Tails of Socrates: The Search for Shorty Beard's Treasure

By Michael Ham

Weird Teddy Bear Fact: When you aren’t looking, your teddy bears have crazy adventures. This is the story of five wacky teddy bears as they travel with their owners to Meteor Crater Island, the rumored hiding place of the infamous pirate Shorty Beard’s treasure. At the same time, Gertie, their landlady, is trying to take over the world. Can our fluffy heroes save the world in time?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Michael Ham
• Release date: Jul 10, 2011
• ISBN: 9781466038820

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Tails of Socrates: The Search for Shorty Beard’s Treasure

By Michael and Lissie Ham

Copyright 2011 Michael and Lissie Ham at Smashwords

Discover more at http://www.TailsofSocrates.com

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Chapter 1: INTRODUCTION FROM SOCRATES

Welcome my non-furry friends, to a tale filled with squid, pirate treasure, attempted world domination and five very interesting, but crazy teddy bears. My name is Socrates, the most lovable, smartest and sadly, the most ignored dog in the world. Until recently I was living a nice boring life with my Big One, Gertie. Big Ones are what we dogs and teddy bears call our humans. Gertie and I would watch our soap operas together. Then she would pet me and feed me. Life was grand. Then, Gertie had some sort of midlife crisis and decided she needed more adventure in her life. So she put an ad in the paper looking for weird individuals to rent rooms in our house. She wanted a Dinosaur, a Mad Scientist, a Doctor, a Handyman, and a Pirate.

Strangely enough, they all showed up within a month of each other. Unfortunately for me, each of these Big Ones brought a weirdo teddy bear that I constantly have to rescue from some sort of crazy trouble.

These five fluffballs are always having some kind of adventure. They travel the world with Gertie and their Big Ones. They go have a good time while I get left all by myself. At least I don’t miss any of my soap operas, and I can work on my writing in the blessedly quiet house.

Why do I call the teddy bears weirdos, you might ask? Well, each bear was designed by their Big One. Schrodinger is by far the oddest-looking teddy bear because his Big One is a mad scientist. Schrodinger has white hair, gray fur and eight octopus tentacles where his legs should be! Sparkles’ Big One is a pirate so he gave her a peg leg, a hook hand, and an eye patch to go with her brown fur, fiery red hair and matching temper. Liz is by far my favorite. She is a stubby little green dinosaur-like teddy bear with long blond hair who just loves to pet me. Oh, and her Big One is a Tyrannosaurus Rex. Smish is the surgeon’s dark blue teddy bear; she surgically attached an extra arm, so he has two left arms! He always dresses in a lab coat which adds to his snootiness. Last, but not least, is the handy man’s teddy bear, Bernie. Bernie is a smart aleck red teddy bear with tools that fold out of his arms. The best thing about Bernie is that he will sneak beef jerky out of the cupboard for me.

Now I should warn you that I don’t know if any of their stories are true. I’m just telling you what those weird little bears tell me. Anyway, I won’t keep you waiting. I hope you will be as entertained by their exploits as I am.

This particular story begins in the trunk of the Gertie’s old, lime green Cadillac. For some reason, Gertie decided to travel to a deserted island that Pirate Carlos kept talking about. I swear, I’m the most normal person here, and I’m a dog who can use a typewriter and refers to himself as a person.

Okay, okay, you want to know about the story. That’s fine. So as I said this starts out in the trunk of Gertie’s car.

Chapter 2: THE TRUNK OF GERTIE’S CAR

Whew, I nearly missed getting into the suitcase. I can’t believe he was going to leave me behind, a gruff voice with a slight German accent came from a large black steamer trunk covered with physics equations. After a bit of struggling, the latches of