When I Break

By Kendall Ryan

What happens when a sex addict falls for a virgin?

Fighting to fill the emptiness inside himself, Knox Bauer seeks solace in unfamiliar beds with unfamiliar women. As guardian to his three younger brothers, this can't go on … they look up to him in every way and all he’s done lately is prove how messed up he really is. Needing a change, he attends a local Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting, where he meets the alluring McKenna.

From New York Times and USA Today bestselling author, Kendall Ryan, comes book 1 in a sexy new series about a sex addict who falls for his addiction counselor.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Kendall Ryan
• Release date: Feb 22, 2014
• ISBN: 9781310755835

Kendall Ryan

Kendall Ryan is the New York Times and USA TODAY bestselling author of more than a dozen contemporary romance novels, including Hard to Love, Resisting Her, When I Break, and the Filthy Beautiful Lies series. She loves reading about tough, alpha heroes with a sweet side, and aims to capture that in her writing. She detests laundry, and enjoys coffee, cupcakes, and being outdoors playing with her two infant sons and darling husband.

Book preview

KENDALL RYAN

Copyright © 2014 Kendall Ryan

All Rights Reserved

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

Editing and Interior Formatting/Design:

Pam Berehulke

www.BulletproofEditing.com

Cover Design:

Helen Williams

www.AllBookedOut.com

Photography Copyright:

Artem Furman

www.Fotolia.com

No part of this e-book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form without written permission of the author, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages for review purposes only.

This e-book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

This e-book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This e-book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favorite e-book retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Smashwords Edition

ISBN: 9781310755835

About the Book

Knox Bauer’s life has unraveled to the point of no return. Fighting to fill the emptiness inside himself, he seeks solace in unfamiliar beds with unfamiliar women. As guardian to his three younger brothers, he can’t seem to do anything right. But this can’t go on…they look up to him in every way, and all he’s done lately is prove how messed up he really is. Needing a change, he attends a local Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting, where he finds himself tempted by the wholesome yet alluring instructor, McKenna.

Twenty-one-year-old McKenna is trying to make amends. After losing her parents in a horrific accident, she knows if she can just be good enough, maybe she can forgive herself for what happened. With her newly acquired degree in counseling, she begins leading a sex addicts group where she meets the troubled Knox, and her life takes on complications she never bargained for. She doesn’t have time for a bad boy who only wants to take her to bed, even if her body disagrees. The fixer in her wants to help, but trusting Knox’s true motivations might take more courage than she has.

When I Break is Book 1 in a new series by best-selling author Kendall Ryan.

Warning:

Contains a stubborn alpha male with addiction issues and loads of sexual tension between two damaged characters. Read at your own risk.

Due to mature content, it is recommended for ages 17+.

Table of Contents

About the Book

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Stay Tuned For…

Acknowledgments

Other Titles by Kendall Ryan

Chapter One

Knox

Pain exploded in my hand and I fell back onto the scuffed wooden floor. I stared down at the blood dripping from my shredded knuckles, and it took me a moment to place the shrill noise coming from behind me.

Knox! a girl screamed.

She knew my name, but I couldn’t remember hers.

The girl’s voice wasn’t familiar. Probably because we hadn’t done much talking when I brought her home last night. I wondered if the screams and moans she let out during sex would be more familiar to me. Probably not; I was pretty wasted when we’d gotten here.

Through blurry eyes, I looked at the girl for the first time, trying to remember where I’d picked her up. At the moment she was topless and wearing only a glittery pink thong. Images of her shaking her ass in that thong flooded my brain.

Tears welled in her eyes and she crept closer to me. Are you okay?

The G-string she wore jogged my memory. Lap dance…dollar bills…shots of Cuervo burning a wicked path down my throat until my mind was just where I needed it. Oblivion.

Knox, oh my God. What did you do? She looked down, inspecting my hand more closely.

I closed my eyes for a moment, willing her to quiet down before she woke up my brothers. When I opened them again, I looked down and took stock of myself, naked and sitting sprawled on my bedroom floor. It wasn’t one of my finer moments. I straightened my fingers, then hissed through clenched teeth as I inspected my injured hand in the dim light. Shit. I wasn’t sure if it was broken, but it throbbed like a bitch.

I’m fine, I bit out. My heart pounded in my chest and I was breathless, as if I’d just finished running a sprint. Blood smears painted the wall where I’d taken out my aggression, and a ragged hole gaped in the drywall. As I took deep breaths, trying to calm myself, I realized I’d been having a dream about what I would do to my father if I ever saw him again.

Do you want me to get you something for the pain? the girl asked.

A distant memory flooded my brain, probably what brought on the nightmare in the first place. Images of my leg, broken and twisted when I’d fallen from a tree as a boy, suddenly came back to me. I remember putting on a brave face when my dad referred to pain pills as bitch mints.

I shook my head. No, I’m fine. I didn’t need them then and I didn’t need them now.

The girl sucked her lower lip into her mouth, her eyes welling with tears. There was nothing I hated more than seeing a girl cry.

Come here. I reached my good hand toward her.

Her expression wary, she crawled over to where I sat on the floor. When I rose to my knees and stroked my lengthening dick, her eyes locked onto my movements, darting back and forth between my face, my bloodied hand, and my cock, trying to understand what I wanted.

Come suck me off. Yeah, it was a dick move, but it was the only thing that would calm me down right now. It was either that or liquor, and I knew my cabinets would be empty. If I’d gone out earlier, it was most likely for alcohol, pussy, or both.

She frowned. What about your hand?

Fuck my hand, I ground out. I want your lips around my cock.

Wordlessly she obeyed, crawling the rest of the way toward me and leaning down to take me in her mouth. I fisted my bloodied hand in her hair, watching the curve of her back as she moved up and down over me, liking the feel of raw power and satisfaction it gave me.

Within minutes, I tapped her on the shoulder and she moved away as I finished with my hand, spurting into her open mouth. Good girl. I petted her hair and she blinked up at me.

I rose and headed into the bathroom to clean myself off. You can go now, I called out to her where she still sat on the floor, looking confused.

But it’s three in the morning.

I don’t care. Get the fuck out. You got what you came for. I tossed the bloodied towel to the bathroom floor and inspected my hand. The skin was torn at the knuckles, but nothing felt broken as I spread my fingers apart and rotated my wrist. I’d live.

You don’t have to be such an asshole, she yelled, gathering up her clothes and dressing hastily. There’s something wrong with you, you know that?

Her hurt expression should have caused me to feel something. Remorse, regret, sympathy…something. But my battered body and fucked-up mind had stopped responding to normal human emotions years ago. I lived according to my baser instincts now. It was just easier that way.

I know, I murmured. There was more wrong with me than she’d ever know.

The following morning I woke up late, my hand still throbbing. Crawling from bed, I twisted open a bottle of Jack that I’d found conveniently tucked under my pillow and took a healthy swig, then tucked it back under my pillow for safekeeping. I might be a mess, but I didn’t want my younger brothers to pick up my nasty habits.

My cell phone vibrated from the rickety table by the door. The cell phone was new, as was my number, so I couldn’t figure out who might be calling me. I glanced at the screen. Fuck. It was my therapist’s office, reminding me of my appointment that afternoon. The last thing I wanted to do was go in and talk to some dickhead therapist about my feelings. But it was all part of my plea bargain. I had my choice: therapy or jail. Fucking DUI.

It just didn’t seem fair. I’d tried to do all the right things since our father left—I worked hard all week, took care of my brothers, and paid the bills. But when I sought a little relief during my free time, I always found myself in a pile of shit.

But I couldn’t think about that right now. If I did, I’d start drinking and either show up drunk to my first appointment, or not show up at all. Neither of which was a good option.

When I arrived at the office, the soft music and scattered couches in the waiting room already had me on edge. I didn’t want to be here. Knowing I didn’t have much of a choice, I approached the receptionist at the desk, a meek little thing with brown hair pulled into a ponytail. Big green eyes looked straight up at me.

Knox Bauer. I have an appointment at three o’clock.

Hi. Could you sign in right here? She tapped the clipboard on the counter.

I signed my name and took a seat. A moment later, she scurried around the desk and handed me a clipboard of forms. Since it’s your first time here, can you fill these out ?

I took the papers without a word and watched as she sauntered away, her ass bouncing in the most delectable way in her knee-length skirt. I hadn’t seen a girl dress like that in a while. All prim and proper. She was sending off schoolmarm vibes, which my dick told me I found refreshing. I guess I’d been hanging out with strippers too much, not that I was about to reevaluate the company I kept. No, they served a distinct and necessary purpose in my life.

I shook the thoughts away and focused on the forms. Once I turned them in, I was escorted by the receptionist with the nice ass into the therapist’s office.

Knox? An aging woman with gray hair greeted me, rising from behind her desk.

Yup. I strode into the office, hearing the soft click as the receptionist closed the door behind me.

I’m Dr. Claudia Lowe. Have a seat.

I obeyed, lowering myself to the stiff leather arm chair in front of her desk. No sense in pissing off the good doctor straight away. I’d play nice. For now.

We sat facing each other, her appraising me coolly over the rim of lowered spectacles. I trust you know why you’re here?

I nodded.

I see a lot of anger management cases. Most are men with a history of fighting or domestic abuse. Your case is something altogether different. I trust you know that too.

I nodded again. Oh yeah, I’d gotten myself in a pile of shit, all right. After a night out drinking last summer, I’d stupidly driven home and gotten a DUI. Because it was my first offense and my court-appointed attorney played the sympathy card, explaining to the judge I was caring for my minor siblings, I was let off easy with fines and community service. Then after I’d brilliantly smarted off to the judge, he’d tacked on an order to see a counselor for anger management.

The first shrink I’d seen had

Reviews for When I Break

[wndy2011 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

McKenna's trying to make up for a past that is not her fault by throwing herself into her profession of helping people. Knox is running from the responsibilities of real life by taking as many lovers as he can. Each finds there way to each other where they will hopefully be able to help the other.

[uanbookaddict · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

This wasn't what I expected. I mean, when you are reading a book that involves a sex addict, you would expect a lot of... sex? Well, that isn't the case.
Knox is a badass. He gets what he wants from women. He has no shame in his lifestyle. He takes care of his three brothers. He works hard to keep a roof over their head. His life is just how he wants it. No complications. Then he walks into his sex addiction group and comes head to head with McKenna.
McKenna is on a journey to help heal people. It doesn't matter who... the homeless, troubled teens, or even sex addicts. She has devoted her life to helping those in need. Knox is just another one of those people. She knows getting close to one of the people in her group should not be on the agenda.
The relationship these two find themselves in is explosive and emotional. They don't want to fall for one another. They both have their lives figured out and falling into a relationship with one another.
This story is so many things. It is sweet. It is heart-breaking. It is refreshing. I adored this story. I am looking forward to the next book in the series to see where it takes us.

[jrcook1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Loved this book! But I will tell you that, it’s not over. Cliffhanger well I think that all depends on how you look at it. I like to think of it as a continuation of the story. (I didn’t have that throw your reader across the room moment) So now its just a waiting game to see what happens next between Knox and McKenna…This book was an easy read by far a great storyline. Knox being a sex addict and trying to get help, yes he didn’t start out for all the right reasons but he did in the end really realize that he was doing this for a reason, though I still don’t think that he’s figured out its for himself. And I don’t think I completely understand McKenna yet. I know parts of her story but I think that we have just brushed the surface of the damage that she suffers from. Like I said above I can’t wait for when I surrender. I think this is going to be another fabulous series from Kendall Ryan!★Jammie

[dms8502 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Not the typical love story...a sex addict falls for his virgin counselor. I couldn't put it down. Another great read from Kendall Ryan! The best advice I could share is to wait till May, 2014 after book 3 (When We Feel) comes out and read all 3 at once. I am going to be miserable till book 2 (When I Surrender) comes out in April but I might wait till book 3...it will be hard.

[drez-3 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

4.5 stars. Damn cliffhangers! And to end on such an angsty moment... I love angst, but my heart is still aching for McKenna. I knew I should have held off reading this one until the next one was out, but I love Kendall Ryan's books, and this one was burning a hole in my kindle, so I decided to bite the bullet and read it. Now I'm dying cuz I have to wait for the next book. I know what I'm hoping for, but based on the description of the next book, I don't think I'm going to get it.

[mommy.reads.what · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Ahh that ending!!!! I didn't expect things to end right then!

I really enjoyed McKenna and Knox, I can't wait to see where Kendall Ryan takes their story. At first I wasn't sure how I would feel about this story just because I had in the past year read other stories about sex addiction. I was afraid I would begin to compare the two. However I didn't.

I like the fact that Knox is going to a group for sex addiction. I like the fact that McKenna is essentially innocent. Their story flowed so effortlessly that when I reached the end I didn't even realize that I had devoured the whole book. It has left me wanting more.

McKenna is a virgin and sex addiction counselor. After dealing with her own tragic loss she has thrown herself into volunteer working to pass her time. She is a fixer. She likes helping people. This is what has led her into being a counselor.

Knox hasn't had a easy life. He uses sex as an outlet. It is basically his "me" time, his way to lose his problems and stress in his life even if just for a short time. He doesn't think he has a problem and is reluctant to join the group.After a while he realizes he might have a problem after all.

Only once him and McKenna grow closer does he open up. I adored Knox and even though I wouldn't have used sex to mask the issues he has dealt with, I understand him. He is after all a man. But I have to admit at the end of the book I am a little mad and disappointed at him, but part of me knows I could be mad for nothing. *fingers crossed* I CANNOT wait to the follow up book! This is one of my favorite Kendall Ryan books so far!