This Might Help Volume I

By Sam Turner

Seasoned grievers and the freshly bereaved alike will find practical guidance, comfort and hope in this candid, readable volume.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Sam Turner
• Release date: Jul 7, 2012
• ISBN: 9781476048949

Sam Turner

Sam Turner, a retired art and writing teacher who served with the Arizona Education Association Innovative Teaching Techniques Cadre as a Trainer of Trainers in Facilitating, is a freelance writer. He's contributed to Arizona Highways and The Aviation and Business Journal. He teaches memoir writing, and he and his wife Phyllis have published This Might Help: A Three-Year Walk Through the Valley with the Compassionate Friends, a compilation of monthly columns published in the Tucson Chapter newsletter, Walking This Valley. Compassionate Friends offer guidance, comfort and hope for parents who have suffered the death of a child. Sam has been journaling for forty years and offers his most recent work, Living with the Semi-Rigid Penile Prosthesis, in hopes that, for those considering a procedure, this record might put them at ease.

Book preview

THIS MIGHT HELP

A Three-Year Walk Through The Valley With

The Compassionate Friends

By

Phyllis and Sam Turner

the SMASHWORDS EDITION

of The Turning Point publication

Copyright 2012 by Sam Turner

Smashwords Edition License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment. It may not be resold or given away. If you would like to share this book, please purchase an additional copy for each person with whom you want to share it. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or if it was not purchased for your use only, please return to the same bookseller and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the author's work.

For book orders visit their website at:

http://tobecontinuedbysam.com /

In Memory of

Robert Eric Turner

1.30.74—7.2.97

and

all children who have died

Robert Turner died of a sleeping disorder July 2, 1997 at age twenty-three. Sam and Phyllis Turner joined Tucson, Arizona Chapter of The Compassionate Friends one month after their son’s death. They have three surviving children. They have served in positions of responsibility on the local Chapter Steering Committee including Co-leaders and editors for the chapter newsletter, Walking This Valley.

Perhaps

they are not

stars in the sky,

but rather

openings

where our

loved ones

shine down to

let us know

they are happy.

- Eskimo Legend -

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

We wish to give special thanks to those Compassionate Friends who took our hands and helped us that first year as we plodded through our valley: Bill and Ann Roberts (who suggested we contact The Compassionate Friends), Grant and Barbara Vondersaar (who traveled with us to Bisbee), Sue and Karl Snepp (who walked with us in Agua Caliente Park and mentored us as we became chapter leaders), Scott and Kathy Parfrey for their support, Norma Grove (who, having lost four of eight children, is a constant inspiration to us), to the Button Lady Shirley Beene, Dennis and Kathy Mallory for the meetings after the meeting at Village Inn for coffee—Dennis usually treated!

To Ruth for her many phone calls (a sibling who understood Phyllis), sister-in-law Margot for the many encouraging letters, to Sandi, Jeanie and Ian, and Virginia (friends who never used at least or should with us). To Lucy whose heart and home is always open to us. To David Wilkinson, Pastor of St. Francis in the Foothills United Methodist Church, (who offered no answers; only love and compassion).

To Sheila Bender, author, poet, mentor, teacher and fellow traveler along this valley. To Robert J. Early, Editor, Arizona Highways Magazine, bereaved parent, who, for twenty minutes, offered solid gold advice on producing this book. To author, writer and mentor, Rosie Colombraro for hours of editing over chocolate mocha freezes (with soy milk) and encouraging us to write this book. To Jim and Marilyn Johnson, fellow writers. To Penny Porter and the members of Quail Run Writers for their support and advice. To daughter Julie for her patience assisting her father with the magic of computers.

And to all of our friends who still stand with us in love and hope, we dedicate this book. Our hope for you who are traveling this valley is that:

THIS MIGHT HELP

Phyllis and Sam Turner

The Compassionate Friends Chapter, Tucson, Arizona, December 2003

A NOTE TO THE READER

Rob died in July 1997. However, it wasn’t until March, 2000 that Phyllis and I began writing for our chapter newsletter Walking This Valley. These entries move, chronologically, from 2000 through December, 2003. Some themes are repeated as we wander this path. Rob’s death date is mentioned several times. One does not forget the death date of their sibling or child. We are constantly reminded. Each bend in the trail presents new challenges when experiencing grief.

That date may be when this journal ends, but the walk never ends.

Additional information about The Compassionate Friends at the Nation-al Site:

www.compassionatefriends.org

A portion of the proceeds from the sale of this book will be donated to The Compassionate Friends.

To order a copy of this book

http://tobecontinuedbysam.com/

EDITOR’S NOTES ON VOLUME I

As I read through this first volume printed in 2004, I am tempted to make changes. But that wouldn’t be true to the essence of this book. For instance: in Volume I we have a table of contents with months and years. Volume II has an occasional date. As the years pass, months and years have a tendency to blur together. I have added a few editor notes, however. And some entrees (July 2002) are timeless.

You may notice that some entries are similar. We follow a routine of memories that constantly arise. Once said they don’t just go away. Like the seasons: a winter past will come again; so will spring.

CONTENTS

In The Beginning

How it happened.

March 2000: First Meetings & Pictures

What to do with the pictures.

April 2000: Norma’s Memories

Multiple loss.

May 2000: Progress Check

How are you helping yourself?

June 2000: Getting Over It

Not exactly!

July 2000: Anniversaries

Doing what is best for you.

August 2000: The Value of a Conference

Learning, sharing, healing.

September 2000: Journaling

One mother’s journal.

October 2000: Connections

The importance of friends.

November 2000: New Experiences

"Going away"

December 2000: This Might Help

Stories from members.

January 2001: Hope

You won’t always be miserable.

February 2001: Thanks

Special friends who support you.

March 2001: Strength

Putting on a brave face.

April 2001: We Are So Fortunate!

How The Compassionate Friends works.

May 2001: Tapes and Books

A few books that might help.

June 2001: Listening

On feeling your child’s presence.

July 2001: Difficult Dates

Returning to an old memory.

August 2001: Social Time

The importance of the group.

September 2001: Breathing

Maybe not for everyone.

October 2001: Reflecting on 9/11/01

Experiencing the extended funeral.

November 2001: Journaling (again)

How to start.

December 2001: Holidays (again)

Holiday help.

January 2002: Support

Healing by supporting others.