Fred's Evil Plan to Take Over the World

By Amy Difar

Fred the cat has come to take over the world ... or so he claims. In short blog entries, Fred divulges aspects of his plan as they manifest themselves in the daily life he shares with Man, Woman, two dogs and several other cat minions.

Warning: contains some litter box humor and depictions of recreational catnip use.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Amy Difar
• Release date: Mar 22, 2013
• ISBN: 9781301336739

Amy Difar

Amy Difar has a Bachelor of Science in Computer Science and worked as a programmer and technical writer for many years. Her college thesis won a writing award, but writing fiction has always been her passion. As a reader with varied interests, she has found it difficult to limit her writing to one type of story. She finds herself drawn to particular characters and enjoys telling their stories, allowing them to dictate the genre of the book. She loves animals and likes to use them in her books. Amy has spent years observing cats and trying to discern their true thoughts. She is particularly fond of giving them a voice. When she's not writing, she can be found listening to music, playing with her many companion pets or trying out a new dark and chewy ale.

Book preview

Introduction

I am Cat. More particularly, I am Fred the Cat. My humans call me Evil Incarnate. There may be some element of truth to that. I am small, furry, soft and incredibly cute (no, I’m not being conceited, just acknowledging the facts). These traits are supposed to hide my devious nature, but sometimes I suspect that the humans may be onto me.

I'm sure I would be Ruler of the World already if it weren't for the MAIN FLAW. (Every Evil Plan has one, you know.) What is the MAIN FLAW you ask? No opposable thumbs. While I have incredibly efficient digits whose beautifully honed claws are capable of incredible feats, I still lack the dexterity needed to perform many crucial functions, such as opening cans and turning doorknobs. My days are spent trying to figure out how to overcome this little problem.

Phase I – Enslave a Human

In order for my plan to work, I will need to enslave my humans so they will carry out my commands without question.

Starting My Journal

It's about time I started my journal because once I succeed in my quest for world domination, it will be crucial to have a documented record of my progress. Upon my ascension to the throne, I shall entitle this testimonial Fred’s Evil Plan, the Rewritten History of the World … or something like that. It’s a work in progress.

I have chosen to cohabitate with a human family during my quest for dominance. They have a soft spot for furry beings that I can surely manipulate for my own nefarious purposes. Of course, choosing this particular family means that I have to share the house with a number of other cats and even some—it pains me to say it—long snouts (or dogs as you call them), but I still believe this family was a good choice because these humans are easily fooled by my barely audible meow and my soft, pleasing-to-humans fur coat. Unfortunately, I have not yet found a way to convince them to provide me with some sort of prosthesis in order that I may overcome the MAIN FLAW. However, that is Phase III of my plan, so there’s time.

Today, Woman had chicken for lunch. With the help of several of my feline housemates, I managed to convince her that we needed the chicken more than she. I don’t know if you know this, but it requires an inordinate amount of energy to take over the world, so I did my best to steal … ahem, I mean acquire … the chicken that was intended for the other cats through the use of an ingenious food inhalation technique, which I have perfected after spending hours observing the long snouts. This technique enables me to eat so quickly that I have ample time to grab the extra pieces intended for the others before they can get to them. Apparently, being evil also burns calories, because I have