Happy House

By Denny Zartman

Laura wasn’t ready for the horror that lurked behind the walls of Happy House any more than Happy House was ready for the horror that lurked behind the walls of Laura...

A harrowingly hilarious seriocomic satire of the horror genre, “Happy House” is an exciting and surprising story that will chill you down to your funny bones! “Happy House” - the new novel by Denny Zartman, author of “I, Zillionaire.”

Denny Zartman is an actor, writer, musician, artist, and all around swell fellow. Founding member of Atlanta's Lyric Theatre, Denny's been acting since he was a small boy. Film and TV credits include "Dawson's Creek" and "1000 Ways To Die" He's also appeared in numerous commercials, written and produced a number of short films, and performed with the legendary improv team Voodoo Cat Orchestra. In addition to creating the seminal punk jazz band Monkeysnot, Denny has also released seven albums of original musical material, including the soundtrack to "Anonymous Celebrities", his original sci-fi comedy thriller musical. He's also the co-host of the Monkeysnot Podcast with Greg Gateley. Denny lives and works out of Atlanta, Georgia and Los Angeles, California.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Denny Zartman
• Release date: Jan 24, 2013
• ISBN: 9781301982011

Denny Zartman

Actor.

Book preview

Chapter One

Laura woke slowly from another dreamless sleep, her depression complete. She rolled over in bed and rubbed her eyes. Trying to let her mind remain blank for as long as possible, she eventually forced herself to sit up. The soft rush of blood to her head brought another uncontrollable surge of sadness along with it.

Turning over, Laura gazed at her husband Brad. He was sleeping beside her, his body turned away and curled up into the fetal position. The covers were pulled up tightly over his head. He looked like a squished mummy. Laura sighed deeply, pulled the sheet away from her legs, and slowly climbed out of bed.

In the bathroom, Laura switched on the light and winced in the harsh blue glare as the bulbs flickered to life. God, she looked awful. She rubbed gently underneath her eyes. It seemed to take more and more makeup to cover these bags, she thought. Her cheeks were beginning to look sunken too. Years ago, the thought of losing weight and having it make a discernible difference in her appearance would have delighted her. Now, like everything else, it seemed to be another portent of vague doom. At least she didn’t have many grey hairs, though that didn’t stop her from searching for, and worrying about, them every morning before work and every evening before bed.

The shower was cold. Even as the steam rose, she was still cold down to her bones. As Laura dried and dressed, she felt as if she were going through the motions. Brushing, flossing, putting on her shoes; they all seemed to be happening by themselves. She was running on automatic, her mind distant.

The deep depression that she was in felt like a wet, heavy blanket covering her at all times. There didn’t seem to be a situation in life that she didn’t look at with despair. It seemed that every day something happened that brought on a twisting tightness in her chest and a sudden sprinkle of sweat on her brow.

Getting in the car, going to the store… everything seemed to be a hassle now. She was tired of traffic. She was sick of going to get gas. She hated to pump it. Fuel prices were outrageous, and so were the prices at the stores. It seemed that everything she saw while shopping, any item that she was even remotely interested in, cost an inordinate amount of money. It just made her angry all the time, and it felt like little bees were stinging her repeatedly deep inside her mind.

Driving to work, Laura continued to sift over the state of her life. The sad truth was that everything was costing more and more, and Brad wasn’t contributing the way he used to. He would often leave the car nearly empty of gas. He just wasn’t bringing in the money like he did back when they were first married. The good times of the past now seemed to be so far away that they might as well have been a mirage. Sometimes she wondered if the good times had ever really happened at all.

Laura’s pervasive sadness surrounded her completely, as if she were stuck at the bottom of a deep pit. Dark feelings swirled within, even as her conscious mind tried to suppress them. She felt resentment at her husband, who was increasingly beginning to feel more and more like a burden than a partner. He certainly didn’t feel like a provider. She hated feeling selfish, but with the pressures of life that seemed to build slowly year after year, there were times when she wanted to lower her defenses and let someone else handle the problems for a while. She wanted someone to take care of her now and again. Was that really so wrong?

As Laura stared out at the stop and go traffic, she sighed deeply and wondered, not for the first time, if she had made the right choice in marrying Brad. Laura thought that when she and Brad were engaged, she was really and truly in love with him. But now she struggled to remember the exact moment when she felt the first fluttering of love in her heart. The memories of their courtship were, in her mind’s eye, now more like faded blurry black and white photographs of strangers than memories of vivid three dimensional experiences she had personally lived through not so long ago.

Laura sat behind the steering wheel and looked at the bumper of the car in front of her. The turn signal was blinking with no space available to turn.

The thought that she had made the wrong decision in marrying Brad filled her with intense anguish, and nearly brought tears to her eyes. If she had made a bad choice in marrying Brad, then were Sally and Timmy mistakes too? That was an admission Laura wasn’t prepared to make, even to herself. She loved Brad, and she loved their children too.

Laura clung to the love of her family fiercely. She knew that when she was dead and gone, it would be her family that would define her to the generations that followed. This was the belief that Laura held strong, but deep down in places she could never admit existed, she realized that even if Timmy wasn’t handicapped, he would still be painfully shy. And Sally was so remote and argumentative that she seemed to be less like a daughter than a stranger. To be honest, more and more Sally felt less like a stranger and more like an enemy. It seemed everything was a huge, earth-shaking battle with her lately, and Laura didn’t know exactly what to do except try to accept it and suffer through the only way she knew how.

But Laura’s husband and children were her family. No matter how Laura might have felt in the deepest recesses of her soul, she knew that her family was essential to her identity as a person. Any indications of lingering resentment were carefully tamped down and hidden away. She loved them, they loved her, and that was that. But, as she thought with a sigh so deep it was almost a moan, it still didn’t relieve the constant depression.

Chapter Two

Brad Peterson left for work before Laura did, and he was walking into the front doors of his office while his wife was still trying to find a way to exit the highway. He greeted some of his fellow co-workers, already still as statues in their cubicles. The bluish glare of the fluorescent bulbs gave everyone a sickly green pallor. That, combined with the smell of freshly burnt coffee, made his stomach take a tiny turn.

Brad settled into his own cubicle, taking off his coat and draping it on a hook in the corner. He then slid into his chair and wiggled the mouse on his desk, waking his computer from its digital slumber.

Brad turned to his inbox, already stuffed full. He sighed. This is going to be another long day, he thought. No chance for me to go home early, maybe get ahead of traffic for once in my life.

Brad pulled the thick sheaf of paper from his inbox when he saw the assistant manager walking into his cubicle. Peterson, he said crisply. You’re late.

Brad blinked in surprise and looked at the clock on his desk. Just to be sure, he checked his watch too.

Uh, Mr. Fredricks, I’m supposed to be in at nine, and it’s nine right now.

Fredricks sniffed. ’To be early is to be on time, to be on time is to be late, and to be late is unforgivable.’ I’ve been here since eight-fifteen this morning. When it’s nine, I’m able to hit the ground running. Fredricks gestured to Brad’s cubicle. "I’m not here wasting the companies’ time at nine, still setting up shop and trying to get ready for the day… like some people."

Brad wanted to say that it took maybe fifteen seconds to get the data from his inbox and to begin preparing it for entry, but he knew there was no use arguing with Mr. Fredricks.

Yes, sir.

Fredricks handed Brad another sheaf of paper, this one larger than the one in his inbox.

Here. I couldn’t fit this one in your box. We need this entered by noon tomorrow.

Brad took the papers and looked at them blankly. Uhhh… sure. I’ll get right on that.

Fredricks fixed Brad with a stern stare. Another thing. We’re going to be transferring you downstate at the end of the month.

Brad gaped. T-t-transferring me? Where?

Downstate. Only two hundred miles or so.

Brad looked around the cubicle and settled his eyes on a calendar. A-a-at the end of the month? That’s only…

Fredricks waved his hand dismissively. I’ve moved to plenty of offices. I’ve worked in three states in the last four years. If you want to work here, you have to be ready to go where you’re needed.

Brad was nearly dizzy from surprise. B-b-but, I have two kids in school.

Children transfer from school to school every day. If there’s one thing schools know how to do, it’s process in new students.

That’s just the tip of the iceberg, Brad thought. What would he tell his wife? When Laura heard about this, she would go right through the roof. How was he going to explain it to her? But, instead of speaking, he bit his tongue, swallowed his words, and nodded weakly.

Fredricks looked at him coldly. We’re also reducing your hours and your salary by ten percent.

Whuh-whuh-whuh?! Brad stammered.

Fredricks closed his eyes and sighed deeply. He opened them again and fixed Brad with a narrow stare.

Times are tough. This economy has been difficult for us. If you must know, we’re laying off twenty people. That’s what this reorganization is all about. You should be thankful that you still have a job at all. You should be grateful that you still have your benefits, and that the company thinks enough of you to keep you on. There are at least twenty people out there who would gladly trade places with you in half a second. You should count yourself lucky.

Fredricks stared at Brad, almost as if he were daring him to speak. Instead of replying, Brad just sat there, slowly slumping down in his chair like a rapidly melting snowman. Fredricks flicked his eyes at the stack of papers on Brad’s desk.

Noon tomorrow.

Fredricks turned and left Brad’s cubicle. Brad looked at the empty space formerly occupied by the assistant manager, and then at the phone on his desk, and finally at the two stacks of papers sitting nearby. There was no time to call Laura. He’d just have to explain it to her after work. He swallowed hard, and there was an audible click in his throat as he picked up the first sheet of paper and gradually began to enter the data into his computer.

Chapter Three

Finally arriving at her office, Laura slid into the chair behind her desk and prepared to work. This first minute of Monday was always the hardest, but then again, she thought of the last minute of the day as the hardest minute too. And all the minutes on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday as well. But, of all the bad minutes of the work week, the first minute of Monday surely had to be the worst. The worst of the worst. Mentally staring out at the eight hours that lay ahead, interrupted only by a bland, expensive, and unsatisfying lunch, was nearly soul crushing. Capping it off was a bookend of two