Elusive

By Lydia Mirabella Obrien

Lisa is a regular girl forced to grow up quickly by an unusual string of ill fated events. She runs away from her small home town to Los Angeles for a fresh start. Just as things start looking up, her past comes back and threatens to take everything away from her that she worked so hard to achieve. Now she is left with no choice but to face the demon itself or lose everything she loves again.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lydia Mirabella Obrien
• Release date: Dec 4, 2013
• ISBN: 9781311910523

Book preview

Chapter 1

I removed my heels and dropped them by the door as I closed it. Just got home from my second job and I felt so tired and sore. Rubbing my right foot as I dropped the keys on top of the center table, I decided against turning on the TV and just stared in silence.

I exercised my neck and shoulders and just sat in silence. I missed being around people and being the center of attraction. My life now is so different from the way I planned it to be. As a kid I worked hard and studied harder to make sure I get the grades I needed to be noticed, to stand out from my classmates. I practiced cheer-dancing and got my dream of being head cheerleader in senior year.

The best part was being noticed in an inter-high cheerleading competition and getting a special award. My ex once said that when I wanted something I would eventually get it or will not stop trying.

But now look at me. I live in a small apartment good enough for two people. I have no car, I have no savings and I am not a college graduate. Things got out of hand the last year of my stay in Frazier Park with my now deceased parents. Although I admit, there were other options for me after they passed away, I did not take them and I decided to run away instead of spending for almost two years in foster care.

I’m poor and I’m not going hungry either. But I have to work my ass off to pay all the bills, the rent and basically survive. Then there’s my sister and the bills I had to pay for her stay in an institution. I allotted a rather large chunk of my income to pay for that. It’s my duty as her older sister and she’s the only family I have.

I guess I have it lucky because I have a stable job at LA’s Heavenly. The shop is just around the corner from my apartment. It’s basically a pastry shop and I love working there because of the nice employees and an even nicer boss. I had a real friend there too and the owner is encouraging me to pursue my new found dream of baking professionally.

I sighed and went back to reality. My bag was still on my shoulder and I thrust my hand inside it to look for two things – my cigarette pack and lighter. It was a long day and I needed a drink but I was too tired to make more efforts of serving myself food or drinks. I didn’t want to go out either because my legs already hurt and walking to a bar would be so tiresome at this point. I just wanted to rest my legs so I put them up the center table.

A bit later, I stood up and unbuttoned my uniform dress and let it slide off my skinny body. In nothing but my black lingerie, I climbed up the coffee table to put my feet up on the window sill and silently wished for a bottle of beer. Looking outside my window, I felt something empty in my stomach. No, I’m not at all hungry. I just feel like there’s this space inside of me and I just can’t seem to understand what it is among the many things that I am lacking, causes this void. I feel it there almost all the time and especially right now that I’m thinking about it, I feel it growing bigger and eating my insides.

I lit a cigarette and opened the only window in my little apartment. I heard the faint music from the other apartment units and so I listened as I puffed out the white smoke. I noticed that I’ve been forgetting to shave my legs and have nice hot bath before I go to sleep. I’ve been here in this apartment for only three months, but I’ve been in Los Angeles for almost four years.

Every once in a while, I missed my home in Frazier Park. I missed my parents the most and missed being a part of a family. Especially on nights like these when it’s terribly quiet and lonely, I remember my family. We were so happy once, but in a strange and unfortunate chain of events, everything was taken away from me.

I took a deep puff from my cig, it made the little stick crackle and burn bright. Thoughts of my dad first surfaced; they were like pictures I was flipping over in my head. I used to watch my dad smoke with his feet up on his office table as he smiled blankly at the ceiling. He looked like a satisfied man and it was as if he did not have a care in the world. As a kid, I wondered what it was like to smoke. Now that I smoke often, I wish I had not started this nasty habit that was already starting to become an addiction. My teeth had yellow stains already and I guess two packs of cigarettes a day make me a chain smoker.

I’ve never had to worry about myself before - mom usually did everything for me and my younger sister Amiel.

‘Mom…’ my heart called out to her. I could feel physical pain when I thought of her. It was such a surprise that anyone could die of a broken heart. I remembered her as if it was four years ago. I loved everything about her.

The funny thing with me is, although I remember her physical features - curly red hair, curvy body and although she was a bit short, she carried herself with an air of dignity and haughtiness – it’s what I smell about her that I can remember the most.

I remember the smell of her pies, cakes and stews. The wonderful aroma in the world for me is that of her cooking. I know I work in the food industry and cooking and the smell of food is a common thing for me, my mom’s cooking was still distinct and it gave me a sort of intimate connection with her. She made home cooked meals grand and rich and was known all over our home-town for it.

I would usually smell all the flavors of her stew downstairs even from my room, as I lay in my bed with my eyes closed listening to the loud music. I’m a big fan of ACDC and Led Zeppelin and dad’s old vinyl records were basically mine since nobody wanted to listen to them anymore after he died.

Going back to smells though, I remembered mom’s personal smell – it smelled sweet and a bit salty, like thyme and spring onions and then a burst of licorice. She smelled like cooking and food and love and fun. I thought about how dad smelled like and had to laugh. It was like… I just looked at my cig because he smelled exactly like cigarettes.

The first thing I remember about all the people I care most for or spend time with the most is their smell. Dad smelled like old spice after a bath or a shower, before he left for work but came home with the smell of cigarettes. Amiel on the other hand, smelled like a baby – delicate and sweet.

When my dad died four years ago and left the three of us, moving on from his death was painful but possible because we still had each other. The three of us – mom, Amiel and myself - would reminisce about the happy times we had with dad and sometimes, we’d pretend we weren’t crying during the meals we ate together without him but we got along. Mom started a catering business after dad died and we received his death benefits and stuff. But she soon let the business go bankrupt because she couldn’t bear attending parties and other joyous occasions without thinking about dad. Amiel and I would sometimes hear her cry downstairs as she drank all sorts of alcohol to dull the pain of losing the one man she truly loved.

It seemed dad’s death wasn’t enough of a punishment for me and Amiel. Mom soon died after dad– just seven months later. I know it sounds like a cliché, but she died of a broken heart and it was true.

Mom and dad were the perfect couple – they were both each other’s first love and last love. So I guess when her husband died, a part of her died with him and she never could recover. Mom followed my dad until death.

My fingers seemed to lose control and I almost dropped my cigarette two floors down. I recalled everything now; it was as if the memories were flooding back. I was devastated after mom died and I could stop myself from crying even after her funeral.

Amiel found her in the bathroom floor lying down as if she was asleep. Despite my sister’s efforts to wake her up, she wouldn’t and so Amiel waited for two hours until I got home to show me mom on the floor, lifeless and colorless.

Amiel was just twelve and she didn’t understand why our parents died one after the other. She refused to eat, sleep and even talk. I couldn’t do anything but sit and sleep beside her and cry.

Three weeks after they buried mom we stayed at home with a distant cousin, Jenny. She was in her early twenties and was working LA. She was close with our mom and stayed over to watch over us. One night, Amiel fainted from lack of nourishment and I panicked and called for help. The social workers got in touch with our relatives and I regretted calling 9-11 afterwards.

It was decided that she was going to be committed into a facility or whatever they called it, even though I violently disagreed. Our relatives also asked one of our uncles take care of us and the house instead of Jenny.

She had to leave me too because she was hurt by Amiel’s condition and being blamed for it. I couldn’t handle the thought that those distant people who called themselves family were making the decisions and not mom or dad. Even now, I could still remember how strangers wheeled Amiel out of our house, unresponsive.

All our neighbors watched as I held on to my sister’s limp hand until they made her go inside the van and drove away.

I felt a tear trickle down my cheek at the thought of my sister, helpless in the chair with barely any life left in her. But my thoughts were interrupted by a buzzing sound that I realized was my mobile phone receiving a text message. I took another puff of my cigarette, a long one, before I picked up my phone. I noticed my hands were shaking but ignored it completely.

I took a look at the message, still glancing at my shaking left hand and saw that it was my good friend Alec, reminding me for the hundredth time to go to work an hour earlier for a meeting. I haven’t slept a wink and it’s almost one in the morning – how could I possibly wake up earlier than usual? A chilly breeze blew in from the window and so I put out my cig and closed the squeaky window.

I looked around at my surroundings and thought that the wall paper was starting to look dreadful and brownish. The apartment unit I moved into was smaller than the first one but it was enough for just me. My attention was then attracted by the pile of days-old dirty plates and utensils in the sink. I shrugged and made a mental promise to wash them in the morning before going to work.

I paused my reminiscing and decided to get some shut eye – forget the bath. I was already lying on the bed, yawning and trying to whisk every thought and worry out of my head when my phone rang.

I looked at the caller ID and saw it was Mattie, my ex.

Hello, Matt? I asked absently as I tried to control my shaking hand from dropping my mobile phone. I wasn’t expecting him to call this late and quite frankly, my brain isn’t functioning properly to wonder what the hell this call was about. What’s up? It’s way past midnight…

He could be drunk for all I know or he could just be missing me. After all, two years of being together counts for something, right?

Hi, Lisa. Sorry to bother you at this time but I just got off of the phone with my dad. Matt said, with a little urgency in his voice. I know you’re a late sleeper and I might be busy tomorrow so I called to talk to you now instead.

Is it about Amiel? Is she ok? I asked as I quickly sat up. I was all attention now. My heart started to beat faster, my shaking hand could barely hold on to the phone. Matt was the only person I counted on for news about my sister. Matt’s father happened to be working in the institution where Amiel is confined. He’s a doctor there and he would occasionally check my sister for improvements and updates.

News about my sister were the only reason why Matt would call, or why I would call Matt. We used to be together, but now Matt has a new girlfriend and they’ve been going out for almost a year now.

So dad called, about half an hour ago and he had just finished his rounds in the hospital. He said you needed to see Amiel this week; something about her medication. The familiar voice told me it was nothing, but I could tell something was wrong. He sounded a bit strained and he slurred some words together.

Oh… thought I was going to hear real bad news. Thanks for telling me. I will… I paused to think of my work schedule. … probably go visit her on Saturday.

Sounds good. He commented but his tone was sad or worried. I couldn’t really tell.

Matt, are you sure you’re telling me everything? My voice sounded strained too, I noticed. At the rate I was shaking, I needed to rest but I just had to make sure. Are you sure everything’s okay?

Yeah... it’s nothing. I guess I was surprised to hear from dad this late. He said something about Amiel developing tolerance regarding the meds they usually give her. I think you need to sign the paper work. Matt paused and since I didn’t say anything, I think he thought it was a cue to say goodbye. His voice sounded a bit cheerful when he said Take care of yourself, okay? Oh, do you want me to pick you up at the bus station on Saturday?

Mattie, you don’t need to do that. I can manage on my own. I protested, besides, I don’t want to take up anymore of your time.

But I want to. Matt quickly replied. There was a pause and I could hear him breathe over the mouthpiece. I waited for him to speak. I couldn’t think of anything else to say, I was too tired to argue. Look Lisa, I know things have been tough for you and that you need a friend now more than ever. Why don’t we just meet up at the bus station and I’ll drive you to hospital. I want to check on Amiel too, you know.

Are you sure? I asked slowly.

Yes. I want us to go back to being friends, that’s all. He answered cheerfully. The strain in his voice was gone.

Matt. I didn’t mean to say I didn’t want your help. I do, I need it. I think especially with Amiel… I paused and thought of my words carefully. I indeed needed a friend, but just a friend. Okay… I will wait for you to pick me up at the station. Then maybe we can grab coffee after I’ve settle the stuff they need me for, for Amiel.

Sure, Lisa, I would love that. Matt immediately responded. But then I remembered that Matt had already found someone new. I just forgot her name.

Are you sure Susie won’t mind though? I asked, suddenly remembering the name of the woman Matt was now seeing, or so I’ve heard.

Susie won’t mind. Not one bit. She’s happily engaged to Bryan. You remember Bryan, don’t you? The quarterback? Matt said sourly.

What? I thought the two of you were going along just great. Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that Matt. I consoled him. I was genuinely shocked. I weirdly felt a bit happy about the news.

Yeah… I thought so too. He agreed and I heard him sigh over the phone.

So sorry to hear that. I asked feeling concerned and sorry for my friend. Are you okay?

Yes and no… I’ll manage though. I’m pretty sure of that. Work keeps me busy and I’ll have a show at gallery by the end of the month. He changed the topic. It was enough for me to hear that he was doing okay.

Wow… that’s great news. So you’ve pursued photography. Good for you. Let’s talk some more on Saturday." I suggested. I was stifling a yawn.

Okay Lisa… Go get some rest and don’t forget to call me on Friday. Let me know what time I’ll pick you up. He was upbeat again. I think the phone call cheered him up.

Alright, I will. Take care of yourself Mattie; thank your dad for me too. I said then put the phone down.

I didn’t even let him tell me goodbye, I just suddenly felt like putting the phone down. I looked at the call log and looked longingly over Matt’s name on the caller id.

He was the perfect boyfriend, the most charming and genuinely sweet guy any girl could ask for. But he wanted to stay in Frazier and was afraid of change. Change was everything I needed four years ago.

I was pretty disappointed with him but I loved him so I kept holding one even after moving to LA. The long distance put a strain over our relationship and we called it quits a month after I moved here and for the first time, I spent my birthday alone in a new environment with no one to call as friends.

Now, I didn’t want him to think that I’m entertaining the possibility of us getting back together because I believe I’m better off here and on my own. Thinking about my sister though, made me worry and I felt like I forgot to keep myself focused on my goal. I thought that if I worked hard, I could make it on my own and maybe take Amiel with me. But it’s been a while, a long while since I started on this path on my own.

I thought about my goals and pushed myself to feel a bit energized to achieve them. I even got up and set the alarm clock early for tomorrow as a show of force.

After leaving our small town and trying my luck here in Los Angeles, I thought things would all soon fall according to plan. I wasn’t the stereotype country/town girl who was usually scared of change and of trying out different things. I feel indifferent actually, to many things and to men in general. If I felt weak for a single moment, I would check myself immediately and remind myself of Amiel.

Three years have passed and I still wasn’t even mid-way through. But there was a sort-of physical toll. I was beginning to feel tired and that hole in my stomach won’t go away.

I collapsed on my bed, my whole being exhausted. I didn’t even notice that I fell asleep.

Chapter 2

I woke up to a distressing sound. It made my head hurt as my consciousness came back like a slap in the face. The alarm clock woke me up with so much urgency that I threw the darn thing across the room because I was ripped away from my life-long crush Norman who was starring in my dreams.

I was happily eating a lovely dinner on a rooftop somewhere and my dream guy was looking at me with such loving eyes. He would often reach out his hand to squeeze mine from across the table and laugh at my silliest jokes. When we finished eating, he asked me to dance and of course, I said yes. Then we swayed to some distant music playing somewhere.

I was eagerly anticipating for him to make a move. I smiled at the gorgeous man who starred in my favorite movies and now in my dreams. I placed both my hands around his nape and looked him straight in the eyes. Oh my God… Norman is so hot! His big arms encircled my waists and I could help but smile up to my ears.

He bent his head down and I closed my eyes to savor the magical kiss.

All of a sudden I was slapped back to reality and I woke up with a start. The poor plastic alarm clock got smashed into hundreds of pieces.

‘Idiot!’ I scolded myself. I immediately regretted what I did and went to get the broom to clean it up. I couldn’t help it; it was only five – thirty in the morning. My stomach growled and so I got up and made coffee to quite my insides. I put on some music and turned the volume down. I didn’t want to wake my neighbors but I always want to start the day with an upbeat tune.

Right now, New Perspective by Panic at the Disco was the song playing and I was feeling perky already. I passed by the mirror and was surprised to see a stranger in the reflection.

I was only wearing a small white plain shirt and my purple boy-leg undies and I looked so skinny. I barely had any boobs! The lumps I had looked like exaggerated mosquito bites on my chest. I should wear teen bras since there was barely any flesh to fill brassiere cups. I was so thin; I had chicken legs. I felt so sorry for myself.

I wasn’t losing weight because I can’t afford food but working in a pastry shop kind of dulls my appetite for food since I see it often. I was also always consumed with thoughts that I forget meal times altogether. I’ll soon have ulcer or something.

Although many women would give everything to be as skinny as me, I wanted to gain weight.

So I made myself a bowl of cereal and sat down. ‘I will eat more often’ I promised myself. I was lucky to have a high metabolic rate compared to the average person. I burned fat and sugar fast and gaining weight was never a problem for me. Now that I did need to gain weight I could eat to my heart’s content.

Of course, my nicotine finger was lit again and I ate and smoked at the same time. My mother will kill me if she sees me doing this. I finished the entire bowl and even drank the leftover milk.

Now that I had eaten, I needed to hurry and get dressed. I sang in the shower and even danced to some of the tunes like Black Eyed Peas’ Bebot and Imma Be. It was a great day and I couldn’t wait to see what happens later on.

I was going to a baking class later tonight and hopefully hang out with some friends later on. Come Saturday, I’ll be going home to Frazier Park to check on Amiel and see Matt. Everything was in order.

I walked around the room getting ready to go to the early staff meeting. I swept the floor and threw the remnants of the alarm clock and then rested for a bit and sat on the couch with my kaboodle. I checked my face in a compact mirror and put make-up on.

I chose a ruby red lipstick just because and felt good about how I looked.

Then I grabbed my phone and decided to call Alec and wake him up in case he was still in the sheets.

Alec’s phone rang four times before it was answered.

I hurriedly shouted Get up you lazy bitch! Get up this instant! and laughed at my own imitation of Alec. I shouted at him as soon as he answered my call. I giggled after shouting like him and I heard him do the same thing.

This is nice. Are you at work already? He asked with a thick manly voice that didn’t sound like his.

Not yet, Mr. Santos, but I am on my though. Mark Alec Santos was my friend’s real name. When I tease him, I refer to him as Mr. Santos since he’s technically my boss. How about you? I asked.

I am… I am… I’m on my way. How do I fit into these pants when the zip won’t freaking close! Alec hissed in pain, I could tell he was trying to squeeze himself in his favorite tight black pants again. He says it makes his ass look yummy. Got it! Ok, now leave me alone. I’ll see you at the meeting. Bring your notes girl, it’ll be my first time to facilitate a meeting and I want your thoughts. He finally reminded.

Yes, boss! Bye, love! I answered cheerfully.

Bye, love… He said right back but with a really long exaggerated drawl.

I put the phone down and lit another cigarette. As I moved around my little apartment, I thought I did well in arranging the living room. I put up the photos my ex-boyfriend Matt, took and framed them up. Matt wanted to be a photographer but his dad wanted him to study medicine. So the photos he took, beautiful and artistic, he had to hide from his authoritative father and I was the lucky person tasked to keep them.

There was a little space enough to cram in the apartment owner’s sofa and TV set. I added two red chairs and my study table. Then, I had this tall book cabinet and used it to divide the sort of living room from the bedroom – which was basically my bed and the old dresser that came with the apartment. Lastly, since I have this terrible girly crush on Norman Reedus – he’s a Hollywood actor and one of the reasons why I moved to LA –I had this big poster of his movie and hung it above my bed. This way, I could see him before I go to sleep and when I woke up.

Los Angeles is the place where my dreams all happen and so I decided to try my luck here. After almost seventeen years of being a small town girl, I’m in the city now to live a life of my own. I ran away from my old friends and ran away from Uncle Sammy almost four years ago when he was supposed to be our guardian.

I looked out the window and saw the sun already starting peak through the clouds. It was just six –ten in the morning but I was already getting ready to leave. I took one last look at myself in the mirror and picked up my cheap black shoulder bag.

And just as I was about to run out the door, I opened it and saw a man standing outside the door. I almost shrieked and he too got surprised.

Someone was standing outside- with his fist held up about to knock. He smiled, surprised like me, and stood there admiring the view. I couldn’t make myself talk – I just stood there and stared right in his grungy but handsome face.

Hey there... I’m Josh. He said it with hesitation. Then once again, he hesitated in extending his hand. I guess he was just as surprised as I was to see that there was a stranger on the other side of the door.

Good morning, I’m Lisa. Can I help you? I flipped my hair to get a better look at him and took his hand to shake it. My hair was should length and parted to one side and kept falling over my eyes.

I was surprised to see that his eyes looked intently at my face and then slowly made their way down to the unbuttoned part of the top of my dress. Come to think of it, it was bit too revealing and I should really close one more button to his my chest.

There was barely any cleavage down there but I enjoyed the attention and so I examined my neighbor as well. He was tall, slightly pale and had ruffled light brown hair. He had gorgeous round blue eyes and when he smiled, he looked like an angel – only in terrible clothing. He had an unkempt beard that sort of fit the whole grungy image. Only his eyes were so attractive and I couldn’t help but stare at them.

He was staring at me, like I was staring at him and it took him a couple more seconds to collect himself and finally say something. I was just about to knock… and ask… well, it was weird that we both… the door, you know? It’s funny, right? Josh laughed uneasily. He was so dressed down and reminded me of photos of the late Kurt Cobain. I, on the other hand was already wearing my uniform - a navy blue dress with a tight pencil cut skirt.

He stumbled on his thoughts and his words because his attention was on my body. Funny, here I thought I was so skinny but apparently I can still make a grown man stumble with his words. A smile spread across my face.

I was just about to leave. I said in hurry to remind him and myself that although his fumbling act was cute, time was ticking. The keys I had in my hand tinkled and thank God my good sense came back. My face turned grim and I gripped the doorknob tight, ready to slam the door close, in case he was a psycho.

Well, I didn’t mean to be in your way. I was just going to tell you that… well, I am going to have a party this weekend and maybe you could… you know, drop by. He said, unsure of how to be charming. The fumbling words and the crooked unsure smile were charming enough for me. I thought at least there’s a hot guy in this building. I surely needed to be friends with him.

Guess, I was too busy to notice or talk to anyone in the neighborhood, let alone in the building. His invitation was a great way to make new friends.

Oh no, this weekend? I’m not sure I’ll be back here by then. I’d love to check out your party in case I go home early this Saturday. I batted my eyelashes. But I don’t know where your unit is.

Well, I live two doors down, number 0208. Here’s my number, in case you’ve got questions. And if you need anything, coffee or a table spoon of sugar, just give me a knock. He grinned as he said the mouthful of words and looked terribly geeky. He handed me his card and I intentionally rubbed my fingers against his cold hand. It made him terribly shy and I think he was actually blushing.

Wow, I didn’t think I still had an effect like that on men. But I was wearing makeup and a skimpy uniform so I guess the ensemble worked.

Great, thanks. I said as I took his business/calling card. Cool, so he’s a computer technician and a musician according to his front and back card. I turned my attention back to him and eased on the knob.

Hope you can make it. He smiled and was about to turn around but I just had to ask.

So are you going around, room to room with this invite? I still had a charming smile on as I asked this and I think it made him even more nervous.

Oh no… I just… Well, to tell you the truth, I’ve seen you around since you moved in here. I was always waiting for the right moment to introduce myself.

Oh crap… stalker-type. I sighed and put my smile back on like it was an accessory. Thanks for the invite. Honestly, it’ll be my first party in LA.

Really? he asked, genuinely surprised.

Yeah, really... Sorry, but I’m in a hurry. It was too bad I had to go so I added, if I get home early, I swing by and bring you coffee instead. We can talk then. Right now, I have got to go to work. So sorry... I said as