Bouffon Stories 2011: Bouffon Stories, #1

By Jan Jacob Mekes

Bouffon Stories 2011 is the first Bouffon Stories anthology. Now, I hear you thinking, what are Bouffon Stories? Glad you asked. They're shorts based on writing prompts submitted by ordinary people like you and I.

The result is a collection of 28 short stories, ranging from funny and emotional to downright bizarre. Have fun on this roller coaster, where admission is free to everyone!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jan Jacob Mekes
• Release date: Feb 14, 2012
• ISBN: 9781465964038

Jan Jacob Mekes

Jan Jacob Mekes is an English writer born in the body of a native Dutch speaker, in Rotterdam, in the Netherlands. He loves reading, writing, cycling, and photography. His favourite book is Don Quixote, he loves chocolate, and is a cat person. Re-reading this, he realizes this sounds like a profile on a dating site. In a way, that's true, because I (said the inconsistent writer who switches to first person like the Hulk) want you to go on a date… not with me, but with my books. I love my readers!

Book preview

Bouffon Stories 2011

by Jan Jacob Mekes

Copyright 2012 Jan Jacob Mekes

Smashwords Edition

Discover other titles by Jan Jacob Mekes at Smashwords.com:

Struglend Tales

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

Thank you for downloading this free ebook. You are welcome to share it with your friends. This book may be reproduced, copied and distributed for non-commercial purposes, provided the book remains in its complete original form. If you enjoyed this book, please return to Smashwords.com to discover other works by this author. Thank you for your support.

Table of Contents

Introduction

Tantrum

The Talking Rat

1519

A Royal Mistake

Pirating

The Fountain Pen Concocts a Plan

Crash Landing

Somewhere Over The Arctic

Adolfo and the Cow

The Double

The Needle, the Haystack, and the Penguin

My Head

Is that me?

A Question of Loyalty

Confession

The School Lunch

Baking

Reunion

Elastics

Sentenced to Broccoli

Oops

The Camembert Factory

Inside Out

Eternal Waltz

For Science

The Last Collector

Spaced Out

Fill in the blanks

About the author

Also available from this author

Introduction

You are looking at the first ever Bouffon Stories anthology. In it are collected 28 short stories I wrote in 2011. They’re not just any stories though—each and every one of them was written according to a writing prompt. I’d like to thank the following members of the Telltale Games forums (note that I am not in any way affiliated with Telltale, although I do encourage you to play their games), who came up with the prompts that sparked the stories in this anthology:

coolsome

divisionten

doodo!

Giant Tope

Jon NA

lizbethlizard

loveheart

Profanity

RetroVortex

Ribs

seibert999

Silverwolfpet

supmandude85

tbm1986

TomPravetz

TonsOfChocobo

tredlow

WarpSpeed

To find out more about the specific writing prompts for each story, please visit the Bouffon Stories page on my site. And now, without further ado, I bring you the stories. I hope you’ll enjoy reading them, and if you do, please consider checking out my other books!

Tantrum

I hate you!

Lizzy!

Yes, I hate you and everything you stand for!

But… but why? We’ve always been good to you, haven’t we? We love you, the people love you! They worship you like they do us!

Yes, and that’s exactly what I hate. They worship you, but why? What have you ever done for them?

Lizzy, stop that nonsense. Listen to your mother, she is right. For heaven’s sake, we created them.

So you keep telling me. But is that true?

What do you mean is that true? Lizzy, I’ve a good mind to spank you!

Now, now, Gaia, let me handle this. You know as well as I do, Lizzy, that it’s true. If you don’t believe us, then listen to the people, the people who love you.

You think? You really think they love you? They hate you! And some of them don’t even believe you exist at all! You know what I think of your people? The people you supposedly created? This!

* * *

Brothers and sisters, we have gathered together here to pray for a swift end to this war. Please join us in a prayer to Lyssa, goddess of madness, that she may confuse the ranks of our enemies and turn them against each other!

A loud noise was heard as the temple shook on its foundations. The believers attending the service just stood there for a moment, blinking. Then they killed each other.

By some stroke of luck, the priest who had prayed for this event to happen (albeit on the other side of the conflict), was miraculously spared. For a moment, he just stood there, blinking. Then he took the bronze statuette depicting Lyssa and threw it into the furnace.

Damn all this, he said, as he shut the temple door behind them for the last time.

* * *

Lizzy! Don’t ever do that again!

I… I’m sorry… I don’t know what came over me…

Now, there, there.

Gaia took the little girl on the arm and kissed her on the forehead. The goddesses smiled at each other. And below them, mothers and daughters cried when they heard news of what had happened at the temple.

The Talking Rat

Have you heard, Alys?

Oh, what is it now, Gawain?

Look!

The boy handed a pamphlet to his sister. She read it aloud.

‘Villagers, countrymen and lords! Come to the village square today, where you shall be treated to a happening of divine nature! A talking rat will speak out on the Black Death. If you seek healing, come listen to the words of this messenger of God! Come one and all!’ Hmph. Sounds like a bunch of hogwash to me.

I know, but suppose it’s true? Perhaps we could cure uncle.

"If it’s true, dear brother of mine, it is witchcraft. And you know what mother always says: stay away from witches."

"Well,