Behind The Gates With The 1%

By Mike Penney

In this (slightly) satirical memoir, a worker bee of the 99% finds himself employed as a functionary at a World Class Resort in Hawaii, daily representing the Resort in interactions with the rich and happy 1% residents with their mega-mansions, their home owner associations, and their personal wishes and desires in relation to the Resort.
As time passes, it dawns on this common hive drone that a tremendous opportunity has befallen him in being permitted to tread in the shadows of the grand and glorious 1%. He reasons that even if merely a worker bee of the 99%, that shouldn’t deter him from a higher enlightenment by means of his association with the 1% rich and happy.
Studying the social behaviors of the gathered 1% in their natural habitat of the World Class Resort, this common drudge worker bee calculates he might prosper as he learns from the uppermost upper crust, and then applies the knowledge garnered in interactions with other working stiffs of his own stripe. He determines further that in observing and reflecting on how the 1% treat each other, as equals living behind the gates, there might more gems of wisdom to take outside the gates to make his life better, so as to more appropriately treat others.
Eventually, he realizes that although he obviously doesn’t have the money of the 1%, there was perhaps no reason he couldn’t become one of the de facto 1% – if he could unravel their secrets!
And so, with this personal Quest giving his life new meaning, a worker bee of the 99% passes for years among the rich and happy 1% in a World Class Resort, assimilating, appreciating, and ruminating on what was there for the taking.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Mike Penney
• Release date: Jul 18, 2012
• ISBN: 9781476228358

Mike Penney

Mike Penney was born in Boulder, Colorado, the setting for THE COMING TSUNAMI, and attended the University of Colorado in Boulder where he studied Philosophy and Literature. Following college, he lived for decades in many locales throughout the West, including California, Washington State, and especially Hawaii, where BEHIND THE GATES WITH THE RICH AND HAPPY 1% was generated. Presently, Mike Penney once again calls Colorado his home.

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Behind The Gates With The 1%

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Memoirs of a 99% Worker Bee

By Mike Penney

Copyright 2012 Mike Penney

Smashwords Edition

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by an information storage and retrieval system - except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review to be printed in a magazine, newspaper, or on the web - without permission in writing from Mike Penney.

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Cover Image by Noelani Penney

CHAPTER 1

Life itself, is a ponderous thing to behold.

The most illuminating revelation, for some, may come in an instant. For others, it may take many years of great thought and effort to reach the same point. Some will philosophize all their days without having found it; others couldn’t care less, having already surrendered the questioning part of their minds to systems of thought and organization erected by others.

But if you take time to focus the mind, to laser in on what really matters, you must eventually, necessarily, come to the ultimate question in life.

Such an ultimate question, the answer, and obvious conclusions strike a harmonic with life itself, being simple on the surface and deeply reflective below. Far beyond ruminations on man and woman, war and peace, domination and partnership, possession and stewardship, or even the meaning of life itself, comes now the ultimate question:

What is the absolute Worst Thing that can happen in life?

And the answer?

The unavoidable answer is that you will die.

But you’re going to die anyway.

And, thus, the obvious conclusions:

Simply put, if you are to inevitably experience the worst that can transpire in life – that being death – then everything else in life, without argument, is a notch up from there.

Proceeding from this most basic of revelations, there becomes no need to really worry about anything whatsoever in life.

Even cloudy days then become sunny, and mirth and merriment shall consume your time on the planet.

If one is truly enlightened, this is how it must be.

CHAPTER 2

But we humans simply cannot leave it there.

Always meddling and tinkering, we seem almost condemned to morosely plod onwards. Instead of pirouetting amongst daisies and daffodils – with no worries – and with a smile plastered on our chops, we grimly anguish instead:

Well, if death is the absolute Worst Thing that can happen in life, what then is The Second Worst Thing that can happen?

The answer to this is astonishingly simple as well.

Sure, The Worst Thing that will happen in life is that we will die – and that will happen in any case – but The Second Worst Thing would no doubt be to die a slow, painful, and agonizing death.

And if this happens: well, yeah, it’ll be a bummer all right.

At that point though, one might at least be encouraged by the fact that it’ll all be over soon. This in itself lends a certain amount of good cheer, to be sure, while you are still alive. And remember, if your number comes up for the slow, painful, and agonizing death, the body has some wonderful coping techniques. Fortunately, you’ll be in such a state of shock that the reality of all pain and agony is nearly numbed to extinction. And with any luck you’ll be so pumped full of morphine that it might well seem a day in the park.

Still, all that shock and numbness and morphine, some profess, do nothing more than dull a fine, and final, experience. After all, at that point you are still alive, still a sentient being as we know it, still pressing onward to the bitter end. And when you’re dead – from the perspective of the living – what are you? Well, you’re dead. Simply: dead.

In spite of all the belief systems erected by humans over the ages, all the heavens and hells, the martyrdoms and afterlives and stagnating purgatories, when you get down to the actual verifiable and credible evidence of what really happens when you die, it is again very simple. When you die: you’re dead.

We really know nothing more than that. Oh, we may believe this or that, or have faith that a certain outcome will transpire after we kick the bucket, but the only thing we really know is when we die: we are dead.

Ha! It’s almost as if the joke’s on us. Or that we made the reality of it all a joke.

Mark Twain said, I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.

Death apparently didn’t bother him. And the only thing we can be certain of, like the rest of humanity, when Twain died: he was dead.

The other upside of all this when considering The Second Worst Thing that can happen in life, is that you have no clue whatsoever in advance if you are going to be the one who draws the winning ticket in this losing lottery. At this point in your life you likely have no idea if you will be kidnapped by a psychopathic cretin who tortures you for months before you finally die, or if you’ll be in the throes of a horribly consuming and wasting disease for years before your demise – or if you will blissfully glide off one night in your sleep. Your number may come up for The Second Worst Thing that can happen in life, or it may not. And that certainly has to be encouraging news at this juncture.

So, again, there is no need to worry! What a great hand we’ve been dealt! Come quick death, or slow, agonizing, and painful death, it’s death all the same. It’s coming. No need to worry about that. One might as well be happy in the meantime. And, accordingly, we should well know how to consume our time on the planet.

CHAPTER 3

So, at this point, we are left staring eyeball-to-eyeball with undeniable facts about The Worst Thing and The Second Worst Thing that can happen to you in life. But we also retain that special knowledge that we are going to die, so we need not worry about it. What then could possibly disrupt all this bliss?

What could be so horrific as to auger itself in just a notch above a slow, painful, and agonizing death – which is only a step above death itself?

The Third Worst Thing in Life would obviously be to have a miserable, impoverished, and unhappy life, fraught with suffering and despair. Now that would be an extreme bummer.

In fact, what a cruel twist of fate this would be. What a waste. Actually, it would really suck. If that was to be one’s destiny, why be born at all? Well, that’s a good question, but one that is immaterial, since we are already here dealing with the problem.

It’s no secret and most unfortunate, however, that there are those alive now and throughout history that have lived miserable, impoverished, and unhappy lives, not to mention being fraught with suffering and despair. For the majority of humankind throughout history, that may even be our collective lot.

Indeed, examples abound and are close at hand. One could cite the child in Africa, eking out a living with the few kin that remain after parents perished from HIV, flies on her eyelids, lugging a water jug bigger than she is from the polluted river back to camp, at times eating dirt to survive, destined to live a much shorter time than she deserves. Or perhaps thoughts shift toward the lepers and leper colonies throughout history, those poor wretches who were ostracized by their fellows, left to be alone and on their own with their horrible skin wasting disease and the inevitable suffering and death. Or – one could go on and on, and we all know it.

Suffice it to state, The Third Worst Thing in Life would definitely be to live a life miserable, impoverished, and unhappy, fraught with despair and suffering. Some so afflicted might even wish instead they were dead, yet that is contrary to our nature and our much flaunted will to survive.

No matter our station in life, we seek to move upward, onward, to something better than we now have. Admirably, yet almost senselessly it seems, we humans will even struggle forth time after time from the worst adversity imaginable, just to earn another day to do it all again. And maybe, just maybe, we will be a little further along than we were before.

No one would willingly choose The Third Worst Thing in Life. By whatever capacity possible, humans attempt to move away from living a life that is miserable, impoverished, and unhappy. But in transiting toward the opposite direction, where are we going?

Abruptly, the horizon becomes very clear!

If we seek the antithesis of an impoverished and unhappy life, where does this lead us?

Obviously, the opposite of such a miserable existence would be a rich and happy life!

The clarity is crystalline, is it not?

When it comes to what makes life happy and what makes it miserable, there is one absolute. It is the grand mantra we’ve all been taught, the one supreme goal that all of humankind has sought generation after generation, for thousands of years.

Simply stated: If you want to be happy: get rich; very, very rich.

CHAPTER 4

If not woven into our DNA by now, it probably ought to be. And if not a priori knowledge, certainly it can be deemed common sense. It’s a matter of practical experience, a basic reality.

We all strive to be rich, right? We strive to be rich specifically so we can be happier.

Think about it. When was the last time you heard someone, anyone, coveting – other than a deranged penitential ascetic – a more and better poverty in which to live, to strive after as a goal? It simply doesn’t happen. That’s crazy. We all inherently know anyone in his or her right mind is truly desirous of dough, and a lot of dough, to further their lot in life.

Every human generation ever on the planet grows up wanting something more and better. They say that’s our nature. The child sees what his sibling possesses, and wants to possess it. Because once he has it, it will make him happier. It’s obvious; it’s instinctual, we’re told.

Warlike tribes swept the steppes of Asia to conquer and possess the material belongings and women and children of more peaceful societies in their quest for acquisitions. That’s because the possessions made them rich. And, it made them happier. The history books tell us the ancients led their armies forth for the glory of city-state, or people – and that may be a coalescing and binding force to be sure – but what the common soldier was really goaded on by were promises of victory’s shared plunder. Likewise, sailors expanded the horizons of the planet not primarily to give later generations good reads in their history books, but first and foremost, to get bloody rich by their share from the profits of trading and pillage.

That’s simply how things have been organized for thousands of years.

Or take it to the extreme – for we love extreme examples of striving after riches and happiness. Consider the sultans who regaled in their palaces with their harems, awing contemporaries and descendants, and leaving in their wake the envy of all. Or we can point to the Carnegies, the Rockefellers, the Bill Gates types throughout history who have amassed so much richness, and so much happiness, that we common folk cannot even comprehend its extent.

But we know it’s a lot.

Still, we deeply respect these folks, we honor them, and we worship their excess richness and happiness.

In short, we all try to get ahead in life, one way or another. Our character decrees our destiny, but the striving for riches they say runs freely in the blood of all. The scam artist, the politician, the storekeeper, the TV preacher, and the entrepreneur all try to make their lot a little better one day at a time by pursuing their daily bread, and become a little happier one day at a time as a result.

What makes us happier as we get a little richer one day at a time is that our power will increase. We can do a little more – with a little more. It may be something as basic as a man buying an extra potato for his starving family’s dinner table; it may mean being able to send a child to college and thus have a better future than parents that never had the opportunity. The more riches you have give you the power to afford greater opportunities. At the far end of the spectrum, be it individually or perhaps as a nation, we can do a lot more – with a lot more.

Riches and power, and power and riches, will forever be interlocked – and quite happily, as it were. One feeds off and strengthens the other like adding gas to a fire. The richer you get, the more powerful you become, and as you become more powerful, you have increased the odds and opportunities to further your riches. And it is all with the end goal, naturally, to become ever happier.

Already of course, even at this early juncture, there are those of the 99% in the peanut gallery that beg to differ. Up in the nosebleed sections they’re all on their feet, but fortunately nothing yet – neither peanuts nor tomatoes – is being hurled. As could be expected, the wags and wiseacres up there are the most vocal, prattling on with the usual baloney, telling us that money cannot buy happiness or some similar nonsense.

Now is the time to refute such foolishness for good and send these loudmouths toward a quiet and seated position. One need only look at the face of a child given spending money, then watch it light up, to know that money can truly buy happiness. Or one need only spend hours of bliss examining how the rich and happy who luxuriate and wallow atop the peak and pinnacle of humankind lead their lives, to understand that money does buy happiness.

Still, for all that, the role of money itself in a rich and happy life is largely symbolic. As a medium of transaction or barter one consolidates richness and happiness into one’s sphere of control