Blade Chatter

By Sara Marie Hogg

Geezers gone wild, strange medical conditions, alcoholic rants, phobias, manias, compulsions, paranormal and psychic activity--these are just some of the themes of Blade Chatter--Twenty Four Stories of the Macabre, a volume of short fiction.
Blade Chatter has been nominated in two categories for Global eBook Awards! Short Stories AND Best Illustration, Adult Fiction for 2011.
It was awarded two Silver Medals that year, one for each category.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Sara Marie Hogg
• Release date: Jul 11, 2010
• ISBN: 9781452319513

Sara Marie Hogg

Sara Marie Hogg was born in 1949 in Cabool, Missouri to Laura Marie and Dr. Garrett Hogg Jr., M.D. She attended Stephen F. Austin State University and graduated with a BFA from Texas Christian University in 1972 with a major in painting. She also studied under the instruction of Chapman Kelly and Alberto Collie at Northwood Institute of Texas in the Arts Program. She has been published in Springfield! Magazine, Fate Magazine, Tulsa World and Taney County Times Newspapers. Poetry is her first love and she received an award in the First Annual Missouri Writers' Week Awards for Poetry and she received a Boswell Award for poetry from the English Department of her alma mater, TCU. Her poetry has been spotlighted in many anthologies including one by Enright House of Ireland. Her bound works include Catho Darlington--Lessons Learned in the Space Age (a novel), Blade Chatter (a short story collection written under a pseudonym) and Dark Shadings, Spattered Light, her first volume of poetry. She is also working on a children's book, Mumbledypeg, On Call, and a second volume of poetry, Multiple Exposures. Publishing Update: Blade Chatter received second place awards in short fiction and illustration, Global eBook Awards. Her volume of poetry, Multiple Exposures was the first place winner in poetry, 2012, Global eBook Awards. She has serialized three Detective Thriller novels at Venture Galleries: The Scavenger's Song, Dark Continent, Continental and Gris Gris. All three feature homicide detectives Angus Carlyle and Skeeter Sherwood. She writes a weekly Mystery Blog for Venture Galleries that uses fictional stories to explore unsolved mysteries and is bundling these stories into books the books Quite Curious and Curious, Indeed. The first has been published and the second is almost completed. The eerie work of short fiction, The Spark of Life will be the title story in a volume of short fiction. She also plans a work, It Rises From the Pee Dee, about a young man that gets involved in the Revolutionary War because of his skill as a scout and spy. At times he disguises himself as a Native American while he is working for regiments in the Carolinas. He survives the war, marries and has children.

Book preview

blade chatter

Twenty-four Stories of the Macabre

by

Sara Marie Hogg

SMASHWORDS EDITION

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PUBLISHED BY:

Sara Marie Hogg on Smashwords

Blade Chatter

Twenty-four Stories of the Macabre

Paperback Copyright ©2000 by Sara Marie Hogg

Smashwords Copyright ©2010 by Sara Marie Hogg

All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.

Smashwords Edition License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the author’s work.

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Blade Chatter

24 Stories of the Macabre

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CONTENTS

I. BLADE CHATTER

Blade Chatter

The Slasher

II. SOUTHERN HOSPITALITY

Oh Well

Four Eyes

Dummy Joe

III. POT LIQUOR

A Deadly Poison

The Satin Thing

IV. NIGHT SWEATS

Marlena

Lymphoreticulosis

V. DEMENTIA

The Fuzzy Brown Thing

Of Letters and Numbers

Wally

The Butler Didn’t Do It

VI. PHANTOM LIMBS

Henry

Thanksgiving Joy

VII. POWDER BURNS

Hot, Quick

Trailer Trash

VIII. FREAK WAVES AND STRANGE OCCURRENCES

Flip and Flap

The Big Tip

Mammalius Galacticus Universalis

The Photograph

Mistletoe Magic

Loathsome Creatures

The Cast Iron Stomach

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I. BLADE CHATTER

#

BLADE CHATTER

Now fellas, we are going to have a friendly little competition here—for the tenderest barbecued ribs which we will cook and later eat. You have each been assigned a number, one through ten, assigned randomly, I might add, Dr. Langston Caldecort started his instructions to the police officers assembled in the back yard of Police Commissioner Robert McBrearty for an informal banquet being held at the end of a progressive training session.

The six-part course was the brainchild of Caldecort who thought it would be helpful for the homicide detectives from a four-state area to learn the inside details of procedures performed by himself and other medical examiners. They might be able to keep their crime scenes from getting contaminated. Maybe they could collect more meaningful evidence. Langston continued: There are ten tables here. Each table has some pork ribs, barbecue sauce, steak sauces, beer, vinegar, lemon juice and so on. Next to each of these tables is a drum cooker, with the coals all ready to go. The rules are these—you can use all of the items on the table or none of them, but the goal is to have the tenderest ribs. You CANNOT, I repeat CANNOT use any item or utensil that is NOT on your table. Cheaters will be prosecuted!

There was a slight rumble of laughter after this last statement. So go to the table with your assigned number, work as a team, and come up with the best recipe. If you want to write you process down, we may want to exchange recipes later. When we are through, we will eat the results. Leftovers will go to a local nursing home, so think TENDER, and don’t break the rules.

Dr. Caldecort started to step down from the microphone, then returned. I would like to add that Harvey has prepared wonderful side dishes to go with these ribs, when they are ready, and complimentary bread and dessert will be provided by The Lovin’ Oven bakery, so take this into consideration if you ever have to pull any to these nice bakers over for anything. The detectives chuckled and the men wearing the baker’s uniforms smiled and waved at the officers. Harvey gave a theatrical bow, waving a dangerous looking meat fork in his hand.

Five minutes passed and Dr. Caldecort chuckled to himself as he scanned the back yard from the patio. They ALWAYS did this. It never failed. The group at table number one was stabbing their ribs with the butcher knife and sprinkling them with vinegar . . . STAB! STAB! STAB! SPRINKLE! SPRINKLE! SPRINKLE!

The members of the group at table number two were mostly rookies. They had something to prove. One of them stabbed the ribs with points of poultry shears provided. As Langston continued to watch, he saw one of them grab the scissors away and cut tiny slits in the meat and drip lemon juice into each tiny cut. Another was ready and rubbed cloves of garlic on the meat, while another, filled his palm with coarse ground black pepper and rubbed each slab with generous portion. They worked assembly-line fashion. I doubt if the old folks could eat these leftovers. We’ll have to eat ’em all ourselves! Toooooooo spicey," a rookie announced to his buddies.

The officers were mumbling and griping at some of the tables. The Dr. grinned as he sauntered about observing. Remember gentlemen, you can use ONLY what is on your table. If you feel you don’t have the right equipment, that it is not fair, well, I am sorry, but you will see the purpose of this later. Do the best you can with what you have got. This is only for FUN, anyway.

"FUN! FUN! FUN! Boomed a burly officer at table number nine. He was banging away on racks of ribs with a ball peen hammer. Juices flew from the meat and splattered the nearest tablecloth. A small piece of meat landed on Dr. Caldecort’s eyeglasses. He scissor-stepped to the next station where a detective was putting water in a pan and setting it directly on the glowing coals.

We’re gonna try steaming ours, Doc, anybody ever tried that? Langston nodded in the affirmative. He was beginning to get very hungry.

Gradually, the detectives returned to sit at their tables while the meat was cooking. They sipped beer that was drawn off kegs and talked shop, returning to the drum cookers from time to time to check the results of their labors. After an hour, the slabs of pork ribs started arriving at the tables. Harvey positioned side dishes and distributed paper plates and plastic silverware. Some of you will need BIBS, he guffawed.

It was almost nine p.m. and finally growing dark. Spooky shadows were cast by the flames of citronella candles. As detectives slurped and smacked their delicious meal of ribs, baked beans, slaw, pickles, potato salad and rolls, Harvey walked through the group with a large bucket. I need ALL your rib bones in this bucket, please. He disappeared into the house with the bucket, and returned a short while later with a tray covered by a towel. Doc says human flesh and pork flesh are mighty similar!

The noises on the lawn were cheerful and boisterous. Fingers were still being licked and the men did not perhaps notice an activity going on in their midst. Two movie screens were being set up. Dr. Caldecort was behind a standard slide projector. He centered the projector light on the screen and enlarged the image. He got behind the other machine which also gave off a cone of light, this one he also centered on the other screen. The voices on the lawn fell silent and activity ceased. Several winced at the feedback surging through Dr. Caldecort’s microphone. He thumped it twice. If I could have your attention please, continue, eating if you can, heh, heh, just PAY ATTENTION! He returned to a space behind the standard projector. There was a roar of laughter from the group. This is what I looked like as a baby! Up on the screen was the photograph of a chubby six month old, in Sunday attire, circa 1927. He walked to an area behind the other machine. He removed something from under a towel on a nearby tray. He placed it at a spot toward the base of the machine, then began focusing the image that was on the screen. Focusing this machine was done digitally, simply by punching numbers. He saw the men’s heads straining to see what they were looking at. These are microscopic images, so you will not recognize them. Let me run through several of them quickly, just show them to you, then I will go back and discuss each one in detail. He paused after each image was projected and let the men absorb the information. Do any of you have any idea what these are? Each image was similar, but different. No one ventured a remark. This is a BONE and these marks, were made by an ice pick. He put up another image. Another bone, this time, the marks were made by scissors. Again, the ice pick, he projected the first one, then the second, now, the scissors. Note the difference. Here we have a bone, the marks were made by a filet knife such as a fisherman would use. This bone was cut by a French chef ’s knife."

Dr. Caldecort returned to the standard projector. Let’s view some prepared slides, now. Human skin. See, it is in little rolls, rolled up. Another. He clicked. Another. He clicked again. Another. All of this skin came from the same source. It was under the fingernails of the homicide victim. She clawed, dragging her fingers down. It rolled up under the nails and stayed there. We had a DNA match with the suspect. BINGO! Bag the hands, boys, first thing. BAG THE HANDS! If something falls off the body, it will still be in the bag."

He clicked another slide. "Normal stab wounds. Now, look at this process. I am pouring barium sulfate into the wound. Then we X-Ray from many different angles. The barium sulfate makes the exact contours of the wound radiopaque. We have an exact replica of the blade on the X-ray film, Caldecort added.

"You often hear a rather redundant story about a weaponless crime. It seems someone stabs someone with an icicle and the weapon melts long before the body is discovered and the water is absorbed by the body. See this slide? What does it look like?

That’s right, a rather large icicle. Actually, its an X-ray film of barium sulfate that has been poured into an icicle wound. It is an exact replica of the murder weapon, so that old redundant story will no longer HOLD WATER! Sorry, I couldn’t resist that!"

Moans of mock disgust rippled through the throng.

When an M.E. establishes a wrong time of death, it can give more guilty men an alibi, or send more innocent men to the gallows than any other error he can make. If a murderer can manipulate the time of death—body temperature drops one and a half degrees per hour post mortem—he has it made. How would this be accomplished? They have tried heat and refrigeration!

Now let’s go back to the beginning. The nicks on this bone were made by an ice pick. We had some fun with you guys. The bone here is a pork rib bone and it was prepared tonight, I can deduce at table number six, barbecued here this very evening. Harvey picked up all of the bones, cleaned them up a bit, and I selected them at random from beneath the towel. You were told to use only the items on the table. Table number six was the only table with an ice pick!

There was a wave of mumbling and chuckling across the lawn. Burrrrrrrrrrp! A rookie burped loudly at this point and the officers roared.

"If you will remember, we only gave you plastic silverware to eat with. This was so the marks on the bones would not be contaminated by other marks. This second bone here was injured by a