Crow Station

By Philip Matthews

1985 is a cool wet summer. Dan White and his wife, Charlotte, have a new son, their first. Dan is using the summer vacation to prepare one of those obscure endowed Memorial Lectures that the older universities have accrued over the centuries. He is also intrigued by his discovery that the Cold War is coming to Ireland in a big way, con trails up and down its east and west coasts indicating the kind of edgy manoeuvring that could easily slip out of control.
But they are happy, excepting perhaps Charlotte’s tendency to agonise over her son’s impending loss of innocence. Then Charlotte’s mother is killed in an apparently senseless motor accident and both their lives seem suddenly to change, a switch in levels, as it were, rather than in direction. Charlotte becomes a mother without a mother, a disturbing situation for her which presses her with the question of what she is, child or parent. Dan, for his part, remembers the demise of his own parents, but also acquires a research student with a disturbing take on gender politics and some unwelcome attention for his Cold War theory. Then both Dan and Charlotte discover that they do not know how to mourn, that they cannot comprehend death and its effect on them. So they counter death and a funeral with a birth and a pre-christening party, inviting the mourners to celebrate their son’s birth.
Richard Butler returns to Dublin to climb a mountain while awaiting his publisher’s decision about his latest offering. He is drawn into the circle of a widow and her boisterous teenage daughters, an invitation to become a father without the discomfort of fathering. He is also drawn into the ménage about Dan and Charlotte. And as Richard ascends his mountain to encounter its resident spirit and answer its very pertinent question, Charlotte ascends to her bedroom to restore her mother while Dan finds himself drawn by his research into arcane thoughts that offer him a kind of salvation too.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Philip Matthews
• Release date: Feb 6, 2014
• ISBN: 9781310195143

Philip Matthews

Writer's life, hidden, frugal, self-absorbed, no TV or social media, a few good friends - but the inner life, ahhhhh. Recommend it to anyone.

Book preview

CROW STATION

PHILIP MATTHEWS

Copyright Philip Matthews 2014

Smashwords Edition

ISBN 9781310195143

"Where are you going, Charon? To the Crows themselves?"

"Of course, divine Dionysus. Where else would you be going? Get in now."

Aristophanes, The Frogs

PART ONE

is it, Dan?

There. No. There. Near the bathing place. At Sorrento.

Where? I can’t see...

It’s black. Underwater... Ah. It’s gone.

What was it?

Not a man.

Why not a woman, Dan?

No... A seal, I think. Nothing else that big in these waters.

A seal? Here?

Why not, Charley?

Are you sure, Dan? A seal?

Too big for a fish. Too fast for a man. Or a woman... I think it was a seal.

A seal! Oh I’m sorry I didn’t see it.

There wasn’t much to see, Charley. It was diving when I saw it.

Are you sure it was a seal?

What else could it be?

Perhaps a shadow on the water.

No. There’s no sun today. Too cloudy. It was some kind of creature.

But a seal, Dan?

Oh does it really matter, Charley?

But you say you saw it, Dan!

I saw something large, black, diving in the water. I... It’s not important, Charley. It was gone in a flash... Let’s walk on.

But you saw it, Dan! You’re always seeing things I don’t notice.

And you never believe me when I tell you, Charley.

It was good of you to look after Brian, Alice.

Ha. He was as good as gold, Dan. He slept the whole afternoon... It’s good for you and Lotty to get out together for a while... Did you have a nice walk?

The air was clear. But no sun...

You both look the better for it, Dan. Especially Lotty.

She still looks peaky...The birth was...

Women today are not prepared for it. They don’t realise what is involved...

The prenatal course...

Theory, theory, Dan. The reality is always different... Mother always said it wasn’t natural...

Of course it’s natural, Alice...

You can’t know what it is like, Dan. You are a man... I was fifteen hours in labour with Lotty. The pain...

But that’s the way it is, Alice...

That is not the point, Dan. The pain. The way one’s body is distorted... That is not natural...

You mean it’s not dignified, Alice...

I’m not talking about dignity, Dan. Leave that to clergymen and professors... I mean that a woman is taken over by a foreign mechanism. One’s body swells. You lose concentration. Then at the end the woman is on her back, her legs open... Her insides are gaping... No man has to endure that, Dan...

Perhaps analogically, Alice. A man...

Not the body, Dan!... The body... Men don’t know the vulnerability of the woman. She has no refuge...

Oh it’s not that bad, Alice. Women have been bearing children for...

I’m not talking about the nature of woman, Dan. We can do nothing about that... But the effect on the individual woman. That’s the important thing. What sort of human being it makes her... Look, Dan. You are a nice, considerate man, and I am glad Lotty has you for a husband. But you cannot know what it is like to be a woman. A woman is like a circle that never closes. She wants to see herself as whole, but her body constantly betrays her...

Is that why Charley cut her hair?

What?

Charley cut her hair when she came back from the nursing home. Why did she do that?

Oh it will grow again, Dan. It’s only a phase she is...

No... She’ll keep it short. She’s said as much.

Then... Perhaps...

It was beautiful, Alice. It...

Yes... Yes...

... graced her. It...

Oh yes, Dan. She was such a perfect child. Her hair was long and bright... Her father loved it so. He...

It’s some kind of punishment, Alice... I can’t persuade her to let it grow again. I...

The last thing Victor did was to stroke her hair... He... I think he thought she was an angel, Dan. When she sang...

But why did she cut it, Alice? You’re a woman. You tell me.

Perhaps what they call postnatal depression, Dan. Perhaps she feels... well... sullied.

It wasn’t that bad, Alice. I was with her all the time. She was cheerful, even elated, afterwards... I was happy more for her than for myself... Now she’s...

Give her time to recover, Dan. Be patient... She’ll pick up...

Yes. But she worries me... Alice, she seems to believe she’s totally inadequate... I can’t persuade her to change her...

It’s the mood... She’ll get over it, Dan. We all do... I did...

But you...

Dan! Stop fretting... I’m sorry... I’m upset too. It’s... it’s... I felt blissful here alone with Brian. But now I remember the other thing... The strangeness, I mean... Dan, a mother always feels that a part of her is outside... It makes the world seem a very strange place... You don’t know what I mean...

Will you have some tea, Alice?

No... No... I’ll go now... I am going out this evening... Lotty is resting. She has fed Brian... I’ll go now... Don’t fret, Dan... Here. Give me a kiss... There... You are a sweet man in your own way. But don’t fret so... You only add to the upset... Get on with your work... That paper or whatever it is... Concentrate on that... I’ll go now... Goodbye...

Goodbye, Alice. Thanks again for...

Anytime, Dan. Just call me. Tell Lotty to ring me tomorrow... Bye... See you...

Yes...

1. Language does not ‘leak’. (?)

2. For us, language has no origins. A given language implies a given world. As such, language is complete. Historical studies of language are extensions of the here and now language world: history is always situated in the present.

3. The question, ‘What is a horse?’, is not a real question. Being able to ask it indicates the ability to use the word ‘horse’, and implies knowledge of ‘a’ meaning of it. But there is an exception here, perhaps: when the word is encountered for the first time in reading or conversation, say by a child. The answer here will be either (1) extremely general, so as to connect with the knowledge (language) the child already possesses – say ‘A horse is an animal.’, or (2) to indicate an actual horse or show a picture of one. But while (1) is a kind of ‘translation’, which is finally either circular or tautological, (2) would be finally inadequate, for a number of reasons.

(A) While the child could grasp a sense of the meaning of the word, it is possible that it could forget this representation while not forgetting the word, or vice versa. Thus this empirical link is not integral to the use of the word. Admittedly, repeated relatings of the object or image to the word would fix the link. But the point is that a mere connection between a word and a representative object or image would not of itself enable the child to use the word. It would only be a useful referent which would save the child the trouble of carrying about with him the actual object or an image of it and which he could produce and indicate when he wished to make reference to ‘horse’.

(B) In any case, an individual example of what ‘a horse’ is could not exhaustively ‘mean’ the word, for then how could it be used to refer to other objects or examples usually also called ‘horse’? There is then an abstract idea of ‘horse’ involved, an idea or type which the individual example or object is not in itself. Here for example an object serves merely to give an instance of what kind of object forms the referent of the idea. What happens then is that three apparently separate elements are brought together in a particular way: (1) a word, ‘horse’; (2) an idea, ‘horse’; and (3) an object sensuously perceived, named ‘horse’. To the extent that (3) is dependent on (1), the significant element must be (1) or (2). But nowhere does the idea of ‘horse’ appear independently of the word. Thus (1) and (2) are related; in fact, (2) is an abstraction from (1); an abstraction, moreover, which only appears upon reflection, which is induced by the awareness of the problem of the relation between the word and the object to which it is said to refer. It appears then that the word is self-referring in this sense: while some kind of perception of a referent, or, as the case may be, a translation of a word, is necessary in order to know what the word ‘means’ in a practical way, some element is super-sensuous, something like the word itself, which is crucially required and which cannot be reduced to sense perception. For the essence of the word does not lie in the perception of its referent, but in its significance, which calls out for elucidation, while not being reduced to this elucidation, for the elucidation itself does not invest the word with significance. Significance, then, resides in the word as a kind of potentia, that is, it is ‘virtual’.

Now, this virtual significance is brought out when one realises that the proper question is not ‘What is a horse?’, but ‘What is the horse?’

Have you finished for tonight?

Yes. Just now.

Good. I’m hungry. It must have been the air today... Is this for the paper?

I think so... But...

You’ve got a lot of notes... You’re always so thorough... You were like that...

This seems to be different, Charley. Each time I try to put down a sentence, it grows and grows... I don’t know what it’s leading to...

That’s why Professor Dodgeson asked you. You’re interested in ideas... The lecture must be on the history of ideas...

But I’m not an historian, Charley... This is under the auspices of the History Department... Dodgeson knows I’m not interested in...

But he asked you, Dan. You should trust his judgement.

It’s not that simple, Charley. I don’t like Dodgeson. You know that. And he knows it... He’s playing one of his little political games again...

But he left you free to choose the subject, Dan. You can write on what you like...

Yes... yes... So it seems... But look, Charley. Think what that implies. It’s not just a question of subject matter. There’s also the question of method... I’m not a primary source fetishist. You know, obscure quotations and bibliographical references culled from the Old Library... That’s what he expects... He wants a pedantic monograph on some obscure work or minor dissenter from the sixteenth or seventeenth century. He expects me to dig in the Old Library for that sort of junk...

But it will be published, Dan. That’s part of the conditions of the bequest...

So what, Charley? That kind of thing is just not important.

Oh. You should have gone to Cambridge, Dan. You would have been more in the centre of things there...

Hhh!... It wouldn’t have been much different there... It’s not the place that counts, Charley... It’s... it’s...

Don’t get so intense, Dan. I’m trying to help... I know this is demanding... You always get so worked up about...

It’s not that, Charley... Let’s go and eat... The paper will sort itself out in time. They usually do... It’s just that this time everything seems so open...

What do you want to eat?

I’m not fussy... Whatever you want to cook... Do you want me to do it?

No... I feel rested...

Alice said you were asleep...

I don’t seem to be able to break this dreamy state... Each time I feed Brian all I want to do is sleep sleep... I’m a milk factory now. First I was a baby factory, now I’m a milk factory... My body has taken me over... I...

Brian still bites you...

How do you know? I...

Your nipple. The right one... It’s distended...

The... uh... It’s so sore... I’ll get mastitis... Christine had to be treated...

I’ve told you... You don’t have to breastfeed him... The substitute feeds are... It’s only a fashion... Our mothers believed bottle feeding was healthier...

It was only because they wanted to keep their figures... To keep their husbands happy... But Brian bites like a... It’s not just hunger, Dan. He does it all the time...

You don’t have to suffer it, Charley... You could do something about it... You come and make me feel guilty for...

Oh no... Is that how it seems?.. Perhaps I should say nothing about it then. Keep it to... But you brought it up, Dan...

I could see from the way you move that your breasts were hurting you... I don’t like to see you suffer unnecessarily... It was bad enough towards the end of the pregnancy. That was unavoidable. But to endure this unnecessarily, Charley. That borders on masochism, you know.

Masochism! You mean the poor woman punishing herself for her inadequacy. Because she lacks...

No! I mean a wilful indulgence, Charley. Not a Freudian sense of lack... You mean it as a reproof for the pain of birth...

Against you, you mean, do you, Dan?

No! Not just against me... Against... against yourself as well... Against both of us... Against our... And also because it’s a fashion to endure all this... this pregnancy, birth, feeding, cleaning... The whole chore... I’ve heard you comparing notes on the phone... It’s so inward turned, Charley. Do you know that?

Masochism! Inward turned! What else, Dan?.. It’s not a neurosis, if that is what you are implying... It’s real, Dan. It’s the single-most real thing in the world... Think about it, Dan... All human activity is geared towards that...

Survival... Charley... That’s just...

Not evolution. Or the species, Dan... I mean sex, bondage, drudgery... And the whole Freudian thing. Oedipus and phalluses and the rest... It all comes down to birth... Think about it... It’s real... Real...

Real? But it’s unavoidable... How can it be...

Yes. Real... You don’t know what I mean, Dan. You’re not a woman... But it is real, real... Will you come and sit down... It’s ready.

Yes... No. Not tea. I’m high enough... Juice... I’ll get it...

Do you see what I mean about it being real? I know I shouldn’t use that word... But... How can I put it, Dan?.. It’s there... The child is there now...

Do you feel it negates... denies... or whatever... you? Is that what it is?

Deny? You mean take the place of me? That would mean that I suffer so as to confirm my own reality... Is that what you think, Dan?

No... no... I was only asking a question... It’s because you emphasise the baby rather than yourself... Or you and the baby... you know... mother and child... like...

Jesus?

No... I wasn’t being specific... Like... like the image, I suppose... In art and... yes... and in religion... The Madonna and child... Isis...

But all that is from the outside, Dan...

But those images are not for men... They’re...

They are! The child is a boy... Always... Mother and son. Never mother and daughter... No daughters, Dan... Only...

Women are never children... Yes... And men are only boys with horns... Is that Shakespeare?

I don’t know... But... Mother had no sons, only a daughter... me... And...

And?...

She coddled daddy... She... The... No... That’s off the mark... My point is that being a mother puts one inside the image, as it were... Do you see, Dan? Only the child...

Son...

Okay, son... The son is the reality... But I didn’t mean that... You...

I only asked if you felt negated... denied... If you found your reality in your child...

No! I... Do you want some yoghurt? There’s some... One... We must make...

Sure... Whose turn is it?

Yours, I think.

I’ll make it when we’ve finished eating... But... Alice said...

What did she say?.. I heard her talking to you... She seemed excited... She treats you like a son... She dotes...

I’m your husband, Charley... She believes she must keep me sweet...

Ugh... Don’t put it like that, Dan... She’s not a fool just because... No... She does dote on you... She competes with me...

Don’t be silly... Charley... She’s thirty years older than me...

Well preserved... She looks after herself... She’s kept her figure... Compared with me... What was she saying?

Oh, different things... I can hardly remember... She...

About me? She told you not to worry about me, didn’t she?

Were you listening?

No... I fell asleep... Brian drains me...

Yes. She told me not to fret about you... You...

Did she tell you what to do instead?

What? Did she? I think she was trying to help, Charley... She told me to concentrate on that paper.

Ha. She’s proud of you, Dan... A real intellectual in the family now... I... Someone she can talk to... She thinks you understand her...

It sounds incestuous.

No. Oedipal... What we said before... She... Oh she can’t help it...

But she’s not lonely... There’s Tom Spencer... And...

You don’t understand, Dan... I... She competes...

It’s harmless, Charley...

Yes... But aggravating... She...

It is harmless, I tell you... It’s trivial...

What else did she say?

Oh... I can’t remember... She said... She talked about the experience of motherhood...

What did she say?.. Did she boast?.. Trying to prove that she...

No... On the contrary... She said it was unnatural and demeaning... Yes...

Unnatural? But she... You mean she put it down?

No... Not put it down... She accepts motherhood... It’s just that the experience is so...

Why did she say that? I always thought she approved...

She didn’t say it... I mean... She said her own mother... your grandmother... had said it...

Grandmother? Oh of course she did... She spent her life in Italy... The last of the high-living Richards... She... But why did mother say it anyway? Why did she take that attitude?.. She meant...

No, Charley... She’s worried about you... You’ve been so down since Brian was born...

I have not! Is that how you see me? Postnatal depression and all that... Poor moping woman... Can’t handle the experience... I...

Oh stop it, Charley... No one is saying that... You...

I told you... I’m a milk factory... with sore nipples... Brian is cutting his teeth on me.

Not yet... I mean he’s only...

I’m joking, Dan... I... I feel so jaded all the time...

Your hair... She... Alice...

It’s tidier as it is, Dan... I told you...

Will you let it grow again?

I don’t know... I just... Oh I just don’t care...

Don’t upset yourself, Charley... It’s not that important... You do...

The perfect angel with the long bright hair... Did she say that?

How did you... You were listening...

No, Dan. I know my mother... She wants me to remain a child... I remind her of... when I was young... and daddy... he...

Yes... Okay... I understand... Charley... Brian’s birth has changed so much, I suppose... I’m beginning to relive my own childhood... It’s like a new beginning...

Yes. Every time... It’s like starting again... But we are parents now, Dan. It can’t be the same... It has to be different... Where are you going?

Oh... I just feel...

The Bible? You’re not...

No... It’s something my grandfather in Waterford used to do... Not strictly the... no... very fundamentalist... It is supposed to be the Holy Book. He believed it had powers... I’ll show you... But don’t mock...

I know... I’ve heard of it... Divining... You’re going to use it as an oracle... I didn’t know you...

Only at certain times, Charley... I did it when my parents were killed... When I feel... empty...

Now? But why, Dan? Did I upset you?.. I didn’t mean to... I should keep my moods to myself...

Not you... Parenthood, Charley... The two of us... You and I, sweetheart... between us and Brian... Now... Close your eyes... Think of nothing... Now...

Yes... Oh... Dan... Wel1? What is it?... Read it out... I’m... I’m tingling all over...

Okay... This is the verse my finger indicated... And I have also given thee that which thou hast not asked, both riches and honour... so that there shall not be any among the kings like unto thee all thy days.

And?.. Go on, Dan... Go on...

But that’s all, Charley... That’s the verse I touched...

I know. But read the next one.

Okay... And if thou wilt walk in my ways, to keep my statutes and my commandments, as thy father David did walk, then I will lengthen thy days.

David... King David... Who...

Solomon... He prayed for understanding in a dream and...

Read it all, Dan... Do... I’m curious.

But don’t take it too much to heart, Charley... It’s a kind of superstition...

But your grandfather believed it, Dan...

He was just a farmer, Charley... Very low church... You know the sort... Earnest...

So what, Dan? If he was good... then... But read it... Read me the dream...

Okay... It’ll do no harm... Solomon asks God for understanding... Now... And the speech pleased the Lord, that Solomon had asked this thing. And God said unto him, Because thou hast asked this thing, and hast not asked for thyself long life, neither hast asked riches for thyself, nor hast asked the life of thine enemies, but hast asked for thyself understanding to discern judgment. Behold, I have done according to thy words, lo, I have given thee a wise and an understanding heart, so that there was none like thee before thee, neither after thee should any arise like unto thee. And I have also given thee that which thou hast not asked, both riches, and honours, so that there shall not be any among the kings like unto thee all thy days. And if thou wilt walk in my ways, to keep my statutes and my commandments, as thy father David did walk, then I will lengthen thy days.

Beautiful... Dan... It’s exciting... It’s eerie... understanding, wisdom... That’s for you, Dan.

But I indicated only one of those verses, Charley... About getting what was not asked for...

Even so... Long life and riches...

I didn’t ask for anything... Except...

What?

Guidance...

And...

I don’t know... At least I’m not sure... It’s very oblique...

But it’s weird, Dan... It’s so relevant... and... yet... Yes... I see what you mean... If you don’t think about it, it seems significant... If you do, then it seems enigmatic... I suppose oracles are like that... Like...

Like another language... Yes... No... Meaning... yes... Point of view... Ordinarily, the verses say something... Solomon’s dream... But as an answer to another kind of enquiry, they... They’re... Charley... They still seem meaningful... And... No... It wasn’t serious...

But you did say not to be playful... I concentrated, Dan, as you said I should...

What did you ask for?

Nothing, Dan... I emptied my mind... You told me to... But...

Something persisted?

Yes... I could not stop seeing Brian with his little mouth open and his shiny gums ready to bite me... I was...

Long life and riches?

What? Oh yes... Perhaps that... It’s appropriate, isn’t it?

Mmm... You’re taking it much more seriously than I expected... You asked...

No... It was against my will... Honestly...

Hey... It’s alright, Charley... It’s done now... Let’s forget it.

But...

I’ll make the yoghurt... Turn on the tele... Perhaps there’s a film.

No... I’ll read... I’ll...

Let it go, sweetheart.

I’ll go to bed... I feel so... Oh...

So soon... You slept this evening.

I’ve got to get up to feed Brian at three.

Such a labour, Charley... You don’t have to do all this...

No! Don’t... don’t, Dan... I know... I don’t have to do anything... But I’m doing this.

Yes... That’s okay.

Come up when you’re ready... Dan. It’s alright... Try to... I want to do it this way.

Yes. Okay then... I’ll... Goodnight, Charley.

Goodnight, darling.

It is possible for a child to learn how to use the word ‘horse’ without ever seeing one. More generally, it is possible for anyone to learn how to use a language without having a reference-world at all. In fact, the proper use of language could not be achieved by sensuous reference alone. No actual horse is both mare and stallion, roan and piebald, whereas these are attributes of the word ‘horse’. Once again, ‘the horse’ is at the centre of the use of the word ‘horse’. What is the status of ‘the horse’? It cannot be represented, though its attributes could be listed (all of them?). It is virtual – but in what way?

Of all users of language, it is the historian who perhaps most clearly demonstrates this point, that language can be used without a sensuous reference-world. (Historians rather than philosophers or theologians because the reference-worlds of the latter are abstract to begin with; only the historian presumes to use language to refer to actual worlds which by definition cannot be perceived.) Thus the worlds of the historian are virtual, though perhaps not precisely as meanings are virtual – yes – the historian’s worlds are virtual by virtue of the fact that the essential meanings/references of words are virtual. Thus:

1. historiography is linguistic

2. historical worlds are ‘present’ worlds, not ‘past’ worlds – they are virtual worlds.

Consider next: if some core of the word is virtual, does this mean that language itself is virtual? (Best way to analyse this is by examining the relations between words.)

Dan?

You’re awake?

Yes, I’ve been dozing... Dreaming... Thinking.

It’s a strange state.

Sh... You’ll waken him... I... I feel I’m everywhere... I think of things I couldn’t describe... so tenuous... complicated... I...

Hypnogogic I think they call it... It can be very sweet...

But... The seal... Did you really see a seal today?

Today?

I keep thinking or dreaming of your seal... It goes down and down... It’s black and shiny and sleek... It dives down all the time... I... I should be frightened... But... all I want is for it to get to the bottom... not to stop diving just... no... but to get to the bottom... Was there a seal, Dan?

Oh... It wasn’t a man... It dived too fast and too deep... Mmm... I told you that... Not a fish... Not a dolphin or a porpoise... Mmm... Not in these waters... It could only be a seal... Charley.

Yes. I remember that. But... it might have been just a shadow... you know, a trick of light and shadow.

There was no sun and the sea was calm... I was only trying to describe what I saw... If you had seen it for yourself.

But, Dan... The trails... I’ve seen them... But...

Ah! Is that it? It’s not what I see, then... It’s what I say I see... Is that it?

No... but... Dan... The seal is one thing... That’s... If I had seen it I might have agreed... Anyway I like to think it was a seal... It stimulates my... well... this dream state... But the trails... Dan, you have absolutely no proof for that and... it’s not trivial... You should be careful.

I’ve said nothing to anybody but you, Charley... I was trying to find a reason for them that day... That was the explanation I found... I know... it’s monstrous. But... I don’t know. It’s the explanation that jumped into my mind... They don’t make sense otherwise...

But there’s been nothing on the news... not even the bee bee cee... They’d...

Why, Charley? It goes on in the North Sea and the Atlantic all the time... Perhaps even in the Mediterranean... Goodness knows where else... Why not here? It’s strategic...

Perhaps you should make enquiries, Dan... You’re in politics... Surely you know someone.

Hhh! Politicians and political scientists live in separate universes in this country, Charley... No... I don’t know...

Not a politician... someone who could have access to knowledge – informal knowledge – you know – gossip... like.

Yes. You’re right... I’ll try to think of someone...

I wouldn’t like you to... I mean if you were wrong... You could get obsessed with something like that... conspiracies... There’s enough paranoia as it is here... you know... I’d hate to see...

I’m not obsessed, Charley... You’re the one who brought it up, not me... It was just a thought... because... The trails are unusual – too high. Yes... Ah...

What is it?

There is one thing... According to my... hypothesis... yes... on the western seaboard...

What? What are you talking about?

Do we know anyone in the West, Charley? Lives there or holidays?

The West?

Yes. Anywhere along the West coast... There must be someone.

The Jacksons... Keith Jackson... His mother. The Williams place...

Not Keith... He wouldn’t catch on to it... No cop... No. Someone who would just do it...

Sympathetic, you mean?

Something like that... Oh, we’ll sleep on it... There’s no hurry... It won’t make much difference anyway.

Don’t be fatalistic, Dan. That’s not like you... If you’re right... God... What if you were right, Dan?

What if I were?

You’d have to tell someone... The papers... Give them your evidence...

If I’m right then everyone who’s anyone already knows.

But not to do anything about it, Dan?

Perhaps they can’t do anything...

No... make them make it public... That can be done... public opinion... Find out what’s going on...

Everyone knows what’s going on, Charley. It’s not that... It’s built in... a kind of boundary...

But it’s exposed here... They can’t do anything...

Hush... Not that isolated... Don’t worry about that, Charley... There’s always been something... There’s always the enemy...

Enemy? What do you mean, Dan? War? But...

No. I’m speaking generally... Like... Alice said today that a mother finds the outside world strange. Because part of her is out there. Separated from herself... Perhaps that’s how you feel, Charley... And me... Brian is...

Brian? He’s asleep... Yes... Oh yes... I see now... Did mother really say that? How perceptive of her... I always thought she was stupid, Dan. Too loud... Playing her widow charms... But...

She talks from her experience... She’s not as educated as you. Is she?

No... Her childhood was... They moved from place to place... I think she wanted to be like her mother...

Well, she can make good sense of her experience...

She tried to be the society girl... But the war... They had to come back... There wasn’t much here... Soldiers and that... on leave. Daddy was in the navy... Always projecting herself... Daddy was quieter... He... The difference, you see... He would have gone into business anyway...

A romantic... The high life on mortgaged land... The Riviera...

No... Anne Purley is the same... Her father is only a...

The last waves... Imitators... Self-conscious... It happens elsewhere now... Texas... Capital not land...

But she could rise to the occasion, Dan... Style, I suppose... Like mother... I envied her... Remember... There was a group... Mike, Dermot and Alan from Law, Isabella and Tom, Anne...

That was only one group, Charley. There were others. The theatrical group. The pub groups. Music. Rugby... Your academic group, around the Cliffords. And the medieval group...

They were different, Dan... They didn’t have flair... Anyway your crowd was peculiar... Coffee shop intellectuals... All male too... Drinking parties... What is it?

Got it! The very man... Tony...

What? What are you talking about?

The West... His family have a holiday place in... it’s on the west coast anyway... I wonder if he still goes down there? He’d do it, I know.

Do what, Dan? What on earth are you talking about?

Check for trails, Charley. Tony would do that without asking too many questions... I’ll ask him.

Are you serious? You hardly see him at all now... He may have changed... Settled down...

No... I saw him last year. Remember? He is in the civil service... Hey... He might have heard something... He might have... You wouldn’t know.

Lie down... You’ll waken him.

Yes. Tony Hackett. I wonder what he’ll make of it, Charley... He’ll laugh... but it’ll get to him. I know him...

Hush, Dan...

He’s the very man, Charley. I’ll tell him what to look for... They’ll be offshore and high. North south... He’ll know how to estimate...

Dan, be careful what you tell him. Don’t have him think you’re mad... Better not to tell him too much... Just what to look for...

Yes, yes. I know Tony well enough... It’ll amuse him...

But be careful. You’re not students anymore... He may have changed. He’s a civil servant. That will make him cautious.

Perhaps, Charley. But he’s still the best bet... I’ll get good circumstantial evidence... Then...

Let that wait, Dan... Go to sleep now... You have your paper. Remember... That’s a more important problem... Go to sleep...

Yes. You’re right... Still, Charley. The prospect of doing something about it... it makes me feel clearer... Obviously it’s been on my mind since then...

Good night, Dan... I’ve got to get up in three hours time...

Of course, sweetheart...

Kiss me, Dan...

Yes...

Uh...

Sorry... Your breast... I forgot...

It’s alright... They’re sensitive...

And full... Charley...

No, Dan... Not yet... Don’t... I...

On your side... I won’t hurt you, sweetheart...

Oh... Don’t ... Uh ...

Sweetheart... Sweetheart...

Be careful... I haven’t...

I know... Now...

Ah... Ah...

Thanks, sweetheart... Hhh...

Mm... Ah...

See? So gentle... So... Hhh...

Mm... I... Oh...

Like cats, Charley... Ever see cats? Doesn’t always have to be doggy.

Hmm... Put it that way... uncoiling... That’s it...

That’s what, sweetheart?

I feel as though I’m uncoiling... I’d forgotten... Oh. Yes...

Go to sleep now... It’s alright now...

Yes... Dan...

Mm?

The seal.

What about it?

I know why... why I felt frustrated about it... about not seeing it, I mean.

Why?

It seemed so compelling... Like a sign.

A sign? You mean something divine?

Oh no... Not that... Something you felt compelled to show me... Something profound... to explain some deep thing about... the birth... Brian... Oh... Do you understand that, Dan?

Mmmm...

Dan... Oh Dan... Oh... You’re asleep...

MONDAY

Professor White... Professor...

Oh... Hello... Miss Hungen... Is it time?

Oh... Very nearly... It’s... it’s ten fifty... I was on my way to your office...

Yes... So am I... We can walk there together, then... Mm?

Uh... Sure... I... Professor... I have the... it’s...

So I see... Yes... Thanks.

It’s not what I... I mean... I’d like to talk to you about it, Professor. I...

Oh... You went to the trouble of typing it... Well... that helps... you know... Handwriting is very... can be idiosyncratic...

It’s very long, Professor... I really...

Hold on... Mm... I did lock it... Will you hold this for a moment... No... Your paper... I want to get my keys... Ah... Now... Come in. I. Ah. Yes. Sit down. Yes... There. That’s it... Now...

I... Professor... I...

Let me see... Yes... Thanks... Ah!... The problem of sexual gratification for natural man... This is...

I want to explain that, Professor... I’ve had such problems with... Really, though...

Your paper... It will explain itself, surely, Miss... eh... Hungen... I...

Yes, of course... Professor... But I...

It’s doctor, Miss Hungen. If you must... I’m only a lecturer... It’s different here, you see... But...

Oh, I keep forgetting, Pr... Doctor White... In the States everyone in college is called professor...

Like Germany... But in the British Isles a professorship is a distinct... eh... position... It’s supposed to... well... Heads of Departments and a kind of token of... distinction...

Oh, I am sorry! Really I am... But habit... I...

Yes... flattering... But never mind...

I am sorry, Doctor White! It is different... I...

It’s alright... Don’t worry about it... Now... Your paper... sexual gratification...

I can explain, Doctor White... Really... I know I said I’d write on his idea of forcing people to be free but... That’s right? Yes... But the State, Doctor White, it... it really takes the place of nature as ... Well, doesn’t it?

Interesting... But beware of pushing labels around... For Rousseau, it would seem... and also for some others... the loss of the natural is irreversible... Besides... he believed the State... as such... was superior to nature... But go on anyway.

Okay... What I want to say is this, Doctor. It takes the place of nature in this way. It becomes the new point of... focal point... You see...

Of authority... control... That? Morality.

Yes. Oh. No. I thought – no... control, yes... in a sense... a kind of background... You see... conceptually, the concept of nature allows Rousseau to say things...

Ah... I see now... You’re speaking of Rousseau’s use of the concepts of nature and the State... as organising terms... Is that right?

Concepts? Yes... In a sense... But... Doctor... My point is this... I’ll express it as best I can... Nothing else changes... I mean... Oh... Rousseau doesn’t get to solve the main problem of natural man... Yes... relations... Oh yes... That’s the problem of alienated society he wants to solve... Law... That’s authority... yes... the rule of law... But that’s only relations between men... is that it? I mean...

Sexual gratification?

Oh yes... That’s it, Professor... I’m sorry... Doctor... Sexual relations are between men and women... oh I mean conventionally... for the sake of argument...

Breeding? Children, that is.

No... at least... no... that’s secondary, Doctor... I mean... Don’t you see? Rousseau sees man only in terms of inclinations... instincts... and their gratification... But he never discusses the problem of... Please... Yes. It’s here in my paper... I’ll read... Do you mind? Am I taking up too much of your time? I.. .

No... No... That’s alright... It’s interesting... But take your time... It’s interesting.

Oh, thank you... I don’t want to be a bore... But the whole concept... well... No one seems to have thought of it... Maybe...

No... Read... Yes... .It might be easier for you...

Okay... Sure... But I hope... Well... Here goes... Just this paragraph... For Rousseau, man derives all his gratification from nature. It is this which permits man to live in isolation. But there is one instinct man cannot satisfy in this way, his sexual instinct. For this, he needs the co-operation of a woman. This means that sexually man cannot live in isolation... That’s the introduction to my argument, Doctor White... You see, Doctor, the problem of relations already existed in nature... But Rousseau never discusses it... He... His attitude to woman implied in that means...

Yes?

That women are not... well... human... Otherwise...

Yes... I see... It’s an interesting point... Yes... And?

Well, Doctor White... He does not discuss it in his theory of law either... This means... that women... even in his State are not... any different... They are just natural objects... that man takes his gratification from her in the same way as he might take fruit from a tree... Doctor White... that’s... I don’t agree with that... Women are not just... that is...

Yes, I agree... It’s an interesting point, Miss Hungen... And this invalidates Rousseau’s theory... Is that it?

Huh? Doctor White, women have wills! They are not just natural objects... they can refuse... can choose... for their own gratification, I mean... Do you see?

Yes... That’s a good counter-argument... in the context... Well... I look forward to reading your paper, Miss... Hungen... It sounds as though...

But what about men, Doctor? Rousseau... he wants to subject men to a new compulsion... Law... That’s not freedom... Oh... Don’t you see, Doctor White? That’s not freedom...

Yes... You have a strong argument... You should pursue it... I mean beyond this... your paper... But your thesis now...

That’s what I want to talk to you about, Doctor White... My paper...

You do deal with Rousseau’s notion... eh, concept... of forcing people to be free... don’t you?

Yes... yes, of course... But... sex... I mean, Doctor White... What can I do? I...

You seem to have done well enough, Miss Hungen... Let me... I’ll certainly read your paper... Then we can discuss the next step...

Please... I seem to be losing track... you know... I meant to write about... well... the subject... but...

Our system is different. Isn’t that so? You seem to receive constant supervision in America... Your graduate schools are... well... teaching remains important... Here the level of supervision varies... But the student is expected to learn for himself... and herself, of course... You know, research...

Yes, I understand that, Doctor White... But...

The student chooses the subject of his thesis... The supervisor merely sanctions it from a... an academic perspective... to avoid duplicating previous research, you see...

Yes, I understand... But the scale, Doctor White...

Heavens, Miss... eh... it’s only a Master’s... you know... You know... survey the arguments... general conclusions... And... well... you chose the topic of this paper yourself, you know...

But it got so out of control, Doctor White... I... I...

Well, let me read it, Miss Hungen... Then we’ll discuss it... As you say, you do discuss the idea of forcing people to be free... We’ll concentrate on that. But... but the other discussion... about sex... sexual gratification... is worth holding on to as well... Perhaps after... when you are finished here... you will follow that up... You know, it’s a good feminist argument...

Hey! I’m not a feminist!... I’m sorry, Doctor... But I don’t want to appear like that... I’m not a feminist... I mean, I found that argument... I wasn’t looking for it... You know... but it did strike me that Rousseau... That he... discriminates... no... He’s just plain wrong!... Doctor White... I mean... his whole theory is wrong... and...

And you feel it threatens your thesis, is that is?

No!... But... it does... doesn’t it? There’s no point in examining the rest of it if it is fundamentally wrong... but... that’s no...

Yes... that remains to be seen, doesn’t it? No, your thesis is still possible... Let’s see... Yes... Look, let me read your paper first... It might be that the contradiction... no... It’s really an omission, isn’t it? can be handled under the concept of natural relations... Yes. Note that if you wish... Natural relations... Perhaps you can prepare something on that... No... a short paper... about two thousand... six or seven pages... Like this... Mm... Find a general formulation of the problem... Start at the end, if necessary... you know... what kind of relations envisaged under law... Yes. Then alienated society... That’s it... then in nature... See what you come up with... But don’t worry if your answer is tentative... Just see what is there... Do you follow?

Oh yes.

Good... It may not be relevant... Do bear that in mind... But it is as well to be sure... Now... Let me read this... Give me... How long will you need? For this work on relations.

I don’t know... It depends on...

Well, let’s say next week, same day, same time... A general survey... that’s all... don’t get... you know... get the general picture... Then we’ll see.

Thank you, Doctor White. I appreciate this... You don’t know how...

Yes, I know... unexplored territory... always seems vast... The thing is to know where you are going... Don’t let yourself be sidetracked... Good... Well, I’ll see you next Monday at eleven...

Yes, yes... I’ll... oh... the paper... Here... Oh... How clumsy... I...

I’ve got it... Please... No... You should...

Goodbye, Doctor White... And thank you again... You are so helpful... You really are, Doctor... I’m awfully grateful... I’ll see you next Monday...

Yes... Goodbye, Miss... eh...

Hello.

Mother.

Lotty! Lotty, dear, how are you?

Fine, mother. I’m fine... How are you?

Ha! Grand, grand... But it’s so hard to get going this morning... Monday morning... I feel as though I have loads to do... But... perhaps that’s habit... I mean... getting started again after the weekend... I used to make myself extra busy on Monday mornings... just so... It’s a lovely morning. Have you been out?

No, mother. Not yet... I... but it feels warm.

Yes... The sun is splitting the trees... It’s a pity it wasn’t like this yesterday, dear... You and Dan need... You know you should get all the sun you can in the summer. The winter sun is practically useless... Someone told me that recently, Lotty. The winter sun here won’t give you a tan. You could live in a hole in the ground and it would make no difference... But there’s also something about vitamins... Do you know anything about that, Lotty?

What about vitamins, mother... You’re not getting into this diet and nutrition craze, are you? I mean...

Oh no, Lotty... It’s... He said we get vitamins from the sun... But how is that? I thought you had to eat something... Like cabbage... They say there is iron in cabbage...

There are vitamins in all our food, mother... Don’t worry... You have a good average diet. You get all the... what you need... Don’t worry, mother...

Oh, I’m not worrying, Lotty... But everything seems so complicated... I like to eat what I like... No... Perhaps what I’m used to... But he said that most of these things were useless if not dangerous... Fats, for instance. Do you know there are two kinds of fats, Lotty? They have long names, of course... But one of them can kill you. The other is... oh... it’s not good for you... but...

Oh, mother... The things you worry about...

Worry? No, Lotty... I... Oh but my diet hasn’t done me any harm... Fats... But I love the fat of a fried lamb chop. I do... He’d say that it was dangerous. But it hasn’t done me any harm, Lotty... I mean...

Of course not, mother. You’d have to eat tons of fat and not exercise. But you are vigorous and active still... Oh... I mean... Mother, you just carry on as you are. You...

Ah, that’s it... It wasn’t that... What struck me is that mother never let the sun at her... Do you know that, Lotty? Perhaps I told you before... She used to wear a veil... The Italian sun was so strong, Lotty... I was different... I was always tanned... But mother was a bit old-fashioned towards the end, really... Do you know... I’ve just remembered... She used to leave the milk to settle. Then she’d take the cream off... She used to say that it was bad for her skin... Ah yes. That’s it. Her skin, Lotty... She used almond oil... Yes, Lotty... She said that the almond tree was nature’s greatest gift to man... The flowers and... Oh, Lotty, it’s funny that you are a mother now... I... well... it makes me remember so much... I feel as though I... How is Brian? He’s so charming, do you know that, Lotty?

Yes, mother... when he’s asleep... Like all babies... No... I’m being facetious... He’s in great form, mother... I think he has part of you... you know... He can be so vigorous...

Me? That’s nice, dear... But Dan... his father... he’s always on the go... I mean...

No... It’s different. Dan is active. But he’s steady... Brian is vigorous...

You mean he’s impulsive?

Oh no, mother. Not impulsive... He knows what he wants... I suppose it’s the way he goes after it...

Am I like that, Lotty? No, seriously... I never thought of myself as ambitious... I don’t think I had to be... You know... It’s different with people who start off with nothing... They... oh... they have to strive for... I mean... so they can be themselves...

Be themselves? Do you mean that ambitious people are inadequate, mother? I haven’t thought of it like that... What about talent, mother? Is that an inadequacy?

No. No, Lotty... I just thought of that... I hadn’t thought about it before... But ambitious people always seem so... well... lacking in something essential. You know... well... it’s hard to say... their pushiness... I mean... they can upset so much...

But, mother... haven’t people a right to... find themselves, as you say? I mean, children are like that anyway.

You are so liberal, dear. But... I expect you can afford to be... But... you’ve not been threatened... my generation, Lotty. I mean... Mussolini and Hitler. Yes. Hitler... They threatened... It was necessary to defend... to defend values like... freedom, Lotty...

Of course, mother. I’m not saying that was...

Yes... I’m a conservative, dear. A Tory... except well... conservatism is not the word in this country, I suppose... Believe me, Lotty. I’m not against change. There are good things. The motor car. Medicine. In the home... I mean... But you can’t allow change to get out of hand... That would be anarchy and... People want to hold on to the good things. Oh heavens, Lotty... What a conversation, dear... Monday morning... if I don’t get going I... daydream... Really. I ought to...

But it’s interesting, mother... You don’t often talk about politics and... well, what can be called values...

It must be the influence of Dan, Lotty... I mean he doesn’t go on about his work in that way... But the books and magazines one sees... They make one think...

Do you read them, mother?

Oh. Read them? No. Oh no, Lotty... I... They seem awfully complicated, you know... So many strange words... and... well... different from what we believed...

Oh, I must tell Dan. I’m sure he would like to talk to you about it... I mean... It’s not that complicated... just new... Mother, even I don’t understand it at times... You are right... So many new names and ideas.

Yes, dear, that’s it... But, Lotty... politics, you know... One has to be careful there...

Careful, mother? But Dan is not a subversive... He has to read all those books... We voted for the present government. You approve of them, don’t you? You said you did... Their programme is a fair one, given the situation.

Yes, dear... I didn’t mean voting and all that... One should vote... It’s democratic... But I mean ideas... You know, Tom said Marx was connected with Communism... You see what I mean?

Mother! Tom is a businessman. You’d expect him to think like that.

Oh, how do you mean, Lotty? Tom is a good businessman... He is... Why, don’t you think Communism is the greatest threat to democracy and... well, values? Don’t you, Lotty?

Oh, mother! There’s practically no communism here! It’s not like France and Italy, you know.

Not that, Lotty... I mean Russia... Tom says that President Reagan and Margaret Thatcher are right to be tough on the Russians... They protect our values... western values... Don’t you agree with that, Lotty?

I don’t know, mother... that’s extreme... I’m not sure communism would make that much difference to my life... or yours.

But don’t you see, dear, they’d make us do things we don’t want to do... They might make you work... or have more children... And Tom... they’d take his business away from him.

But, mother, they’d use his talent for... well... management... They’d make him a manager... They wouldn’t waste talents. That would be irrational, mother.

But don’t you see, dear, the Communists don’t like... they hate the middle classes... They would punish us... can’t you see that?

Oh mother, what funny ideas you have this morning. Why would they punish us? You’ve done nothing to be ashamed of. You... Neither have I or Dan... I mean, if it could make more people happy. Anyway, mother, there is no danger of that here. You know that. I mean – well – Roman Catholicism is very anti-communist... Their priests...

Oh, that’s all very well, Lotty, but the Russians could take over this country in a day... We have to depend on the British and the Americans to stop them... That’s realistic... Do you see, dear? It’s a question of power... Tom says that faith is no longer enough... There must be power... Like the atom bomb, I mean... Oh Lotty... it’s such a funny morning... The things I’m thinking of..

But why shouldn’t you think of them, mother? You have your own mind. Why shouldn’t you think?

But it’s so depressing, dear. I’m talking about the atom bomb now... Everyone is so afraid of being destroyed by it... What point is there in thinking about that, Lotty?

But, mother, that’s been around for years... I grew up thinking that.

Did... Yes... Of course... Oh. I hadn’t realised that... Yes... I remember now. You were only a girl and everyone thought there would be war... you know, atom bombs... I was so sad for you, dear... I mean... I thought you didn’t know. I thought you would die without knowing how... oh... Lotty, I thought you were so innocent... you know... to die in that horrible way.

Oh, mother... I didn’t know that... But I do remember the Cuban missile crisis... We talked about it at school... Some of the girls were fascinated... Roberta Montgomery was absolutely morbid...

I didn’t know that, Lotty... You mean you discussed it with others and not with me? Why could you not talk to me, Lotty? I was so worried for you.

Oh, mother, there were a lot of things I didn’t discuss with you then... Girls are like that... Weren’t you?

Me? No, Lotty... I had one childhood fiend... Camilla Legrenzi... She lived upstairs... We could never talk very well together... her language... But she was so sweet and...

Anyway, we talked about lots of things that... well... we wouldn’t discuss with our parents... Girls are like that... And boys.

Oh... oh Lotty, I never knew that. I always thought you were so innocent and... unknowing... When you sang... you know... oh, you were like an angel... I used to fear for you because... of the things you didn’t know... But Victor... your father... always said you would learn about them when you were old enough to bear them.

What things, mother?

What things? About life... about what went on in the world... That it wasn’t what it appeared to be... when you said you wanted to study history... I was so worried. You know, history is so unpleasant... I always thought that, Lotty. But Victor said it would give you a perspective... Did it, dear? Did it give you a perspective?

Oh mother! What a way to put it. I liked history... It... yes... it does give a perspective... It explains the present... you know... why people go to war.

Oh, I’m glad, Lotty... That’s what your father thought. I’m glad he was right, Lotty... He had such judgement, you know, dear. So quiet, yet he could see into things... and people... Oh...

Mother...

It’s alright, darling... I’m fine... Really... Perhaps it’s the kind of morning it is... It’s so sweet and gentle... You really ought to go out... You should take Brian for a walk.

I will... later... this afternoon...

Lotty, it is nice that you are a mother now... Oh... The things I am saying this morning... Really... But I mean that, dear... I feel we are like sisters... yes, sisters now... Perhaps that’s why I’ve said all these things to you... You don’t mind, Lotty, do you?

No, mother. Of course not... I’m sure I feel...

Oh good. There’s so much I want to tell you, Lotty. There are so many things in a woman’s... mother’s... life. Lotty, it’s so profound... Do you know that? It really is... Yes... I told Dan yesterday that... well, a mother feels that part of her is out in the world... It makes the world seem strange... A woman has