Brighter Skies: Your Blueprint for Navigating Elder Care

By Ben Neiburger

You have a moral obligation to care for your parents, spouse and children. To do this well, you need to be informed, plan ahead, and take care of yourself first. The earlier the better.

This simple to understand blueprint lays down 10 Guiding Principles to make the process of Elder Care more bearable and less stressful. Follow these tips and you will spare yourself and your loved ones unnecessary pain in both the long and short terms.

Families should:
• Become informed. Most people haven’t gone through the elder care process before. There are a lot of moving parts in providing elder care, so the more you know about your elder’s health, doctors, treatment options, living situation, and legal and financial life, the better you’ll be able to make the right choices for your loved one.
• Plan ahead. While it’s always nice to plan ahead, it is not always possible if you have your children and parents to look after. However, you have the ability to plan ahead—even for emergencies. You’ll need to decide where your loved one will live both short term and long term, what medical and everyday care they will need in order to be independent, get their legal documents in order so you can speak for them without going to court, and accommodate any special family dynamics you have.
• Take care of yourself first. Elder care requires an incredible amount of work. If you don’t pay attention to yourself, the strain you experience will decrease both your effectiveness and your ability to make wise decisions. In addition, because of this strain, you won’t even know it. If you’re not both physically and mentally healthy, you won’t be able to provide your loved one with the care they deserve.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ben Neiburger
• Release date: Mar 17, 2014
• ISBN: 9781310717383

Ben Neiburger

After graduating from the University of Illinois with a degree in Finance, Ben became a Certified Public Accountant (CPA). He then went on to receive his Juris Doctor degree from IIT Chicago-Kent College of Law. At that same institution he became an Adjunct Professor, where he taught Employee Benefits Law for four years while simultaneously becoming a top regional instructor for the Becker CPA Review course.Previously a senior associate in the Chicago office of Baker & McKenzie, Ben left in 2003 to start his own legal practice. He quickly became a highly respected attorney in Illinois, being named “Super Lawyer” in the Elder Law category for 2007, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012 and 2013.Ben is an active member of the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys (NAELA) and a member of the board of directors for the Illinois Institute of Continuing Legal Education. He has also been admitted to the Bar of the United States Supreme Court, membership in the DuPage County Estate Planning Council, Illinois State Bar Association, and Elmhurst Chamber of Commerce.Ben is a frequent speaker and writer to audiences of professionals in the legal, financial and healthcare fields, as well as families seeking information about planning and longterm health care issues. Because he is one of the few Elder Law attorney’s in Illinois that holds a CPA, he brings a unique perspective and skill set to his law practice.When Ben isn’t practicing law he is busy helping his wife Barbara’s Roller Derby business along with trying to get his pre-teen boys to stop playing video games and texting their friends. Ben is also a couple of years into his late-in-life in-line speed skating career, where despite being on “speed” skates, he can only go as fast as the middle of the pack during his summer marathon race tours.

Book preview

Brighter Skies

Your Blueprint for Navigating Elder Care

Guiding you through the elder care process: Ten Guiding Principles to help you survive the caregiving storm with dignity and sanity, while maintaining your life and career.

By Ben Neiburger

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Smashwords Edition

Copyright © 2014 by Ben Neiburger. All rights reserved.

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Table of Contents

Part 1 — A Love Story

Guiding Principle One – Put no one else before you and your family.

Guiding Principle Two – Let Others Help You.

Guiding Principle Three – Act Only with Legal Authority

Guiding Principle Four – Rest. You are only Human.

Guiding Principle Five – Honor Your Loved One and Preserve Their Independence as Long as Medically Advisable.

Guiding Principle Six – Make a Financial Plan.

Guiding Principle Seven – Respect your Loved One’s End-of-life Wishes.

Guiding Principle Eight – Remember You Can’t Always Control a Progressive Disease or Sudden Illness.

Guiding Principle Nine Remember, a Nursing Home Placement isn’t a Death Sentence for Your Loved One.

Guiding Principle Ten – Try to Mitigate Family Conflict.

Other resources

Endnotes

Part 1 — A Love Story

Let’s start with a love story.

About 10 years ago, a family came to me asking for Medicaid planning advice. Medicaid planning is an estate planning and public benefits planning technique that can reduce long-term health care costs. This technique uses the Medicaid program to pay all or a portion of a person's long-term care benefits, instead of completely exhausting assets.

Mike shuffled in with his son Jason one sunny morning with his head hung low and a look of utter exhaustion and frustration on his face. Jason was holding on to his elbow. As they sat down, I asked Mike what was wrong and he looked at me.

My love, Laura, she hallucinates, he said.

As I drive down the road she claims to see her mother and grandmother on the corner, and I tell her they’re not there. Then she yells at me saying they are, and one minute later, at the next intersection, the same thing happens again. It’s driving me crazy. The doctor says she has Alzheimer’s disease.

Mike slammed his fist on the table in frustration and said, I’m not going to put Laura in a nursing home.

Then, Jason looked at me and shook his head. His father looked down at something on my desk, distracted.

Mike, how’s your heart? I asked.

Oh it’s bad. I’m on medications and I feel so stressed, Mike responded.

Okay, how high is your stress level?

My stress level is terrible. Laura wakes me up three or four times a night. I’m afraid she’s going to wander on the street, so I have to get up and make sure she doesn’t go downstairs. Whenever I hear a noise, I get up to make sure the door is locked so she doesn’t go outside. It’s driving me crazy.

Then you’re not sleeping well? I responded.

No, my sleep is terrible, Mike said.

Mike, are you aware of what caregiver stress is?

He responded, Yes, I have lots of stress.

"Mike, did you know the statistics say the healthy spouse dies before the