Space Danger! The Deadly Planet of DEATH!

By Doug Strider

The crew of HMSS Monstro have been given a mission, a very BIG mission.
If they could only get around to it then the galaxy might be a safer place to live. Safer and, quite importantly, still existing.

The latest addition to the crew likes existing and is determined to carry on doing it as much as possible but no one is going to make it easy for him, least of all himself.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Doug Strider
• Release date: Feb 3, 2013
• ISBN: 9781301748365

Doug Strider

I’m currently working on a pulp-ish sci-fi book to be released in four novella sized parts. I call it 'Space Danger!' and it’s going well so far I reckon. I hope you will eventually enjoy it. About me? I’m human, with a nose, arms, legs and all the other regular bits and I’m male (so include those bits in the previous list if you would). I’m a fan of ale, wine, sci-fi & fantasy type stuff, food, writing in pubs, laughing and loads of other things. I live in London with a more prolific writer, the bane of feet (cat), some of the more interesting sentient teddy bears around, door-slamming thunderous neighbours who I believe to be anger demons and, because it’s a poor old building, a bit of mould.

Book preview

Space Danger!

Part One

The Deadly Planet

of DEATH!

By Douglas Strider

All material contained within Copyright Douglas Strider 2013.

Smashwords Edition.

All rights reserved.

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Cover art by Shock The Badger - shockthebadger.posterous.com

For more information on the worlds of Space Danger, please visit spacedanger.co.uk

For more information on what I had for lunch, please visit Twitter: DougStrider

Acknowledgements

Living with a writer does odd things to your brain. It makes you remember things. I live with a writer and it has, indeed, made me remember things. Things I had half-forgotten, buried and stored at the back of my mind which, through the years, got lost under piles of day-to-day rubbish. In recent years the opportunity for being more creative occurred and I have managed to force into the world different audio offerings, characters and voices. My favourite being the work I’ve done with Danny Davies on The Bearcast, giving life and personality to a 38 year-old teddy bear of mine called Jeb. It’s seriously funny stuff if you’re curious!

There was one voice that had yet to re-emerge though, the one belonging to the writer I used to enjoy being. I didn’t realise he had a name until recently but after a few drinks, a bit of a frown, a heap of pondering and an internet search engine session, the name Douglas Strider made the top of the list and so here he is releasing the first part of something that your eyes might quite like, with any luck.

I couldn’t have done this, or done it any justice, without Commander Jennifer Williams or Commander Daniel Davies. Jen being a constant source of inspiration and reality, advice and encouragement. Danny being the catalyst for a whole heap of stuff, Space Danger being just one. Space Danger itself was born of our discussions, ramblings, falling aboutings and searches for more work for us to do in days that are already too packed.

I would also like to thank the beta reading entities that inhabit the fifth planet in the Jraag System: Ensign David Probert, Ensign Phillip Norris, Ensign James Moon and Ensign Matthew Dillion. Your insight into my PanOptrix submissions have been greatly received and, ultimately, utilised. It is my sincerest hope that you survive the mission.

Congratulations due to the newly promoted Sub-lieutenant Gillian Coyle. Not only for beta reading prowess but for proofreading above and beyond the call of duty.

Field promotion congratulations go to Sub-lieutenant Blane William Traynor for his unwavering navigational skills in visual representation. Your work on the cover of this PanOptrix e-offering has not gone unnoticed by the brass and they have already got you in mind for artistic consultation.

There has been encouragement from other sources but unfortunately that information is classified. There’s a war on after all so I sadly can’t reveal all of the identities of those people but you know who you are and I thank you for your anticipation of this. Hope it’s okay. There’s a pint in it for you if it isn’t.

A Space Pint.

Captain Kurt Dangler, vaguely grateful that he could spell Kurt at least, had tried to appeal against what he termed his surnamical error but the legal folk lording it up over at City Planet were having none of it. It didn’t seem fair that a Captain of the Space Navy could only legally change his name once.

He looked from man to man, every one of the hundreds of them, and swiftly realised that he shouldn’t let his mind wander, especially when all of them were aiming their guns at him.

Further realising that he was mired in a minefield of intricate etiquette, Kurt focused his mind. He was going to play this by the book. A book he carefully consulted now via the PanOptrix lodged, rather itchily, in his right eyeball.

The book in question was Basic Etiquette For Serious Things at Important Functions (Ages 6-11). It was strictly required reading for anyone visiting this planet.

‘The war.’ Kurt began, closing his left eye to indicate seriousness in humility, but then paused.

His mouth was dry, he was nervous. He almost licked his lips.

The etiquette guide was very clear on this matter:

Do not under any circumstances lick your lips. You may only lick your lips IN PRIVATE and NEVER in front of anyone UNLESS you have been married for over five years and are initiating a Government approved breeding cycle. Outside of this, if you are seen licking your lips YOU WILL BE SHOT. So don’t do it.

Kurt looked sideways at his ensign who, he assumed, was honoured to be accompanying his captain on this vital diplomatic mission. For just one brief burst of an instant though, he felt a little sorry for the lad. It had been a difficult, dangerous and depressingly fatal tour of duty. Quite unintentionally, Kurt had seen off ensigns with alarming regularity and each death weighed heavily on his ability to write a heartfelt letter to their mothers.

He almost sighed then, but he was uncertain of the correct occasions where sighing was allowed so instead turned properly to Ensign Goldsmith and decided that now would be a perfect moment for a pep talk.

‘The trick is to distance yourself from your instincts.’ He smiled encouragingly but froze as hundreds of guns creaked and beeped in readiness.

Assuming, as he was still alive, that he hadn’t committed a major insult to his hosts, he continued.

‘I was trained by the best.’ Kurt said. Goldsmith looked straight ahead, muscles twitching in his jaw. ‘Kevin Andrews,’ Kurt went on, lost in memory. ‘He was the master and I a mere shadow of a slip of a lad. Eager to please, hungry to win. George, he told me, George was my name back then, George, watch this.’

Ensign Goldsmith firmly focussed on the situation at hand which now included hundreds of fingers tightening on hundreds of triggers.

‘Kevin held up one of the most sugar covered, old school, jammiest of jam doughnuts I had ever seen and thrust it!’ There seemed to be a few weapons straining to discharge now. ‘Thrust it at his mouth.’