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Totally Joe
Totally Joe
Totally Joe
Ebook177 pages2 hours

Totally Joe

Rating: 4.5 out of 5 stars

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About this ebook

Joe Bunch breaks down his life—and his secrets—for a school assignment in this second book of the funny, heartfelt, and beloved Misfits series by Bunnicula author James Howe.

What can I say? I’m a total original.

Joe may only be twelve-going-on-thirteen, but he’s known who he is from the time he was a little kid tottering around in his mother’s high heels. Now in the seventh grade, he wears green high tops with pink trim, has a (secret) boyfriend, and tells it all from A to Z in the alphabiography assigned by his favorite teacher. The thing is, some of it is seriously private. It’s one thing for Mr. Daly to read it, but what if it falls into the wrong hands? Will he be teased forever about those high heels…and even worse, what will happen if his secret boyfriend is no longer a secret?
LanguageEnglish
Release dateNov 1, 2011
ISBN9781442449435
Totally Joe
Author

James Howe

James Howe is the author of more than ninety books for young readers. Bunnicula, coauthored by his late wife Deborah and published in 1979, is considered a modern classic of children’s literature. The author has written six highly popular sequels, along with the spinoff series Tales from the House of Bunnicula and Bunnicula and Friends. Among his other books are picture books such as Horace and Morris but Mostly Dolores and beginning reader series that include the Pinky and Rex and Houndsley and Catina books. He has also written for older readers. The Misfits, published in 2001, inspired the nationwide antibullying initiative No Name-Calling Week, as well as three sequels, Totally Joe, Addie on the Inside, and Also Known as Elvis. A common theme in James Howe’s books from preschool through teens is the acceptance of difference and being true to oneself. Visit him online at JamesHowe.com.

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Reviews for Totally Joe

Rating: 4.470588235294118 out of 5 stars
4.5/5

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  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Audience: 8-9th gradeThis is an interesting book a young boy who is gay and how he deals with the discrimination in society. It also has an alpha biography format to it and is quite hilarious! The way Joe puts a positive spin on even the terrible things that happen to him portrays his carefree personality that ultimately helps him face all his fears. This is a great book to read in middle-high school where students need to be able to accept different view points and show tolerance and acceptance towards people who are different from them, instead of bullying them.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    This book opens your eyes to a little boy with a very personality, and who also isn't afraid to himself. Although it may seem obvious to everyone else, it takes him most of the book to "come out" to his family, all of whom already knew. This book really spoke to me in many ways, one being when I finally came out about 8 years ago, after 20 years in the closet, my family said nothing more than "we already knew, who cares" (besides my extremely religious grandmother who insisted it was a "phase", which is also something his grandmother says to him). When I first starting reading the book I assumed that the book would be about him coming out as transgender, and although it may happen later in life (or even not at all)(which made me feel silly as a LGBT member myself), this is not what this book brings to light. This book can be a game changer for any child, not just ones struggling with their sexuality, it can help gay and straight children alike see into the eyes of a gay child who is very "out" and one (Colin) who struggles with his because of being a "guy-guy" and how the struggle affects them. It also shows them that many kids go through these feelings and they are okay and even "normal" (at least for nearly twenty percent of the world). Books like this can change bullying, homophobia, and even suicide rates amongst young gay children. Not to mention, the funny is damn adorable and really family, I laughed out loud multiple times at Joe and his sassy remarks. Well worth the read for the gay, straight and ally alike.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    I loved this book and was pleasantly surprised. Without reading the summary, I just went head-on and the first few pages quickly caught my attention. Joe is confident, funny, sassy, and FAB-U-LOUS. I can read this book over and over again because his personality can easily win your heart. This is one book that I would definitely recommend to anyone.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    I loved this book for its wit and message. I thought it was great how Howe showed two different sides of coming out. One side, Joe's family is a lot more excepting, and Colin's family is not at all. It shows the reality of how hard it is for preteens to come out of the closet.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    I waited TOO LONG to read this book (and "The Misfits" debut outing) and while I'm not sure where and if I'm on the sexual orientation spectrum, I do know I get annoyed that boys and men still put in these boxes that we don't fit in, or even want to fit in. If you , that's great, if you don't, it shouldn't be "The end of the world."

    While I'm all for the rights and humanity all in the LGTQIA community deserve and need to thrive in this world, I do want to see more boys and men who're just nontraditional, whatever their gender identity or sexual orientation.

    You can be a "straight" boy or man, and like ballet, opera, just ANYTHING not about cars, sports, and (after your 21 or whatever the baseline legal drinking age is in your country) beer.

    If girls and women (in the U.S. and Canada specifically) are struggling to "Lean In" the world of work, despite the challenges and narrow-minded people who condescend them, boys and men today are not even allowed to "Break Out" of without paying a social cost.

    Of course, many like Joe have friends and family, and even their school on their side, for those who only had one, two or none of the above-it's so much harder.

    I'm glad I'm no longer afraid of saying what I love and believe that's against the "norm"
    (I wasn't there yet when I was in school), and I hope to see more boys like Joe in the coming years, both in books (or in other media) and in life.

    We need more "Male Pippi Longstocking-esque" individualists in the world), both in, and (with all due respect) especially OUTSIDE the LGTBQIA spectrum.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    A lively voice for young GLBTs and those who are GLBT-friendly. Joe Bunch is almost 13 and confident in his gayness even as he is teased by the "guy-guys" at school. He has a close-knit group of friends who accept him for who he is and a supportive family (to which he hasn't yet outed himself but they're aware anyway). And his first boyfriend is Colin, a jock and closeted gay not at all comfortable in his skin as Joe is. Joe Bunch's story is good for teen lit and affirmative for readers like Joe, notwithstanding some awfully convenient plot points in Joe's favor. Oddly the book appears packaged for younger readers but the material is definitely YA. I guess one could argue it's suitable for young teens; still, it may come as an unexpected or unwelcome surprise for a reader not yet ready for this topic. Nothing graphic here; Joe still thinks kissing and "swapping saliva" is gross.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Technically the second in a group of connected books, yet capable of standing on its own, Totally Joe is told from the point of view of Joe Bunch, a gay 12-year-old who is young enough that to still think kissing is kind of gross, yet old and self-aware enough to know that he likes boys, not girls.One of the most charming aspects of this book is its format; Joe is working on an English assignment for which he must write his own autobiography with entries that start with the letters from A to Z. As such, this book, which I think would be considered middle grade or young adult or somewhere in between, is a quick read.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    A great attention grabber the moment you pick it up. I brings up a topic not many people like to talk about in our world today. With just a major topic the book finds the right way to add in comedy to make it easy and fun to read. This is a book every child needs to read because we all need to be educated in these topics.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Totally Joe by James Howe was probably one of my favorite books because of the humor and lightheartedness. Obviously I did not want to read the book at first because I hate to be forced to read, but after I started it (albeit late) I loved it! I love how they talk about such a real issue and make it so comfortable to talk about. I think that is how it is supposed to be. I would recommend this book to grades fifth through eight, but I think it would be a good read for anyone. Students could learn about acceptance. People are different, people will always be different and we just have to accept it and move on.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    I loved Totally Joe! Once I started to read it, I could not put it down. This book brings up a hard topic, and shows it on a lighter note for teenagers. Joe shows readers that being yourself is the best way to go.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Totally Joe was my favorite book I read in my Children's Literature class. The book took a very serious subject and made it feel lighter. Totally Joe showed the happiness of letting everyone know and see who you truly are. The book is about a boy,Joe, who knows he is gay and different. In the book he has a relationship with another boy is not open yet about being gay, Joe and his friends try to make their school a more accepting place. They try to end name calling as a group. The book shows the benefits of being open about who you are. As a reader I enjoyed seeing the positive side. I wish we could have discussed the book more.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Joe just wants to be himself. But boys at school constantly tease him about his demeanor and attitude. However, his friends support his every move. He learns that he must be true to himself, and that he can lean on his loved ones for support. He loves who he loves, and will not apologize for who he is. His strength and resilience will prove to be inspirational to more people than he could have even imagined.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    I loved how this book discussed both the positive and negative sides of coming out. I feel as if many books only talk about struggle and negativity when it comes to homosexuality, and I think that there are many positives to coming out. Joe is 12 years old and his family is supportive of his coming out. He writes about his trials, tribulations, and life events and feelings in his alpha biography. His love interest's family is not as supportive. As Joe writes his alpha biography, he realizes that it is ok and freeing to just be himself. I think that children would love this book, because it is real while being so funny. This book is more about just accepting gays, lesbians, etc.. It is about accepting everyone for who they are.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    This story is about a 12 year old boy named Joe. He is given an assignment to write an alphabiography. While writing the paper, he discusses life problems and life lessons. He writes about things like bullying, him not being a guys guy, family, etc. In the story we find out that Joe is gay. By writing this assignment, it motivates Joe to be himself. He discovers that he is okay with being "Totally Joe". This is a great story to encourage children to accept who they are.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    This book is so funny and so real. It's rare to read a book about the happiness of coming out, when the world right now is full of hate. Read this book, about Joe's life and the things he faces. You will not regret it. Join him and "his gang" for laugh out moments, from watching old movies to going to the dance together. You definitely can relive middle school awkward moments through this. I would recommend this to a middle school classroom. This book can help anyone understand this confusing topic. The author did a fantastic job.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    It's an alphabiography about a young boy named Joe. It is a very funny and interesting book that talks about a young boy who is afraid to come out as being gay. Joe knows that he is different from his classmates and doesn't want to feel this way. Joe's boyfriend Colin doesn't want to come out, so they keep their relationship "in the closet." I feel like this book would be appropriate for a class because it shows that you shouldn't feel ashamed or embarrassed to be the way you want to be. Everybody should accept a person the way they want to be.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    I love how the book is actually one of Joe's English assignments and how he puts little lessons and notes at the end of each chapter. In this book we are introduced to Joe, who is pretty much comfortable in his skin. Joe's family is accepting of his sexuality. In this book Joe starts dating his first boyfriend, Collin. Collin is not comfortable in his own skin at all and his family would freak if they knew he was attracted to boys. Collin breaks it off with Joe because people start wondering and asking about them dating, he was not ready to come out. This was one of my favorite reads this semester, there is no way to read this book and keep a straight face. The author does a fine job including stereotypes and comical description and language in this story. I would recommend this book to grades 5-8 but like we talked about in class, some parents may not approve of this book. The lesson behind the book is acceptance and I like that the author uses a topic such as sexuality to teach that lesson.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    James Howe's novel is a great read for young teenagers. It will show them to understand and accept everyone for who they are. I can relate to this book because I have friends that want to come out but they do not know if everyone will accept them for who they are. I will definitely recommend this book to them and I hope it will help them. Joe is a relate able character because a lot of people feel or had feel the same way Joe has.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Mr. Howe does an amazing job in this story of a boy who tells the story of his life while doing a school assignment. The book is about a homosexual boy who shares details of his life, family and friends through his alpha biography. It is a very innocent book that introduces a difficult topic in an intelligent way. I loved how the story makes the reader feel connected with Joe and at the same time thankful for the supportive family he has. The book can be a bit controversial since homosexuality is not widely accepted in our society. I think it is a great book to read with older students that teaches acceptance, tolerance, and respect for people that have different interests no matter what they are.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    This would be a good for you to recommend students to read on their own. I highly suggest trying to read it as a class. But its a 13 year old boy finally being himself and living with it. Hopefully giving others the same courage to do the same.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    This is a book about a young boy, named Joe, who has been instructed by his teacher, Mr. Daly, to write an alphabiography. Each chapter of the book is part of Joe's alphabiography, and each chapter represents a different letter of the alphabet that relates to Joe's life, for example, F is for family, D is for dating, etc. Throughout the book, the reader learns more and more about Joe's life: his accepting family, his good friend Addie, his brother, the boy he likes, Colin, and much more. Joe is a strong and mature individual, he is truly honest in his alphabiography. I appreciated so much reading a book about a young gay teen that makes the reader feel good while still being sincere, instead of just reading about a huge struggle. I think this book gives hope to LGBT teens, it shows them that it will be okay, it might not be perfect but you will make it through. It was also refreshing to read about a family of a gay teen that was completely supportive, they did not shame or shut Joe out. Although there is still such a huge stigma attached to gay relationships, in particular teens, I hope that in a few years when I become a teacher that this will be something I can share with my students.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    James Howe's novel is one of few that speaks to what it is like to be a gay preteen. It is refreshing, enlightening and very real. Joe has known he was gay for a while and, fortunately , his family is excepting of who he is unconditionally. Joe also has a community of supportive friends who help him stay true to himself and others. Kids will get a kick out of the honest comedy in this book and be able to learn some very important life lessons about how we should treat others and ourselves.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    I think this story was great. It was about being yourself and not letting anyone tell you any different. Joe was a middle school kid and he is gay. Its hard for children in school not to get bullied or made fun of because of their sexual preference. I think this story can teach children to be themselves. I loved Joe in this book because he was himself, he was "Totally Joe." I would use this story for an older class maybe 6th-8th.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    This is a very good story about a young boy dealing with the pressures of being gay. This was the first alphabiography that I have read, and I like how the entire story was from his point of view. This would be a good book to share with students. I would share it with 6th grade and up.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    This is story of Joe, who is trying to accept himself and the fact that he is gay in a world that is not so understanding. It is an Alpha-biography about his life and all the things he is dealing with, acceptance of himself, acceptance from his family and friends, coping with being different. I loved this book. I would use this book for middle-schoolers on up. it is a great story to teach kids how everyone is different in some way, that it is okay to be different, and how bullying is bad. There are so many tools that can be pulled from this book that I think young adolescents need to learn about and understand.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    This story is very unique for several reasons. First, it's written as an alphabiography. So the entire book feels like the journal of Joe, the main character, organized alphabetically. Second, the main character is 13 years old and he is gay. There aren't many books about LGBT kids, so that makes this story very interesting. The story feels very honest and real with lots of humor and emotion mixed into it. It's very different, but very good.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    I LOVED this book! It is about a thirteen year old named Joe, who is gay. When his teacher gives his class a writing assignment to do a alphabiography, Joe is a little cautious at first. After beginning to write his biography, Joe really gets into it and begins to expose "secret" parts of his life, such as his crush Colin who he kisses, but Colin doesn't want anyone to know. He also addresses bullying, family and school support, relationships, and friendships. I love that this book helps to address the subject of tolerance and accepting everyone as they are. I think its a great book for tweens who are coming into that awkward, difficult age in their life where they feel they don't fit in.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Joe tells his life story from A-Z. He is gay and confident. It is important for middle age students to read this because they may be dealing with their sexuality. It would help them to not feel alone.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    I loved the story of Totally Joe. Having a gay uncle, this book hit very close to home with me. I can very easily understand the ridicule that someone who is gay can face on a day to day basis. Being a young boy who already knows that he is homosexual can be very hard, but with the help of his family and friends, Joe finds the courage to be who he is, despite what others may think.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Such an cute book. Joe is such an enchanting character and you have no other option than to fall in love with him. This book really emphasizes acceptance and family values and taking pride in who you are. Joe is brave and I think this is something wonderful to introduce to grade students.

Book preview

Totally Joe - James Howe

OCTOBER

A is for

ADDIE

IT MIGHT SEEM FUNNY TO start an autobiography by writing about somebody else, but there’s a simple reason: Addie is one of my first memories.

I was four years old when I moved to Paintbrush Falls, right next door to this tall, skinny girl named Addie Carle. I found out later her real name was Addison. I made that number six on the Weird Things About Our Neighbors list I had going in my head. I remember the list:

These people don’t eat meat. Not even hot dogs. They eat something called Tofu Pups instead. (Gross.)

The mother doesn’t shave her armpits. (Gross.)

The father likes to be called by his first name. (Graham.)

The girl (Addie) is my age and knows how to read. Or says she does.

Addie thinks my favorite movie star has a stupid name and that there must be something wrong with her.

Addie’s real name is Addison, which is a lot stupider than Cher, and I think there must be something wrong with her.

In case you’re wondering, I had never seen Cher in a movie. I was only four. But I had seen her on an infomercial once, and, I don’t know, it’s like we instantly bonded. This is something that Addie, to this day, does not get. I love Addie—as a friend—but she can be so dense. Honestly.

So here’s what I remember: this tall, skinny girl picking her nose while eating a peanut butter sandwich. It’s not pretty, but I can’t help what my first memories are, can I? And think about it: Wouldn’t that make an impression on you?

She was sitting on her front-porch steps. I walked over and stared at her picking her nose and eating her sandwich. Finally she said, I thought you were supposed to be a boy. Why are you wearing a dress? I told her that that was for me to know and her to find out. She said, Oh, I will. Then she offered me a bite of her sandwich, but because of the booger factor, I politely said no. I think we went up to her room after that and played with her Legos.

Oh, I just remembered something else weird. It might have been #4 ½ on my list. Addie did not have any Barbies. I mean, what kind of girl doesn’t have any Barbies? I was only four and not even a girl, and I had seven Barbies, at least.

The no-Barbies thing made me feel sorry for Addie for a while, but then I started to think that even without Barbies she was the luckiest person in the world. Why? Because she’s an only child! I couldn’t believe it when I found out. I was, like, You’re soooo lucky! And she was, like, Nuh-uh, you’re luckier. You have a big brother. Please. She had no idea what it was like having a brother who was totally different from you. I mean, Jeff is nice and all, but he’s this total guy-guy who’s all yo and dude and grabbing at his crotch and belching. (I don’t mean to be crude, but, honestly, that’s how it is.) Of course, when we were younger, Jeff wasn’t like that so much. But, still, he was always into sports big-time, while me, all I have to do is see a ball and I get a nosebleed.

It’s funny. Even though we’re so different—and whatever the opposite of guy-guy is, that’s what I am—Jeff has never made fun of me. Even when I was going through my Easy-Bake oven stage (which lasted from my sixth birthday until the unfortunate incident with the lasagna when I was seven), he’d come home all sweaty from playing football or something and find me in an apron making cookies, and he wouldn’t say anything nasty like, Nice apron, Martha Stewart. The worst he’d do was grab a cookie and belch. Even when he was with his friends, he pretty much left me alone. (Except for grabbing cookies.)

The point is, once we moved to Paintbrush Falls, Jeff and I never played together, which was okay with me because I had Addie next door to play with, and right off the bat Addie introduced me to her best friend, Bobby Goodspeed.

Addie is really smart, as everybody at Paintbrush Falls Middle School knows. (I mean, it’s hard not to know, when she’s in your face about it 24/7.) But her being smart can be a good thing. Like when we first met, after she asked me about the dress and after I asked her to come over to my house to play Barbies and she said, "You have Barbies?" she pretty much had me figured out and stopped asking questions. I think it helped that she loved playing Barbies. Her parents were so anti-Barbie they probably would have sent her off to boarding school if they’d ever found out what was going on next door. Needless to say, she never told them. (I seem to recall that Addie liked Teacher Barbie best, which if you know Addie, will totally not be a surprise.)

Still, over the years Addie’s smarts have gotten her into all kinds of trouble. Like what’s going on right now, with her refusing to say the Pledge of Allegiance because she says we don’t have liberty and justice for all in this country and she doesn’t like making empty pledges. I’m not sure how I feel about what she’s doing. I mean, I respect her for standing up for what she believes in (and I kind of agree with her about it)—and it’s totally cool that she and Bobby have gotten everybody in school talking about name-calling—but, I don’t know, I’ve got to be honest: Sometimes I wish she’d just shut up and sit down.

She would so kill me if she knew I felt that way.

So why do I feel that way? I guess it’s because when you’re a boy like me, you kind of get noticed all the time. You don’t need to have a friend who is always opening her big mouth and bringing even more attention your way. At the same time, Addie has always stood up for me. She’s never been afraid to tell Kevin Hennessey off when he’s called me names or tripped me or yanked my hair. I never thought about it before, but it was probably because of Addie that I learned how to tell Kevin Hennessey off myself. (Not that I always do. But at least I know the words I would say if I had the nerve to say them.)

LIFE LESSON: Standing up for other people can help them learn to stand up for themselves.I

I

. Mr. Daly: I was going to say, Don’t pick your nose and eat a peanut-butter sandwich at the same time, but I have a feeling this is more what you had in mind. Am I right?

B is for

BOY

TODAY IN GYM KEVIN HENNESSEY called me a girl. I reminded him that we’re trying to stop name-calling in our school, and he said, I’m not calling you a name, faggot, I’m calling you a girl, which you are. I didn’t even bother to point out that faggot is a name. What is the point? Kevin Hennessey has an IQ smaller than his neck size. Actually, he has a head smaller than his neck size. I’m so not kidding.

Well, I’m used to being called a girl, but, excuse me, is that supposed to be an insult? What’s wrong with girls? Some of my best friends are girls! But I know what Kevin H. and all the other (um, no name-calling, so you’ll have to use your imagination here)________s mean when they say it. They mean I’m not a boy.

Okay, fine, I’m not a boy like them, but I’m still a boy. The thing is, boys—by which I mean guy-guys like my brother, Jeff—have always been a total mystery to me. I mean, how do they know how to do all that stuff, like throw and catch and grease car engines? Besides the fact that I don’t have a clue how to do any of those things, on a scale of 1-10 I have, like, below zero interest. Way below. Try negative a thousand.

But when you’re a boy, people just expect you to:

Make fart noises under your armpit and think it’s hilarious.

Make real farts and go, Good one!

Spit.

Relate to other boys by punching and shoving and calling them jerk and butthead and other names I’d better not put down if I want a good grade. (Guy-guy Fact: Calling somebody butthead—or worse—is considered even more brilliantly hilarious than making armpit noises.)

Relate to girls by teasing or ignoring them. (Except when you’re with other boys, and then you brag about all the things you’ve done with girls, even if you’ve never really done any of them and would probably pass out if you actually had the chance to kiss a girl.)

Wave your hand around in class all the time until the teacher finally calls on you and then say, I forgot.

Laugh at the other boys who wave their hands around in class all the time until the teacher finally calls on them and they say, I forgot.

Be an expert on

video games

cars

sports

fixing things

acting tough

Act tough.

Use the word faggot at least twenty times a day.

If they didn’t spend so much time trying to make my life miserable (at least fifteen out of every twenty faggots are guaranteed to be directed at boys like me), I’d actually feel sorry for guy-guys. I mean, they must get so tired of having to spit and fart and act tough all the time.

Okay, here’s the part that’s hard for me to admit: As much as I don’t understand guy-guys—and sometimes actually feel sorry for them—I went through a period in my life when I wanted to be one. I kept thinking there was something wrong with me for not knowing how to, I don’t know, be a boy. It’s just so natural for Jeff to want to play football and know how to do it and enjoy watching it on TV. Sometimes Jeff and his friends are talking about some game, and it’s like they are speaking a foreign language. C’est vrai! (Culture Note: That means It’s true! in French.)

The worst is on Thanksgiving, when we have all these relatives over and the guy-guys are down in the basement watching the Super Bowl or whatever it is that’s on TV on Thanksgiving (and what a football game has to do with Pilgrims and Native Americans is beyond me) (unless maybe at the first Thanksgiving the turkey got overcooked and the Pilgrims tossed it to the Native Americans and that’s how football was invented) (just a guess), and I’m in the kitchen with my mom and Aunt Pam and all the other female members of the family, and I keep thinking I should be down in the basement watching the game, but I don’t want to because I would shrivel up and die from boredom, and, anyway, I don’t speak the language. I do, however, speak kitchen fluently.

Luckily, I have two best friends—Bobby Goodspeed and Skeezie Tookis—who are guys but not guy-guys.

I also have Colin (see C).

Bobby and Skeezie have been my friends for years. Still, even with them as best friends (along with Addie), it hasn’t

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