Flying Solo Again: Divorcing, Separating or Breaking up? How to Rebuild and Move on Positively

By Catherine L. Tapponnier

Flying Solo Again, is an inspiring and uplifting step-by-step guide, packed with practical tools to support you to move on positively after divorce, separation or a break up. In this book, you are supported to move on happily, healthily and healed from any hurt and pain of your past relationship. You are guided along your journey and shown how to look forward and have faith in your dreams. You will be inspired to believe in yourself and your heart’s desires. Included, are stories about the author's own experience. There are also stories of four other women who have moved on after the end of their long-term relationships. As well as information, insights and inspiration, there are 20 projects to work through. They will support and encourage you to move on positively.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Mar 13, 2014
• ISBN: 9781483520001

Book preview

life.

Introduction

I have written this book for women who are at the end of, or have recently come out of, a long-term relationship. It’s for you if you are single for the first time in several years. It’s for you if you would like some support to move on with your life. It could be that you are recently divorced. It could be that you are separated from your husband and not yet divorced. It could be that you never married but lived with your partner as husband and wife.

I separated from my ex husband in 2008 and we divorced in 2011. I have been where you are today. I used the information and ideas I am sharing with you when my marriage ended. I have successfully moved on with my life and am now happily married to André. I wish you well as you begin this new chapter in your life.

Flying Solo Again is a guide that supports women to move on successfully after the end a long-term relationship. It is founded on the principle that there is only one time you can make a difference to your life and that is the present time. I call the present time, today, the magical present. I am passionate about sharing with you this idea how the present time is truly magical. Each moment of your life, each day of your life, is your opportunity to create the life you desire and deserve. I know you might be feeling sad and alone, or maybe angry and confused at the moment and that’s ok. The end of a long-term relationship is often a difficult place to be.

I will show you how to create the life you want and to enjoy the steps along the way. I will guide you through a process that will take you from where you are today to create a solid foundation to build on the next chapter of your life. I’m excited that you have this book in your hand. I’m excited about what it can mean for your life.

My guide for reading this book

Read it from beginning to end. Don’t be tempted to read on before you’ve completed the projects in each chapter. I have created a step-by-step guide and it is designed to support you through a process. There’s no specific time frame to work to. I encourage you to go at a pace that feels right for you. There are 20 projects for you to complete as you work through this book, so you may want to treat yourself to a new notebook to write in as you work through them. Let’s get started!

Chapter One

One day at a time

Maybe this is the first time you have been single for a number of years. You may be feeling fearful of what the future holds. Know that that’s ok. I had been with my ex husband for 16 years when we separated in 2008. In the weeks and months after we separated there were lots of times I remember feeling overwhelmed by feelings of anxiety about my future. There were moments when my heart would pound and I couldn’t think clearly. All I wanted to do was to be rescued from the situation I was in. It’s important to remember to live your life one day at a time and only focus on what you have to do today. I know it’s easy to let your thoughts turn to the future and for you to worry. I urge you to use the information and ideas I will share with you within this book to start to build the next part of your life, day-by-day and step-by-step.

If you are willing to trust yourself, and if you answer the questions that I pose to you and also complete the projects in this book, I hope you will begin to experience what I mean when I talk about the present time being magical. This could be the first book you have read that suggests you have the power to create the life you want. It might be the hundredth book you have devoured that promises to show you how to achieve what you desire. My promise to you, whether you already have an understanding of what living in the present means, or whether you are hearing about this for the first time, is that you have the power to create the life you want. This book is a tool that can support you to move on successfully after the end of your relationship. It will support you to lay the foundations on which you can build your future.

There may be times when you’ll want to quit and times when you’ll want to be rescued. To inspire, support and encourage you to keep going at those times, I have included stories of times in my life when I stepped into the power of the moment and took action in my life. Each story is here to inspire, support and encourage you to believe in yourself. Each story is here to show you that you can trust in the present. Each story will encourage you to ‘go for it’ and reach for your dreams. I’ve also included stories of other women who have successfully moved on after the end of a long-term relationship. I hope that they too will be a source of inspiration and encouragement to you. You will read that it wasn’t always easy for those women and, at the same time, it was an opportunity for growth and fulfilment in their lives.

You deserve to live your heart’s desires. Living one day at a time and doing all you can each day in the direction of your dreams is everything, and all, you ever need to do to realise them. It’s also important that, while you look for ways to move forward, you remember to give yourself the time you need to adjust to your new situation. I encourage you to make decisions about your future only when you are ready.

In chapter two, I will tell you about the end of my relationship with my ex husband. For now, I would like to tell you about a time early in my life when I felt afraid and uncertain and how I successfully moved on. I learned to live one day at a time and to appreciate the benefits of living in this way. The only time you ever have is today. Your past is gone and cannot be changed. Your future has not yet happened. By acting today in ways that support your dreams, I believe you are certain to create them.

At the end of my first year at university I was riding high and enjoying life. I likened life to a huge sweet shop, full of goodies to be enjoyed. I hadn’t experienced many difficulties in my life. At the age of twenty, though, I discovered that life is sometimes painful. I caused myself pain and, out of that experience, I learned what it means to live one day at a time. I learned to notice and appreciate the simple things in life - a day out shopping, a trip to the hairdressers or a family meal.

It’s through noticing, enjoying and appreciating the wonder of all the details in your life that you will be fulfilled. It is by living one day at a time, one moment at a time, and valuing each day that you will enjoy your life. By doing this and, at the same time, taking actions every day towards your dreams, you will surely create the life you want. If you do your best every day then there is nothing more for you to do. It follows that you will feel at peace. I encourage you to give all that you can to each day and therefore, at the end of every day, you will satisfied and complete.

I decided to mark the end of my first year at university with some celebratory drinks in the campus bar. Later in the evening a few friends and I decided to bake a chocolate cake with the added ingredient of marijuana. Baking the cake, I had no thought for the possible consequences of eating it.

When I ate some I experienced feelings of fear that I still find difficult to explain. That night I was more frightened than I knew it was possible to be. I was convinced that I was dying and I was very afraid of dying.

Over the following few weeks I couldn’t let go of the thought that I had hurt myself. I thought I had done something to myself that I didn’t know how to forgive myself for. I became more and more anxious and I was afraid to go to sleep. I thought I might die in my sleep. The fear, compounded by tiredness, became my life and it was all I could think about. I became seriously ill and was admitted to a psychiatric ward. I spent almost two months in hospital being treated for a psychosis.

When I arrived on the ward, the first thing that struck me was how ill everyone seemed. I remember thinking that I really shouldn’t be there because everyone was so poorly. I remember sitting at one of the dining tables and filling out a menu card to choose what I wanted to eat the following day. I ticked a random list of foods and probably ended up with the oddest of meals the next day. I was confused and afraid.

I didn’t want to be in hospital. One morning I was having breakfast and I told my dining companion that I wanted to leave. He suggested that I could go and that’s what I did. I left the table, strode to my room, put on my coat and boots and marched down one of the corridors. I came to a locked door and, in my determination to leave, I put my fist through the fire alarm box and, well…. created mayhem as I triggered the fire alarm.

I can laugh now at the absurd things I did. I know I was poorly and I also know that I was determined to get out of hospital as soon as I could. I remember talking with a psychiatrist, a psychologist and an occupational therapist. I remember painting and going to a relaxation class. I remember playing cards. I remember feeling frustrated when I knew most of my friends were back at university and I was in hospital.

Sooner than the doctors expected, I responded to the medication they prescribed. My mind calmed and, even though I was weak, I knew I was safe. My next thoughts were about my future. I started to consider how I had been living my life and how I wanted to live it from then on. The experience had taught me that all my actions have