Spoon-fed Addiction

By Silvano Williams

Spoon-fed Addiction is a psychological thriller novella driven by Adiran’s stream-of-consciousness rants. Adiran is a sarcastic, nihilistic, yet charismatic young man determined to descend into the darkness surrounding him. A small-time drug dealer by trade, he will give you an intimate view into his mind and life as the night unfolds.

Adiran's night begins like any other, full of self-loathing and irreverent observations about the world around him, typical of a person that has grown up in an environment of drugs and apathy. A drug deal gone awry sets in motion the chain of events of this particular night. As the night goes on, Adiran’s grasp of reality unwillingly slips from him, forcing powerful and painful memories to resurface. Before crashing out of his subconscious, they were the reason for his spiral of constant sorrow and discontent. On this night, they fuel his rage and drive him into action.

Yet, putting into question his perception, Adiran glimpses something hidden within the shadows, a supernatural force that may be responsible for the circumstances that lead him on this catastrophic journey.

Take a ride into an almost familiar world as dreams become nightmares, lives become failures, and flawed perceptions of a reality tainted by things unseen give way to horrible consequences.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Silvano Williams
• Release date: Mar 6, 2011
• ISBN: 9781458102003

Silvano Williams

Silvano Williams was born in Puerto Rico and moved to Houston, Texas during his teen years. There, he went to high school and college. Currently, he resides in several places, depending on the time of day and his mood.

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SPOON-FED ADDICTION

by

SILVANO WILLIAMS

COPYRIGHT NOTICE

Spoon-fed Addiction

Copyright 2000, 2023 by Silvano Williams

All Rights Reserved.

Smashwords Edition

The fucked up thought process and all the characters and actions in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental or meant in a fictitious manner.

This e-book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This e-book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please buy an additional copy for each person. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Title Page

Copyright Notice

Acknowledgments

Adiran’s Poems

Prologue: Angela’s Diary

Chapter 1: Introduction to the Dream

Chapter 2: To Deal with Justice

Chapter 3: Awakening the Demon

Chapter 4: The Beginning of the End

Chapter 5: Plans and Highways

Chapter 6: Meetings of Empty

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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

This book is dedicated to the people of Alief Houston, Texas. Thanks for giving me such a colorful childhood and so many unforgettable adventures. You were, and still are, extraordinary characters in my life.

Thank you, my reader, for being willing to go on this crazy little ride. Enjoy!

troubled

troubled, they used to call me

until I revolted against society

now they call me rebellious

Sad Eyes

Sad eyes see a wasted life

Sad eyes see untold truths

Those eyes have seen what my own could not

Those sad eyes watch over me.

Sad eyes have seen me go

And I’m always here but never back

Sad eyes have tried to warn me

But eyes alone cannot talk.

Tears, I have seen them there

They do nothing for me but fall

Giving those eyes a truthful look

Which I’ve chosen to ignore.

Adiran P. Battlefield

ANGELA’S DIARY

December 20th, 1995

Dear Diary,

I have found love, and his name is Adiran. Adiran, who said to me he had heard God. He told me he did not mention anything to anyone about it but was telling me because he trusted me. He said God had told him in his dreams that he deserved to die, and I didn’t believe him until it was too late.

People found Adiran interesting, I suppose. Just about every person that has spoken to me since he left has asked me about him. I always say I didn’t know him that well. I found it annoying, the sudden interest by everyone… family, friends, and even strangers asking me personal stuff about him. And the worst part of it all was the lying reporters. Why should I tell them about Adiran? They don’t deserve to know anything!

I must admit, their uninvited prying made me jealous, and if I am completely honest, when I first met Adiran, I felt the same way. The need to know more about him affected me, and even though I’m sure I could’ve asked him anything, I never did.

Adiran was my sister’s friend first, but he was always happy to listen to me when we talked. He’d ask about my deepest thoughts and had even given me advice about boys. I never really felt the need to go into more in–depth conversations to connect with him. Being with him just felt, I don’t know, natural!

The truth is I knew very little about him, and I now realize I never got to know him as well as I should have. Back then, I didn’t know what he thought about life or what he feared the most. Deep down, was he lonely like I was?

But that’s just me, one of many, yet the only one. The one he chose. Now, I am the only one that knows what he really felt. Only I know what drove him to do the things he did.

Unfortunately, these randomly gathered scraps of his life are all I have to write about. Only I knew of his relationship with God. That god let him down, I feel it in my heart. God cursed Adiran for who he was.

When he told me about his dreams, he came to my house in the dead of night and tapped on my window. No one had ever knocked on my bedroom window before. I was both fearful and excited to see him standing in the dark.

It was surreal! Everything in my very being told me to let him in.

When Adiran spoke, he was direct and sincere. He was so open about what was happening that I initially doubted him. Surely, he wanted more from me than my ear. I knew of his reputation with girls, but even then, I wasn’t concerned.

When our eyes met, it all became clear to me. What Adiran was talking about were not just dreams. He had literally challenged God, and I was part of his plan. I could tell by the expression on his face, by the tone of his voice, and by how he stood. Even as Adiran hunched down to meet my eyes, he was so tall. The look in his eyes, they sealed my heart to his.

Adiran’s eyes were piercing and mischievous. Looking closer, I noticed they were bloodshot and were so glary I could almost see myself in their reflection. He was attentive of me, but he behaved as if he could see much more beyond me. The way Adiran looked at me made me feel like he spoke to more than just my body. He spoke directly into my soul.

Adiran looked deep into me, and I felt his soul grasping me, his love unveiling itself around me. It was as if at that moment, I had been pulled out of a world of ignorance and had awakened with an important revelation.

Then Adiran said God did not want him alive, so he was going to make sure he went to Hell when he died. Adiran would not give an uncaring god the satisfaction of judging him.

I couldn’t say anything in return. I was confused by what Adiran had said. I was afraid of saying the wrong thing. What could I have said? When I finally gathered my thoughts, they were scrambled again by the sudden touch of his fingertips on my cheek. It clouded my thinking. Yes, I became selfish thinking I would finally have him, at once forgetting his words.

Adiran wiped a tear from my face I didn’t know was there.

His other hand slipped around my waist to pull me closer to his warm body. Then he gently slid it up my back. I felt a pull at my stomach, and my arms and legs were suddenly covered in goosebumps against my will.

When he reached my neck, I surrendered completely to his physical manipulation. My insecurities had disappeared. I finally felt like I was good enough for someone, and I couldn’t be happier that it was him.

Adiran cupped my face with both of his hands, and I felt his dry lips touching mine, kissing me. We kissed like newly found lovers would, with such passion that I fell in love. I wanted him close to me for the rest of my life.

His hot, heavy breath on my ear made me tighten in anticipation. His whisper was even softer as he told me he loved me while holding my shaking hands in his. I had wished him to say these words to me since the day we first met.

Then Adiran pulled away and our eyes locked. I was ready to give myself to him, but to my surprise, he made to leave.

Anguish, disappointment, unanswered anticipation… I don’t know what I felt then. Seeing him climb out of my window and into the night broke my heart. The wave of emotions crashing through me brought me to my knees.

Through tearful eyes, I saw him turn and face me once more. Our gazes met again, and even in the dark, I saw Adiran’s wet eyes sparkling at me, engraving every emotion of that moment into my very soul. I saw a tear, a glimmer of sadness, fall from his face and into the shadows that surrounded him. I closed my eyes to cry with him, overcome by an unexplainable feeling of loss.

This encounter had some secret meaning for Adiran. Something so significant I couldn’t grasp it until it was too late.

Now he’s been taken away, and the only thing I can do is hope that he knows how much I love him. I love him more than life itself!

Finally, I’ve understood what his god had said to him. It’s been two months since Adiran left me. It’s been two months of wanting him more than anything else in my life, while everyone else has turned against him. Even my family despises me for sticking up for him. My father blames his work problems on me. Like I give a shit!

Life itself has lost its meaning. Before that day, before Adiran told me he loved me, I had a purpose. Then they took him, emptying my soul and my heart.

But I know they can’t ever stop my Adiran. On some nights, I hear him calling for me. I want to touch him again, so I whisper to him in the dark, hoping he sees me in his dreams. I’ve felt him, and I know he comes to me because I am the only one!

On those nights, he breathes into my ear, and sometimes around my neck and down my back. Warm, comforting whispers that assure me that when I die, I will be with him. Because with Adiran’s help, I know I’ll be able to come back just as he does for me. I will