Space Tripping with the Shredded Orphans

By Sonya Rhen

When the Verity Aquinas crash lands on the way to a concert, the Shredded Orphans seismic rock band finds themselves stranded in the middle of the desert. Lix and the rest of the band must find their way back to civilization.

The Shredded Orphans are slaves to their job - literally. The galaxy is run by the corporate class and at its head is the Galactic Media Corporation. By night the band plays concerts, by day Lix and the group are on a secret mission to save the universe, one slave at a time.

Travel with the Shredded Orphans as they encounter ex-advertising slaves, unknown fauna and over-exposure to the sun on this “road” trip of galactic proportions.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Sonya Rhen
• Release date: May 2, 2014
• ISBN: 9781310162336

Sonya Rhen

Sonya Rhen is a writer of science fiction, adventure, comedy, mystery and poetry. When she is not writing or hanging out with her family, you might find her dancing.

Book preview

Chapter One

We Are Not Lost

Justice leaned forward to inspect the fuel indicator again. It was reading practically empty. He checked the life form reading for the planet ahead. The readings showed a single densely populated area, the rest of the planet showed only sporadic areas with signs of life, certainly nothing big enough to be a city.

He couldn’t understand what had happened to the navigation charts. He was also having trouble establishing communications with the planet’s Resource Obscurantism Department. Normally the ROD closely monitored all incoming and outgoing vessels from the planet.

His mind was racing to figure out why everything was going wrong. He knew this ship almost better than himself. The Verity Aquinas was his baby, the best he had ever piloted. He was sure that he would make the landing no problem, but everyone else on board seemed to be doubting his abilities. What did they know about navigation?

I think we should land in a few minutes, he said trying to appease the grumbling bodies behind him.

Oh yeah, Dude? came Mac’s retort. Well, I think we’re to Gehenna and gone from Gobi-Mal 5 and we’re almost out of fuel.

Cut it out, Mac, Lix said.

Justice gritted his teeth, but didn’t reply. They were almost out of fuel because of another one of Ophelia’s projects. He shuddered involuntarily.

This is serious, Lix, Mac continued, Justice somehow managed to delete the navigation charts for this sector, so even if this is the right planet, we don’t have a clue where to land.

"We had to stop at Rumi-13. Tell JP you want out if you don’t like what we're trying to do, Justice grumbled, but you’ll have to learn to keep your mouth shut."

Justice did everything for the band. Mostly, he blended into the background, but he didn’t like being second guessed on his navigation skills. He had no clue what happened to the navigation charts, but if they didn’t trust him by now, he didn’t like to think about those consequences. He also didn’t like to think about their recent run to Rumi-13. There had been a lot of blood this time. He pushed that from his thoughts.

So, where are we? Mac asked.

Justice was running on sweat and grit. I’ll figure out what went wrong once we land. This is Gobi-Mal 5, 5th planet out from the Gobi star. I can see it as clear as the nose on your face. Besides, I’ve already located the city. There are a thousand life forms dead ahead. We’ll be there before you know it.

Okay, Lix’s voice broke in calmly. Justice, just get us there. I don’t want to be late for this gig. We all know what we’re trying to do and I think I speak for everyone, when I say we are all in this together.

Justice turned and took in Lix’s cool demeanor. He sat in the navigation bay chair behind Justice. His feet were propped on an empty chair next to him. His foot tall pink mohawk was nearly touching the wall behind him as he reclined.

Justice felt relieved that at least Lix had faith in him. If it came down to it, Lix was the one that mattered the most. Lix was their leader, but they were all in this together. Although, after the last few days he was beginning to think he was in it more than some of the rest.

The planet loomed before them and the grumbling subsided. Anticipation of an upcoming concert always brought out a high degree of agitation amongst the band members. It was pre-pre-show jitters and it usually wasn’t pretty.

Ophelia entered the navigation bay and Justice could sense her presence even before she pushed Lix’s feet off the chair to stand beside Justice and peer out the viewport. He felt the room get a few degrees warmer.

Hold onto your compression shorts, Justice announced. We’re gonna land this puppy.

Ophelia gave him a sharp look, while jutting out her small, but still feminine, chest just enough to remind Justice that she would not be wearing or in need of compression shorts ever. The gesture normally would have made Justice smile, but he was too concerned over maneuvering the ship.

Lix was never too busy to let any gesture from Ophelia go unnoticed and he let out a low growl of lust. Lix eyed Ophelia from the top of her wavy copper hair down to her t-shirt clad chest. She stared past him and nonchalantly ground the heel of her boot into his foot. Lix yowled. That made Justice smile.

The ship bumped as it entered the planet’s atmosphere. The Verity Aquinas lurched forward as it bumped across sand and rocks, sending everyone jolting forward. Then the ship jerked violently to a stop.

Justice slammed into the back of his seat. Mac smacked his head on the doorway. A muffled yelp and groan came from the back of the ship and Ophelia landed squarely on Lix’s lap with an oomph.

Justice eyed Lix whispering something in Ophelia’s ear. Then he grinned again when she slugged Lix in the arm.

You space worm, she said as she pushed herself roughly off his lap.

I told you we’d be here in plenty of time, Justice announced sounding completely confident, even if he wasn’t entirely sure. The scenery out the viewport didn’t look promising.

Dude, where is here? Mac asked, I don’t see anything around here but desert, rocks and a few cactus. We are totally lost, man.

Lix became serious and said, Open the hatch, Justice.

Justice flipped the switch on the control panel. The hatch opened at the side of the ship. A wave of heat blasted them and Lix stepped out into it. Justice had a bad feeling. He watched Lix walk the perimeter of the ship. When he returned to the hatch he looked grim.

Where are all the people, Justice? Lix asked, gesturing a wide arc at the horizon with his arm. "Where are all the buildings? You know, the city, Gobi-Mal 5, where we’re supposed to be playing tonight?"

I don’t understand it, Justice said, bewildered. There should be a very dense population here. The ship’s readout said so.

The heat from the planet should have warmed him, but he felt a cold dread in the pit of his stomach. He was already feeling depressed from their last little detour and now everything seemed to be going wrong. Justice could feel the finger of blame poking him in the gut.

Chitto emerged from the ship and cast a quick glance at the surroundings. He held up a green hand to shade his pale grey eyes as he scanned the horizon. Chitto’s long mauve robes flowed around his body as he stood intently searching. His gaze stopped at a point 200 yards off to his right.

There’s your dense population, Chitto said, pointing to the spot. Everyone turned and squinted.

I don’t see anything, Lix said.

Wait, I saw something, Ophelia exclaimed, pointing excitedly to a spot 10 yards in front of her, just over there!

Justice saw it, too. There was movement across the desert floor. He watched as Mac crept up to a nearby boulder and lay flat on the ground. His right hand hovered close to the ground near the base of the boulder.

He lay perfectly still for several minutes. Then his hand shot out and snatched something from the ground. He walked back carrying something small and fuzzy. He presented the ball of fuzz to Justice.

Hello, Mayor, he said to the fuzz ball. We’ve come to sing you a few songs…

Then he broke into a chorus of their latest hit.

You take me by surprise

I smack you in the eyes

Do you think it’s wise

To tell me all those lies

Baby, I’m a weapon of your destruction

Don’t try to fool me with your false seduction…

Very funny. Justice grabbed the ball of fuzz and inspected it.

It’s a chomestru! Ophelia cried.

Justice felt a sharp pain on his thumb. Ouch, he screamed, throwing up his arm and flinging the small creature. It bit me!

Ophelia lunged forward and caught the chomestru before it hit the ground, cushioning some of the fall. She cradled it in her arms and began to pet the ball of fuzz talking to it in a soothing voice.

Hey, you almost hurt him, Ophelia cooed. I think I’ll keep him.

Let me see him, Chitto said, following her inside.

Justice wondered where she would keep it. She’d probably use one of the cages they used to trap space rats. He didn’t think the chomestru was a big improvement. He inspected the bite on his thumb. He hoped he didn’t get an infection or some disease. Ophelia wouldn’t think her pet was so cute if his thumb fell off.

It’s great that you managed to find a large population of chomestrus, but now do you think you can manage to find the city? Lix asked Justice.

I’m sorry guys. I just don’t understand it. The city should be here, Justice said. He sucked on the blood from his injured thumb as he gave some thought to their location. So if this isn’t the city, then there were signs of water quite a way northeast of here. The city’s got to be that way, but I didn’t see any significant life signs from that area.

Okay, well let’s go that way, Lix said heading back into the ship.

One problem, Justice said, we’re out of fuel.

Lix stopped in his tracks, turned slowly and looked at Justice. What do you mean were out of fuel?

That’s why the landing was so jerky, Justice replied. Well, that and all the rocks and sand.

Great, Lix exclaimed. Well, let’s take the speeder out there, find Gobi-Mal 5’s city, get some fuel and get moving.

This time Mac looked sheepish. Hey, about the speeder, he cleared his throat nervously, um, maybe you could take a look at it, Justice. I seem to have hit a rock or something last night. It’s not working so hot.

What do you mean it’s not working so hot? Justice queried suspiciously.

Well, like, not at all, Mac said.

Chapter Two

I Hate It When We Have To Walk

Lix stared at Justice’s feet sticking out from underneath the speeder. He had faith that Justice could fix any kind of machine in the known galaxy, probably even the ones in the unknown parts, too. However, when Justice’s curly black head rolled out from under the speeder, Lix got a very bad feeling. His green eyes held the look of grim defeat.

I can’t fix this, Justice stated, wiping his grease covered hands on a rag. There’s a hole the size of your head in the pump. I’ll need to order a new one. What’d you run into? A 20 foot can opener?

Sorry man, Mac said, "Bella Dee wanted to go someplace private before I left Sanchova and so we went off to the beach. Maybe I hit a rock. Or else it was that light pole on the way back. I don’t remember so well. It ran fine ‘til we got back to the Verity Aquinas and then it made some weird clunking noise. I was gonna tell ya, but I forgot."

So now what do we do? Lix was trying to keep his cool. Can’t we just contact someone to come and get us?

See, the problem with that is I’ve already tried and I can’t seem to reach anyone on the communicator. I’ve tried all the frequencies. They’re either blocking transmissions or there’s something wrong with the communicator, Justice said.

That’s because we’re lost, Mac muttered quietly.

Lix tried to give Mac a look, but Mac’s head was down and his long blonde hair covered his eyes. Lix was just glad that Justice hadn’t heard the remark.

Chitto spoke calmly, What do we do now?

Lix thought about all the options, but could really come up with only one solution. I guess we walk.

Fine, let’s go, Ophelia said.

Lix looked at her retreating figure. That really wasn’t what he had in mind at all. I was thinking you would stay here with the ship. We’ll come get you when we reach the city. There’s no need for all of us to go.

Ophelia didn’t respond or turn around. Lix was glad she was taking it so well.

Lix dug through his closet. Where was that stupid sun visor? He had already packed food, water, a bedroll, credit cards, his Stupendous Glue and some extra clothes.

Have you seen my sun visor? he asked Mac.

Mac didn’t look up from where he was packing his own bag. Oh yeah, dude. I borrowed them last week. I think I put them in my closet.

Lix frowned, but decided that now was not the time to lecture roommates about borrowing things. They had more important issues to worry about. He went to Mac’s closet and found his sun visor. He returned to his own closet and took a quick peek to make sure Mac was still busy packing. He shoved the clothes aside and grabbed a screwdriver.

Justice had made several modifications to the ship. Lix used the screwdriver and turned a fake screw a quarter turn to the right. A panel slid open to reveal a small compartment. Lix only kept three things in there.

He ignored the first two items and grabbed the blaster. Justice had a few more hidden in another part of the ship. Slaves weren’t allowed to own blasters, but they managed to acquire some on Omicron-17 several years back. They hadn’t had to use them yet, but you never could tell what you would run into on a strange planet.

Ophelia had clipped a small cage to the top of her pack where the chomestru, now called Triton, resided. She was covering the cage with a small kenaf handkerchief when Lix entered the loading bay area. He looked at Chitto and Mac questioningly. They both shrugged.

I guess you didn’t hear me back there, Lix said walking up to Ophelia. You can stay here with Chitto. We’ll be back to get you when we reach the city.

Chitto looked up. His pale green face showed neither surprise nor anger. Lix knew Chitto would go with whatever he decided. Ophelia could learn a thing or two from Chitto.

I heard you, Ophelia said, but I was pretty sure you weren’t talking to me.

Lix turned to Justice.

I’m not going to tell Ophelia she can’t go, Justice said.

If Ophelia goes, I might as well go, Chitto added.

Lix sighed. Fine, but I don’t want to hear any complaining.

They wasted no time in heading directly northeast where Justice had indicated. Ophelia trudged ahead taking the lead.

Lix watched her walk away. The rounded curve of her hips swayed seductively with each step. Her green baggy pants were unable to hide her feminine shape no matter how hard she tried. He couldn’t help himself. He began to sing, Ophelia, I wanna…

Ophelia spun around whipping the blaster out of her holster. She aimed right between his eyes and squinted, cutting off his impromptu verse. He saw her hesitate just long enough to give him the evil eye. Then just as quickly she lowered the blaster to the left and slightly down.

She fired and turned back around in the same instant and continued walking. Lix barely felt the button fly off the Epaulette on his left shoulder. He glanced down, was impressed and shaken at the same time. He wondered when she had taken the time to practice.

I just saved your life, Ophelia told him, not even turning around. You sing that song again and you’ll lose something more vital.

WheeeOwww, Mac whistled. She showed you!

The rest of the band followed. They kept pace with her lead, but stayed farther back. Lix was sure it was partly from fear.

They walked in silence. The heat was beating down on them and Lix wiped sweat from his forehead.

ENOUGH! Mac yelled ten minutes later. He threw down his pack, ripped the sheet off his bedroll, and tied it over his sweat-drenched head.

Chitto did the same.

Mac and Ophelia were busy with their head coverings as Lix took the sheet off his roll. His hand reached up and patted his mohawk. This was not going to be his best look. He flung the sheet up in the air and ducked his head under it. He tied the ends under his chin. He felt like he was standing in a very small tent.

Don’t anyone turn around, Lix warned. He should have known better as all eyes turned back to look at him.

Why doesn’t anyone listen to me? Lix asked as Ophelia burst out in hysterical laughter.

Dude, I’m so glad no one else can see you now, Mac said, it would kill all our Image Points.

Ophelia made sure that Triton was well covered, they set off again. Lix held back to avoid more jokes from the rest of the band. He was getting tired and he could tell Ophelia was too by her determination to keep the lead as they walked around boulders and through the sand.

Can I just say, I think this might be a good opportunity for us to talk about some band issues, while we have this time together, Justice said, breaking the silence.

NO! Lix and Ophelia cried in unison.

You have no rights here, Mr. Bad Navigator, Lix reminded him. He almost regretted his outburst as Justice seemed about to make another comment. He lessened the blow by pointing his finger at Mac. You, also, say nothing.

While silent reflection is good for the soul, I think that Justice has a point, Chitto offered, looking meaningfully at Justice. We have a long way to walk and there are a few things that we really should be trying to figure out.

Like? Lix prompted.

Like, your mission to free the galaxy of slaves, or at least those with rotten owners. While this is a noble idea, we are only doing this on a very small scale. Despite the several successes that we have had so far, I think we need to have more of a plan, Chitto said.

We have a plan, Lix replied thinking of all the people that they had helped. We see something bad and we fix it. It’s a great plan. Nice and simple.

Sure it’s great, Chitto continued, but don’t you think that at some point, JP or someone even higher up is going to start connecting the dots. They are going to figure out that every time we play a concert somewhere, some slave falls off the grid. The Intergalactic Military Police slave retrieval squad aren’t that stupid.

I think they might be, Lix joked, but no one else laughed. Okay, what do you propose to do about it. Do you want to give up?

He glanced around to gage their feelings. He saw no dissent on their faces. He couldn’t see Justice’s face, but he was sure he knew how Justice felt.

Look, you guys are all a bunch of idiots as far as I’m concerned, Ophelia started. She cut off any replies with a hard stare and a raised eyebrow. "However, your music inspires me and I believe that you’re doing the right thing. That’s why I haven’t asked JP to put me in another band. As long as you continue to do

Reviews for Space Tripping with the Shredded Orphans

[bkshs · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

From the cover, Space-Tripping might appear to be a graphic novel, and a humorous one at that. There’s nothing wrong with graphic novels, but this isn’t one. It is humorous, in a way that reminds me simultaneously of “This is Spinal Tap” and “Red Dwarf”, but it is indeed a regular text-only novel. Or at least, it’s as regular as a light-hearted dystopian book can be. (Is that a genre yet? If not, let’s make one.)

Space-Tripping’s setting is a nod to the classic sci-fi idea of a universe controlled by galactic corporations, and a wink at Kafka's bureaucracy. The tone of the book is as perky as a seventies-era soft drink commercial, and the writing style is dialogue-driven and upbeat. The contrast between the setting and the style is what makes this book work, I think. There are no hard-hitting expositions to show us how dehumanizing life is there. We get enough to draw our own conclusions, but being depressed or moody about it is not part of the experience.

The protagonists in the story are members of a musical group, which was designed and packaged for maximum profit. Its members are commodities that can be traded or sold at any point by the executives of the corporation that owns them. The group itself, “The Shredded Orphans”, can be disbanded at corporate whim, and its music style and genre, Seismic Rock, switched to something else by similar fiat if the return on investment isn’t high enough.

We are introduced to the band members all at once as the book opens. Their spaceship crash lands some distance away from the city where their concert is scheduled and though they are unharmed, it is a major crisis. A missed show means that their popularity and image points will drop precipitously. The story follows their attempts to be able to perform so that they can stay together, be true to themselves in a setting that makes that difficult, and somehow help others when their futures are uncertain.

The book is never heavy-handed, either in setting or substance. In fact, the protagonists came across almost as stereotypes or cartoon characters in the early chapters. At first, I wondered whether debut writer, Sonya Rhen, had just not yet hit her stride, but as I read along, I began to think that this was deliberate on her part. We may have been seeing the Shredded Orphans members as their world saw them: this one is the charming but sarcastic lead singer and that one is the beautiful but aloof female eye-candy whose job is to entertain with her body kinetics. Another is the token alien in the band to give the group a sense of the exotic and still another is the long-suffering pragmatic that keeps everything working. And of course, there is an undercurrent romantic attraction between two of the members.

The band was as invented as the The Monkees were in the 1960s and Spinal Tap was decades later, but its members have made themselves real, if only to each other. As the book goes on, the character sketches fill in a little, but never too much. We smile or wince at their joking, we follow along as they try to solve their problems, and we get glimpses of brief bursts of kindness and empathy from the occasional faces that come out of a bland monolithic bureaucracy to help them.

My favorite parts of the book were references to the names of stores, malls, and corporations, which were either tongue-in-cheek or out and out acknowledgements of their ultimate motive of profits over people. The “Why Be You?” dress-up bar and clothing store is a nice example. It obviously invites some thought about how closely the Space-Tripping’s economic culture follows our own, but doesn’t spend much time in trying to do our thinking for us. We get only glimpses of how the individuals respond to their cookie-cutter consumer world, where recreational pharmaceuticals and body makeovers are aggressively promoted to pacify everyone at their own expense. Those struggling to make ends meet learn the hard way that more fortunate friends aren’t allowed to share meal card credits with them, but it’s easy enough to do so with their “Drink-Me-To-Your-Liter” credit account or their “Dazed-And-Crazed” pharmaceutical card.

The band members are true to their environment in many ways. They understand and are at home with the notion that everyone should fit in formulas and preference genres. The Shredded Orphans love their seismic rock shtick, complete with earthquake at the end of each performance. The lyrics to their songs are parodies themselves, leaving open whether we’re laughing with them or at them. I suspect it’s with them, but I couldn’t really be sure if there was conscious irony in some of their Spinal Tap-like songs or if they were just as clueless about it. (Sorry for the reference to The Tap again, but those familiar with the movie will understand what I mean).

Even so, the hearts of the band members are in the right places, and despite their occasional sibling-like loyal-but-grumbling interactions with each other, their primary concern is each other as individuals, and with those who have it even rougher than they do. In their universe, that is very seismic and counter-cultural in itself.