One Breath

By Suzanne Cummings

Chloe’s life should have been perfect; rich parents, all star brother and gorgeous boyfriend but in the end none of it really matters.
When she looks in the mirror after the life she was fighting for falls apart, Chloe is just a shadow of herself. Feeling like the last piece of her is slipping away, she decides to do the only thing she can...she grabs her camera and she runs.
Years later she is still pulling herself together, trying to fulfill the promises she had made to make her life her own. When she meets a guy that fits perfectly in her new life, she starts to allow herself to be happy. She finally finds herself surrounded by people that love and support her for who she really is and not who she pretends to be.
But just when she lets herself breathe, her past creeps in and shatters her all over again. Drowning in guilt and loneliness, will Chloe ever truly believe that she deserves the life that she wants? Will she be able to finally find the strength that she has always needed to stand up and fight or will she let her past dictate her future?
Breathe Chloe, just one breath.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Suzanne Cummings
• Release date: Jul 25, 2013
• ISBN: 9781301717163

Suzanne Cummings

Suzanne Cummings lives in Newmarket, Ontario with her husband and her six year old son and her twin two year old boys. She has a slightly crazy obsession with reading that only fed into her desires to write and so the adventure began. In between reading, writing and taking care of her boys; she leaves time for running and getting together with a small group of friends that are more like an extended family than anything.

Book preview

One Breath

Published by Suzanne Cummings at Smashwords

Copyright 2013 Suzanne Cummings

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Table of Contents

Prologue - Friday May 30,2008 - 8:08pm

Chapter 1- Wednesday May 23rd, 2012 - 7:30 pm

Chapter 2 - Wednesday May 23rd, 2012 - 10:06 pm

Chapter 3 - Thursday May 24th, 2012- 10:24 am

Chapter 4 - Saturday March 29th, 2008 - 1:54 pm

Chapter 5 - Thursday May 24th, 2012 - 9:04 pm

Chapter 6 - Friday May 24th, 2012 - 6:48 pm

Chapter 7 - Saturday April 26th, 2008 - 3:42 pm

Chapter 8 - Tuesday May 29th, 2012 - 5:32pm

Chapter 9 - Wednesday May 30th, 2012 - 1:34 pm

Chapter 10 - Saturday June 2nd, 2012 - 7:24 pm

Chapter 11 - Saturday May 19th, 2008 - 8:12 pm

Chapter 12 - Wednesday June 12th, 2012 - 8:29 pm

Chapter 13 - Thursday June 7th, 2012 - 6:42 pm

Chapter 14 - Thursday June 14th, 2012 - 6:38 pm

Chapter 15 - Monday June 18th, 2012 - 5:34 pm

Chapter 16 - Tuesday June 19th, 2012 - 6:43pm

Chapter 17 - Wednesday June 20th, 2012 - 7:28 am

Chapter 18 - Friday May 23rd, 2008 - 8:12 pm

Chapter 19 - Wednesday June 20th, 2012 - 12:45 pm

Chapter 20 - Wednesday June 20th, 2012 - 8:21pm

Chapter 21 - Saturday July 7th, 2012 - 7:04 pm

Chapter 22 - Sunday July 8th, 2012 - 1:13 pm

Chapter 23 - Sunday July 8th, 2012 - 7:37 pm

Chapter 24 - Friday May 30th, 2008 - 7:23 pm

Chapter 25 - Monday July 9th, 2012 - 5:32 am

Chapter 26 - Thursday July 14th, 2012 - 10:18 am

Chapter 27 - Saturday July 16th, 2012 - 7:49 pm

Author Biography

Aknowledgments

Prologue

Friday May 30th, 2008

8:08 pm

I put my head down in my hands and felt the warm tears hit my chilled palms. I didn’t even realize I was crying. It had all been too much and we deserved better than this….didn’t we?

I slowly allowed myself to fall back against the wall and slide down until my bottom was hitting the cold pavement beneath me. I let it out. The scream that I had swallowed when I heard those words tore through me now like a ravage animal. I let myself go and lose control. My shoulders began to shake and the tears flowed harder. I never thought I would become that girl, the one that let her life revolve around a guy, but I had. He was everything to me - my rock, my voice of reason and the one person who never doubted me. He was the person that wouldn’t let me push him away, wouldn’t let me settle. If I had known it would lead me to this, would I have let him be all those things? If he had known that the strength and love he showed me would result in my pain, would he have still been there? I like to think he would have. I like to think that our love for each other was stronger than this hurt but I was unsure. I felt unsure of everything that just moments ago I knew to be true.

I sat allowing the cool pavement to numb me. That was all I wanted now, to be numb. I tried to take a breath but my chest was so tight. My heart was shattered and the pieces were refusing to let the air in. I thought about the last two months and how I had struggled to gain control. I had lost him. In one sentence he was gone. He was ripped from me and what should have been. The words continued to echo in my head.

It’s over.

Everything around me began fading to nothing. The numbness took me; the darkness pulling me in as the sobs turned into a mild shiver down my spine. I didn’t hear the cars zipping by just a few feet away. I didn’t feel the cool spring air blow through my long brown hair and I didn’t hear the heavy footsteps of someone stepping up to my side. All I felt were the tears. All I could do was to try and breathe.

******

Chapter 1

present day

Wednesday May 23rd, 2012

7:30pm

I pull the door shut and lock up. I turn around and lean against the warmth of the door. The sun is just starting to go down and I can feel the heat of the day slip away with it. I take a long deep breath of the salty air and close my eyes. The gentle breeze blows and my short brown hair flutters around my cheeks. I love being at the studio but this, I must admit, is one of the most gratifying parts of my day.

It has been a long and tiresome day. The photo studio I work at with Sara, a girl that has become one of my dearest friends, is on the main street of a small beach town in North Carolina. It always amazes me the way people let me experience their lives with them with the shots I take. Just today I met a young couple not much older than myself celebrating their new engagement, overjoyed parents cuddling their newborn baby boy and a young girl in for new headshots for her modelling portfolio. I get to see so many different people at different points in their lives. The thought of having to edit some of them tomorrow makes me delightfully exhausted.

I push off the door and start my walk home to the little apartment over Joe’s Bar. It isn’t the shortest walk but that is why I love it. It allows me time to think, to grow and to breathe. It has taken me a while to get here, to be able to breathe like this again. The pieces of my shattered self have finally stopped aching for him every day, for my life back then and for what should have been. I haven’t let myself completely heal but I have learned a lot about who I am and about my strength. I look out over the water as I walk up the hillside of the little beach town and feel a sense of happiness about the direction my life is headed for the first time.

I thread the key into the lock of the big old blue wooden door that leads to the stairs of my apartment. I have to throw all my weight against it to get it to open reminding me that I really have a talk to Joe about getting that fixed. One of these days I am bound to break my arm trying to get that damn door open.

I start up the stairs as my mind wanders to what I should wear tonight. It is Kat’s 25th birthday. She played such an irrefutably good guilt trip on me that I am now going out to a club with her tonight. Besides Sara, Kat is my one real friend in this new town. We met just under a year and a half ago. I knew we were going to be friends the second she sat down on the bench next to me at the beach. After the constant flow of conversation - even though it was one-sided - I knew I was stuck with her. Kat is barely five and a half feet tall but her confidence stands miles above her. I wish I had the ability to bottle some of it and pull it out when I needed it. She is gorgeous with blonde hair and big ocean blue eyes and a smile that can crush the will of any man. She works at a restaurant across the street from the studio and our personalities are the complete opposites of each other. She is always out with a different guy and always suffering the next day but she is sweet and has a heart as big as her smile. She seems to know me and what I need better than I know myself. She is patient with me and my complaining as I try to regain control of my life. She is strong willed and saying no to Katherine James is out of the question.

I get to the top of the stairs as Cinder glares at me. He is my five year old brown tabby cat that really just tolerates me more than anything. I reach down and rub the top of his head before he turns and flicks his tail and walks away towards his food bowl. I know my place where Cinder is concerned. I follow behind him like the good little cat owner I am and top up each bowl before heading to the closet to deal with the looming problem of what to wear. I pull open the door and stare.

I have no idea what to wear. My wardrobe is mostly jeans, cut offs and t-shirts. I have a few simple sundresses and tops but I have a feeling that wherever Kat has planned to go, a simple dress isn’t going to cut it.

I trail my finger across the row of hangers, my eyes skimming over the old red Prom dress I never got to wear to senior Prom, the lilac bridesmaid dress that I bought for my cousins wedding and countless t-shirts and jeans as well as the plain sundresses. Maybe I could call Kat and tell her I am not feeling well instead of trying to piece something together.

My cell phone starts singing Pink’s Raise Your Glass ringtone. Knowing who it is, I pull it out and Kats gorgeous blonde-hair blue-eyed face is smiling at me. I hit the talk button and put the phone to my ear.

Chloe, don’t even think of backing out on me! she yells before I can even say hello.

I wouldn’t dream of it.

Liar!!! She really does know me better than anyone ever did. I left a present for you. It is hanging on the back of the bathroom door.

I walk over and open the door. Hanging on a hook is a cute little royal blue dress that has small spaghetti straps but an even tinier hem line.

It’s your birthday. You shouldn’t be giving me presents. I sigh through the grin that explodes across my face.

You coming out with me tonight is my present. We don’t get to spend any time having fun and tonight we are having fun. So put on the damn dress, throw on some makeup and be ready in twenty. And with that she hangs up.

I grab the dress off the hanger and start to peel the jeans and t-shirt I am wearing off. Just under twenty minutes later I am looking at myself in the full length mirror on the back of the bathroom door. I put a touch of mascara on my lashes and look into my blue eyes. I never wear much makeup and I really don’t feel like I have reason to. I am not the drop dead beauty that Kat is but I am not bad for being just twenty-two and much more reserved than her.

I have long eye lashes that outline my bright blue eyes. They are my best feature and I find that most men and even some women swoon over them. My hair is cut so it just lands below my chin showing off the length of my neck. Living here with the sun shining has lightened it a fair bit and has left a splash of small freckles on my nose and cheeks. I look myself over in the mirror. I have always been skinny, taking some pride in how I looked, but this dress emphasizes curves I didn’t know I had.

This dress has Kat written all over it. I frown at my reflection as my mother’s voice echoes throughout the back of my mind. She would not approve of this. She would not have let me get near the door looking like this. My doubts start to build and I feel the familiar tightness begin to take over.

I force myself to think of him. I let his voice drown out my mother’s although that allows in a different kind of pain. I hear his scruffy voice telling me that I look beautiful. I hear him say to ignore my mother, that I don’t need her approval. I hear him say get your ass out of the house and have some fun. I let the memory of his words wash over me, pulling the strength I need from them. I nod to myself in the mirror and add a little lip gloss to my already pink lips and head out the door. I scoop up my silver high heel sandals which are the only pair of grown up shoes I own, according to Kat, and head down the stairs. I pull hard on the door just as Kat pulls up in a cab. Her grin is contagious as she opens the door and yells.

Let’s go have some fun, beautiful.

******

Chapter 2

present day

Wednesday May 23rd, 2012

10:06pm

We pull up to the curb at the Sunset Club as I eye the huge black building. I reach over and hand the cab driver his money and follow Kat out of the car. She hooks my arm in hers and starts to walk past everyone standing in a line that seems to go on forever.

Umm...that’s the line, Kat. I mutter in her ear. She ignores me and continues to walk past everyone as they all give as the death stare. She saunters right up to a huge monster sized man clothed all in black and flings her free arm on his and pulls him down. She places a sloppy kiss on his cheek.

Hey, Carter, she coos in that smoky voice that always leaves the men drooling.

Hey, Sweet Kitty Kat. Happy Birthday! He kisses her cheek having to bend almost in half to reach her and opens the heavy black door he is guarding, allowing us to step inside.

You really do know everyone, don’t you?

Kat looks at me with her devilish grin I have come to know so well. Intimately.

I know I shouldn’t be surprised. This is what it is like when you venture out with Kat by your side. She never waits in line, never pays for a drink and never goes home alone. She is what every girl hates and she is every man’s wet dream. She is wearing an itsy bitsy red mini that doesn’t leave much to the imagination. She pulls the sexy look off with such confidence and ease that I am left feeling a little bit jealous.

Once inside, we head down a dark hallway as the booming sound of music starts to make my insides vibrate. The entire hallway is painted black and is lit up with red lighting. There are strange black and white paintings along the wall. They look like the inkblots you would find in every psychiatrist's office and they make me wonder what I have let myself get talked into this time.

Kat pushes open a door at the end of the hallway and my senses go into overdrive. The space is dark but there are splashes of light randomly landing around the room from the strobe lights. It is packed with gorgeous people. Most of the women are dressed much like Kat in tiny skin tight minis and how-can-you-even-walk-in-those high heels. The men are in an even mix of business suits with the ties and jackets ripped off and jeans and tight t-shirts. Everyone looks to be in their early to mid-twenties and like they could be on the cover of any posh magazine.

Kat pulls me deeper into the huge room, my feet shuffling like a stubborn two year old. We head towards the back bank of tables where a dozen or so people sit with the table tops already littered with drinks.

As we approach they all yell, Kitty Kat!!! Happy Birthday! I roll my eyes at the nickname these beauties have for her. She finally lets go of my arm and starts making her way around the table giving little air kisses to the women and real kisses to all the guys.

I feel awkward and out of place standing around all of these people. I have always known Kat and I are different but I never feel it much when it is just the two of us. I have met some of these people before but mostly in passing and never out at a stylish club like this one. Kat is a social butterfly and always has new friends around her. I am envious of how easy she makes it all look but being here now with them all around, I know just how unsuited I am to be in a place like this. I glance down at the beautiful dress I am wearing. It is the only thing that doesn't make me feel entirely out of place and I am relieved that Kat has given it to me. I unconsciously start tugging on the edge of the dress willing it to grow a few inches as I look around the mass of bodies swaying to the music.

Chloe,

The sound of Kat calling my name snaps me back from my self-doubt as I scan the table to find her. She is standing next to a guy with her hand on his shoulder. I look at him and feel my stomach twist. His short dark hair just brushes the top of his lashes and he has broad shoulders that narrow down to his tight waist. He is wearing a black V-neck t-shirt that accentuates all of his muscles in all the right ways. He has a tattoo running up his right arm but I can’t make out what it is in the dim light of the club. He has on jeans that hug his hips and is the most casually dressed guy at the table. He pulls the look off with mouth watering ease and makes everyone else look over dressed. He is one of the few men that I have ever seen that can make my stomach twitch with just one wayward glance.

I want you to meet Reed. I make my way around the table to where they are standing and put my hand out to shake his. I look up into his dark eyes and see something flash before they harden. There is something about those eyes that I recognize but I can’t seem to place them.

Reed, this is Chloe.

It is nice to meet you. I smile with my hand still extended.

You too.

Without taking my hand, he turns and grabs his drink off the table. Kat slides her hand down his arm and over his tattoo. She shrugs at me while smiling and turns to re-introduce me to everyone else at the table. I can’t help but wonder what it must have felt like to touch Reed that way, to feel his muscles tense under his t-shirt. I wonder what it would feel like to have those arms wrap around you, to trace the outline of his tattoo and to lick every inch of it. I want to explore him from head to toe. I find myself wondering what other tattoos he might have hidden under the thin layer of fabric that is shielding his skin from my wandering eyes. I haven’t even had a drink yet and I am already picturing myself lying naked under this stranger. I give my head a shake and try to pull my gaze off of Reed. What the hell has gotten into me?

Kat is still introducing me to everyone else at the table but in between head nods and handshakes, I can’t help but glance back at Reed. It is impossible for me to absorb what anyone has been saying to me. My