Being Diane

By Dennis Adkins

Dennis loses his Grandfather and learns that he has become the coinheriter of his Grandfathers farm. He soon starts a journey that involves many unpleasant things. He is abandoned by his mother and father and winds up killing two men when they try to kill him. His teacher learns of his gender identity and helps him over come the many obstacles that he must face to achieve an education and remain on his beloved farm. Others learn of it and he gains new friends that he had never had before. He must make the dicision to either live his life as Diane or return to the life of misery that he existed in. Read and find out.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Dennis Adkins
• Release date: Sep 1, 2013
• ISBN: 9781301575978

Dennis Adkins

I am a 57 going on 90 year old male who has worked in Emergency Services all my life. I am currently unemplyed and writing and pulling my hair out trying to publish, well I can't do that I haven't had any in 35 years. I live in Eastern Arkansas but spent most of my life in West Tennessee where my son and his family live. I also have a daughter that lives in the Northwest Mississippi area who is a hoot.

Book preview

Being Diane

Published by Dennis N. Adkins at Smashwords

Copyright 2013 Dennis N. Adkins

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Chapter 1

I awoke earlier than usual that momentous morning and walked out the back door to see the sun rising slowly over the lush verdant fields of eastern Arkansas. The neat clean rows of cotton and soybeans awaiting the warm life-giving rays of the sun. The plants stretching to receive the mornings blessing from Father Sol. The rows beckoned me to come and grow with them and stretch my arms to receive the blessings of the Sun also. I walked out to the fields and stood among them warming myself as the Sun rose higher and higher over the horizon. The coming of the day was always exciting to me making me feel as though I would have another chance at being the best I could and today, like any other, was a chance to be what I wanted to be. I had made the decision to myself to realize my life’s dream, now I had to find a way to do it. Luck was with me for once and the way came, however not without a price.

I lived on a farm and while it wasn't one of the biggest, it was a good size to support my Grandfather and Uncle Will. I guess that it was about five hundred acres of excellent cotton and soybean land. Uncle Will worked hard to keep the farm going since Granddaddy was retired due to his health. There were two other girls besides my Mom, but they didn't have anything to do with the farm, but I suspected that they wanted to divide it up if Granddaddy died and take their share and sell it. I knew that would be the kiss of death for the farm.

My Dad was an over the road truck driver and he didn't get to come home very often. Mom worked in a clothing store in town and what little we had seemed to me to be enough to live on. Dad when he got home didn't seem to me, to know what to do with my brother Ralph and I. He really seemed to like Ralph but mostly all he did was yell at me. You see I had decided to let my hair grow out and I played in the band, not on any of the sports teams because I sucked at sports. I, according to him, sucked at everything and the older I got the more I seemed to be getting worse. My grades were starting to drop and I was having a lot of trouble with Ralph and Mom. I really didn't seem to be adjusting to anything. I stayed angry all of the time and while I was not very good at fighting, I seemed to stay in one all of the time. However, I did love farming. To see the seed planted and watch it grow into tall cotton and soybeans was amazing to me.

Mostly all I did was grunt work because I wasn't old enough to operate the machinery that Uncle Will and Granddaddy owned. The insurance would not cover me to drive a tractor or operate the machinery so I had to lift and tote. That was all right because I still loved being on the farm, out in the weather and able to have a little freedom. I got to hunt and fish when we were not working, even though all I did was watch the rabbits and squirrels when I went hunting, not even trying to kill them and I was by far the world’s worst angler. I’ll bet I drowned more worms than anybody I knew without ever catching anything. We had our own swimming hole even though I questioned the water quality safety because every now and then I would find empty chemical barrels around the edge. Later I found out that one of the chemical companies was dumping hazardous waste in our pond.

My favorite part of living on the farm was my Grandfather, William Jordan, he was a lot of enjoyment for me and I learned a lot from him. He taught me how to sharpen a knife and how to clean a fish. He loved to watch wrestling on television and he would get excited and start yelling at the wrestlers and the referees and would spill his coffee on the linoleum floor. Mom would tell him to calm down or he was going to have a heart attack to which he would respond, I need to after seeing that man cheat like that. I just couldn’t understand how he could believe that it was real.

Most of the time he just sat in the living room and read the newspaper. I remember one time he was sitting in his chair by the stove and someone came up to the door, we had a front door with a large picture window in it so you could see who was there. Now you have to understand that he was very hard of hearing and my Mom usually answered the door. However, on this day he saw them, got up, walked over, opened the door, and let a man and a woman in. He pointed to two chairs and they sat down. As it turned out, they were from an unpopular religion that came around asking for donations. He sat back down and since he had his hearing aid turned down, he couldn't hear them giving their speech. He kept right on reading his paper and finally as they got 'in the spirit' and got louder he started realizing what they were. It was about that time they announced, If you make a donation you won't go to hell. He reached into his pocket, pulled out a dime, tossed it at them, rattled his newspaper, and went back to reading. The preacher looked at the woman with him, picked up the dime and left. I thought I was going to fall over laughing at them.

There were days when Granddaddy would want to tell me stories about when he was a boy and then there were days when he just wanted to sit in silence. He was in a talkative mood one day and he told me about having to march up and down a parade ground with a full pack on because he didn't make up his bunk right while he was in the army. He laughed and said he always made up his bunk right after that. I was amazed to learn that he had been in World War 1 and fought in the trenches in France. He only mentioned it once and had a distant look in his eyes and shivered after telling me. I guessed that war was 'Hell' as the saying went.

One day I decided to be nosy and try to find out what he was planning to do with the farm after he died, God forbid. Granddaddy do you mind if I ask you what is going to happen to the farm after you die? I mean I don't want you to die or anything, I would like to have you around all the time. Anyway have you thought about what will happen to the farm?

He looked at me in a rather harsh way, Boy, did your Uncle put up to this?

Uh, No sir. I was just thinking the other day how much I loved living here and how much I wanted to stay here the rest of my life. I … to be honest am worried that if you divide up the farm. I won't be able to keep living here, because if you divide it up four ways then Uncle Will won't be able to buy the other three parts to re consolidate the farm and my Mom and Aunts will sell their parts to the first person with the money.

I see. It looks as though you have given this a lot of thought. He said.

Yes sir I have and I think I have a solution to the problem. I said. Here I was a twelve year old talking to a seventy year old like I was some kind of financial wizard. I really think Granddaddy was more amused than anything else and was enjoying the irony of someone my age talking financial issues with him.

Okay, let’s hear it. He said with a smile.

Well, instead of dividing up the farm into four equal parts. I suggest that you give the three girls five to ten acres apiece in a good location. Then leave the farm to Uncle Will on the condition that he allows any of the Grand kids or heirs that want too, to work on the farm. The only thing is that the farm wouldn't be able to be broken up unless each piece was exactly the same size as the current farm area. That would give the ones that wanted to stay here an incentive to make the farm as profitable as possible. I also think that it should be converted into a corporation that reflects your name and it will be much easier to minimize the tax burden that way. I said. Granddaddy looked at me, but wasn't smiling anymore.

Get the telephone and bring it over here to me and then go on outside and work on the garden. Ordered Granddaddy.

I just knew that I had made him mad with my wild idea, but it had been rattling around in my head for a while and I had to get it out. The garden needed to be weeded and I spent the rest of the day out there.

A few days later after I got home from school a big Cadillac car pulled up in the drive. I had to grab the dog to keep him from biting the man. I didn't recognize him, but he was carrying a leather satchel. He went on into the house and Mom came out and told me to stay outside and keep Smokey from biting the man when he came out.

Therefore, Smokey and I took a long walk out into the fields and woods. Smokey was an English Shepard a big brown and black shaggy dog with a sense of loyalty to one family and one only. He was pretty smart, but very hardheaded and independent. I built a small fire and we sat down and stared at the sky staying warm by the fire and enjoying each other’s company. I loved living here. I climbed a tree to look and see if a bird’s nest I had spotted, had any eggs in it. I was about ten or fifteen feet up when I slipped and fell but my fall was broken by a limb that I managed to land on with my legs on both sides of it causing me to land on my testicles. Damn that hurt. I slipped off the limb and fell the rest of the way to the ground. I thought that I was all right since I could still walk so we just stayed out there and enjoyed the evening. It was a Friday so I didn't have to do any homework and I could stay out longer than usual.

When I got back, Mom was in a tizzy and I really didn’t want to have to be around her, so I slipped in and went straight to bed. The next day my groin was swollen, black, and blue. I still didn't say anything to Mom about it and thought it would get better. Things didn’t go as I thought they would instead after a few days I began to run a fever and felt bad all over. Mom took me to the doctor and he gave me a big shot in my butt, but I didn't tell him about falling.

I have to admit that the reason why I didn’t say anything was that I was where I was not supposed to be. I was in the back wood lot where Earl lived. Earl was this black guy that lived in an old house back there and Mom said he was crazy, that he had killed someone years ago and got away with it. Earl had never been mean to me and as a matter of a fact one day when I was cornered by a couple of bigger boys; Earl came up and saved me. He told me that he wouldn't let anybody hurt his friends and I believed it. I really liked Earl he would tell me stories about when he was a boy and some were amazing, a real view of life in the south forty years ago. His stories weren’t painted with race or sex and they seemed to be alive when he told them to me. I guess he just wanted someone to know what he knew.

The one that I liked the best was when he was a boy, all of his family went to the river to have a barbeque, because they couldn't go to the public parks. You see Earl was a black man and blacks weren't allowed to go where the whites went. Anyway, he said they were at the river and decided to do some hogging for catfish. They had all caught some good-sized fish and one of them who hadn't done it yet went out to a fallen tree in the water. They told him that wasn't a good idea but he went anyway. Feeling around under the tree, he started to holler that he had one but when he pulled out it wasn't a fish, but instead a big cotton mouth snake and there he stood with it in his hands one hand behind the head and the other on the tail and he couldn't let go. He was in fix, the snake could not bite him but he could not let go because the snake could bite him then, Earl said that was the funniest thing he had ever seen. The man could not let go and he was frozen with fear and could not walk out of the water. He didn't say whether he got rid of the snake or not but the mental image was funny.

Anyway, after a few days I got to feeling better and forgot all about the fall. School was going well and I was enjoying life all around. Granddaddy though was getting worse and worse all the time. I had to help give him breathing treatments and make sure that he had plenty to drink and eat. He talked more and more to me about his past and how he wanted me to have my dreams fulfilled. I listened to him and learned a lot about the past and how things were when he was a boy, it was great. On one of those days, he looked at me and I could tell he was hurting. Dennis I want you to know that I don’t hold anything against you for becoming what you are, but there are those that will. That is why I have changed my will so you will have what you need to get by on.

Granddaddy what are you talking about? I asked.

You will realize it soon. He replied and started coughing.

He would not tell me what he meant by that statement, but I soon found out, just like he said.

One Sunday all of the family met at our house and one by one each one of Granddaddies kids went into his office with him and then came out. Some were mad and some were sad, but Uncle Will came out and found me. He had his two oldest boys with him and they were as big as he was. Dennis, I want to have a word with you if you don't mind. He said.

I stopped what I was doing. Yes sir.

Did you say anything to Daddy about the farm? He asked.

Yes sir last spring I talked to him about what I thought would be the best thing for the farm. I told him that you should keep running the farm and that he shouldn't divide it up. I said and I swear you could hear me shaking.

Whatever you did is going to keep the farm together. Thank you. and he walked off.

Granddaddy died a few months later and I was sadder than I had ever been. Mom and Dad seemed to change and not for the better. Both of them began to be mean to me and blamed me for almost everything that went wrong around the house. Then one day I had to put my best clothes on and we went down to the courthouse with all of the other family. We met in the courtroom and I stood in the back with Will and George, Uncle Wills two oldest boys, George was doing as usual, picking on me. Will turned and gave us a stop that or else look so we calmed down and listened to what was going on.

I saw the man that came to the house that day come in the room and set his satchel down on the big table that all of the adults were sitting at. Then he spoke. Good morning. My name is Edgar Rosenthal. I was engaged by Mr. Jordan to write his last will and testament. I was surprised by some of the things that he asked for but they make sense now that I have had time to consider them. He was adamant about doing it this way and keeping the will sealed until after his death. I questioned him in accordance with the law to determine if he was in a stable state of mind and was satisfied that he was. Mr. Rosenthal pushed the wire rim glasses that he wore back up on his nose and continued. I had seen him at school one day when he came to talk to the social studies class about being an attorney. On that day, he became so animated that he forgot to push his glasses up and they fell off his nose and swung into his mouth. The whole class burst into laughter and he joined in.

Today was different he was serious and all in the room knew this and sat quietly. A sense of anticipation settled over the room like a fog. I was wondering why he was fiddling with the papers instead of getting on with it when I realized that he was purposely building the tension, like a magician doing tricks. I was suddenly amazed at how adept he was at manipulating his audience. Alright let’s get down to it. after arranging and rearranging the papers. Mr. Jordan wanted these people present for the reading. Reba Wilkes and spouse. Josey Baker and spouse. Rachel Allen and spouse. William Jordan Jr. and spouse. Also William Jordan the third, George Jordan and Dennis Allen. Is everyone here?"

Yes sir. Answered Uncle Will.

Good then I will proceed with the reading of the will.

I William N. Jordan Sr. being of sound mind and failing body do hereby make my last will and testament...

I was bored by all of the legal mumble jumble and did not understand most of it, but I understood what he was saying when he got to the part about dividing his personal property.

Regarding my personal property and the division thereof, I bequeath five acres of land to Reba and Josey to be located in mutually agreed upon locations along highway one. To Rachel I leave the house she is living in along with five acres of land that surrounds it, to include the orchard and the outbuildings on the land that are designated by the accompanying map. To my son William Jr. I leave the rest of the farm for him to live on and work for the rest of his natural life. Should he so desire? I have one exception to this William III, George and Dennis Allen shall be co-owners of the land and farm operation when they turn eighteen years of age. They shall have the right to make decisions concerning the operation of the farm they shall also share in all of the risks associated with the operation of the farm and all of the profits generated by the farm. The farm is to be converted into a limited liability corporation with the name of William Jordan Farms. Also should any child of my children wish to live and work on the farm they may do so but the farm can only be divided up if each heir can receive a portion equal to the original size I am leaving now. This will ensure an equal share of the farm based on their ability to produce and make it grow. I have chosen Will, George and Dennis because they have expressed an interest in keeping the farm going and have shown a selfless desire to help my son keep his lively hood. All three made the same request at one time or another without the knowledge of the others and asked for nothing for themselves. I am very proud of all of my children and grandchildren equally and I love them all equally. I do not want anyone to think otherwise. This was the hardest decision I have had to make, but it is the fairest.

Until the three minors turn eighteen, my son William Jr. shall have absolute control over the day to day operations and finances. He can at his discretion can give each of the three minors more or less input in the operation of the farm. At the age of eighteen, each will become a full partner in the operation of the farm. I would ask that they all learn to work with each other and listen to each other, to make the farm grow and thrive into the generations to come.

Mr. Rosenthal stopped and looked at each of the three of us, chewed on his lip in thought, and then said, Will, George and Dennis your Grandfather was very impressed with your courage to come and talk to him. He was also very impressed with the fact that you didn't want anything for yourselves. I can't impress on you enough that his decision to do this was influenced by the three of you alone.

I personally can believe that you are his grandchildren because it would take a lot of courage and wisdom to do what you did, he could be a little intimidating at times. I served in the Army with him, in World War One in France. Did you know that he won the Silver Star for leading the regiment in a charge that caused a general rout of the Germans after all of the officers were killed by artillery? He was a great man and I miss him very much.

Well that is all. If you have any questions, you can call, my office and I will be happy to help you as much as I can. My secretary here has some papers for you to sign and some copies of the will for each of you. He started out of the room and stopped and looked at me and said. Did you know that you look just like he did when he was your age? It is amazing. Then he left before I could say anything.

I was so shocked by the turn of events, now I would be able to stay on the farm and do what I love to do. I was both happy and scared because now I was going to have to learn to be a farmer and a businessman and I was scared that I was going to fail.

Chapter 2

My Dad always said I needed to be either a Police Officer or a gigolo, someone that can’t make it on their own, that was his way of saying that I was pretty much worthless in his opinion. He had a work ethic that was if you are awake then you need to be working and working hard at manual labor since paper labor was not work as he called it. Muscles didn't come to me in the genetic traits department, what I got were long full eyelashes, dark full hair, fragile arms and full hips. My mother’s friends were always commenting on how pretty I was and that I should be a girl and not a guy. I often wondered if that was the case and as I was starting toward puberty, I began to question whether or not that was true. I think that my Dad was truly disappointed in me and was not able to accept me as I was and he continually tried to change me or mold me into a MANLY MAN.

The week after the reading of the will was tough for me. Every afternoon I would come home from school and find that Dad had already drank two or three beers and was starting to get surly. He was a mean drunk and he seemed to find the dirtiest most demanding jobs for me to do, like cleaning out the burning barrel by hand. Then pulling weeds from the hog pen while he and my brother Ralph would go and work on some project or another. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't lazy or anything but, we always carried the barrel to the dump pit and emptied it instead of scooping each piece of trash out and putting it into a wheelbarrow and carrying it to the pit. We also had not had any pigs in years and were not going to get any, any time soon.

I did all of these jobs and waited knowing that in a few days he would leave and go back on the road. He was an over the road truck driver. I guess that they didn't make a lot of money since we never had a lot of money and Mom had to work a job in town. I was always getting yelled at for wasting one thing or another. I was also always getting smacked by both Mom and Dad for back talking and how I looked. My Dad could not stand my long hair, but I didn’t see wasting money on a haircut, so I just let it grow out. He would constantly comment on how I looked like a girl or a queer or a fag, whatever that was. The worst thing that he did was to make me stand in front of him while he was drunk and listen to how I would never amount to anything worthwhile. I eventually got to where I could tolerate that more than when he became maudlin and would grab me and hug me while asking over and over, You know I love you don't you? The whole time he would be slobbering and crying. To this day, I cannot stand drunks.

The power of suggestion is a powerful thing or so I have been told and it must be because of what has happened to me. I would rather play with dolls or play teatime than football or baseball. I loved looking at the Barbie’s in the catalogs and the tea sets. I enjoyed cooking and cleaning house more than gardening or mowing the yard. I was living up to the expectations of the time. Little did I know but expectations had little to do with it.

Dad got really drunk one night, knee walking toe dragging drunk and started arguing with Mom. Then I heard it, the sound of violence, the sound that no kid wants to hear, the sound of flesh striking flesh a powerful 'SLAP' that brought everyone in the house awake. Then my mother started crying and Dad started screaming. I didn’t know what to do, I heard him coming down the hall screaming about how he was going to find out why I got the farm instead of Ralph. I knew that he was going to beat me to death, so I jumped out the open window, ran and hid. I could hear him looking for me, but he didn't find me, luckily. I was hiding in the cotton fields behind the house. I managed to stay hidden long enough for him to get tired of looking and go back in the house and go to bed. I came back up to the house, grabbed some clothes out of the dirty clothes hamper in the washhouse and my tennis shoes, and hid in the wood lot at the back of the farm. The next day I went to school like always and did not say anything to anybody about what happened. Therefore, I just went to the bus stop, waited for it to come and did not go home. I hid in the bushes when Mom came to drop Ralph off at the stop and then came out and caught the bus and went to school. Ralph handed me my books and did not say a word.

It seemed as though Dad and Mom were mad at me about something and I did not know what it was. Ralph on the other hand was treating me better than ever. He was not picking on me, like he had been and now he even seemed relieved and relaxed more than he had ever. On the bus, a couple of bullies began picking on some of us littler guys and Ralph stopped them. He wasn't anybody to fool with when he got mad, I saw him beat the crap out of two guys one day that tried to steal his lunch money. My brother was a bad ass. Things rocked on like that for a while.

Then my life changed completely. This is how it happened. My Dad was on the road like usual and we were getting ready for school as usual.

Chapter 3

Hey, hurry up you are going to make us late again, yelled my brother Ralph.

I'm coming, I'm coming. Keep your shirt on! I yelled back.

You are slower than some girls I know, getting ready. exclaimed Mom.

If you hadn't let me over sleep, I would be ready. I replied.

Shoot we couldn't get you to even roll over this morning. What time did you go to bed last night anyway? Asked Mom.

I got through with my English homework about eleven.

You are going to have to start getting it done sooner. Now get in the car and let's go. complained Mom.

School for me was a nightmare, even though I was supposed to have a high I.Q. I was having all sorts of problems with school. Not only was I not doing well in Science I was having a lot of difficulty with plain math, not to mention the Algebra that was in it. It seemed as though I was a daydreamer and I had a lot of trouble focusing on the subjects at hand. English wasn't so bad as long as we were studying literature of some type. I really excelled in literature and history but sucked in things like P.E.

I played in the band also and loved it even though I wasn't that great. I still hung in there and kept trying; it was the most fun of the day. I had another problem that at the time seemed like a normal Junior High thing, I was constantly being picked on by some of the older guys, now they call it bullying, but then it was considered a normal thing, kind of like a pecking order and no one seemed to care.

I probably would have done a lot better if my Mom and Dad had taken more interest in our studies, but they didn't. All I got from them was why wasn't I doing better in school and why didn't I read more like Ralph, an answer was never there. It wasn't that I didn't try to do well, but all I could accomplish was a mediocre showing. I was getting more and more frustrated as time went along especially since the more I tried the worse it seemed I was getting. I was having some other problems with being sad and then being so elated that I couldn’t stand it. Mom said I was going through puberty and that it would go away, but I was starting to wonder if it would.

Hey, dufuss. I heard as I walked into the school. Damn. It was one of my main tormentors. A guy by the name of Hugh. We all called him Baby Hughie because he was in my class but was twice as big as any of us and twice as dumb acting. He was arrogant and insubordinate to the teachers and would try to pick a fight with them just to see if they would rise to the bait. He was epitome of the problem child.

Hi Hugh. What's happening? I replied. I was looking around for a teacher to run over to and start a conversation with, but as my luck would have it, none were around.

Hugh grabbed me by the collar and leaned in close. I could smell his fetid breath reeking of alcohol and tobacco. The smell almost made me throw up. I need some lunch money and you are going to give it to me or I'm going to beat the snot out of you. He growled.

Dude, I don't have any money. My Mom has started giving it to my brother to keep. Sorry. I think I may have twenty five cents but that's it. I stammered.

Give it here and you had better not be lying to me. You little turd. He said

I reached in and pulled out two nickels a dime and two pennies. Here take it, just don't hit me again like you did the last time. I begged.

He took the money and walked away jingling it in his hand. I felt even lower than I usually did right then. It didn't help matters any with two of the prettiest girls in the school standing by watching. They shook their heads at me and walked away. I could have died right then and wished that I could but it didn't happen, so I would have to go through the rest of the day being teased by everybody about it.

Things didn't go any better the rest of the day. I flunked a math test on Algebraic equations and then I couldn't climb a rope in P.E. After that I was popped with towels in the shower leaving huge whelps on my butt and was teased about how I was growing titties, they did seem a little large. Industrial arts turned out to be a pretty good class. We had a sub to come in and show us how to do wood turning on a lathe. I made a candle stick that was pretty cool. Then came lunch and the harassment started all over, two of the football players picked me up and put me head first into a garbage can with the coach watching. He just laughed and made me go to the end of the line for lunch, but I was so embarrassed that I just went out to the front of the school and sat under a big old oak tree that grew there until the next class.

After lunch came History and I did pretty good in there. I had already read the chapter and was half way through the next one already. The pop quiz was a breeze so I made an A on it. Mr. Simmons was cool, he had just started teaching and wasn't into many of the things that the other teachers were. Like making, us write papers all the time or explain something in front of the class. I did think that on occasion he seemed a little on the slow side and smelled like burning grass, on those days he just had us read our books and keep quiet.

Now came my most favorite part of the day, MS, Givens... er, ah, I mean English class. I was able to understand even the most minute ideas of any of the books or stories she had us read. Now I am not saying that I am a Rhodes Scholar in English or anything like that, but it seemed to come to me easier than all of the rest of my studies and it didn't hurt that she was a hottie with a capital H. She always was very trendy with her clothes and shoes and she kept her hair pulled back in a ponytail tied up with a ribbon. I, because my last name started with an A, had to sit at the front left row and was surrounded by four of the prettiest girls in my class. All of whom tried to dress just like her.

She would sit on the side edge of her desk facing me and lecture. I could see everything some days, even the color of her panties and the tops of her stockings. Damn! The English classroom always stayed hotter than any of the others. Today she had on a sleeveless dress that was just above her knees and nude stockings that were being held up by a white garter belt. She had black pumps on that weren't too tall but made her legs look fantastic. To a fourteen year old, it was like being in heaven.

It's not that I didn't like girls or anything like that. I just didn't have an interest in trying to date them, besides I was still too young to date according to my parents. So I would just sit there and admire how well dressed they were and wish that guys could wear things that were soft and colorful instead of the dull and drab same old blue jeans and plaid or solid colored shirts. I found one of my Mom's wool skirts in the cedar chest one day and tried it on with some of the stockings that I had found. The look to me was awesome and the feel was a high that I wanted again and