Phred, the Cute Little Bunny Rabbit. A Tale of Fear and Horror

By Doug Friedenberg

Phred, a rabbit who is the class pet, persuades Jason to take him home for the weekend. Jason starts to worry when he realizes he's taken the rabbit illegally. Jason's even more concerned when he finds that the rabbit is more inclined to give orders than to take them, and that the rabbit has adequate means to get his way. Jason really starts to sweat when he realizes that resistance is futile.

Think of Alice in Wonderland, by Lewis Carroll, above ground, out in the suburbs, a fantastic world that lurks just below the surface of everyday life. Phred, a smart-ass, well educated rabbit, will appeal to the childlike of all ages, some of whom might actually be adults. And as he hops to do Phred's bidding, Jason discovers that adults are a bit more like large children, and he also finds that he has more life skills and confidence than he ever imagined.

Phred's view of the human race provides a bit of perspective on what humans are good for, and raises the question as to why they should be so lucky as to have opposable thumbs, and basically puts humans in their place: living in harmony with the rest of the planet.

N. B. No animals were harmed in the writing of this book.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Doug Friedenberg
• Release date: Oct 8, 2012
• ISBN: 9781301654178

Doug Friedenberg

Doug Friedenberg's years of experience on Wall Street have convinced him that adults are surprisingly like large children. Except that they use attorneys to resolve most conflicts. He worked at Morgan Stanley, ran a hedge fund, and writes for www.allaboutalpha.com, which covers the hedge fund industry. More recently, he has gotten to know the world a bit as principal for www.jigsaw-capital.com, a company which arranges cross-border finance for importers and exporters, and which is skilled in structuring unusual trade finance requirements. And then he writes stuff like Phred.

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PHRED, the Cute Little Bunny Rabbit

A tale of fear and horror

Doug Friedenberg

Copyright 2012 © by Doug Friedenberg

Smashwords Edition

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Dedicated to:

Sasha and Dmitri, who required its beginning;

Kyrian, who encouraged its middle;

Kristin Fox, who knew there was a writer in here somewhere;

Janice Doty, who always wanted to see the next chapter;

M. and T., for their rabbitude.

Table of Contents

Chapter 1. Escape from Elementary School

Chapter 2. Home Sweet Home

Chapter 3. Phred Is Hungry

Chapter 4. Jason Goes Foraging

Chapter 5. Rabbit Stew

Chapter 6. Beyond the Edge of the Known Universe

Chapter 7. What’s So Funny?

Chapter 8. Multiplication

Chapter 9. Cartoons

Chapter 10. Time to Go

Chapter 11. Suzique Is Speechless

Chapter 12. Friendly Advice from an Older Species to a Younger

Author’s Note

Chapter 1. Escape from Elementary School

Jason was about to leave his fourth-grade classroom one Friday afternoon when he heard a voice say, Wait. He thought this was odd, since he was late getting out of school, and he was the last one in the room. Even his teacher, Mr. Dumple, had gone home, and there were only a few stragglers out in the hallways. Jason looked around, saw no one, and decided he was imagining things. He started to walk out the door, and the same small voice said, Wait. It added, Please come back. Jason looked around the room. There was no one hiding under the desks, the closet doors were open, nobody there, and no one over by the cage where the class pet rabbit was kept. He decided maybe the public address system had accidentally been left on, and started out the door again. The voice said, I’m over here. Jason looked in the direction of the voice, which led his gaze toward the rabbit cage. Yes, here. The rabbit appeared to be looking at him. Jason walked over to the rabbit cage and looked around. The rabbit sat in its cage nibbling some lettuce. Jason lingered a moment, turned, and strode toward the door. And heard a voice say, Don’t leave. He jumped, landed, and turned, wondering if he was hearing things. The rabbit was the only living thing in the room. He walked over to the cage and, feeling foolish, asked, Did you just say something? The rabbit said, Yes. Jason said, Why didn’t you tell me it was you when I came over here a moment ago? The rabbit replied, You didn’t ask.Jason stared at the rabbit again, realized that he had to be getting home, and started to walk back to the door. He heard the word Please behind him, with a tone of fear and desperation. Take me with you. I don‘t want to be alone here all weekend. Jason turned. I can’t, he said. I could be expelled from school if I get caught with you.

The rabbit had a plan. Put me in your backpack, quickly. There’s no one around. Bring me back before school on Monday and no one will ever know.Curiouser and curiouser, Jason thought as he stood and considered this for a moment. He had read the phrase somewhere, sort of liked it, and he saved thinking it for only the most unusual occasions. He certainly hadn’t ever imagined he might have a temporary pet like this cute, furry little creature. The rabbit watched Jason’s deliberations, which were written all over his face. At one moment, Jason made as if to turn and walk away. And at just that moment the rabbit whispered, Please.

Finally, Jason sighed and stepped over to pick up the rabbit. He thought to himself, it’ll be great to have a little buddy around. What harm could possibly come of it? The rabbit, in turn, sat quietly, with its mouth shut; it knew that it had closed the deal, and that further comment would only weaken its position.

Jason gathered up the rabbit, and put it in his knapsack. The rabbit said Thanks. Jason walked out of his classroom carefully, looking around as he strode down the hallway towards the school exit. By the time he was outside of the school with his knapsack on his back, he had quite warmed to his role as the school’s foremost rabbit smuggler.

Outside school, Jason got on his bicycle to ride home. He said to the rabbit, Stay down and out of sight. The rabbit said nothing. So Jason started pedaling down Cedar Avenue, heading for home. On the way, he saw some of his friends from school playing in their yards. He waved at them. He had quite forgotten about the contents of his knapsack when he heard the words, Don’t go so fast. He screeched to a halt, and looked over his shoulder. And saw a rabbit head, which had emerged from his knapsack.

Jason said, Get your head back down. The rabbit blinked its eyes, and continued to look around. Jason repeated, Get down. The rabbit said, It’s too dark in there. I like to see where I’m going. Jason pushed the rabbit’s head down into the knapsack, just in time to hear Kyle, a school friend, shout, Hi Jason. You’re going home kind of late. Whatcha doing? Jason stammered, Uh, I forgot a book I needed and I went back to get it. Kyle stood and looked from Jason to the backpack and said, Gee, Jason, your backpack looks like it’s alive. Jason froze for a second, then remembered to get his bicycle going, and shouted back, Probably the books moving around, trusting that Kyle wouldn’t be able to inspect more closely as he rode