PEARLS in my Oyster: a little wisdom along the way

By JM Jolley

Six vital elements of an “examined life” form the subject acronym of this unique, inspirational book. Each intuitive principle is poignantly illustrated with powerful short stories that will confirm their significance in the world and in the life of the reader, as well.
The formula herein is subtle and when it is applied leads to a significant and genuine awakening. It is almost as immediate as it is durable.
PEARLS in the Oyster, a little wisdom along the way, is a gem of a collection sure to “kick your heart into high gear.” Written in the spirit and flavor of the classic storytellers their wit and wisdom will keep you laughing, crying and re-reading time and again.

• Language: English
• Publisher: JM Jolley
• Release date: Aug 21, 2012
• ISBN: 9781476499451

JM Jolley

J.M. Jolley is a stirring writer who seeks to motivate his audience with passion and power wielding the pen to 'jump start the heart' much like an artist applies a brush for the same purpose. Ironically he learned to feel deeply and to express those feelings in a most unusual setting . . . He writes: "There is a circumstance in my life that may forever define me. To speak of it requires my deepest, most awkward confession . . . I served time in the Utah State Prison for 'securities fraud'. It was the ultimate consequence for sacrificing my integrity and ignoring my moral compass for many years. It was a time of shame, penance, critical self-assessment and brutal honesty. Fortunately, it has resulted in my growth, progress -- transformation. It was brutal, complex and is hard to describe, even for a writer. Charles Dickens' classic opening from "A Tale of Two Cities" depicts, for me, the circumstance of prison life: "‘It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way . . .’ " I learned well this paradoxical existence. Prison is an absolute in every sense of the word, every sense you might imagine. It is as negative, as you would expect, but profoundly positive, if you allow. When referring to that time I have often said: 'I wouldn't trade the experience for a million dollars or repeat it - for the world!' But it exacted an exquisite price . . . it simply cost me everything! Still, it was my conscious choice to allow the singular dynamics in that extraordinary place, to strip away the dross and remake my character with as much integrity as I could process. The procedure was fantastic and an irony of remarkable proportions. It is my belief that an authentic, internal change for good is the most ‘'unlikely'’ miracle that one might hope to experience. I thank Heaven for such a change, because I feel Heaven is the exclusive source of this ‘'impossible metamorphosis'. I embraced my commitment to it from the very beginning and remained dedicated to it through-out my time there. My ultimate desire was to repair the damage to the people I had victimized and to also reconcile with the 'loves in my life' who had stepped away during that confusing time. This continues to be my primary motive and the source of my deepest sadness and greatest joy. With this motivation I learned to feel and explore these feelings and subsequently to record my discoveries. During moments of clarity it is fascinating and profoundly ironic to note that it was my stupidity and awful choices that resulted in this period of '‘time out’' that not only produced my greatest shame and sorrow but was also the very means for a life of honor. It was to become my resource for future successes and victories. Is it any wonder that I readily acknowledge that it was this singular circumstance that has come to define me? It has absolutely confirmed that: ‘good judgment is the result of experience and experience is the result of poor judgment.’ If that’'s not a definition ... I'’ll never know one. Currently, I am working at bringing six manuscripts, (including a novel) a movie screenplay and a 36-week educational curriculum, into fruition. It is most challeng-ing and more gratifying than I can say. Joyfully, the adventure continues!”

Book preview

Acknowledgement

To Syd and Max, my earthly angels, who showed in their sacrifice and categorical love that they never regretted their commitment. Any good that I am, or ever hope to be, is because I was a boy in your home.

With immense love and gratitude to Denise, Brooke, Ryan, Paul, Andrew, Mooch, and Christian, who each in significant although singular ways, helped me to embrace my wild goose chase.

To Mike and Shelli, kindred spirits that I hope to get to know someday.

To Debbie G., whose gentle spirit and consummate otherliness inspired and blessed my life beyond my expectations. Your handprint is on my heart.

To my mentors:

Geoffe Weichert, your encouragement and valuable suggestions made me into a better writer than I am. You once wrote: I hope I can contribute something to your passion. A love of words is the key to the biggest treasure on earth.

Thanks, my friend. You have, and it is!

Nancy Takics, your tone-perfect ear and gentle eye led me to find my own voice. You’re the best!

Cindy Beatty, thanks for your support and valuable proof. I never realized I had slept through so many grammar classes.

DD, you give perfect encouragement – insightful and empowering. Wow!

To Perry F., Michael G., Terry L., Rich H., Lance H., Todd M., Craig C., Chris E., Howard S., Dave A., James G., Arvid O., Dan O., Daniel C., Big D, Ken B., Troy B., Mark M., DeWayne T., Milt M., Jim C., Brandon H., Rich F., Bruce Blackham, Adrian Harward, Keith Bartholomew, Vern Hatch, Hal Picket, Frank Pike, Reid Knudsen, Jim Caulkin, Don and Darlene Parker, Jim and Leslee Christensen, Stephanie and Dave Lambertsen, Dale and Darlene Harwood, Ken and Sylvia Tuttle, Lucille Christensen, S.W., Darryl Broadhead, Maren Mouritsen, Rick and Sue Hall, Marlell and Sandy Nielson, Al and Judy Deardan, Leo and Elayne Boyington, Farrel and Sue Ellen Swink, Bob Thygerson, Roger and Joyce Heiner, Sir Charles and Kathy Searle, Robert and Lynda Hermansen, Steve and Bonnie Shaw, Jim and Georganna Hunter, Don Lindsey, Joyce Cottrell, Clint and Gerrie Chapman, Ken and Candy Tingey, Brent and Cheri Andrus, Sterling Fitzgerald, Mary Fitzgerald, Anthony, Tara and Charlie Petrie, Mary Anne Smith, Elizabeth Hess, Steevun Lemon, Mark Stringer, Dave Hodgson, Mark Jensen, Dub Slade, Ursula (Mighty Mouse) Anderson and to my heart, Sister Carol Harvey.

"Anyone will ride with you in the back of the limousine, but only a few will wait with you at the bus stop." Thanks for waiting…my bus stop friends!

And to my several vital influences most of whom I never met: (alphabetized)

Ansel Adams, Julie Andrews, Maya Angelou, Arthur Ashe, St. Francis of Assisi, Richard Bach, Emily Bear, Ludwig V. Beethoven, Richard Branson, Hugh B. Brown, Michelangelo Buonarroti, Warren Buffet, Eva Cassidy, George R. Clark, Jack Canfield, Roberto Clemente, Sean Connery, Pat Conroy, Stephen Covey, Leonardo Da Vinci, Antoine De Saint-Exupery, Princess Diana, Charles Dickens, Wayne Dyer, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Nora Ephron, Suzan Erens, Jackie Evancho, Richard Paul Evans, Malcolm Forbes, David Foster, Victor Frankel, Benjamin Franklin, Pau Gasol, George Gershwin, Khalil Gibran, Arthur Gordon, David Green, Marvin Hamlisch, Armand Hammer, George F. Handel, Paul Harvey, Victor Hugo, John Huntsman, Lee Iacocca, Steve Jobs, Kermit the Frog, Rudyard Kipling, C.S. Lewis, Leona Lewis, Max Lucado, Joe Madden, Nelson Mandela, Truman Madsen, Steve Martin, Og Mandino, Joni Mitchell, Thomas Monaghan, Wolfgang A. Mozart, Joe Namath, Jessie Owens, Luciano Pavarotti, Itzak Perlman, Sidney Poitier, Jackie Robinson, Christopher Reeves, Nora Roberts, J.K. Rowling, Arthur Rubenstein, Rumi, Secretariat, William Shakespeare, Shrek, Stephen Sondheim, Harriet B. Stowe, Sungbong Choi, Taylor Swift, Mother Theresa, Brady Thompson, Mark Twain, William Tyndale, Giuseppe Verdi, Rick Warren, Thorton Wilder, Betty White, Walt Whitman, Oprah Winfrey, Thomas Wolfe, William Wordsworth, Stevie Wonder, Steve Young, Alex Zanardi and the Heroes of 9/11.

Dedicated to the wild goose in us all

Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting:

That Soul that rises with us, our life’s star,

Hath had elsewhere it’s setting,

And cometh from afar:

Not in entire forgetfulness,

And not in utter nakedness,

But trailing clouds of glory do we come

From God who is our home:

Heaven lies about us in our infancy!

Shades of the prison-house begin to close

Upon the growing Boy,

But He beholds the light, and whence it flows,

He sees it in his joy;

The Youth, who daily farther from the east

Must travel, still is Nature’s Priest,

And by the vision splendid

Is on his way attended;

At length the Man perceives it die away

And fade into the common, light of day.

Excerpt from

Ode to Intimations of Immortality from Recollections of Childhood

By William Wordsworth

Preface

When I initially considered the challenge of this book’s introduction my first inclination was to simply say, Here goes! But then, I figured the reader would appreciate a little clarification.

By the subtitle of this book I do not propose that any particular wisdom lies in me. Several of my life’s choices which resulted in some unusual geography, suggest otherwise. Fortunately, there has been a miraculous awakening. In it, I uncovered many profound lessons, more accurately, I must confess, they uncovered me. I am most grateful even though the insight came with an extremely high price tag attached.

Mine has been a fascinating and challenging journey. For better or worse, I chose to make it that way. The vital lessons were manifested to me over time, often through simple though significant metaphors. As I discovered this connection I began to find meaning in their illustrations and my life became ordered and I became much more proficient at it. Luckily, they released their powerful energies, mostly independent of my performance, and left me changed for the better. And their indelible mark continues to increase my understanding and makes me happier and more complete.

Initially it wasn't my intention to make this book didactic. But as I looked about I discovered a hunger for material that lightly imparts constructive values and is more than just a mixed collection of pithy anecdotes. I contend that the subtle parables here transcend cultures, ideologies and religion and their messages are evident and essential to any who would find them.

By my observation and experience, there are fundamental lessons in life that all of us, that is, each of us – must learn. The resultant wisdom is required for our ultimate growth and fulfillment. I believe that these lessons are so vital that the opportunity to acquire them will be repeated until we come to recognize and finally embrace them.

Now I hesitate to suggest the specific laws and principles upon which one should base one’s life and progress. Personally, I have attempted a number of paths that simply didn't climb. So I shall point to those imperatives that are currently producing, for me, a joyful and productive journey. Perhaps the way is not universal, but I think it is, at least, reliably consistent. I submit them and invite you to glean from them what you may.

These are some of the absolute essentials of my world. They serve me well enough to be recalled frequently. And although their instruction is pointed enough to stick, as I passed 40, I had to put them into a format that I could easily remember so as to make them truly useful.

I arranged them in a mnemonic memory device that has served me well over

the years. After all, it was through the tool of acrostics and acronyms that I can recall, (after decades) the names of the Great Lakes; (HOMES: Huron, Ontario, Michigan, Eerie, Superior) the spectrum of white light; (ROYGBIV: Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo, Violet), and a few hundred other trivial bits of information as well.

So I offer you, gentle reader, the treasured PEARLS of my life – lessons general enough to be inclusive but specific enough to be helpful. Some are so obvious that they are often overlooked or at least undervalued – although, never again by me.

PEARLS

Perspective, Priorities, Persistence (The P’s have it)

Excellence

Adversity

Recognizing opportunity (So I stretched a little to make the acronym)

Love

Service

These PEARLS are of great price. And although some of their lessons were slow in coming, they have come, and I pen them as a grateful participant. I believe their instruction may be more meaningful because they took me a while to embrace because of my long, flat, learning curve. Hopefully, they are well illustrated in their stories and will be confirmed by the reader’s own observation and experience.

Although every story in this collection is written by me, not everyone was germinated from my own original seed or personal life experience. Some of the stories are fiction while others are true accounts from my life or inspiration from the lives of others. Some are my adaptations from narratives I heard in the past. Others were stimulated by an anonymous tale or from the mysterious Internet. Here, all are retold in my own peculiar way. I have made notation when the source was known to me although a few remain undiscovered. I am deeply indebted and wish to acknowledge the resourcefulness and generosity of creative friends and strangers alike.

Speaking of the Web, several of my original stories were inadvertently released on the Internet prior to this publication. Well-meaning friends wanted to share them with

others. One was downloaded thousands of times in just a few hours. I pray it does not diminish their impact if you are familiar with one or more as a whole, or in part.

After each chapter introduction, which presents the fundamental lesson of my PEARLS, I have included many quotes as well as several noteworthy poems of great souls that I feel embody and illustrate a particular aspect of the PEARLS. Their melodies provide hope and inspiration in these noise-tired times and their perfect voices solidify their value as they have enriched, ennobled and encouraged me on my way.

As you shall see, some of the most valuable lessons have come from my children. I know it's supposed to be the other way around, but with this particular bunch, I have always been joyously outnumbered and wonderfully outclassed.

Now I've been accused of being highly sentimental in my writing. That observation is mostly accurate and I do not apologize. I would have the reader pause, and feel and care a little bit more. The objective of these illustrations is to unleash the heart. For the heart is by far the greatest motivator in the world. You can do almost anything when your heart is in it and very little when it is not!

I've witnessed the power of the heart as many of these stories were delivered and dissected in an educational class in a state prison. I marveled as generally hard, inaccessible inmates came to be touched by these particular messages. Their simple, plainsongs nudged several in this captive audience towards new directions where fresh values were established, priorities aligned and real change began to take place.

When the heart is engaged as the mind embraces a principle, insight occurs and we arrive at a condition of enlightenment that I believe is to say: We have learned the lesson sufficiently to move forward.

Please, will you consider reading these stories aloud to someone, perhaps to your child or spouse? Try them out on a neighbor, a friend. Better yet, go to an assisted living center or children’s hospital and read them to someone there. There is something about reading aloud that liberates the language and kicks our hearts into high gear; a kind of oral animation that injects these parables with life and meaning. I believe that's how they are best heard and understood.

Finally, in eager anticipation, let me begin by simply saying . . . Here goes!

The Fool’s Prayer

Edward R. Sill

(Born April 29, 1841; Died February 27, 1887)

The royal feast was done; the King

Sought some new sport to banish care,

And to his jester cried: "Sir Fool,

Kneel now, and make for us a prayer!"

The jester doffed his cap and bells,

And stood the mocking court before;

They could not see the bitter smile

Behind the painted grin he wore.

He bowed his head, and bent his knee

Upon the monarch’s silken stool;

His pleading voice arose: "O Lord,

Be merciful to me, a fool!

"No pity, Lord could change the heart

From red with wrong to white as wool;

The rod must heal the sin: but, Lord,

Be merciful to me, a fool!

"‘Tis not by guilt the onward sweep

Of truth and right, O Lord we stay;

‘Tis by our follies that so long

We hold the earth from heav’n away.

"These clumsy feet, still in the mire,

Go crushing blossoms without end;

These hard, well-meaning hands we thrust

Among the heart-strings of a friend."

"The ill-timed truth we might have kept

Who knows how sharp it pierced and stung?

The word we had not sense to say

Who knows how grandly it had rung?

"Our faults no tenderness should ask,

The chastening stripes must cleanse them all;

But for our blunders— oh, in shame

Before the eyes of heaven we fall.

"Earth bears no balsam for mistakes;

Men crown the knave, and scourge the tool

That did his will; but Thou, O Lord,

Be merciful to me, a fool!"

The room was hushed; in silence rose

The King, and sought the gardens cool,

And walked apart, and murmured low,

Be merciful to me, a fool!

Chapter One

Perspective

(There are truly three P’s)

Priority / Persistence / Perspective/

Priority / Persistence / Perspective/

If I have learned one thing in 50+ years, it is this: that in the eternal perspective, few things in this life are really very necessary. Finding and aligning these things is what our existence must be about. I believe that once this process is embraced – everything else is just fluff!

For the first half of my life, I spent my time clumsily discovering this truth. During the next stage of the journey, I am, with dedicated vigor, doing everything in my power to incorporate it.

In 1938, Thornton Wilder gave us his Pulitzer-Prize-winning masterpiece Our Town. It became so popular at that time, it was said that the play could be seen somewhere in America on any given day of the year.

The action takes place on a austere stage where the stage manager presents, in uncomplicated narration, a remarkable story that occurred in his hometown, Grover's Corners, N.H., during the early years of the 20th Century.

The main characters are high school chums, Emily Webb and George Gibbs. Eventually, their friendship blossoms and they fall in love and marry. After only a few years, Emily dies.

On the day of her funeral, Emily's spirit has revealed to it several vital truths that the living, do not readily see.

In the play the following dialog takes place:

Stimpson: Yes. Now you know: that's what it was like to be alive. To move about in a cloud of ignorance; to go up and down trampling on the feelings – of those about you. To spend and waste time as though you had a million years. To be always at the mercy of one self-centered passion, or another. Now you know – that happy existence you wanted to go back to, ignorance and blindness!

Emily: They don't . . . understand . . . do they?

Mrs. Gibbs: No dear. They don't understand.

Mr. Wilder explains in the preface of his work that Our Town explores what it means to be alive. It is, he wrote: an attempt to find value above all price for the smallest events in daily life.

It is not until we learn to prize the worth of such tender mercies that the genuine and authentic become apparent. This is the foundation of perspective. Once we really learn and feel the things that truly matter, it then becomes our challenge, rather our delightful task, to order and then pursue them.

Recently a noted family psychologist friend told me about a university study that polled independent mental health professionals to determine what, if any, consistent practices will lead a person to a state of happiness and well-being.

This study discovered that certain behaviors, when ingrained, are exceptionally effective as a means to achieve personal and familial contentment. The practices are these:

1) Once a week, gather about you people you love. Share several hours with them dedicated to quality discussion and fun.

2) Actively pursue some course of daily study that intellectually stimulates and enriches you.

3) Take time for daily meditation and deep personal reflection.

4) Find a place where you can go periodically to shut out the rest of the world. Let it move you to a peaceful, self-actualizing state of being.

And finally, my brilliant friend adds one of her own:

5) When you become discouraged or troubled, move outside of yourself and actively provide selfless service for somebody else.

This learned doctor meets with families in crisis. Ironically, she reports that requests for her counseling often come from leaders of religious denominations in behalf of their parishioners. Many of these very leaders have, for years, recommended to their parishioners similar practices as those noted in the study.

Before my friend agrees to continue therapy with any family, she requires that they activate these practices in their homes. After two weeks she contacts them to determine their interest and progress with the prerequisite activities. Often she hears that although the family believes such habits could genuinely help them, many find it impossible to work them into their already full lives and schedules. Sadly she is perplexed how often happiness and harmony are put on hold for such things as sports, activities, entertainment and part-time jobs. She always asks these busy, well-intentioned people if the difficulties in their lives are diminishing. In nearly every case, their consistent reply is a discouraged and resounding . . . No!

Only a small percentage of the families that are originally referred to her reliably integrate the recommended priorities into their lives. Fortunately, of the wise and responsive parties who do, virtually every one of them is helped in dramatic and significant ways by these imperative perspectives.

Now some people have seemingly determined that life is a random series of events filled with good and bad times which occur over a finite period of time until eventually culminating in a permanent dirt nap. For these individuals, perspective is not necessarily a high priority . . . it doesn’t need to be.

But, the others who believe that life is, in fact, a journey with purpose, are leading a very different kind of life, an examined life with a perspective which generally allows them two particular discoveries:

First, they learn what they want more than anything else.

Second, they determine what they will or will not do, in order to get it.

But how do we find our purpose, establish our priorities and fulfill our individual and collective missions?

Oprah Winfrey suggests an interesting view consistent with my own beliefs. She states: everybody has a calling in life and each of us must learn just what that calling is, then follow it with passion and commitment.

How does she define the