From Darkness to Light

By Patricia Potts

From Darkness to Light offers solid ideas that have made a real difference in my life and the lives of others. This book is for those who have or are dealing with feelings of daily discouragement or dysfunctional depression. This is one journey you'll be glad you went on.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Patricia Potts
• Release date: Oct 25, 2012
• ISBN: 9781301556847

Patricia Potts

I am a wife, mother, writer, speaker and singer. Through the grace of God I lived through depression then wrote about it.

Book preview

From Darkness to Light

One LDS Woman’s Journey Through Depression

By Patricia Tew Potts

Endorsements

Patricia’s experience through deep depression brings hope to the hopeless and points the way to the light of recovery. Her life has now become a testimony to the truth that whoso trusteth in the LORD, happy is he. (Proverbs 16:20). Her faith to endure through this journey and her willingness to openly share her story is an inspiration to all - DeAnn Larsen

I was touched by your story. I couldn't stop reading! This book is so needed. - Peg Wakefield

From Darkness to Light: One LDS Woman’s Journey Through Depression

Patricia Potts

Published by Patricia Potts at Smashwords

Copyright 2012 Patricia Potts

Acknowledgments

I’m thankful to Jesus, who let His light shine through my darkness and made this book possible.

I thank my husband, Dan, for sticking with me even when it was painful and for believing in better days to come. His expert editing in my writing endeavors has not only corrected many errors, but brought interest and insight to the work. I thank him for the many sacrifices he has made so that I could follow my dream of writing and speaking. Dan has also been invaluable in helping me keep my feet on the ground and find greater balance.

I thank my children; Cindy, Heidi, Tiffany, Trisha, and Joseph who lived through my up and down moods, yet still loved their mother. Thanks to Joseph, Tiffany, and our foster daughter, Josie, for encouraging me to write my story. A special thanks to Trisha for typing and to Heidi and my sister, Cindy, for editing. An extra thanks goes to my mom who has been there with me through life’s tough times and also helped edit.

I thank my faithful forever friend, Darla. She tirelessly reminds me, you are a writer!, when I get discouraged. She also teaches me how to learn by the Spirit, how to write by the Spirit, and how to know when my work has finally cooked enough to come out of the oven. Her advice on newsletters, articles, and books through the years has been invaluable. Thanks for being my cheerleader and coach.

I also appreciate those who were willing to read, edit, and give me feedback in order to make this book more worthy of consideration. Thanks Nancy, Heidi, Peg, Brittany, Sue, Dianne, Teri, Leslie, Lisa, Deanne, Leslie, Laurie and Toni.

Special thanks go to my daughter, Heidi, for creating a home on the web where the story behind My Journey from Darkness to Light and First-Aid for Feelings can be found and purchased. Other free downloads are also available on the website.

Preface

You’ve just got to listen to what Patricia has to say, she’s so experienced at depression! my friend Joann declared.

I never graduated from college. The truth is I only attended one year, and during that time I focused almost entirely on the social scene. However, if degrees were awarded for life experiences, I guess I may have earned some kind of experience degree in depression. I’ve lived through three major depressions and countless minor ones. I guess I must have been a slow learner, because it wasn’t till the third one, when once again I was down for the count, that I got it. Although I still have my ups and downs and I have to work to maintain a balance, I do take my medicine and use the tools contained in this book to help me stay in recovery from depression. My first dysfunctional depression was in 1981, the second in 1987, and the third in 1998.

In between bouts, public speaking and teaching became my way of solidifying the lessons I learned and giving value to the nightmare I had lived through. It also allowed me a chance to help others so that their tunnel of darkness didn’t have to be as long as mine.

PART ONE

First Depression: If I Just Try Hard Enough Everyone Will Like Me!

The first depression I lived through was totally unexpected. I was a young mother with two daughters and another on the way. I went from being a fully functioning wife, mother, church worker, preschool teacher and daycare provider to being unable to function at all for three months. One major downfall, as I learned later in life, was approval addiction. My dream was to please everyone! I wanted everyone to be happy with me. The night I realized I would never have my dream was the night my life changed forever.

Chapter One: What Made Me a Likely Candidate for Depression?

Lucky Break?

The fourth grade recess bell rang. My classmates, led by Mrs. Hansen, migrated to the playground (all but Sherrie and I, that is). We both brought notes from home that morning because we had colds. What a lucky break to get to stay in from recess with Sherrie Hansen, the most popular girl in class, I thought. Maybe if I impress her, I can get enough votes to be an officer!"

Normally, Sherrie paid no attention to me at all. Today, however, we were stuck together and she seemed willing to make the best of it. We talked about boys, about Mrs. Hansen, and about who was wearing the right kind of clothes. (Fortunately I was in the O.K. group that day.) Then, in the middle of a sentence, I sensed a warning signal from my body telling me that it was time to high tail it to the restroom. I was too embarrassed, however, to just pick up and leave in the middle of my big chance at popularity, and I quickly sent a message to my body telling it that I could not be interrupted just now. Three minutes later my body overrode my mandate. My face grew uncomfortably warm as I looked past my trembling knees to the puddle on the green tile floor below.

I hoped that by some miracle Sherrie wouldn’t notice, but how could she help but notice? There was nowhere to go, no trap door in the floor to open up and swallow me and no invisible button I could push. The definite, undeniable odor in our fourth grade classroom also gave me away. I knew I was at Sherrie’s mercy to keep my bladder blunder a secret.

Sherrie, I pled, as I grabbed paper towels from the back of the room, pleeease don’t tell anybody. My mom can come get me and nobody needs to know. Please!

Sherrie looked from the puddle to me as I scurried to and from the sink at the back of the room. She plopped herself on a school desk, smiled, and vowed, Oh, I won’t tell anybody. Promise.

The mess was cleaned up before the bell rang, and I heard the kids come bounding through the door at the front of the room while I ducked out the back door. I was just in the middle of thinking how glad I was that Sherrie had promised to keep quiet, when I heard her laughter echoing like sonic booms through the halls, You should have seen it, Sherrie exclaimed. A big yellow puddle, and the smell was terrible; she’s not Patti Tew, she’s Patti Poo!

Patti Poo!

The nickname, Patti Poo stuck to me like Texas humidity for the next three years. If one of my classmates wanted to call another kid in school a dirty name, they would simply shout, Patti Poo to you! Unfortunately, the abuse was not limited to verbal assaults. After school in the winter, I had rock snowballs thrown at me until my legs stung as badly as the tears that ran down my cheeks.

In an effort to win friends, I used to take things from home (paper punchers, staplers, candy, anything I could sneak out) and put them in the pocket of my Swiss Derndall dress, which had a black velvet lace-up vest covering the white bodice. During recess my classmates would line up by the coat rack for a chance to fish a prize out of my vest. The saddest part of this plan, however, was that when I ran out of prizes I also ran out of friends.

The Kindest Girl in Class

Fifth grade passed a bit more quietly as I tried to melt into the corner. When sixth grade rolled around, I sat in Mr. Cook’s class on the back row, bracing myself for the next Patti Poo comment. On that first day of school, Mr. Cook announced that he would have a kindness contest each week.

He would pass out papers and let everyone write who they thought was the kindest girl and the kindest boy, and those lucky classmates would win and get their names on the chalkboard for a week. Could I ever win? I was sure I’d never be popular, but maybe, just maybe if I tried hard enough I could be the kindest. The idea bounced within me even as I determined right then and there to do whatever it took to get my name on the chalkboard. Could this be the beginning of the end of my friend woes?

As I walked home from school that day, I passed the canal that ran alongside the road. Looking down at the tiny tadpoles swimming upstream, I vowed that someday I was going to be voted kindest girl in Mr. Cook’s classroom.

Mr. Cook’s contest was a turning point in my life. Instead of bringing stolen prizes from home, I brought two sets of jacks. I loved playing jacks, and was pretty good at it after having spent many lonely hours playing. But I decided that the kindest person would probably share her jacks with others and let the other kids win too, even if that meant losing to an inferior jacks player. In addition to sharing jacks, I picked up paper clips or anything that was dropped. I tried to go to the end of the lunch line

Reviews for From Darkness to Light

[lynnb_64 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This is the story of George Webb, failed police officer turned private detective. His life has been turned around by one case: the murder of Mr. Nash by his wife. Mrs. Nash hired George to follow her husband, who was cheating on her. George was drawn to her, and two years later, is still totally wrapped up in her life. Graham Swift has done an outstanding job of painting a picture of George: his personality, hopes, fears and longings. The book takes place over a single day, but with flashbacks to cover George's life. The writing is fast-paced, even though this is primarily a character study. It definitely made me want to read more by this author.

[samsheep_1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I gave this four stars because....I was engaged, I liked it, I kept reading, some beautiful turns of phrase, some interesting characters. It had the quality feel to it. BUT sometimes it dragged - he really spun it out a bit too much, the pacing not quite what it could be. Also a silly small thing that really grated on me - the way that he used "sweetheart" a lot when speaking to her in prison. Somehow jarred with the rest of it.

[adrianburke_1 · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

No. I cannot get on with this. Reading it is like listening to two radio stations at the same time. Two much cross interference. And really I feel the complication is all to do with the method of telling rather than anything else. One long fragmented flashback is intercut into a boring car trip. Did not finish. Life being too short.

[coyote99_1 · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

What an awful book. Mesmerized by his own words, Swift manages to spin ever slower circles around events we already know happen with needless jumps forward and backward. Early on he decides that his tale has so little merit that his only chance is to make his narrative so confusing that the reader may mistake obfuscation for brilliance. A complete waste of time.

[booklistener · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

I have mixed feelings on this book. Author painted a very convincing picture and the imagery sticks with me. On the other hand, it did seem the story moved excruciatingly slowly at times. He would dwell for a long time on the mood of a scene and then, almost in passing, mention key plot details.

[sanddancer_1 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Amazing! It plays with the conventions of the detective story and romance. We find out almost immediately who committed the crime, and the rest of the book is about piecing together the events that led up to it, all seen from the point of view of a detective, who has fallen in love with the murderer. That summary doesn't really do it justice. It is about relationships, secrets and love - all big themes, but it is beautifully written and griping.

[gocam_4 · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

Moderately more engaging than watching a slow paint dry, the book nonetheless explodes very occasionally with flashes of incendiary writing. 'Light of Day' indulges for most of its length in endless, insistent, circular, inevitable, here-again/there-again repetition surrounding a violent act that puzzles and initially intrigues and the back story detailing how our private detective protagonist ended up 'the man he is' - using a series of flash-back and -forward sequences we are led through a life that collides in a conclusion that should satisfy but rather stultifies . The form does tend to pull Webb's plight and life arc into tight focus, but honestly neither make for particularly engaging reading. As a treatment of a slow-burning drift into insular obsession the novel succeeds in generating a modicum of sympathy, but little more. Swift can write tremendously compelling almost poetic sequences (particularly when detailing the relationship with his daughter, and a cop whom he faces as nemesis then acquaintance), but they are buried deep in far too many words describing far too slight of a narrative where, frankly, there is little to care about. In reading this book I found myself at one point reminded of the power of selective repitition in Edwin Morgan's "In the Snack Bar" - a poem that achieves more in a few hundred words than this novel does in its entirety. Disappointing as I had high expectations after a punchy opening chapter, and having enjoyed "Last Orders".

[cliffagogo · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Ex-cop and private detective George Webb reflects on his past and revisits his old relationships, to find meaning in recent tragic events. The author’s knack for readable, believable dialogue makes for a compelling, addictive novel that pleases from start to finish. This, mixed with an incredible sense of structure and atmosphere, places Swift head and shoulders above the competition.

[piefuchs · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

A good book that failed to live up to the high expectation I had developed for this author based upon Last Orders.