Who's Your Daddy Now?: The Cry of a Generation in Pursuit of Fathers

By Doug Stringer

Who’s Your Daddy Now addresses the key issue of our time—The effects of fatherlessness on our culture. Doug Stringer writes eloquently about how the alarming rate of divorce, abandonment, rejection, pregnancy, abortion, alcohol, and drugs can typically be traced to a broken relationship with a father. This powerful book illustrates the heart of God and gives the reader a clear path to the affirmation, acceptance, and approval of a father. Doug draws from his own struggle with fatherlessness and the struggles of others to offer insight into the power of God. These stories of overcoming the fatherless experience make this book impossible to put down. Topics included in this book

The answer to the problem of fatherlessness in our nation
The importance of spiritual fathers in the church
How to be a spiritual father
How to find a spiritual father
God’s heart for reconciliation between generations
The power unleashed when generations work together
How to overcome broken trust and learn to trust again

• Language: English
• Publisher: Gatekeeper Publishing
• Release date: May 9, 2012
• ISBN: 9780985242916

Book preview

Who’s Your Daddy Now?:

The Cry of a Generation in Pursuit of Fathers (Digital Format)

by Doug Stringer

ISBN: 978-0-9852429-1-6

Smashwords Edition

©Copyright 2007

Published by: GateKeeper Publishing, a division of City Ink

PO Box 344 Cheshire, CT. 06410

Cover design by April McMillan

Permitted standard license for photography purchased from istockphoto.com

All rights reserved under International Copyright Law. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical photocopy, recording or any other except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the Publisher.

Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from The New King James Version, Copyright 1979, 1980, 1982, Thomas Nelson, Inc. Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Contents

Foreword by Rev. A. R. Bernard, Sr.

Introduction

Part 1: Who’s Your Daddy?

Who’s Your Daddy?

Camels in the Wilderness

A Generation in Need

A Nation of Orphans

Part 2: Where Do Daddies Come From?

Leading by Example

Daddies, Daughters, and Strength to Deliver

A Church God Can Use

Part 3: My Daddy Rocks!

The Rock of ALL Ages

The Father of All Nations

The Spirit of Adoption

Part 4: That’s My Girl! That’s My Boy!

Honor and Blessing

Raising A Standard

Part 5: Who’s Your Daddy Now?

Dougie, Fix It?

Endnotes

Foreword

The sun shone brightly over the sky as the smell of a newly cut lawn filled the air. We all stood at attention as the casket draped in the American flag and led by a military honor guard came to rest at the gravesite. How befitting a man who had contributed so much to a movement that called men to a place of decisiveness, strength, consistency and personal responsibility. He would say, God has called me to speak with a prophetic voice to the men of this generation, that manhood and Christ-likeness are synonymous.

We all gathered to honor the memory of a man who touched us so deeply through his life and ministry. Family and friends stood teary eyed as each stepped to the podium to share a testimony or offer their condolences to the family. But there were two families attending the funeral of Edwin Louis Cole that day. One of them was his blood family, the Coles and others. But there was also a family of men standing on the side in which he had filled a void in their lives by becoming their spiritual father. I was one of them.

It was my turn to be graced with the opportunity to say a few words. It was difficult to hold back the tears because so many men like myself, who saw him as a father, would sorely miss him. As I took the podium and began sharing my story, I looked at the Cole family and thanked them for sharing this man with us. But I also looked around at the men he fathered outside of his family. A prophetic realization rested upon me: It was time for those who were fathered to become fathers.

I finished my brief presentation and returned to my seat feeling that a new season of men’s ministry was dawning.

Among those spiritual sons fathered by Dr Cole was Doug Stringer. He took the message to heart. So I am not surprised that just a few years later he is releasing this book titled, oddly enough, Who’s Your Daddy, Now? I believe every man, father, pastor, youth leader, husband, son, and daughter should read this book. Doug not only raises the issue of fatherlessness, which we are all too familiar with. But he sends out the clarion call to fill the void that was filled for us. It is a call to take responsibility for another generation looking for fathers to guide, guard, and govern their lives; to direct protect, and correct; to lead them into true manhood and true womanhood.

These words were written some 1900 years ago but they still apply today:

For though you may have ten thousand teachers in Christ, you do not have many fathers…

–1 Corinthians 4:15, New Century Version

Thank you Doug, and congratulations!

-Rev. A. R. Bernard Sr., founder and senior pastor, Christian Cultural Center, Brooklyn NY

Introduction

THE CRY OF A GENERATION

There are times when I feel like the title ‘father’ is the worst name God could have given Himself. What a stupid idea, when ‘father’ means rejection in my world.

It was late Sunday night when I received this email message from L. I had spoken that morning at a church we worked with during relief efforts for Hurricanes Katrina and Rita. My message was about God’s love and mercy for the fatherless and His desire to adopt them into His own family. One of my board members was there, along with his sister.

This particular board member became addicted to drugs when he was a young man. His family asked me to help locate a fulltime recovery regimen, so I helped him get into a Teen Challenge program directed by my friend Roger. Today, he runs the family business and heads up one of our Somebody Cares chapters. He has a beautiful family who all love the Lord.

All these years later, his sister’s daughter is going through struggles of her own. It was she who sent the email and gave us permission to share what she wrote that night, in hopes of helping others:

I am 18 years old. I feel God pulling on my heart stronger than I’m comfortable with, so I’m doing what he told me to... writing to you. This is my story.

Like my uncle, I’m extremely determined. The last two years of my life have been thorny to say the least. My dad left when I was 16, and ever since I’ve had a hard time trusting God. To be honest, there are times when I question His authority and even His existence. I live in a small two-bedroom apartment with my mom and 13-year-old brother, so the couch is my best friend.

Almost exactly a year ago I became pregnant. As you may know, I am adopted, as is my brother. I’ve always been immovably pro-life. I knew I had other options, I knew I was making a huge mistake; I knew what I was doing would destroy my spirit and tear out my heart, but I had an abortion six weeks later. I could make excuses as to why, but in reality we live with the choices we make.

I hate myself for that choice. The sound of the vacuum haunts my dreams to this day. I’ve just recently gotten to the point where I’m not ashamed of what I did. I don’t try to hide it from people anymore. I want them to know so it doesn’t happen to anyone else.

After the impact of what I had done hit me, I literally drank myself into a coma every night for about a year. I still struggle with alcohol periodically, but never really got into drugs, mainly because I didn’t like them; however I know that if I had I would most likely be on the street at this point.

There are times when I feel like I’ve never really been loved by a hand that touched me. There are times when I feel like the title Father was the worst name God could have given

Himself… what a stupid idea when the title father means rejection in my world. I guess I’ve been looking for something these last two years to justify my pain… to explain why all this has happened and why I am so screwed up.

I know that you can only find redemption through God and that no one can do it for you, but I usually stay away from people I’m angry with. Honestly, I want to go Mike Tyson on God most days.

Even though I’ve never met you, I have an obscene amount of respect for you and for what God did through you in my uncle’s life.

I want to be who God wants me to be… and this isn’t who God wants me to be… I want God to be proud of me. I want my family to be proud of me. I want to be proud of me. I really appreciate you for taking the time to read my email.

I don’t mean to dump all my problems on you or anything, I just felt like writing you was what God was telling me to do. I’d love to hear back from you.

With utmost respect, L.

Divorce, abandonment, rejection, pregnancy, abortion, alcohol, drugs—in one letter this young woman addresses many of the issues our fatherless generation faces daily, and they can all be traced back to a broken connection with a father. Her story echoes the heart-cry of an entire generation who only asked for the affirmation, acceptance, and approval of a father. What too many of them experienced, instead, was abandonment and absence.

L says father means rejection in her world, but she really speaks for an entire generation.

When I replied to the email, I told her no matter what she was going through or feeling, God the Father was there for her. I praised her for her honesty, because honesty is attractive to God.

It’s only in that place of vulnerability that He can begin to bring healing. I could tell she really wants to help others avoid the pain she has experienced, and I gave her hope that God would use her that way.

A few days later, I met with L in my office, and listened as she spoke openly from her heart. I let her know God wants to take what the enemy intended for evil and use it for her good. I told her God has a special love for those who are adopted. When she left, she had hope in her heart and joy on her countenance.

She dreams of ministering someday to other young women who have experienced similar pain. In the meantime, she is receiving Christian counseling and reconciling with her family. Most of all, she is learning to accept God as her father.

What we have today is a double generation of fatherlessness, consisting of a former generation (mine) and an emerging generation that both grew up, for the most part, without fathers.

Even those who have or had good fathers still suffer from the widespread effects of fatherlessness in our culture and our world.

But if God has added grace for the fatherless and for the widow, how much more grace will there be when an entire generation is fatherless? And if we now have a double generation, the former and the emerging, both termed fatherless, I believe we are going to see a double portion of grace poured out on these two generations who together will emerge as the Gen-Edge miracle, a generation living on the edge of eternity. These generations will journey together to become the prophetic generation – meaning the generation spoken of by the prophets of old – rising up to prepare a people for the coming of the Lord!

Already we can see signs of this preparation. The Sentinel Group, producers of the Transformations video series, tracks lasting and sustained transformation in communities and nations throughout the world. In 1999, only eight cities were experiencing the kind of revival where every element of culture is touched. As a Sentinel Group board member, I can report that by early 2005 we knew of 350 cities worldwide—and even some nations—experiencing this level of revival.

This tells us God is doing something quickly, and He will not wait on those who sit back and stagnate in mediocrity and compromise. He’s looking for a standard to be raised! We aren’t called to be on the defensive—we should be proactively sharing the life of Christ to the next generation. We must be fathers and mothers to those emerging from life’s wilderness, leading them to their Abba-Father through the Spirit of Adoption found in relationship with the Son of His love, Jesus Christ.

In the late 1980s, God began to give me insight regarding the state of our nation and the problems our ministry sees daily as we reach out to individuals struggling with drugs, alcohol, abortion, prostitution, apathy, and other issues. He revealed to me the root and source of all these issues: America is a nation devoid of fathers, both natural fathers and spiritual fathers. We are an orphaned nation with broken and dysfunctional families, a society of