Life's Perfect Plan

By Sarah Goodman

Married to her college sweetheart, Elizabeth Thomas has the perfect life, and just about everything is going according to her Life Plan. A senior lawyer at her firm at thirty, living in her dream home, the only thing left to check off the Life Plan list is a baby.
Struggling with infertility, and after several unsuccessful attempts to conceive, Beth’s husband, Grant, just wants life to be normal again. Together, they decide to give it one more try and Beth is sure this time it’s going to work. She’s finally going to have her perfect Life Plan.
But when tragedy strikes, and a new plan is needed, will Beth be able to cope with all the changes the new plan throws at her? Will she be able to overcome her loss and heartache to discover the new plan is really Life’s Perfect Plan?

Sometimes we plan our perfect life, but life tends to give us
Life’s Perfect Plan

• Language: English
• Publisher: Sarah Goodman
• Release date: Jan 23, 2014
• ISBN: 9781311168733

Sarah Goodman

Sarah Goodman is a former newspaper writer who lives with her husband and three children in a town of 280 people and several thousand cows. Despite growing up on a farm, she remains leery of all barnyard fowl. When she's not writing, Sarah enjoys going for runs with her dogs and drinking not-too-sweet-tea. Eventide is her first novel.

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Sarah Goodman

Copyright © 2013 by Sarah Goodman

All right reserved

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

The following story contains strong language, sexual situations, and mature themes and is intended to adult readers.

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Dedication

Chapter 1: One More Time

Chapter 2: De`JA Vu

Chapter 3: Third Time’s a Charm

Chapter 4: Can’t Breathe

Chapter 5: Jacob-Sleeping Beauty

Chapter 6: Pregnant

Chapter 7: Goodbye

Chapter 8: Birthday Surprise

Chapter 9: Jacob- Friend of Mine

Chapter 10: Start of Something Good

Chapter 11: One, Two, Three

Chapter 12: Surfing

Chapter 13: Jacob- Help Me, Dad

Chapter 14: Confused and Scared

Chapter 15: My Sign

Chapter 16: Something is Wrong

Chapter 17: Mommy

Chapter 18: Holding Miracles

Chapter 19: Good News

Chapter 20: Father’s Day

Chapter 21: Running

Chapter 22: Jacob- Falling to Pieces

Chapter 23: Coming Home

Chapter 24: Surprise…Surprise

Epilogue: Fireworks

A letter from Sarah

Acknowledgements

About the Author

To my handsome little men….

This book is dedicated to my three sons. You three are proof that you can’t plan out life. Life gives you the ultimate plan, and boy did it ever for me! My wish for you is to live each day to the fullest and enjoy every moment life hands you. Find the positive in every negative situation. You are my sunshine and I love you to the moon and back.

August

Beth, I don’t think we should do another round. My husband just blurts the words out as I sit at our kitchen table going over work. A sick feeling hits my stomach, and my jaw drops open. Seriously Beth, with the last two failing, it’s a sign.

What is the sign, Grant? I reply, my tone vulgar.

The sign that we are going broke, that we had to sell my car for the last round of treatments. This is not conventional. I am so tired of everything being planned out by dates, time, and temperatures. I am so God damn tired of that plastic cup! This is not what I signed up for! He yells with such anger and frustration. His fists are on his hips and his head is hung low. I don’t need to listen to the rage he is spewing. The defeat and aggravation are written all over his face.

He’s never once implied he didn’t want this. Now all of a sudden he doesn’t think we should. Grant and I have been married for four years. We did all the things married couples do when you are first married; we built our dream home, we traveled all over, including our most recent trip to Hawaii over Labor Day weekend. His father made him a partner in his firm, so now the practice is Thomas and Thomas Law Associates.

For our first anniversary I bought him a Harley-Davidson V-Rod Muscle motorcycle. He loved riding his Ducati sport bike, but it speed capabilities scared me. He graciously accepted the compromise, especially since the Harley came with the promise that I would go on more trips with him. Even though it is the last thing I want to ride on. Those things scare me. I’ve dealt with too many cases involving motorcycles. Grant reassures me he takes all the precautions necessary to ride the thing, but every time he gears up for a ride, my heart momentarily stops from the fear.

Two years ago I approached him and let him know I thought it was time to start a family. My best friend since childhood Kate was pregnant with her first pregnancy. My other best friend Ella and her husband were trying for their second. I wanted on the baby bandwagon with my best friends so I could experience and enjoy this time with them. Unfortunately, I missed the wagon. I couldn’t get pregnant without help outside the bedroom. We tried artificial insemination six times, failing each time. We tried in vitro twice, failing again. Now here we are, two years later, sitting in our kitchen nook discussing the possibility I might never be a mom.

Grant slams the refrigerator door and brings me back to the present. Beth, I want us to go back to how things were before all this madness. I can’t handle how excited you get to just get knocked back down again. The procedures are painful, the medicine makes you become a raging lunatic, and normal sex has gone out the window. I can’t remember the last time we just made love. I am so tired of the planning. Maybe if we let it go, it will happen naturally.

Do you think for one second this is what I signed up for? You think I like taking drugs that make my skin crawl, where I feel I am going to jump out of my body because I have so many hormones going through me? You think I signed up for the painful egg retrievals? Where in your right mind do you think I want this? I wanted to make babies the normal way just like everyone else, but for some reason that isn’t our plan.

I slump in the kitchen chair, resting my head in my hands, and try to taking deep breaths. I look up to watch him pull his hands through his hair. Grant are you serious, you just want to stop? You don’t see a future with a child? I want a baby, Grant. I want to be a mother. It kills me to see pregnant women. It tore my heart out to plan both of my friends’ baby showers when I couldn’t get pregnant. It shredded my dreams when I held their babies. I grieved when Kate had two babies, I couldn’t even get one. Now somewhere between leaving the office and coming home, you have an epiphany that we shouldn’t be parents.

He pulls a kitchen chair around in front of me, pulling my hand into his lap. Sweetheart, I never said we shouldn't be parents. I said we should give IVF a break. I want to be a dad, but maybe this way of doing it isn’t what nature intended for us. Maybe…let’s look into adoption? You know we have handled many cases of families in our shoes. They get their baby, and go on to live a normal life. All I am saying is let’s take a break, at least until the New Year, and look into other options. That’s all.

I yank my hands from his and spring from the chair, the momentum causing it to slam into the bay window behind me. I grab a leftover mug off the table and hurl it across the room, my shattering dreams echoing in the sound of porcelain shattering against the wall. Grant, I want a baby that grows inside of me! Part you and part me. I have done those cases, and it is just as God damn hard as what we are going through now. I don’t want to wait months upon years for a baby that might, or might not, be ours! A baby that can just as easily be taken from us. You and I know the laws. I refuse to go that route. I’m shaking. I have never gotten so angry with Grant in all the years we’ve been together. I don’t understand why this is happening.

I drift to the family room and sit on the cream linen love seat. Grant looks at me from his seat in the kitchen. The pain in his face nearly breaks me, and I grab the throw pillow, squeezing it to my chest. Any second now my chest is going to crack open and my heart is going to fall out. I am so desperate for a baby, and it’s changing our marriage. It’s changing us, not only as a couple, but as individuals.

I’m scared, Grant. I don’t want us to be alone forever. I’m approaching thirty. I know my window for babies is only open for a little while longer. I want us to have children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. I envision us sitting in the formal living room with our children opening Christmas presents. We even built this huge house for a future family. It scares me that it will be just you and me in this house. It scares me even more that you will get bored with just me, and leave me for someone who can give you a child.

Grant walks over and scoops me into his lap. I rest my head on his firm chest and breathe him in. I wrap my arms around him, brushing his long dark-brown hair off his shoulders. I kiss his neck, I tease the sensitive spot on his neck with my tongue. He tastes salty, and a shiver runs over him.

Beth, look at me, sweetheart. I pull back and look into his deep brown eyes. He uses his thumb to wipe away the tears on my cheek. Sweetheart, I’m not going anywhere, whether we have a baby, or not. I will be by your side 'til the day I die. I can’t fathom a life without you. We’ve been together since we were twenty-one, and we will be together until we are one hundred and one.

That’s a long time with me, you sure about that? I snicker.

It’s not long enough, I will need much longer with you.

I wrap myself back into him and grab his face, kissing him with everything I have. Gripping me tightly, he stands and carries me to our room. He lays me in the center of the bed and lies down beside me then grabs hold of my chin with his thumb and forefinger. He stares at me as if he is memorizing every detail of my face. Sweetheart, I love you so damn much. We will have a family, one way or another. Just take a break for a while, for me. Please.

I wrap my arms around his neck and bring him to my lips. We kiss long and hard. He slips his hand under my blouse, feathering his fingers over my stomach and sending shivers through my body. I grip his hair to pull him closer to me; I need us to be even closer. He yanks off my blouse, quickly following with my bra. Grant trails kisses down my neck, along my collarbone, and down my chest to my breast where he sucks and tugs on a nipple. He fondles the other breast pinching and tugging the nipple with his finger and thumb to match the motions of his teeth and tongue. Shocks of electricity shoot straight to my core, causing me to gasp, Grant, please…please make love to me.

Pushing himself up, he sits back on his heels, and licks his lips. He deftly unbuckles my belt and opens my slacks, sliding them off as he shifts farther down the bed. Hooking his thumbs in the waist of my black lace panties, he leisurely pulls them down, leaving me fully exposed. The love and desire in his eyes as he gazes at me sends waves of warmth through me. I love this man more than anything; more than any future children we may or may not have. His coffee-colored eyes locked on mine as he dips his head to me, capturing my lips with his. I get lost in the taste of his mouth, the slide and thrust of his tongue, the sensation of his hands on my body. He reluctantly pulls back and stands to undress for me. The sight of his naked lithe body threatens to undo me and I whimper as he covers me. Desperate to be consumed by him, I plead for more, Please, Grant, I need you now.

He fills me in one hard, yet gentle thrust. I moan into his neck, the intense feeling surreal as it washes over me. In that moment I felt alive, and normal. We made love. The type of love we haven’t made in a long time. The type of love that has brought us back to where we should be.

The next morning we wake up entangled in each other. Good Morning, my sweetness. How did you sleep? Grant asks is his sexy morning voice.

I was thinking about what we talked about.

Beth, can we give it a rest for a few days? We just talked not even ten hours ago about this. He lets out a frustrated breath as he rolls onto his back.

Love, just listen and then I won’t bring it up for a long time. I roll on top of him, ensuring I have his full attention. One more time. All I ask is we give IVF one more chance, and then we will look into other options if it doesn’t work out. Just one more time. And who knows, maybe by the end of the year we will be pregnant?

He cradles my face in his hands, Sweetheart, I would do this over and over, but I worry about you and what the process does to you. Your body and mind go through so much stress. I just want a break from it all. I am all for one more time, as long as you promise we are done for a while. We can practice more on the old fashion way of getting pregnant. He says and waggles his eyebrows at me.

I promise, this is our last time…for a while.

October

It’s Tuesday morning and I’m standing against the kitchen counter waiting for the coffee to brew. I am looking through my phone calendar of my day’s itinerary. I have to go in for blood work. After our talk in August, Grant agreed to one more procedure. I’ve been on Lupron to get my ovulation on track. I have a good feeling about this round. I feel better, and Grant and I couldn’t be happier in our marriage. He even seems happier this round. I hear Grant coming down the hall. He sidles up to me, grabs my waist and pulls me into him for a long and sensual kiss. He tastes of mint toothpaste.

Last night was amazing, sweetheart. Maybe we can have a repeat? He wiggles his eyebrows at me. I push him back so I can look up at him. I’m only 5’4" to his 6 ft.

Not tonight, love, my period has visited. I wouldn’t mind messing around with you, though, I whisper to him as I slowly lick the side of his neck.

We are getting close to the wire, huh? Grant asks as he kisses my forehead.

It’s getting there. Maybe another two weeks and I’ll be having the transfer. Hopefully in a month we will find out we’re finally going to be parents.

Sweetheart, one step at a time here. Let’s get through today and worry about tomorrow when it arrives, Grant says reassuringly, trying to keep me focused on the present and not worry about the future. He pulls his phone from his pocket and stares at the calendar. I watch him pull his top lip in and bite it. The moment his brow furrows I know something is bothering him; this is his thinking face.

What’s wrong? I ask him as I pour creamer in my coffee.

Nothing, I’m just counting out the days and all this will be happening around the time I go to Daytona Beach. I just need to figure out what to do. I don’t want to let you or the guys down.

We live in Central Florida, and every year Grant, his best friend Sean, and a few others go to Daytona for Bike Week and Biketoberfest for the weekend. I don’t see the fuss over a bunch of people riding their bikes around a crowded city, so I’ve never gone with him. It gives him his break and some guy time. With my insecurities, I can’t be around some of those biker babes. Grant has always been my bad boy man. He’s tall, lean, shoulder length dark hair, and dark eyes. He always has a five o’clock shadow, has several tattoos, and lives every day as an adventure. He is equipped for speed, always has to go, and go fast. His need for speed fuels my fears when he is gone; I know what he likes to do, and what he is capable of doing. He might be thirty, but once a bike is between his legs he acts like a stupid eighteen year old.

I bring his cup of coffee to him, and turn the tables on him, You, sir, need to take your own advice. I kiss him on the cheek and move over to the fridge, nonchalantly throwing over my shoulder, Keep your plans for your motorcycle trip, I am sure everything will work out around the transfer, and if you aren’t there, I have Ella or Kate who can take me. I’ve done this before; it’s not that big of a deal.

In two quick strides, Grant crosses the kitchen and spins me to face him, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me close to him. Dammit, Beth it is a big deal. This is our last chance and I want to be there for you. We do this together all the way through. I don’t care about the stupid bike trip. I love you, and this is more important. He leans down and kisses me. He lifts me onto the counter and stands between my legs, wrapping me in lean arms. The kiss intensifies as the power of his hold on me fills my soul. Several minutes pass as we hold each other and make-out like teenagers. He finally pulls away, and his dark eyes bore into mine, Sweetheart, I love you. Just because I don’t have a more physical role in this baby making process doesn’t mean I don’t think it’s a big deal. It’s a huge deal; we are making a baby. Our lives will be forever changed. I’m by your side through all of it. He nips my lips then lifts me off the counter.

You’re right, we’re in this together. I grab my things and head for the door, teasing him as I go, Now, let’s get to work before the boss kicks my ass!

There is a lot more I would like to do with that ass than kick it, sweetheart! Grant retorts.

When our insurances changed last year, my best friend Ella referred me to Dr. Alexander. Ella is an OB/GYN nurse in his office, as such she knows he has great contacts with doctors specializing in infertility treatments. Dr. Alexander subsequently referred us to Dr. Wilson, who is a wonderful older gentleman. He has been doing this for decades with a lot of success; eighty-five percent of his patients become pregnant. I really don’t want to be part of the other fifteen percent. I keep praying this third time is the one.

I put in a few hours at work before I head to the doctor’s office. A nurse draws my blood does an ultrasound to make sure everything is on track. Now I wait to hear back from the doctor for the next step with the drugs. After my appointment, I return to my office to see a huge, beautiful bouquet of pink roses, blue hydrangeas, and baby’s breath. There is a card leaning against the crystal vase. I recognize Grant’s handwriting, and quickly open the card.

That man is the sweetest and most caring man ever.

Friday morning, my desk phone rings, and with it ends the torturous waiting, This is Elizabeth, how may I help you?

Hi, Elizabeth, this is Lucy from Dr. Wilson’s office. Everything came back great from the tests, and Dr. Wilson wants to start you on Clomid. Can you come in this afternoon?

Yes, Lucy, I will be there this afternoon. Lucy confirms the time before I hang up and walk to Grant’s office. His door is open, meaning it’s okay for me to enter, but he is busy typing away on his computer.

Working with Grant has been the best decision I could have ever made. I really enjoy being near him all the time. I couldn’t imagine working eight to ten hours away from him. Unless one of us is in court, I have the leisure to go and see him whenever I want.

I tap on the door as I enter and he looks up at me with his puppy dog eyes and the best smile. Hey good looking, what’s up?

He scoots away from his desk as I walk around his desk. When I reach him, he pulls me into his lap and gives me a kiss. I just got a call from Dr. Wilson’s office. All my tests came back and everything is good. I go in this afternoon to get my Clomid shots. My voice falters at the end; I’m suddenly terrified it’s going to be like all the other times.

Are you okay with all of this? his concern evident in his face.

"It’s just a Déjà Vu moment. We’ve been here and done this; and I’m scared we will fail again. We can’t fail again."

He brushes away the tears slowly falling down my face with his thumbs, "Sweetheart, we have talked about this a thousand times. Just because we have done this song and dance before, doesn’t