills to prevail—the mechanics of which are described in these pages. The tactics and strategies provided here will help readers achieve Clued-In status, which affords several advantages. These benefits are the value proposition offered in this book:

advancing career objectives

achieving goals while serving the common good

building trusting relationships

managing conflict successfully

leading a low-stress life

Although my primary goal is to help people overcome the Clueless Emperors in their future, readers will also learn to heed personal warning signals in order to avoid irresponsible behavior of their own making. Clued-In citizens know that it’s important to recognize and manage any personal tendencies along these lines.

My education and career in sales, organizational development, and human resources have taught me how to overcome Clueless Emperors, despite their power and authority. Although it was never my original intent, the profession I chose made it imperative for me to gain this knowledge. With decades of experience behind me, I wrote this book to share what I’ve learned so you can achieve the same skill with more speed, and less pain, than if trial and error were your only teachers. Fuzzy platitudes have been kept to a minimum here, but specific and actionable guidance is plentiful. There is a way to overcome Clueless Emperors and not be one yourself—and I’m going to show you how to do it.

PART 1

The Basics

CHAPTER 1

Clueless Emperors 101

Nothing is more terrible than ignorance in action.

—Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

If people misusing power and taking advantage of well-meaning citizens has ever been a problem for you, this book has information and guidance to help overcome these challenges. When selfish opportunists are on the loose, having effective skills is crucial. Although it’s reasonable to expect fair treatment, and the freedom to thrive in a world without unwarranted interference, life doesn’t always turn out that way. When reasonable people lack the know-how to hold their ground, they can’t effectively stand up for themselves in conflict situations. Although that goal may seem unattainable, there is a solution for those who want to succeed: the skills required to overcome Clueless Emperors are easily within your grasp—really. This chapter starts your exciting journey from the war-torn land of the uninformed to the tropical paradise of the Clued-In.

Although the term emperor is used throughout the book, it’s certainly not meant to imply that empresses are off the hook! Clueless Emperors come in different sizes, shapes, colors, ages, and genders. Unfortunately they can’t be recognized on sight—bad behavior is their calling card—so the ability to quickly assess when they’re in the vicinity provides advantages.

Clueless Emperors remind me of a human version of sharks: we don’t always know where they are, so it’s important to be on the lookout—their strikes can be sudden and painful. We know that sometimes they bite and sometimes they don’t—their behavior is unpredictable. We know that when they do bite, it can be very serious, sometimes people die, so we need to protect ourselves against them. Just as with sharks, if the victims of Clueless Emperors don’t know how to ward off threatening behavior, they’re forced to live with the damage left behind. Although the art of communication is always valuable, it becomes an extraordinary asset when Clueless Emperors are causing problems. Here are ways to identify them:

They always make certain their own needs get met, no matter who or what gets sacrificed in the process.

They do their best to ensure less powerful challengers are quickly put out of action, no matter how worthwhile the objectives of those challengers may be.

They love to show off and want everyone to know how important they are while committing a wide assortment of behavioral transgressions.

Clueless Emperors masterfully control their environment by using power foolishly or selfishly to push their own agendas—with no regard for the common good. They don’t feel like they’ve won, unless those who have disagreed with them have lost. They don’t seek opportunities for mutual gain, because that concept has never occurred to them. They don’t think about talented people or good ideas that get crushed. They get what they want, when they want it. If you are in their way, it’s important to learn how to maintain composure and think rationally, or be prepared for defeat.

Even though logic dictates that acknowledging problems is the first step toward fixing them, don’t count on Clueless Emperors choosing this path—they take care of their own needs without consideration of a broader point of view. Facts are irrelevant, and logic doesn’t apply. No doubt, problem-solving skills are required to get around Clueless Emperors, but intellect and logic alone are often not enough to compensate for their sheer power. This book helps you with a unique set of skills that compensates for a lack of power on your part: behavioral skills are a key ingredient to overcoming Clueless Emperors.

Lots of very smart people don’t have a clue about effective behavioral skills—what they are, or how to develop them. You will get detailed instructions here that include tips for how to be effective with a wide variety of people in your life—from family members and friends—to work colleagues at all hierarchical levels, bosses included.

A fairy tale I loved as a child, The Emperor’s New Clothes, inspired me to think of foolish, selfish people as Clueless Emperors. The story was written by Hans Christian Andersen way back in 1847, so this kind of behavior is obviously not a recent event! For those who missed this fairy tale, or perhaps no longer recall the details, a retelling can be found in Appendix A. In short, the main character is a know-it-all emperor who behaves selfishly, and doesn’t have a clue about his own foolishness.

Over quite a long period of time, those in the emperor’s inner circle act as if they don’t notice his self-centered ways and collectively keep up a charade to protect themselves from the fallout of speaking openly to their employer. Not surprisingly, the local residents follow their example and adopt the same behavior for fear of losing their livelihoods. The degree to which the townspeople turn a blind eye to their predicament might seem irrational, but their reality makes them afraid to speak up—so they pretend their environment is a happy place to live and work.

Finally and thankfully, justice prevails at the story’s conclusion, and the emperor gets what he deserves. The catalyst that brings the facts to light comes from a surprising source—it’s a child’s innocent remark that breaks the empire’s communication logjam. But then, that’s why we call the story a fairy tale. Several life lessons from Andersen’s educational narrative are explored and analyzed here, specifically two important messages for grown-up readers:

Take action when someone’s abuse of power negatively affects you.

Use your own power responsibly.

Perhaps if this book had been available in the mid-nineteenth century, the emperor might have avoided the humiliation he ultimately suffered. But then, perhaps not, because Clueless Emperors are rarely interested in self-improvement—in their minds, they are nothing short of perfect, and we should never count on them to do the right thing.

Even though Andersen’s fairy tale seems uncomplicated on the surface, it reveals a complex aspect of human nature at its core: he ever so gently reminds us that people with power are capable of abusing it while creating all manner of misery for others. He also lets us know that we have choices when managing power—other people’s as well as our own. The central characters in the story would have experienced a more agreeable outcome had they been Clued-In to the skills that would have prevented their problems in the first place, including the emperor himself.

Over the years, the fairy tale has become a metaphor for the social custom of people not speaking candidly—especially to those who misuse power—even when the truth is nakedly apparent. This aspect of human nature poses some interesting questions:

Why can’t we count on people to consistently acknowledge the truth once they become aware of it?

What can we do when faced head-on with people who do not, or will not, acknowledge obvious reality?

Why did the emperor perpetuate the sham even after he realized that the longer he continued to pretend, the more foolish he seemed?

I will try to answer these questions and explain the motivation behind Clueless Emperors’ misconduct, and the reason they carry on with plans they know are wrong. Hoping for an innocent child to show up and save the day isn’t a practical strategy. It may work in children’s stories, but it certainly doesn’t work that way in real life.

Understanding the skills and achieving the skills, however, are two very different things, so this book ensures you have the expertise for both. With the right skills in hand, there isn’t a need to feel helpless when Clueless Emperors interfere and take advantage of their power. Everyone can benefit from the advice in these pages, because Clueless Emperor predicaments are so common. The tips offered here are especially valuable, because they’re not easily accessible:

Most of us don’t have communication-savvy family members, advisers, or mentors to teach us the skills.

Our educational system doesn’t teach them.

Although some of the material in this book can be found in other resources, you won’t find it integrated under one cover as it is here. The skills are easy to understand as individual behaviors, and when practiced in combination, they become the formula that discourages Clueless Emperors. You’ll find many examples that illustrate the recommendations, and each chapter’s conclusion has a Main Points summary for easy review of the material. By following the advice and suggested exercises, readers will be able to develop the ability to achieve goals despite attempts to stifle their progress.

When valuable thoughts and ideas are squashed, Clueless Emperors don’t care because they are, well, clueless. To add insult to injury, by definition, their actions are dead wrong. When people are Clued-In and use their power wisely, they should be respected and followed. It’s the combination of power and cluelessness that’s destructive. This point needs to be emphasized. History has shown that power tends to corrupt, but we shouldn’t assume this is always the case—there are noteworthy exceptions. It’s important to objectively evaluate problems based on their own unique characteristics, and the information coming up will help you do just that.

The expertise gained here can also be applied to short-term or infrequent encounters with Clueless Emperors who are exasperating at a particular moment in time. For example, think about customer service representatives who are not Clued-In about their role to serve customers and prove that lack of knowledge by disregarding the very people they’re being paid to help. Standing in long lines or waiting on hold (the your-call-is-very-important-to-us recording that plays over and over isn’t convincing) only to be rescued by a clueless customer service person is not my idea of a good time. Regrettably, it’s often the only choice when we’re in their clutches.

The customer service function in many companies needs a major overhaul. Countless business articles over the years confirm this sad reality. The companies themselves can’t seem to fix the problem, so perhaps frustrated customers can lend a hand by making use of the information in this book to encourage better service: savvy, Clued-In customers with effective skills have a better chance of getting their needs met than customers who don’t have a clue about how to get the service they deserve.

Gaining awareness of Clueless Emperors’ motives improves the odds of overcoming them. Specifically, recognizing why Clueless Emperors win so often will equip readers to find effective ways to disagree with them, even in the face of their power. Sometimes Clueless Emperors behave irresponsibly out of sheer habit and don’t comprehend why the people around them feel stressed out. In other cases, they do know—and just don’t care. Whether they know better or not, challengers who lack the skills to overcome them become pawns. Or worse.

A good starting point for a Clueless Emperor 101 education is to watch any news broadcast or scan any newspaper and take notice of people who love the limelight. As an example, politicians often provide excellent public illustrations of people who abuse power and behave ridiculously. Just look for stories about people who use their power in foolish or selfish ways—a Clueless Emperor will be right there. Even though the stories that make headline news featuring high-profile Clueless Emperors grab our interest, the low-profile ones aren’t much different—they’re just not well-known. Clamoring for attention is their favorite sport, and not getting caught breaking rules is the goal.

Many businesses, corporations, and governments of all sizes work hard to keep their local Clueless Emperor debacles hush-hush. Even though many of them make every effort to conceal wrongdoing (the tobacco industry comes to mind), their shenanigans—or many times worse—have made big news in the past few years. A spotlight was directed at this problem in an article in Crain’s New York Business (July 23, 2012), featuring a boutique firm that specializes in controlling public relations nightmares for their clients. The article says that hiring these types of firms for damage control is becoming more and more common, but warns their services don’t come cheap. The story goes on to reference a survey done by Spencer Stuart and Weber Shandwick: 71% of large companies have experienced a reputation-threatening crisis within the past two years. Wow—that number certainly corresponds to a lot of bad behavior!

Although the article focuses on the public relations firms themselves (high-profile clients like Bernie Madoff and Dominique Strauss-Kahn are cited), one has to wonder why so much bad behavior was tolerated in the first place—to the point that high-priced damage control was required to suppress it. It’s not hard to imagine that people using power foolishly or selfishly are somehow involved. It’s safe to say that keeping Clueless Emperors around can be expensive.

Although disagreeing with Clueless Emperors is never fun, achieving independence from them is important, because they can show up anywhere at any time. Unless you’re a hermit, there isn’t an option to be out of harm’s way. Left unchecked, it’s common for Clueless Emperors to gang up with disastrous results:

Families with multiples of them are dysfunctional.

Organizations led by them go out of business or need bailout money from taxpayers to survive.

Countries governed by them experience political upheaval, economic havoc, terror and violence.

Nearly everyone has been squeezed by a Clueless Emperor or two—or maybe more?—and because it’s so unpleasant to be in their grip, you may have chosen to go along with them out of self-protection. My goal is to help you discourage people with self-serving intentions for a Clueless-Emperor-Free future. That said, overcoming an Emperor may not occur with every attempt, so I also address what to do with challenging situations that can’t be resolved satisfactorily. There are circumstances when a departure strategy is the most sensible choice, but you’ll want the certainty of having done your best before exiting the scene of the crime.

There is no reason to give up or give in any longer. The counsel here doesn’t offer bulletproof protection, but it does provide a Kevlar-like vest. Beyond protection, there are also some effective strategies that will facilitate getting your needs met easily and smoothly, without acrimony, no matter how many obstacles are thrown your way.

Chapter 1 Main Points

Clueless Emperors 101

Clueless Emperors are everywhere.

Clueless Emperors and their victims have cluelessness in common; power is the differentiator between them.

Clueless Emperors blatantly misuse their authority and impose penalties on anyone who doesn’t fall in line, so conflicts are inevitable.

It’s possible to learn skills and get Clued-In, so overcoming Clueless Emperors becomes a reality.

Any motivated person can learn the skills.

"I had no idea there was a special name for people who behave like I used to."

—A Recovering Clueless Emperor

CHAPTER 2

The Clueless Emperor Profile

"It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that they are difficult."

—Seneca

Clueless Emperors have a personality profile that’s one of a kind. To overcome them, it’s helpful to understand everything possible about their characteristics and motives. We’ll start this chapter with some frequently asked questions to give you a sense of how they operate:

1. Why are sharks illustrated on the cover of this book? Do they have something in common with Clueless Emperors?

Certainly, both are predators. But their similarities go beyond this obvious commonality. New research in the last decade indicates sharks are not the mindless, ruthless man-eaters we thought them to be. They are sociable and curious, but like Clueless Emperors, they have selfish motives and can’t be trusted. This is what makes both sharks and Emperors so dangerous. They draw us in (literally and figuratively), and then decide whether to bite us. When it comes to real sharks, we have a choice to stay out of the water. With Clueless Emperors, there is no choice. If we want to live in the real world, they are a force to be reckoned with and a challenge to overcome. The cover of this book depicts Clueless Emperors with sharks for brains as a reminder of their capability to harm.

2. How often do Clueless Emperors show up?

It’s the frequency of our interactions with people (family members, friends, professional colleagues, or service providers are examples) that dictates the number of Clueless Emperor encounters we’ll have. But it’s hard to predict exactly where or when this will happen, so it’s essential to be observant and have the skills to act at a moment’s notice.

It’s not uncommon for some people to experience multiple occurrences weekly. In difficult work or family situations, Clueless Emperor encounters can occur several times a day. In these extreme cases, prospects for satisfactory results seem unattainable and stress levels can become unbearable.

3. When is it important to be on the lookout for a Clueless Emperor who could pose a problem?

Clueless Emperors are probably lurking when you don’t feel free to express yourself. There is pressure to keep your head down and stay under the radar. You might feel a desire to escape. All these feelings will pass when you discover there are skills available to address these situations head-on and be successful.

4. What motivates Clueless Emperors to behave badly?

Sometimes Clueless Emperors use their power to block progress for no other reason than because they can. They like calling attention to their importance,