Looking for You

By Patricia Kennedy

As her past catches up to her, Jessica has to make decisions and make them fast. Is she going to keep reliving it or is she finally going to move on? Is confronting her issues worth the agony for both her and Alek? On top of all this she’s thrust into the family circle where very few look at her with an open mind. Obviously their quick marriage doesn’t sit well, but should she care? At the end of the day it’s just him and her right?
After all she’s now part of one of the wealthiest land owning crime families. Not only that but she’s now the wife of the next in line to succeed the head of it all, and it clearly ruffles more than one feather amongst the tight knit clan.
With controversy regarding not only the legitimacy of their relationship, her past which happens to involve the Petrov business and how his family perceives her, makes everything more than slightly colorful. Can she handle it? Does Alek still want her even after their loss? Will the other’s perceptions of her matter to him? The strength of their wills is tested in more than one way once again.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Patricia Kennedy
• Release date: Dec 5, 2013
• ISBN: 9781311794505

Patricia Kennedy

Author Patricia Kennedy showcases vintage postcards and images from her personal collection, along with photographs from the San Francisco Archives. She has added to her collection extensively while traveling as a pianist aboard the American Orient Express.

Book preview

Chapter One

"No! Stop hurting me! Please, stop! No more!"

I feel blood trickle down my back. Fuck this hurts!

Beep. Beep. Beep.

What is that erratic beeping I hear?

Ugh, I’m numb.

Russian, I hear someone speaking in it.

Papa my idem v Atlantu. Dzhessika prosto vykidysh. Poluchitʹ Ivan obnaruzhil, chto ublyudok seychas. YA sobirayusʹ zastavitʹ yego zaplatitʹ . Do skorogo Lyublyu tebya. Dad we're coming to Atlanta. Jessica just miscarried. Get Ivan to find that fucker now. I'm going to make him pay. See you soon. Love you.

I recognize the voice. It’s Alek. Oh, thank god.

Alek. I muster though I have a severe case of cotton mouth. Licking my lips, I try to feel coming up empty though.

Hi baby. I’m right here. He says softly grabbing hold of my hand and I feel a soft kiss placed on my forehead.

Oh god, the pictures flash back in my head. Did Anthony really have to send that? What the hell happened?

Where am I? I murmur.

Baby you’re in the hospital. Scott and Louis are right here too. He whispers and softly kisses my knuckles.

Hey sweetheart. I hear Scott say.

I turn my head and crack open an eye. Why Scott? Why can’t he just leave me alone?

I don’t know sweetheart. I’m so terribly sorry. Scott pleads and the hurt in his eyes is clear as day.

Tears stream down my face as I take in the shitty reality that the man I loathe has finally found me. It’s taken him five years but he’s done it and fuck does it scare the shit out of me. God just when I find absolute bliss, I face this horror once again. Looking him in the eye as best as I can I say, Sell the house Alek. I can’t go back there again. He’s found me.

He nods surely. Okay baby. Whatever you want gorgeous, I love you. He kisses my lips gently and whispers Scott’s going to come with me to get some of your things. Looks like we’re spending the holidays with my parents after all gorgeous.

I love you. I whisper and I fall back asleep.

I awake when I feel my body being lifted. Alek? I inquire with a mere whisper.

Yes baby, it’s me. We’re leaving the hospital and we’re heading to Atlanta. It’s okay my love I got you.

The next thing I know, still in his arms is we’re all boarding the plane and I hear through my grogginess Simon greet Alek. Good afternoon sir.

Afternoon Simon, fine to Atlanta?

Yes sir, we should be there in about an hour.

Once the plane takes off, I curl into him and my body succumbs to sleep once again.

Chapter Two

Mama, where to? I hear Alek ask as I feel him walk with me in his arms. My energy has left me completely, I can barely lift my head. I feel like the epitome of a lump on a log.

Hi moy syn. Up the stairs third door on the right. I decipher through my grogginess. He lays me down on a bed and I curl up into the pillows. I just want to sleep away this horrid nightmare.

I hear him say, Guys please stay with her I need to confer with my father for a moment.

Sinking into a deep sleep I again see the pictures Anthony sent. God, what horrific memories they bring up. Why can’t he just leave me alone? I wonder if there’s a way to erase these ghastly moments. I’ve never wanted anything gone from my life more than that man and everything he entails.

I sleep fine when Alek’s arms are wrapped around me holding me tight, his body snug to mine. When we’re not is when I tend to have the flashbacks. When I’m empty is when the vivid gruesome pictures flash into my mind, reminding me. But with him near or touching me, I sleep like an angel, not seeming to think about anything negative. I’ve been in and out of sleep for so long I have no idea how many days it’s been but I suddenly smell a wonderful aroma. Finally angst, curiosity and hunger spur me to arise. So I muster what bit of slight courage I have and force myself to get up and take a shower. I let the relentless spray of water pelt me for a long time. Man oh man does my body hurt. The hot spray, while it feels euphoric on my skin, makes me feel every ounce of pain and hurt that seems to be never ending coursing through my body.

God I miss Alek. He makes everything just…..better.

I make short work of cleaning and finish feeling clean but now empty. I slide on a pair of Seven jeans which are now really loose, a chunky grey cashmere The Row turtleneck sweater, cream Ugg slippers and spin my hair into a bun. I mindlessly head down stairs to the kitchen to figure out what is emitting this delicious odor.

Well, hello devochka. How are you feeling? Mrs. Petrov asks warmly as I walk in. She’s in jeans, a baby blue sweater, baby blue slippers standing in front of the stove stirring something that resembles a stew.

Smiling shyly I answer, Achy. What are you cooking Mrs. Petrov? It smells lovely.

My dear I’m making what you would declare the Russian version of a beef stew. I take a seat at the counter on one of the barstools right in front of her, so I can watch. Devochka would you like a glass of champagne?

"Sure and what’s devochka Mrs. Petrov?"

It’s baby girl in Russian and please call me Mama. I’ve earned the title beautiful.

Yes ma’am. While she pours me a glass and I can’t help but ask about the man I adore, How’s Alek?

She stops her pouring of champagne and meets my eyes square on. Devochka, how do you think he is? He pretty much lost his child to your sadistic ex. He’s grieving, though for all of us who know him, we know he’ll never tell anyone.

My head instantly drops into my hands and I begin to sob. Fuck! No wonder my body hurts so much! God have mercy on his heart! My poor husband has to deal with not only my past but this tragic blow now.

Devochka please don’t cry. He tells me you like to cook. Will you help me please?

Man she’s a smart woman. That’s a perfect way to distract me. Unable to form words I nod and come around the counter. As I begin to chop the vegetables she says, Thank you for bringing Alek out of his shell. He’s always kept himself hidden and I’m glad he’s finally showing some warmth.

Nodding I confess, Ah, but it’s your son who brought me back alive Mrs. Petrov. It is I that thanks him every day. Please tell me stories about his youth. I need a diversion right now Mama.

Yes, of course devochka. Well I’ll start by saying he has always been a very determined man. He finds something he wants, he gets it, always has. I wouldn’t ever declare him narrow minded just focused. In school he was the perfect student always one step ahead, social life is where he lacked. He was never one to go to parties, or get into trouble. I remember one time for a school project he came up with an idea. It was all the different ways one could make one hundred dollars in less than five days. Needless to say, boy genius made about ten thousand and he hasn’t looked back. He’s always been relentless when it comes to money.

The front door loudly shuts in the house. Wow, it smells good. Mama?

In here moy syn. She replies and smiles at me knowingly.

I get nervous at the worrisome feeling I have. This fear is one I’ve never felt before because it’s not one of terror it’s one from the heart. Will this man that I adore still love me, even though my body rejected his child and my ex is still terrifying me?

Chapter Three

I’m anxiously stirring the stew, though trying to give off the calm cool vibe when I hear his deep rich voice. It moves over me like soft rich leather and my heart stops yet blood surges through my veins in overdrive.

Baby, he whispers and I turn and see him standing at the entrance of the kitchen.

Wow, this man looks beyond incredibly good. Though I don’t make it obvious, he purely knocks me on my ass. He’s wearing a navy three piece suit, white shirt, navy silk tie and tan Denver cap-toe shoes. An absolute male model from head to toe in my opinion. Without thinking I walk to him and run my fingers through the stubble of his beard. His eyes close as he leans into my touch. Hi handsome, I’ve missed you. I say faintly.

He smiles shyly, cups my face in his big hands and plants a long sweet kiss on my lips, stealing my breath away. I’ve missed you baby. How are you feeling?

Achy, though the delicious aroma of your mother’s food dragged me out of bed. I asked her to show me how to make this.

Mama, make sure you get this woman’s recipe for spaghetti sauce, it’s off the charts. He tells her, taking his jacket off then looks squarely at me, eyeing me hard. Baby have you eaten anything today? I shake my head no. Let’s get some food in you, you’ve gotten too skinny.

Syn let me take care of that. You just love on her. She needs a hell of a lot of that right now. Mrs. Petrov proclaims and dishes out a bowl for me.

Baby you up for taking a trip to Scott and Louis’ later? He asks as he sits in the breakfast nook settling me onto his lap.

Nodding I run my hands through his hair and plant a chaste kiss on his lips. I love you so much and sure. I answer in a hushed tone.

He moans and exhales loudly, placing kisses all over my face.

Syn it’s beautiful to see you in love so. Don’t let that fire die. Mrs. Petrov professes.

No mama I won’t, it’s not possible. I’m more worried about the inferno she’s instilled in me that’ll kill me before I hit forty. I love her so much. I’d give everything up for just her breath. She is my everything.

Tears well up in my eyes as I look into his emeralds, wow this man really loves me. Running my fingertips along his bottom lip I whisper You are a god my love.

Sighing he shakes his head. No baby I’m far from it. Eat up, please.

Yes sir.

Giving in, I take a bite and oh this is just what I needed. It’s the epitome of comfort food.

Wow it hits the spot perfectly.

I’ve missed that sound. He whispers in my ear and he plants a gentle kiss on my temple.

Embarrassed I feel myself turn bright red and look over at Mrs. Petrov. This is absolutely delicious, just what I needed. Thank you Mama. She smiles warmly and winks at me, so I resume chowing down. I inhale what’s in the bowl in two point two and declare myself officially sated.

Feel a little better? I nod as he rubs my back soothingly. Want to go see the guys now or later?

Do you have any more work to do today? I don’t want to be an inconvenience.

Nonsense, baby, I’ll let them know we’re coming. He places a kiss on my neck and grabs his phone, shooting Scott a text. He lifts me up and sets me down in another chair. Leaning down, his lips press a lingering kiss on the top of my head. I’ll be right back gorgeous.

I watch him walk away and while I feel a void from his absence my mouth salivates. Needing a distraction from any sexual thoughts, I get up, wash the dishes, shove them into the dishwasher and head to the fridge. More champagne Mama?

Sure, please.

I pour all of us a glass and clinking our flutes together I say to her, Thank you for your hospitality Mama. I know I haven’t been the most social guest and I apologize sincerely, but here’s to a Happy New Year.

Ura and devochka you’re family now so no need to apologize. Mrs. Petrov responds with a warm smile.

Chapter Four

Alek comes walking back in and my breath leaves me instantly. The butterflies in my belly are going wild as I take in this view of him. He’s now wearing a black cashmere crewneck sweater, his watch, jeans and black snakeskin driving loafers. His hair has gotten a little longer making it look even more shaggy than normal, putting very naughty and salacious thoughts into my head.

Hmmm…..More to grab onto, yeah baby.

He strides over to me with eyes piercing and leans down to whisper in my ear. Baby, please don’t look at me that way. We can’t go there just yet. Standing, he addresses his mother. Mama, I wouldn’t count on us being back in time for dinner. Svidaniya lyublyu tebya.

do svidaniya syna lyublyu tebya. Bye son love you. Mrs. Petrov replies with a smile.

Come baby, let’s go. He says holding out his hand out.

Really?

He wants me to not have lewd thoughts when he says something like this? He’s got to be joking. I take his hand and he pulls it up to his lips, placing a sweet kiss on my knuckles. The butterflies in my belly go crazy again and a strangled sigh escapes my lips barely. He shakes his head, I’m guessing out of frustration, and out we walk.

I see Edgar holding the door open for us. Afternoon Edgar. How are you today?

Smiling he responds, Good afternoon Mrs. Petrov. I’m well thank you. How are you?

A warm smile spreads across my face as I hear those words. I’m getting better by the minute, thank you.

Before closing the door Alek curtly tells him, Take us to Scott’s please Edgar.

As Edgar pulls out of the driveway Alek puts up the partition and commands quietly, Come here baby. I need to touch you. More than willingly I curl up in his lap and he wraps his arms around my waist. His eyes close as he takes a deep breath. You smell so good. God, I’ve missed you.

Oh darling, I’m so sorry. My fingers run along his jaw as I plant soft kisses on his lips.

His body immediately goes completely rigid as this unnerves him. Growling, with fury raging in his eyes, he says sternly, DO NOT FUCKING say sorry to me EVER again, do you understand me?

I’m sure my eyes bug out of my head. I’m totally taken aback by how damn scary he is right now. I’d hate to see this man really pissed. Between his size and controlled persona, if and when he unleashed that beast, I’d be terrified if I was on that wrong side of the fence.

Shaking his head curtly he cups my face firmly in his hands. Baby, I’m the one who is sorry. I never want to see you hurt. Watching you in such pain, going through this pretty much alone has been killing me. Losing our child due to that sick fucks idea of memory lane has me filled with so much rage. I promise you, if I saw him right now, I would kill him slowly. Make him feel every ounce of pain I instill.

Well since he brought up the issue I decide to address it. Alek my body would have forced the miscarriage anyways. That’s what an IUD does, well pretty much. Did the doctor’s put in a new one?

He shakes his head. Stroking my cheekbones with his thumbs he answers, No, they said you needed to wait, to let your body heal. I had them give you a shot of depo though. Why did you have one anyways? I mean instead of pills or whatever?

I had one because, I find I get quite moody and I like being even keel if you know what I mean. Running my fingers across his chest a small smile spreads across my lips because now I can ask what I really want to know. So since I’m good to go on the birth control part, when can we go there again?

He chuckles loudly. You’re insatiable baby you know that, right?

I banter back. You’ve created a fiend. This is your fault mister.

That gets a good laugh out of him. Man, even his laugh is sexy as hell, all velvety and deep.

The doctor said to wait at least a week, no matter what. If you’re no longer bleeding or in any pain, then we go from there.

I quickly do the math in my head and thinking of the timing I can’t help but admit with elation, Talk about a way to ring in the New Year stud, sweet baby Jesus.

Wrapping his arms back around me, still laughing he confesses, Damn, I love your wicked sense of humor. As the car slows down he tells me, We’re here baby. Edgar pulls up to the main entrance and opens Alek’s door. He climbs out and as I watch this, I feel quite homely regarding my comfy attire, knowing I’m with this gorgeous Adonis.

Damn he’s sexy.

I take his proffered hand. Shall we my love? Grabbing my left hand he plants a soft kiss on my band then walks us inside.

Chapter Five

I’m totally swooning, totally floating on cloud nine so when we enter the elevator I turn facing him. Shaking his head trying to dissuade me, I go opposite. Determined, I let go of his hand, run my fingers up through his beard and push them into his hair, grabbing hold of his black locks. Standing on my tip toes because even though I’m almost six feet he’s six and a half and that’s a bit of a gap, I squeeze my fingers and a deep groan echoes throughout his body. I pull his head down to my mouth and his fingers dig into my hips as my tongue flicks his top lip. Tracing the seam of lips seeking permission, he parts them and all hell breaks loose. The absence of touch for the last four days gets poured into this kiss, the inferno is uncontrollable, a true wild fire that even an ocean of water couldn’t put out. He bands his arms around my body curling into me, pressing us together tighter.

Just as we crescendo almost to the peak of arousal, all of a sudden the elevator dings telling us we’re here. We break apart like we’ve just ran a marathon. Panting we step out and bam, there’s Scott and Louis standing there with shit eating grins on their faces. Alek runs his hands forcefully through his hair and adjusts himself, then says, Sorry guys, I just got molested. Tame her will ya. We all bust out laughing. He smacks my butt confessing You’re going to kill me baby.

Still laughing, Louis pipes up Worse ways to go you know.

Groaning Alek admits, Yeah, but I still have to wait a minimum of three days regardless.

Oh I’m going to be so evil. This is going to be so much fun! I tell him with a devilish grin as we all head inside their place.

After the three of them shake hands, Scott opens his arms and I happily walk into them. Squeezing tightly he whispers in my ear. It’s so good to see you sweetheart. How are you feeling?

Achy, but getting better by the minute obviously. I chuckle referring to my assault on Alek in the elevator. He laughs and places a chaste kiss on my lips.

Then I walk over to Louis who is chatting with Alek. Hey honey, and proceeds to give me one of his all-encompassing bear hugs. Honey let’s get some food in you. You’ve lost weight.

What can I say I had a very colorful Christmas holiday, if you know what I mean. I shrug my shoulders, trying to seem nonchalant.

Honey, that’s putting it mild. Wine? I nod and he stalks off to the wine room. Alek has found a seat on a barstool and Scott’s sitting on the opposite counter facing him.

I hear Scott say She would know.

I would know what? I ask, curious as ever, glancing between the two hunks.

Alek groans and looks down at the counter.

I would know what Scott? I press, somewhat perturbed no one has yet answered me.

Where Anthony is. He answers and I stop breathing, eyeing him like a deer in headlights.

"Baby I didn’t want to ask it of