Trouble Lives at the Back of the Bus

By Maria Leahey

"A shy, toothless first grader on my bus stopped at my elbow yesterday. Instead of having me look at new shoelaces or hear about her cool babysitter, she confided in me that she has a crush! 'I think it's my first one ...' "
Following real-life characters such as the Human Sparkplug, the Chronic Stander and the Frenetic Four, "Trouble Lives at the Back of the Bus" chronicles the adventures of a rookie bus driver. Sharing bits of overheard hilarity, keeping her charges in their seats with stories of penguin dentristry and pulling greetings out of glowering high school students are all part of the surprising fun of driving a big yellow bus.
"Zombie Warrior, a first grader, got on my bus yesterday afternoon and pointed to two knots in his backpack straps, yelling over the a/c. 'This one is to reject me out the top of the bus and this other one over here is explosive, so don't touch it!'"
Sharing reflections gleaned from her rearview mirror, author Maria Leahey reveals that, on some days, the search for fun can be found between the stops.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Maria Leahey
• Release date: Aug 28, 2012
• ISBN: 9781476468549

Maria Leahey

Maria Leahey picked up bus driving when her family was hit hard by the recession of 2009. She took on bus driving because she figured that job would never be outsourced overseas. The silver lining in this economic cloud was that she loved the job and wrote about it frequently on facebook. Friends and family encouraged her to collect her posts into a book. This is her first book. She lives in Texas with her husband and teenagers.

Book preview

Trouble Lives at the Back of the Bus

By Maria B. Leahey

Copyright 2012 Maria B. Leahey

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Table of Contents

Chapter 1 – Driving that Yellow Submarine: Watch the Tailswing!

Chapter 2 – Bus Rodeos, Barking Spiders and a Chronic Stander

Chapter 3 – Stop that. Sit down. Pipe down. Forever! Times infinity!

Chapter 4 – Live Wires, Kissing Bandits and a Human Sparkplug

Chapter 5 – Polar Bear Choirs and Penguin Dentistry

Chapter 1 – Driving that Yellow Submarine: Watch the Tailswing!

April 20, 2010

Have you ever wondered what it’s like to drive a school bus? Me neither. I’ll be behind the wheel for training today. Prayers appreciated. I would love to know at all times where my bus is in the time-space continuum.

April 20

Wow. I never thought I would say this, but I love driving a school bus. On my first drive today, I never ventured over 25 miles an hour and motorists on Preston Road zoomed around me, but it was an absolute BLAST driving something that huge. I adore my trainer. And the six hundred mirrors on the front of the vehicle ain’t bad either. They told me everything I needed to know about where my bus was in the space-time continuum.

April 21

I’m asking for more prayer today, since it worked so well yesterday. I have to take the school bus on the highway. Needed are: vehicular wisdom and supernatural calm! I have to merge on the expressway and probably require a big old gap to do that. I also need the boldness to hold that gas pedal down and find out what my bus can really do. Pray also for highway ramp driving; even in a regular car, these give me vertigo.

April 22

Highway driving with the school bus was NOTHING yesterday. No expressway, just a lesser highway’s access road. No biggie! However – and there is always a however, isn’t there? – I have concerns about my route with its narrow streets and parked cars. I am hoping to get that resolved today. Looks like I take my test at the DMV as early as Friday. My head is just stuffed with all kinds of bus-related testing.

April 22

This is today’s behind-the-wheel adventure: Driving north on the tollway at an outrageous RPM, at full engine capacity (10 miles under the posted speed limit), the wind whipping my sleeve around, the 24-odd windows rattling like crazy, the groaning of the engine under the strain, the sound of elves and gnomes banging on the bottom of that beautiful, egg-yolk-yellow 1996 Bluebird snub nose bus… does life get any better than this?

April 23

I just got back for my DMV driving test. I’ve got one word for you: passed. Not with flying colors. Not without some stern-yet-well-deserved instructions from the DMV testing lady. But I passed nonetheless. Since I’ve had to wait in line at the DMV since 5 a.m. IN THE MORNING, I think I’ll now go face down on my bed.

April 29

I think my life’s soundtrack better include a scratched-up version of Rawhide right now.

April 29

Tomorrow is my first day. I skipped my dinner, since I wasn’t sure if it would stay down. I dutifully finished writing my article. And I tried not to think about my first morning driving that yellow submarine with a huge tail swing. And that one tight right turn I have to make.

May 4

Apparently, it is a big deal to parents and kids when a school bus runs 16 minutes late. A really big deal. Good to know. Next time, I’ll... I’ll... drive just as carefully and make ‘em all mad again. I’m not changing a thing.

May 5

Bus 412 – MY school bus – got a nicked windshield and limped into the shop. Poor thing. For my afternoon route, I was handed the reins of a substitute bus – a wheezing leviathan with lumbering left turns and convex rearview mirrors that made the bus look like it went on forever behind me. I feel like I’ve gone eight seconds with a bull.

May 6

Well, I went another eight seconds with the bull (sub bus). I think that thing is on facebook and read my previous post because the A/C was FROSTY this morning. We are talking Refrigerated Boxcar cold. You think she is giving me the cold shoulder?

May 6

Bus 412 is BACK, baby! What a CONTRAST. Now she handles like a Lincoln Towncar. Uh-huh, uh-huh. And my aging SUV I drive in my off hours? ZOOOOM, she’s practically a roadster. (The bull is... sadly... someone else’s headache now. I noted on a maintenance report that she had no front mud flaps and bit my lip to stop myself from suggesting that the previous driver had chewed them off as vengeance.)

May 8

I dropped off my last student on my route. It was just me and my daughters. This seemed an excellent time to try out 412’s radio for first time! The kids moved to back seat; I spun the volume knob from zero to 20. Having come from mechanic’s shop, her radio was accidentally left on an unauthorized rock station. Kids give thumbs-up. Reading you loud and clear, Mom. Really living means listening to LED ZEPPELIN with your kids, driving an empty school bus at the end of a Friday.

May 11

Looking over my first week, I would have to say that driving that school bus is now old hat. Still a few moments worth savoring: (1) snatches of funny conversations (like an argument about clouds among my elementary passengers), (2) the fraternal wave shared with other bus drivers as we pass, and (3) being 12th in a convoy of 14 buses traveling nose-to-tailpipe as we leave the high school at that prescribed moment of departure.

May 12

Wheeeee, I have a new favorite button on Bus 412! It’s called Noise Off and, with one flick, I can silence all noisy interior stuff: AC, radio,