My Vampire Prom Date and other stories

By Shawn Pfister

Ever thought of dating a vampire? How does a snow angel provoke a werewolf attack? Ever spend a weekend in a haunted hotel? Did you know that Santa was a pirate? These are just a few of the stories that make up My Vampire Prom Date and other stories.

This is the first book from Shawn Pfister whose writing style is reminiscent of R.L.Stine, but rings with a style of her own filled with humor and wit. Pfister pens stories that are unexpected, exciting, and fresh that can be enjoyed by readers of any age but speaks to young adults.

Stories included:

Like
My Vampire Prom Date
Death Of Eleanor
Nana And The Ninja
Lily's Angel
Someone In Your Class Is A Vampire!!!
I Was Secretly F. Scott Fitzgerald
Ghost Stories
Schrödinger's Cat Is Dead To Me
The Haunted Zamboni
Someone In Your House Is Dishonest
The Dread Pirate Santa
Daddy's Girl
Grandma's Little Insurance Policy
Bitch
Mr. Pfister's Ghost
Old Mr. Jenkins
Lisa's Blue Moon Party
Poetry

NetBound Publishing presents Shawn Pfister's "My Vampire Prom Date and other stories.

• Language: English
• Publisher: NetBound Publishing
• Release date: Jan 17, 2012
• ISBN: 9781465897763

Book preview

My Vampire Prom Date and Other Stories

By

Shawn Pfister

Published by Shawn Pfister

and NetBound Publishing

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2011 by Shawn Pfister

http://www.oppositeofpeople.org

Cover by Melissa Stevens, The Illustrated Author

http://theillustratedauthor.weebly.com

Discover other titles by NetBound Publishing and Shawn Pfister at Smashwords.com

http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/netbound

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise) without the written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or used fictitiously. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.

Dedication

To Put-Put

who reminds me of what I forgot about being a teenager.

Includes:

Like

My Vampire Prom Date

Death Of Eleanor

Nana And The Ninja

Lily's Angel

Someone In Your Class Is A Vampire!!!

I Was Secretly F. Scott Fitzgerald

Ghost Stories

Schrödinger's Cat Is Dead To Me

The Haunted Zamboni

Someone In Your House Is Dishonest

The Dread Pirate Santa

Daddy's Girl

Grandma's Little Insurance Policy

Bitch

Mr. Pfister's Ghost

Old Mr. Jenkins

Lisa's Blue Moon Party

Poetry

My Vampire Prom Date and Other Stories

Like

So, like, I liked this guy in class

Because he was, like, totally hot,

But, like, he liked this cheerleader

So, our love was, like, for not,

My Vampire Prom Date

It was hard to tell who was more sick of the argument, Brooke or her mom, Ellen. Every time they both said the same thing and every time they both refused to listen to each other. This time they were confined to a car and neither could escape the other as the car progressed onward.

It's just one date, Mom.

With a vampire.

He's a good person, you can't judge him by something that was done to him. It's not his fault he's a vampire.

Should I judge him then on how he picks up under-aged girls?

He was turned as a teenager. He's most comfortable with teens.

Ronald Hayes was most comfortable with teens, too.

Don't compare him to that old perv. Vincent never hurt anybody.

Never? That's a long time for a vampire.

Since they found a substitute for blood...

Since? Since? I thought you said 'never.'

Uhh. Mom. He said he's never killed anybody and only took the small amount of blood he needed to survive. And never from kids. He only took blood from people who deserve it.

So he's the Robin Hood of the blood bank, is he? And who decided who deserved to be hurt? Him?

We're here. Brooke popped open her door and jumped out just as the car stopped. See you inside. Brooke bounded up the walkway and into the small house without stopping to knock. Grandma, we're here, she announced.

I'm in the computer room, Dear, came the response from down the hall. I'll meet you in the living room in just a moment.

Brooke walked into the living room and sat down. She knew her mother had arranged this talk, but her grandmother was a smart and tolerant woman and would understand.

Her mom walked in and sat down. They seemed to mutually agree on silent, angry stares as a means of communication.

Millie, Brooke's grandmother, joined them about a minute later. Sorry about keeping you waiting. I simply can't get enough of that Facebook. She looked from her daughter to her granddaughter, sitting as far from each other as possible. Oh dear, what's going on now? Will we need sodas or cookies?

No thank you, Grandma, Brooke responded to the offer.

Brooke thinks she can go to her prom with a vampire, Ellen answered the other question.

I'll put on some tea then, shall I? Millie said as she stood back up.

Grandma, don't get up, I'll do it, Brooke said, partly to get away from her mother, but mostly in an effort to earn some brownie points with her grandmother.

When the sound of the water faucet running started, Ellen leaned in close to her mother and said, She listens to you, Mom. Please talk some sense into her. She can't go out with a vampire.

Why not?

He's too old for her, for one.

And secondly?

Isn't the age enough?

Perhaps, but you implied there were other reasons. I'm curious as to what they are.

Have you ever met a vampire, Mom?

Not since they came out of the coffin, she replied. 'Came out of the coffin,' I love that phrase, don't you?

Yes, Mom, let's not get sidetracked.

Okay, then tell me about this elusive second reason.

He's a vampire. They drink blood...human blood. It's just creepy.

Rumor has it, they don't drink it so much now that there's an alternative. They even say on the internet that it tastes better than blood. But then I really couldn't imagine much not tasting better than blood.

That's not the point.

So he's too old and a creepy vampire, but that's not the reason?

Mom. Ellen was exasperated. She can't be seen with a vampire at her age. She's too young to understand the implications.

And those would be?

Employers don't look to favorably upon people who associate freely with vampires. And she's just started applying for colleges. What if someone in admissions gets wind of this?

So it all boils down to 'what will the neighbors think?' Millie asked.

It's more complicated than that. Will you just talk some sense into her? Please?

We'll have a talk, Millie finally replied as Brooke came back into the room.

Water's on, Brooke stated quietly. I selected a darjeeling. Is that okay?

That'll be lovely, Dear, Millie replied with a kind smile. Now sit down and tell me about this vampire that has your mother in a tizzy.

Um, Brooke started lamely, caught off guard. Nobody had asked for personal information on him before. Her parents had just heard the V word and freaked. His name is Vincent Cartwright, she began, not sure where to go from there.

And how old was he when he was turned?

Seventeen, she replied brightening. Her grandmother knew a bit about vampires and how they stayed pretty much timeless at the age they were turned.

And how long has he been a vampire?

A hundred and thirty two years.

So he's... She paused and did some quick addition in her head. 149?

Yes.

And you're okay with that? That's a lot more life experience than you've had, than you'll probably ever have.

Yeah, she replied, for about the thousandth time to that question.

You don't understand what she's asking, Ellen stated.

I do so.

Girls, girls, calm down, Millie stopped them. Ellen, why don't you go shopping or see a movie while I speak with Brooke?

Mom?

We'll be fine and you two can't seem to talk to each other right now. Some time apart might help.

You're serious?

Yes, Millie replied, growing resolute. I will not talk to Brooke if you stay here.

Fine, Ellen relented. I'll be back in an hour. Hopefully you can talk some sense into her by then.

Millie saw her to the door and went to the kitchen to check on the tea. She came back to the living room with a tray of tea cups, pot of brewing tea and an assortment of homemade and store bought cookies.

Okay, she's gone, Millie said as she set down the tray. Tell me about your friend. How did you meet him?

He moved in next door about four months ago. Mom saw the moving trucks and sent me over to greet the new neighbors and bring a plate of cookies as a housewarming, getting to know you thing...except she didn't have time to get to know them so she sent me.

That sounds like my daughter.

So I go over to the neighbors house and knock on the door. He answers and I was totally blown away. He was so hot, like Nick Jonas hot...um sorry.

That's fine, dear, I'm not dead. And I happen to remember a boy who was Elvis Presley hot when I was your age...that's before Elvis got fat and died on his toilet.

"But you don't see guys that cute in Sault Ste. Marie, so I was totally shocked. I think I lost the power of speech for a few minutes. He totally looked like he thought I was crazy. He was probably thinking of moving already and had only been there for a few hours.

"'Can I help you?' he asked.

"'Um...yeah,' I replied lamely. I am totally a master of the English language when I meet people I like. It took me a few seconds to remember why I was there. 'I'm your neighbor,' I said as I pointed to our house. 'I was just coming over to introduce myself and bring some cookies, not exactly the meal a family moving in would want, but my mom doesn't think like that. Are you going to go to St. Basil's then when you get settled?'

"'Excuse me?'

"'School,' I told him. 'Will you be going to St. Basil's? It's a nice school. I go there and could show you around if you wanted. Anyway, is one of your parents around so I can introduce myself to everybody properly?' I really seem to babble once I get to talking, though. It's kind of weird.

"He totally smiled this gorgeous, melts your legs kind of smile and said, 'My parents have been dead for over a century and I'm living by myself.'

"I took a step back in shock. I had never met a vampire before, but here was one in the flesh, trying not to laugh at me.

"I finally got a hold of my senses and then asked, 'Do you have a dog or something?'

"'Excuse me, what?'

"'It's just my mom would be upset if I came home with a full tray of refused cookies. She'd take it personally, like it was a slight against her.'

"He laughed then. I think at me, I don't know what else he could have been laughing at and then grabbed a cookie and took a big bite out of it. 'Will she be happy now?'

"'Never,' I replied. 'Won't eating that make you sick?'

"'Probably,' he replied. 'I'll wash the plate and return it tomorrow,' he added. 'I'll tell her they were fabulous.'

'Well then, you'd be a better liar than the rest of the neighborhood,' I accidentally blurted, but mom's cookies are horrible. I don't get it, she uses your recipe and they turn out disgusting every single time, but in like a unique way every single time.

She doesn't pay attention, Millie replied. She's mixed up flour and baking soda, over-baked them, under-baked them. Anyway, back to your vampire.

Well, I pretty much went home right after that and he did return the plate to mom the next day and she commented on what a 'good, thoughtful young man he is.' I can't believe she can be swayed by prejudice like that, especially after having met him.

But back to your vampire friend.

"Yeah, a few days later, on my way home, I saw him sitting on his front porch reading. I stopped at the sidewalk and asked, 'Won't the sunlight melt you or something?'

"He looked up from his book and put a hand out into direct sunlight, looked at it for a second and said, 'Nope. Got lucky again.'

"That just totally struck me as funny. I don't know why, but I guess I had thought that all the old myths had something to them. 'Sorry,' I finally said and then told him about what I had just been thinking about the myths.

"'I don't know where the sun myth comes from,' he replied, 'but it's been really helpful for those needing to prove their innocence during persecuting times. It was probably one of us that started it, now that I think about it.'

"'Ingenious,' I said. I looked at his battered Grateful Dead tee shirt and remembered how I was bundled because it was like 20 degrees below zero or something and snowing. I finally asked, 'Doesn't the cold bother you?'

"'My body is technically dead,' he replied, but not in that emo 'sucks to be me' voice TV and movie vampires use. He seemed to be at ease with his immortality. 'I run cold myself and don't really feel it so much anymore. Used to be at first that I was wearing parkas in summer and couldn't get rid of that cold feeling, but you get used to it.'

"'That blows,' I replied.

"'Yeah, but it really makes you appreciate those warm summer days,' he added. 'And central heating.'

I laughed. It felt nice talking to him and he seemed cool with me hanging out. I thought back to the evening when we had met and then asked, 'Did you finish my mom's cookies? I saw you brought the plate back.'

"'God no,' he replied as he sat up and put his book down. He motioned for me to come over and when I got closer continued conspiratorially, 'I've been throwing them over the fence to the Johnston's dog. It's been keeping me up at night and I thought I'd get even.'

"I sat on the porch swing across from where he was sitting on the rail. 'That's animal cruelty,' I joked. 'I'm not sure I can talk to you anymore if you insist on being that cruel to a poor, defenseless dog.'

"'The dog was only sick for a few hours.'

"We had a good laugh at that. He even has like the most sexy laugh. We continued to chat for a while before I went home. We kinda kept hangin' out like that for a month or two. I'd come home from school and we'd totally B.S. for a while on his porch in the cold and we'd have a few good laughs. I mean I'd say anything to see that smile.

"Turns out we have a lot in common. We listen to the same music and like a lot of the same movies. And get this, we both like Oscar Wilde. Thanks for introducing me to his stuff, by the way, he was like a total genius.

"I talked a lot about modern high school life and he talked about his life as a vampire, occasionally making reference to three vampire women that he had spent most of his immortal life with and thought of as sisters, but how now that he didn't have to pretend to be a kid anymore he was trying life on