With My Whole Heart

By Markee Anderson

Perfection.

Model Kari Ormond is at the top of her profession when her life is devastated by a horrific accident. Battling tears of shame and the agony of disfigurement, she meets Grant Jordan, a handsome physical therapist who takes a special interest in her case.

But beneath the surface, Grant bears deep scars of his own.

Will they be able to heal each other, or both be condemned to a life of loneliness?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Markee Anderson
• Release date: Jan 6, 2012
• ISBN: 9781452460338

Markee Anderson

Writing is escapism, at its finest, for Markee. With three grown children (a son and two daughters) and their daily issues, she escapes by writing about other people's lives. It's like playing with dolls all over again--giving them a life, problems, a past...and it all happens in her head, keeping her entertained.See more at MarkeeAnderson.com. See all of her books (and all her pen names) at SweetTaleBooks.com.

Book preview

Chapter 1

The phantom pain was horrible, the future, uncertain. But worst of all, Kari Ormond was forced to depend on others, feeling as if she was a shell of a person.

Kari looked up at the brick rehab facility as she was wheeled toward the front door. With millions in the bank, she could own this rehab business. But after the car accident, everything changed. She didn’t know if she’d ever work again. Her left leg had been amputated below the knee and now her future seemed bleak. She knew she’d have to conform to what society wanted her to be—an amputee, ostracized with no future—when she just wanted to live life like a normal person. With her drive and personality, she was determined to take control of her future, or at least let everyone think she had. That is, once she actually accepted her situation. Her life almost seemed like a nightmare, even though the accident had happened a while ago.

While the orderly pushed the wheelchair down the long hallway, she studied the plain white walls inside the facility, feeling so sad. Located in Santa Monica, northwest of Los Angeles, California, this building was a few blocks from the hospital where they’d performed her amputation. Even though the doctors had tried, they couldn’t save her leg after the accident and now she was facing the most important challenge of her life.

This is your new home for the next few months, the orderly said. He was a large man, void of all emotion in his voice. He’d probably taken so many patients to their beds—like wheeling them to the guillotine—that he had to detach himself from feeling the patient’s pain. How someone could get used to such a long depressing walk was beyond her. She didn’t want to die and she certainly didn’t want to be in the rehab center. However, she had to make the best of it because she had to walk again, never letting the world or the paparazzi know of her disability.

Thank you, she uttered. Tears filled her eyes and trickled down her cheeks. The emotions of being in this place overwhelmed Kari. Would she be able to walk? Could she resume her life? It was scary in her mind, just contemplating failure and probably a life on the street, begging for help after her money ran out.

The orderly wheeled her into a room with six beds, all but two beds filled. Kari assumed they were all amputees, but wasn’t sure. She kept asking herself if she was seen as less of a person, even though she felt the same. From the way people treated her, she felt broken and could never be fixed. Rehab felt like a place where they threw discarded people. With her brown hair and green eyes, she was usually considered striking. However, that missing leg would damage her entire career.

The bright June sunlight streamed in to cover the room as the orderly wheeled her to a bed on the right side, next to the window at the far end of the room. Once he stopped the wheelchair, the orderly lifted her slight body to the blue blanket, sitting her down on the side of the bed with her foot and partial limb dangling off the side.

You’re a light thing. He moved both her legs to the bed and lifted her up so she could lean on the backrest. You need to eat more.

No. I’m a top model…at least I was a top model. She wiped her cheeks. I was famous for my walk, but now… She pointed toward her missing leg. Now, I just have pain from something that doesn’t even exist.

The man offered her a fake smile. It’s not as bad as you think.

That’s easy for you to say. You’re not disabled.

You’ll be fine. You’ll see. He spun the wheelchair around and left the room while whistling.

How could someone be so upbeat in such a dreary place?

She glanced around the room at the other patients, all female, and all appearing to be bored. Some were asleep—even though it was only ten in the morning—and some were reading. The bed next to hers was empty, but it looked like the person would be back at any moment, with books, magazines, lotions, and a cup of water beside the bed.

Kari leaned on the backrest and stared out the window at the blue sky. A stray cloud, indicating sadness to her, made its way across the city close to Los Angeles—the City of Angels. She could really use an angel about now.

Kari?

She turned her head to see a man standing beside her bed with a few suitcases, making her grin. Jeremy? You came to see me.

He shot her a half-smile as he pulled up a chair and sat beside her bed. I had to see you. I brought you some clothes, sent from your sister. He glanced around the room as if he was worried someone might see him, before returning to her face. Jeremy was stunning, with dark hair and dark eyes. He looked good in the old white t-shirt and cutoff jeans shorts with his sandals, but being a model, he looked good in everything he wore.

Kari moved her hand to touch his, but he pulled it away.

What’s the matter? she asked, losing her smile. They’d been friends for years, just recently beginning to date, right before the accident. She made it a rule never to date models, but Jeremy was different. He was very sensitive and talked about deep issues with her.

His eyes moved downward and then met hers. With sad, dark irises, he almost seemed angry. Kari, I have some things to tell you. We wanted to wait until you got out of the hospital, but… He sat back and blew out a big breath. I can’t do this anymore.

Do what?

He leaned closer to her. I can’t date you anymore. I can’t handle your problems. I have enough of my own.

You’re dumping me? You’re dumping someone because they’re disabled?

She knew her voice was getting louder, but she didn’t care. How shallow could this man be? Was she just someone to be thrown into the trash like that? She felt betrayed and used.

It’s not because you have a disability, he whispered. I don’t need that to get out to the press. We’re different and I’ve found someone else.

Kari sat up and propped some pillows behind her back while glancing around the room at the people staring toward her. This was no place for a scene. The press would have a field day with a top model fighting with another model, who was trying to get ahead on her coattails.

She finally addressed Jeremy. Who?

His eyes lowered again while guilt covered his perfectly chiseled features. Mallory.

My best friend? You’re dating her? Kari knew she was almost screaming, but her boyfriend had been seeing her best friend behind her back while she lay in a hospital bed in pain, dealing with the loss of her limb. What were they thinking?

He raised his eyes to see her again. Yes. We met when you were brought into the hospital. We were commiserating over a cup of coffee about you, and one thing led to another. We’re dating now.

Tears teased Kari’s eyes, but they were tears of anger. She couldn’t even find the words to describe how she felt, so she pointed toward the door. Out! She didn’t even care if the press heard about this situation.

Kari, I still want to be your friend. I want to visit you. I want—

"You want to keep your reputation as the good guy so you can keep your job, using my fame to get ahead. She hated when he begged. He, like most models, was so fake and superficial. No, Jeremy. Out, and I mean now. Don’t ever come to see me again and keep Mallory away as well. You’re both evil. If I can talk to the press, I will." They’d certainly pay.

You’re blowing this out of proportion, he whispered, leaning toward her.

I’m blowing this out of proportion? Are you kidding me? She pointed toward her missing extremity. I have no leg and you’re dumping me for my best friend? How will that play out in the newspapers? Model dumps top model for best friend, because of top model’s accident? Or, maybe the title, ‘kick her while she’s down?’

Jeremy reached out and touched her arm, but she jerked it away. I want you to leave. She wiped her eyes. Now.

I can’t leave you like this. I did love you once.

After only dating for about two weeks before the accident? How could he even think of saying something so underhanded like that? Out! She pointed as another man approached the bed.

Jeremy’s eyebrows rose slightly, still watching Kari. You don’t understand what I’ve been through.

"What you’ve been through? What about what I’ve been through? How can you be so selfish? Out!"

I can’t leave you like this.

The man stood beside Jeremy. The lady wants you to leave. I expect you to go, or I’ll call the police.

Jeremy looked up at the man, squinting his eyes in anger. Who are you?

Grant Jordan. Now leave, please? We don’t want to upset the patients, and everyone’s listening to you badger this beautiful woman.

Kari nodded toward the man with a grin. Thank you. Call the cops, too, and the press. I want to make sure he knows not to cross me.

Grant’s eyebrows lifted. The press?

I’m the famous top model, Kari Ormond. The press loves me, and this man used to date me, just for my name, I’m sure. She pointed toward Jeremy, just to reinforce her point.

It wasn’t like that, Jeremy said. You’re blowing this out of proportion.

Grant took a step toward Jeremy, lifting his arm. I think it’s time to go.

Jeremy got to his feet. That’s an understatement. He turned toward Kari. I hope all goes well for you.

Kari crossed her arms. Go away. You don’t care about anyone but yourself.

Jeremy walked out of the room while Grant moved to stand by Kari’s bed. You told him.

He deserved it, too. No one should ever treat someone like that, when they’ve had life kick them hard. Revenge bit through her thoughts. She just needed to plan how to get Jeremy back…as soon as she got out of this awful place.

~~~~~

Chapter 2

The man shook her hand. I’m Grant Jordan. I’m your physical therapist.

Kari stared up at him. You’re a physical therapist? I thought you were a model with Jeremy’s modeling agency. She covered her mouth, staring at his brown hair, very blue eyes, and the sexiest features she’d ever seen.

Surprise covered his face, making her feel even guiltier.

As she looked downward, she saw a wedding ring on his hand. Married. What a shame. She returned her gaze upward. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be so forward. That’s a hazard from being a model. We assess people by their looks.

A beautiful yet rugged grin covered his face. Most people do. He pulled the chair up closer to the bed and sat down. He had no right to treat you like that.

He’s now dating my friend, Mallory, who’s also a model. She sighed. I know how he works. I’m nothing to him now. I’m damaged goods and can’t help him get ahead. He’s very superficial.

You’re hardly damaged goods.

But I have no leg. She pointed but he didn’t move his gaze away from her eyes.

So? he said. That man had no heart. Does that make him any less of a person?

She grinned. For him? Yep.

As they both chuckled, he looked down at her missing leg. Do you mind if I look at what you’ve got, so I can figure out what to do next?

She moved her left leg toward him. Go for it, but the phantom pain is unbearable, even with the painkillers. Can you do anything for it?

We can work on it. He removed the white bandage covering her partial leg, stared at it for a moment, and then bent her knee, which was just a few inches above the amputation. I think I’m going to recommend taking this bandage off. It should be healed enough. We’ll put an elastic bandage on it, but let’s try a few things to take the soreness away.

Can you do that?

He kept looking at her leg. Yes. I’ll talk to the doctor. However, I think your surgeon had a crush on you.

Huh? The guy was like 90 years old and gray.

Take a look. He stood and helped her sit up, pointing toward her skin. There, right above the injured site, was a filled red heart and the words ‘lovely woman’ written in marker.

I knew he was writing on it this morning, but didn’t know he’d done that. That Dr. Curtis…

Grant chuckled. He has a sick sense of humor, but he’s right.

His eyes seemed to smile at her, as if he were interested. Are you flirting with me? she asked. While wearing a wedding ring, she wanted to add.

His grin was endearing, as if he was ashamed. Not at all. He moved her leg back to its original place and sat back down. Now, what are your goals?

Goals? I would say to get out of here and get back to my life as a runway top model, but I have a feeling that’s not going to happen. However, I have money, and once my agent gets here, I’m sure I’ll be put in a single room, at least.

He shook his head. We have no single rooms at this facility. We don’t want any patients being alone, because they can get depressed quicker. What are your goals for your physical therapy?

I want to walk. I want to get back on the runway and be a model again. Do you think that’s even possible? She looked down at her leg. She didn’t think it would work, so she’d have to think of a backup plan. Feeling sorry for herself seemed like a good plan, even though she refused to let herself go there. She had to be tough, because she was determined to take charge of her own life. She refused to be dependent on anyone.

Grant lifted her chart from the end of the bed and studied it. Anything’s possible, if you put your mind to it. Let’s start with that, but first, I want you to tell me your story.

She watched him, thinking of so many things she could tell him. What do you mean?

He pointed toward her left leg, the partial one. Tell me your story.

Are you going to tell the paparazzi? If so, I have nothing to tell you. She crossed her arms.

I can’t tell anyone, by law, even though I never would. If you’re going to trust anyone, you have to trust me. I’m not in this for the fame or for any underhanded money deals. I’m here to help people.

She wasn’t sure she believed him, but her lawyer would handle things if he got out of hand. Fine. But if I hear of any of this outside these walls, I’ll sue.

He paused, studying her. You won’t hear anything. So what happened?

Tears burned her eyelids, but she refused to feel sorry for herself. The more she remembered, the more her tears spilled out onto her cheeks. She finally covered her eyes with her hands, the sobs coming faster and faster.

A hand on her arm felt comforting, but she couldn’t stop crying.

My life’s over, she whispered. No matter what anyone says, it’s over.

Grant pulled her head to his chest in a hug. Never. Not even close. You’ve been given a second chance, and whatever happened, you’re still the same person you were before. His hand stroked her hair. Tell me what happened.

She backed away from his chest. Are you a psychologist?

He handed her a box of tissues from the table beside her bed. No, but I have training in dealing with people. Tell me what happened?

Kari grabbed a tissue. Thanks. She wiped her eyes and nose. I was at my sister’s baby shower. It went until about eleven at night, since they had some sort of entertainment there that showed up late. Anyway, I left the party, and while on my way home… She stopped, covering her eyes with her hand. She pulled her right knee up to her chest and leaned her head on it as she wept. Why was she so emotional? Why couldn’t she keep it together long enough to tell the story replayed over and over in her mind? It had never made her cry this much before.

It’s okay, he said in such a gentle manner. His hand touched her arm, caressing it. It’s really okay.

Kari pulled out another tissue and wiped her face. I don’t know why I’m crying so much but it’s very painful to remember. Do you know if I have access to any pain pills? I really just want to sleep my life away right now.

He shook his head. That’s normal, but it’s not going to happen. I won’t let you even think about that. Tell me what happened?

A drunk driver hit me. Morrie Austin. He’s about sixty-five and he blew a point one-eight on the Breathalyzer, over twice the legal limit of point zero-eight. He hit me full-force, running a red light when I just happened to be going through a green light. The metal in the door severed my leg, and even though they tried, they couldn’t reattach it, it was that damaged. But fortunately, I was wearing my seatbelt. I didn’t have much damage otherwise, except a few scrapes and cuts. Those have already healed, but they kept me in the hospital longer than normal to check for infection and to wait for a spot in this rehab center. From what I’m told, this place is the best on the West Coast. She took a deep breath. That story was more than she wanted to tell anyone. Now I’m nothing. Worthless.

Are you sure you’re worthless? You’re still a human being.

She could only nod, putting her head back on her knee.

Did you tell anyone else what you’re feeling?

She was certain she looked awful, but she really didn’t care as she lifted her head again. She was hurting too much. My agent had a psychologist come up to see me, but I didn’t talk to him much. She wiped her cheeks. As a matter of fact, I threw the guy out of the room right after he got there and told him never to come back. I wouldn’t let any other psychos in my room after that.

Why did you throw him out?

It was all about him. He walked in and checked his watch every two minutes. I finally asked him why, and he said he was late for a golf game. He didn’t want to miss it, running all over the course. He said he loved to run and felt sorry for me because I’d never run again.

Grant sat back, appalled. He said that?

Yeah. I pointed to my leg and asked him how he’d feel if someone said that to him and he was in my predicament. It was like telling me I had no hope in life at all.

What did he say?

She shook her head, remembering with a sigh. He said he got the same pay whether I tried to make him feel guilty or not. So I told him to leave, then called my agent and had him reported to the American Psychological Association. I think my agent has a lawsuit pending for the guy, but he’s saying it’s his word against mine. My agent’s really lawsuit happy.

Grant shook his head. So if you don’t like what I say or do, you’ll sue me?

She chuckled at the fear covering his face. Not unless you tell my story to the press. She reached out and took his hand. Thank you. I never told anyone else what happened during that accident, even though I don’t remember it. I was told what happened, but couldn’t even talk about it.

Do you have nightmares?

She dropped his hand and wrapped her arms around her good knee. Yeah. They had me on sedatives because the nightmares were that bad. Do you know if they’ll give me sedatives tonight?

He glanced over her chart. I don’t see any. Let’s see how it goes and I’ll let them know about the sedatives. He stood up. I’ll be right back. As he left her bedside, another woman was wheeled to the bed beside her.

As Kari smiled at her, the large African-American woman smiled back. A newbie? the woman asked. What’s your name?

Kari. She reached out and shook the woman’s hand. They removed the bottom of my left leg after a car accident.

They took my right. The woman pointed down toward her missing leg while the orderly helped her into bed. I have diabetes and it’s gotten worse. My name’s Victoria.

It’s nice to see a friendly smile, Kari said.

Wait. I know you. Victoria grabbed her stack of magazines and started leafing through them. I knew it. Kari Ormond.

She handed one of the magazines to Kari, who just smiled and studied the page. An article about me. Nice of them to think I’m worthy…at least used to be worthy. This was done about five months ago when my hair was a lot longer. That picture was taken in Paris. We had to wear black and gray makeup, even on our lips. I hated that.

So you’re famous? Can you sign the picture for me? Victoria handed her a pen.

I’d love to. Kari signed her name in the lower right-hand corner. But it’s probably a worthless signature now. She pointed downward as the tears filled her eyes. I’ll probably never work again. She wiped her cheeks, the tears spilling out. Everything’s making me cry today. Sorry. They put me on new medication. Maybe that’s it?

You’ll work again. Grant approached the bed with a wheelchair, turning toward Victoria. She had a tough morning, so take it easy on her.

A tough morning? Victoria asked her. Did it involve a man?

Kari nodded, the tears still pouring down her cheeks.

Victoria leaned closer to Kari, lowering her voice. I could take him out for you.

I don’t think he’s your type. Kari wiped her tears with her hand. He two-timed me with my best friend after the accident when I was in the hospital. I wouldn’t wish Jeremy on anyone.

Victoria raised one eyebrow with a grin. I didn’t mean date. I meant take him out…of this world. She hit her right fist into her left palm. He doesn’t deserve to live, if he cheated on you when you were hurt. That’s just nasty and he needs to be taught a lesson. She leaned closer again. I have people on the outside that can take care of him today, if you want.

Kari chuckled, stopping her tears. Let me think about it. She didn’t wish Jeremy dead, but she really liked Victoria’s attitude.

Grant helped her sit up, putting her legs over the side of the bed. Regardless of who needs to die, our goal is to get to that wheelchair. He showed her how to do it, then helped her. She stood up on her good leg, then turned around and sat down, winded. That was more exercise than she’d done in a while. They’d worked with her a bit in the hospital, but the work was more for her leg muscles.

Am I done now? she asked.

No. He chuckled while watching her face. You’re not used to physical exercise?

I used to exercise, but big muscles on models aren’t that attractive. I did a few exercises for my leg in the hospital, but it wasn’t that much.

I see. He wheeled her past Victoria.

Have fun, Victoria said. No kissing on the first date. She laughed aloud, making Kari cover her face.

First date? Grant whispered into her ear with a chuckle. Is that all you think of me? A date?

She turned her head slightly as they headed out of the room and down the hallway. That’s just Victoria. I didn’t say or do anything. I’m certainly not ready for that.

Good. I wouldn’t want to lose my job because one of the patients is spreading rumors about me.

She dismissed him with the wave of her hand. You’re wearing a ring, so you’re off-limits anyway.

You noticed my ring? So you are interested?

She’d been caught, happy she couldn’t see him as he pushed her chair. I do that with all the men. I check them all out, especially the good-looking ones. She cringed. She just couldn’t stop while she was ahead, but had to add the good-looking comment.

I get it. You’ve mentioned that twice now, after thinking I worked for a modeling agency. It must be true.

She cleared her throat to change the subject. So you’d lose your job if you dated, hypothetically speaking? I’m just curious in case I see another good-looking physical therapist with the most incredible blue eyes I’ve ever seen. She felt so embarrassed. What was she thinking? She covered her face with her hand.

Blue eyes? You’re in bad shape.

Kari hid her face in both hands. She’d really done it this time.

~~~~~

Chapter 3

Grant continued. To answer your question, employees can’t let emotions get in the way, so dating wouldn’t work, hypothetically speaking, unless the employee can keep it professional.

She moved her hands away from her face, trying to be a professional. Don’t worry. I’m on the rebound and I don’t take married men. That’s a strict rule of mine. Besides, I’m not ready for anything. I have to figure out how to make it in the world without a leg. She looked downward. This is the pits. I wonder if the guy who saw me in emergency even tried to save my leg. I was nothing more than another body to him, and he probably had no idea that I was a person, too.

He knew, I’m sure. I’m also sure he did try to save your leg—more than you know. Besides, you’re not on the rebound. You have a goal here, and that guy who was in your room was just in your way. How long did you date him, anyway?

Two weeks before the accident.

Nope. That’s not a rebound man. You didn’t have that much invested in him. How many times did you go out?

She thought back. Three times. I was on assignment in Italy. He called me just as I got home, and I put him off to catch up on my sleep. We went to a party, to a bar, and out dancing.

Hmmm… Grant seemed to ponder her comment. Never alone. Interesting.

She turned her head slightly. You know, you’re right about that. We’d been friends for a long time, but I think he was using me.

Maybe, but not worth the emotional investment to consider him a rebound man. He leaned down closer. I don’t think he had incredible blue eyes.

You noticed his eyes? That was weird.

Grant chuckled. No, but if he did have incredible blue eyes, you’d have fought for him. He entered a large room, filled with exercise equipment and a few parallel bars.

You’re definitely right about that, she said. Blue eyes are hot, and I’d be all over him in an instant, just from that fact. I wouldn’t care that he’s insensitive or the nastiest man alive, dating my best friend. Oh, no. The blue eyes would do it. She chuckled at her sarcasm, turning her head. Do you really think I’m that shallow?

Touché. You’re very funny. At least you’re not completely superficial.

What does that mean? she asked him.

He wheeled her to a sitting area with overstuffed tan chairs grouped into intimate seating areas, divided by big planters filled with trees and tall plants sporting giant leaves. Nothing. I would just think, in your industry, that many of those people are superficial. Am I right?

Dead right and it makes me sick.

She was wheeled beside a chair, and Grant pointed. Get into that chair.

Well, Mr. Blue Eyes, I hate to state the obvious, but I can’t walk and I’m kind of far away for that, aren’t I? What was she thinking, flirting with this guy and calling him blue eyes? She just felt so comfortable, like she had an instant connection with him or had known him for years.

Grant watched her for an extra moment as if he was weighing his words. Mr. Blue Eyes has a name. You can call me Grant. You can get into that chair, but you have to trust me. It’ll be a lot easier once you learn how to get in and out of your bed.

She stared at the chair and back to where she was sitting, realizing it was kind of far away to go without being able to walk. What if I fall? I could break my neck and die a horrible death from being that far away.

Grant chuckled. It was almost as if he hadn’t laughed in a long time, since she didn’t think she was that funny. This is where your brain has to kick in. He locked her wheels and knelt in front of her, his blue eyes simply gorgeous as he watched her. Do it for me.

Oh, that’s hot, she whispered. Kari’s heart beat faster and the butterflies in her stomach made her take a deep breath. Why did this man have such an effect on her? Yes, he was very sexy, but he wasn’t someone who could further her career, the type of man she always dated before Jeremy.

It suddenly hit her. She was no better than Jeremy. But this man kneeling in front of her could potentially steal her heart if she wasn’t careful, just from the way he looked at her. He appeared to actually care. She’d never really met a man like that before.

Hot? he asked, also in a whisper.

She leaned closer. I’ve been watching a lot of chick flicks in the hospital. Excuse me. She grinned and he laughed even more. Sorry, she said. I’ll keep it professional.

Just be yourself. You’re fun and I appreciate that. Feel free to speak your mind, because it gets really boring in here with people in so much pain all the time.

Just so you don’t think I’m insane. I’m not flirting, just so you know. You’re double off-limits, so I guess I’m just speaking my mind.

He stood up and grabbed her chart from the back of the wheelchair to study it. It could be your new pain pills, too. Emotional swings can be a side effect.

I like that answer. Yeah. It’s the pain pills. Now, why should I move to that chair for you? she whispered, leaning closer with a grin. Is this like foreplay on that first date Victoria mentioned or something? She put her head in her hands. Take away the painkillers, please? This is embarrassing. I don’t want to date anyone and definitely not medical people. I don’t like medical personnel. They’re mean.

No, we’re not. He seemed to be amused. I’ll see what I can do, but you’re hardly on anything at all. He chuckled. First date. He moved beside the chair. While helping