She Has No Name

By Angelique LaFontaine

We are all different in many different ways. We all experience life on different levels and can all be exposed to similar circumstances but what makes us as humans so special is how uniquely different those similar circumstances can affect us.

Out of the millions of people in this world, here is one person’s story.

You will not find a happy ending or romantic interludes; there will be no heroes to save the day nor will justice prevail. You will see nothing more than the rawness of the world narrated to you by an individual seeing the world through her own eyes.

Take a glimpse into a small portion of her life and bear witness to the transformation from a young girl to a young woman and take note of her biases, her jadedness, and her level of sensitivity. She will share with you her triumphs and her heart aches, all delivered absent of emotion.

The incidents here are not relevant; the outcomes warrant neither approval nor rebuttal; people are not important in this story, relationships are inconsequential, and our heroine is nothing more than a tiny thread in a largely woven tapestry. For these reasons, she has no name.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Angelique LaFontaine
• Release date: Apr 2, 2012
• ISBN: 9781476405407

Angelique LaFontaine

My name is Angelique LaFontaine. I was born in Menomonee Falls, Wisconsin and live in the country about an hour outside of Dallas, TX. I am employed as a Mechanical Engineer but spend much of my time painting and writing I have been building my work collection for the last 15 years and it includes paintings, sketches, poetry compilations, novels, digital short stories and much more. I do not limit my writing to one specific genre but I tend to lean more toward fiction fantasy. I love the idea of not having boundaries when writing. If you can think it, in my story, it could happen. In 2008, I released my first poetry compilation. This collection was entitled Walking Before You Run. It is a collection of 75 poems that I've written over the years. In 2010 I released Sandstone and Mirrors: The Crossover. I have many more books and short stories that I am preparing to release. Besides writing, I love to paint and sketch. I enjoy working with acrylic mainly but from time to time, work with other mediums. Currently my work is being displayed in the Little Elm Library in Little Elm TX. It has been rotated throughout different locations in the Dallas area. Please see my website at www.AngeliqueArtWork.com for any updates.

Book preview

She Has No Name

by

Angelique LaFontaine

Copyright 2012 Angelique LaFontaine

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

*********************************

This ebook is for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be sold or given away to other people if you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, please return it and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the work of this author.

*********************************

To the Reader:

This story and character creation is entirely different from what I normally create, which made it a very difficult and yet very easy to write. You will not find a happy ending or romantic interludes; there will be no heroes to save the day nor will justice prevail. You will see nothing more than the rawness of the world told to you in a story about just one person amongst millions and her experiences.

Although I like the idea of writing fantasy and science fiction, I also like the idea of writing stories about events that could and do actually take place every day in this world. The sad thing is that even though this story is fictitious, the fact still remains that everything told, in its entirety is completely plausible. The focus though isn’t really on the ugliness and cruelty of the world; we are all familiar with that. The focus is more on the choices the main character makes and the subsequent events of those choices. I don’t find exception to the trials and tribulations that the character endures, but I do find it interesting how those trials and tribulations impact and shape the course of her life.

My Devotions to You, The Reader,

Table of Contents

Chapter 1 –

Chapter 2 –

Chapter 3 –

Chapter 4 –

Chapter 5 –

Chapter 6 –

Chapter 7 –

Chapter 8 –

Chapter 9 –

Chapter 1

The year was 1994 and I was living in northern Minnesota at the time. And much like any other adolescent, I was trying to find myself. This basically translates to my being a disrespectful pain in the ass. I drank illegally, I did drugs, I stayed out past curfew and I mouthed off to any adult who told me what I was doing was wrong. Not so much because I thought I was cool but rather because it just never dawned on me that what I was doing was wrong. It never occurred to me that people may have had my best interest at heart but we’ll come back to that later.

It was sometime during the summer, as I wasn’t in school at the time, but I met up with Kara, a friend who just bought a brand new car. She was 18 years old and this was a big purchase of hers. Naturally, she wanted to go and drive around and show it off. I of course went willingly. I mean really, how cool am I; a14 year old kid joy riding around with my older friend who has her own car. What’s better than driving around with your friend when you’re that age? Driving around with your friend who also happens to have alcohol and weed in her car.

So we go down by the lake, which being in Northern Minnesota, proves to be a readily available commodity no matter where you are. Kara sparks up the first of many joints she has with her; and that’s how we began to spend our afternoon. Puff, puff give, on the joints with some delicious cold beverages to wash it down with. It was the beginning of a perfect afternoon. What’s not to love, sitting lakeside with your friend getting stoned out of your gourd and enjoying the mild sedation of malt liquor.

At 14 years old and only 110 lbs, you can imagine that a nice relaxing afternoon of organic tranquility quickly led to intoxication. Before I knew it, I was lying on my back, staring at the sky trying to focus. Not an easy task. We had polished off all of the booze and were about 3 or 4 joints in when Kara said that we were out of alcohol but she had a friend who was older and could buy. I was so out of it though, she could have told me that the forest was on fire and it wouldn’t have mattered to me. I just continued to lay there. I remember her looking over at me and laughing. I guess that my lack of response let her think that I was about to pass out (which was probably true). So she told me to stay there and that she would be right back.

Kara had left to drive up the road to meet up with her much older guy friend Trey. She picked him up and brought him back to the lakefront where she and I had been hanging out. She asked me if I wanted more booze, to which I quickly responded with an enthusiastic yes. Kara asked Trey if he would buy us some vodka. This of course seems like a very reasonable request, I mean, what 14 year old, inexperienced drinker would NOT want vodka on summer afternoon with nothing better to do.

Now, Trey was much older. He was around 25 or 26, I forget the exact age but the two main points are one, he was old enough to buy liquor and two, he was much older than I was.

They leave and when they come back, I’m lying on the ground sleeping, actually passed out but whatever.

I don’t actually recall wanting more to drink but I remember Kara handing me a glass of vodka to drink. I can remember opening my mouth enough for a little bit to slip down my throat. The burning of the liquor I recall completely. But just as quickly as it made me more aware of my surroundings, it completely veiled my eyes and mind. I had no idea what was going on.

I fell back onto my back. There was a loud thud as I hit the ground. I could hear the two of them laughing.

I didn’t care though; all I wanted to do was continue to sleep. There were some low murmurs between the two and then I hear Kara offer to Trey, Well, I can’t take her back to my place.

Looking back, I know now that she was convincing him to take me home so that she would be able to save her own ass from getting into trouble.

At that point, I recall being hoisted up into the air and slung over somebody’s shoulder. It of course turned out to be Trey’s. He set me down in a car, and closed the door. I later figured out that it was his car and not Kara’s car that I was put into. I was barely able to open my eyes but the little bit that I could see showed me that night time was quickly approaching. By my estimation, it was probably going on about 8 o’clock. If it was later than that, it wasn’t by much. Now the reason that I’m mentioning this is because there was a period of rational thought, even though it was short, it was still there. And the rational thought comes into play through my drunkenness that I needed to get home, it was getting late and I had been gone a long time.

Even though it took me a few attempts, I managed to ask this guy for a ride home. I lived probably about 5- 6 miles away; not a big deal. This is where the rational thought leaves my brain and drunken logic takes over once again. Then Trey tells me that he can’t drive me all the way home because he doesn’t have a legitimate license. What he can do instead though is drive me to a gas station, give me some change to call my parents and tell them that I was going to be sleeping at a friend’s house. I got very frustrated with the guy and told him that I had to go home and if he wouldn’t take me, I was going to just have my parents come get me. Regardless, a phone call was never made because I passed out again in the car.

The next thing that I remember is him turning the car on and driving off. What’s really frustrating is that now I know that entire conversation I was having with him took place while we were still by the lake. In order to get to his home, we had to drive through town right on past pay phones galore. And what’s even funnier, not hilarious funny but sarcastically funny, is that I lived not more than 2 miles away from the lake that I had been at the whole afternoon.

The nighttime darkness engulfed the sky very quickly. It went from sundown to nighttime in a matter of minutes. The darkness didn’t help with the sleepiness I was feeling and the numbness from the drugs. The harder I tried to concentrate the more difficult that it seemed. The effort was worthless. The 10 minute car ride seemed to be taking forever so I just leaned my head against the cool door window and closed my eyes.

Right as I was dozing off, the car stopped. I heard his car door open and he got out. I could hear his footsteps make a crunching sound as he walked across the gravel to my side of the car. He opened the door and lifted me up. He carried me inside his apartment and set me down at the small kitchen table. I was completely disheveled and just put my head down on the table. I was starting to come to and didn’t feel quite so helpless.

I looked around for a brief moment and took notice of what was around me. The front door led into a small apartment. The apartments were side by side so there were no stairs that you needed to climb, thank God.

When you first walked into the apartment, you had a living area to your left and a small eating area to your right. Further back, up against the back wall was a small kitchen. On the left, between the eating area and the kitchen area was a door way. I assumed that the doorway led to the bedroom as I saw no other opportunity for a bedroom to exist. Now the reason that I’m sharing with you the layout is to illustrate just how aware I was when I arrived at his home. I would not remain in that state though.

Where are my smokes? I asked him as I looked around for my cigarettes.

You didn’t have any with you, you probably smoked ‘em all, was his reply.

He walked into the living room and bent over to pick up something from the couch. I couldn’t see because the couch back was facing me. He stood up and had a pack of cigarettes in his hand.

Here, just smoke one of mine, he said as he tossed me the pack.

I caught the cigarettes and grabbed one. They weren’t the kind that I smoked but didn’t care. I lit one up, inhaled deeply and asked, What time is it?

It’s about 9:30, he said as he sat down in a chair next to me.

Well, I need to get home, I’m not staying here, I informed him. I felt somewhat relieved because yes,

9:30 was still late and it had been a long time since I had last checked in with my parents but it wasn’t horrible either.

Well, then you’re going to have to call your parents to come get you because I can’t drive any more tonight, he replied as he grabbed the bottle of vodka that he had brought in from the car. He poured himself a glass served straight but over some ice. He held the bottle up toward me and offered me some. I just shook my head no. At that moment, I started to feel very queasy from the thought of drinking more.

My stomach felt like it was rotating and my eyes got very heavy. I wanted to lie down; I felt awful.

He watched me kind of squirm a little and I must have had a really unhappy expression on my face because he asked me if I was feeling alright. I couldn’t get the words out of my mouth but I shook my head back and forth indicating that I was not feeling well. I watched him throw back the glass of vodka and pour himself another.

Do you need to lie down? he asked in a helpful tone.

I nodded feeling both grateful and relieved. For a brief moment, lying down and getting the spinning to stop seemed far more important than calling my parents and having them come get me.

He pointed back in the direction of the doorway I had noticed earlier. He told me that I could just go lie down on the bed for a little while and when I felt better, he would take me across the street to call my parents. That seemed reasonable enough and considering the fact that I felt like I was about to lose my innards, I was willing to rationalize anything. Little did I know that there wasn’t anything across the street; he didn’t have any intentions of taking me anywhere helpful.

I stood up from the chair and staggered back toward the doorway. I walked into the dark room and immediately found the bed. It was a mattress and a box spring lying on the floor. I didn’t just lie down on the bed but rather, I fell into it. I remember my body bouncing slightly, and feeling the coolness of the sheets on my face. My eyes closed and I was dead to the world.

The next thing that happened was a little hard to describe. I was barely conscious, my legs and arms were so heavy and I guess you could say that I was in shock. I was completely naked. Trey was on top of me and he was completely naked too. He had been trying to have sex with me but apparently was too drunk to even handle himself. I didn’t know what to do. I was sort of aware of what was going on but I really couldn’t move. I couldn’t say anything; it was like I was completely numb. All I could think to do was try to keep my legs together and if he was able to separate them, tighten the muscles in my body making it difficult for him to enter inside me.

I don’t know what he had tried prior to my sort of waking up, nor do I know what happened afterward but for the quick minute or two that I was semi-awake, there was enough of a difficulty and struggle bestowed upon that guy to make him aware that what he was doing wasn’t wanted.

As futile of an effort it was, I couldn’t think of anything else to do. I couldn’t even open my mouth to tell him to stop. He held my hands down by the wrists and just continued doing what he was doing. I wanted it to stop so I kept shifting my hips from the left and to the right. I did what I could but his weight was far greater than mine and eventually he just used his own weight to hold me down. I kept my eyes closed and could feel everything spin. I just waited for it all to stop. However, whether he picked up on that, I’m really not sure.

I had no concept of time so I had no idea how long he had stayed at the table drinking before making his attempt. In the end though, he had apparently satisfied himself enough to cum on the bed right next to me. He commented about how I kept tightening up and laid down on the bed next to me. He quickly fell asleep.

I remember wanting my clothes. I didn’t want to just lay there naked. But since I wasn’t the one who took them off of my person, I wasn’t sure where they were. I was afraid that if I got up and started searching for them, he would wake up. But the reality of situation was this, even if I wasn’t afraid of waking him up, nothing would have come to fruition of any of these ideas; mainly because I couldn’t move. I honestly believed that I could but I could not. My arms and legs felt like 500 lb pieces of lead, each. The effort, even though it was minimal, exhausted me even further. There was a reason for that too but we’ll get to that in a bit. Giving in to my own exhaustion, I closed my eyes and dozed back off.

It couldn’t have been more than a couple hours when I actually woke up. It was early in the morning and the brightness from the morning sunshine shone directly into the window that I had been lying next to.

Realizing that I was still naked, I quickly scanned the area around the bed for my clothes. Fortunately, they were in a pile on the floor next to the bed. I inched my way down to the foot of the bed and crouched on the floor while I put my clothes back on.

I felt gross. I was angry and ashamed. That was my first sexual encounter ever and I hated it. I hated that guy and all I wanted to do was go home. I looked down at him with complete distain as he lay there in bed. My shadow over him was enough to cause him to stir. His eyes fluttered open and he looked up at me for a second. He said that Kara was going to be here soon if I wanted to jump in the shower really quick.

You disgusting piece of shit, was what I was thinking as I looked at him. But on the other hand, nothing sounded better than to take a shower right now. I felt filthy. That wasn’t how it was supposed to be. My first time wasn’t supposed to be in some random guy’s apartment after a night of drinking.

I stood in the shower for maybe 15 minutes with scalding hot water pouring down over my body. I had heard once that sometimes you bleed when it’s your first time, so I checked but there was no blood. The entire time that I was in the shower though, these thoughts kept going through my mind. Thoughts about what a horrible person I was for doing what I did. I felt like one of those girls that people gossiped and spread rumors about in school. Worse than that, it wouldn’t just be a rumor. It would be true. I would be one of those girls that had sex with some strange guy that I just met. My stomach started