The Making of 'Sex and Violence'

By Will Todd

The Pitch:

"The Making of 'Sex and Violence'" is a mock-umentary in the tradition of "This Is Spinal Tap" about the movie business.

Pitch Checklist:

- Just one sentence? Check.
- Refers to previously successful movie? Check.
- Simple enough that Marketing can "see the poster"? Check.

Intended Pitch Audience:

Anyone who has ever wanted to know how a movie is REALLY made.

Please be advised: This story has been rated MFB: Movie Fans Beware.

You know what they say about sausage...

[Note: I'm a screenwriter ("THE WONDER YEARS", "TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES") and this story is presented in its original screenplay format. To learn more about me, or this title, please visit ToddTrumpet.com!]

• Language: English
• Publisher: Will Todd
• Release date: Nov 29, 2011
• ISBN: 9781465908773

Will Todd

ALL ABOUT TODD1960: Born.1961-1982: Grew up. Did non-writing stuff.1983-1985: Worked with NASA as Aerospace Engineer. Started writing scripts part-time for no money.1986-1987: Started writing scripts full-time for no money.1988-1990: Wrote for first two seasons of "THE WONDER YEARS". Nominated for Emmy, Humanitas, and Writers Guild Awards. Won Humanitas and Writers Guild. Lost Emmy to pilot of "Murphy Brown" but I'm not bitter anymore especially since show never lived up to its potential.Wrote the first two "TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES" movies. Became rich, but with occasional pangs of guilt.1991-1992: Tried to elevate the quality of films coming out of Holywood by rejecting all script assignments and writing only on spec. I.E., Obscurity and Unemployment.1993-1995: Ran away to Europe for a few months, returned, wrote first play. Ran away to Asia for a few months, returned, directed first short film.1996: Stopped running long enough to get in line to write a feature film version of "I Dream of Jeannie". BLINK! Next.1997-1999: Completed Quest for Seven Continents with travels to Africa, Australia, South America, and Antarctica (whiter even than The Blank Page).2000-2002: Solidified reputation as International Man of Leisure. Blew it by writing a book in here somewhere.2003-2005: Nap.2006-2007: Wrote, produced, and directed a 90-minute compilation of comedy shorts called "42 STORY HOUSE". Sold very nearly that many DVD'S.2008-2009: Pangs of guilt concerning sudden wealth now a distant memory, sought status as "Too Big To Fail". Failed.2010: Attempted to finance an indie movie called "WHY THE SQUIRREL WON'T FRY". Fried.2011:Published first eBook "THE TELLING OF MY MARCHING BAND STORY". Fell.2012: Published some eScreenplays to see if anybody was interested in reading eScreenplays. Seriously, anybody. Hel-loooooooooo...?2013-2014: Started YouTube Channel "Todd Trumpet Videos". Reached "Blockbuster" (LLC) status.2015-2016: Wrote "A CHRISTMAS CODA". Received lavish praise from Dickens Experts. Who - "Bah! Humbug!" - apparently don't impress the General Public.2017: Adapted "A CHRISTMAS CODA" into a stage play. Learned Broadway and Hollywood, despite being on opposite sides of the country, actually share the same Welcome Mat.2018-2019: Achieved Complete World Domination. (Pending)

Book preview

INTRODUCTION

The Pitch:

The Making of 'Sex and Violence' is a mock-umentary in the tradition of This Is Spinal Tap about the movie business.

Pitch Checklist:

- Just one sentence? Check.

- Refers to previously successful movie? Check.

- Simple enough that Marketing can see the poster? Check.

Intended Pitch Audience:

Anyone who has ever wanted to know how a movie is really made.

Please be advised: This story has been rated MFB: Movie Fans Beware.

You know what they say about sausage...

******************************

FADE IN:

TITLE CARD: Norm Productions Presents

the TITLE CARD simply black magic marker on white paper, the O in NORM a crudely animated reel of film.

Equally amateurish is the accompanying FANFARE from one of those electronic keyboards with 4000 instruments that all sound like they're coming from the same microchip. THIS FANFARE CONTINUES OVER

TITLE CARD: A Norm Production

TITLE CARD: of A Norm Film.

TITLE CARD: "Birth...

and with a dramatic burst of Synthetic Brass Ensemble #3

TITLE CARD: ...of A Movie!"

as THE FANFARE CONCLUDES and

CUT TO:

A BLANK PIECE OF PAPER ON A PLAIN DESK

and sudden silence.

SLOWLY, VIA NORM'S CAMERA P.O.V., THE SHOT WIDENS and

fingernails TAP the desktop. A mechanical pencil keeps time. A hand, an elbow, and an arm appear, all belonging to

WILL HOOKER

just a normal young man - with an apparent abnormal fascination for blank pieces of paper.

He stares at it. Studies it. Appears to challenge it to see who will move first.

And as paper and writer continue to fight to a draw

ANOTHER ANGLE - THE DESK - LATER

as the blank piece of paper is whisked away - followed by an AEROSOL WHOOSH and a particulate cloud.

And as Will begins to carefully polish his desktop

ANOTHER ANGLE - THE DESK - LATER

where the blank piece of paper again waits in silence.

A few seconds go by, before - CLICK - a fingernail hits the paper. CLICK, CLICK - another falls.

And while the CLICKING continues and the collection grows

ANOTHER ANGLE - THE DESK - LATER

partially obscured by Will's back as he hunches forward, finally hard at work.

NORM'S CAMERA moves around to investigate while Will sits up to reveal the results of his efforts - a piece of origami, which the writer proudly inflates with a PUFF of air.

ANOTHER ANGLE - THE DESK - LATER

where Will - different clothes, growth of beard - continues to stare at the blank piece of paper, now dog-eared.

Suddenly, Will looks up. An idea flashes.

Rising from his desk, he crosses the

INT. APARTMENT BEDROOM - NIGHT

and makes an adjustment to a picture hanging on the wall.

Satisfied, he returns to the small dungeon in the corner of his room and rejoins the battle with the blank piece of paper.

VARIOUS ANGLES - WILL AND THE PAPER

more clothes, more beard - as NORM'S CAMERA searches for interesting ways to capture its subject. Will remains fixed, staring intently at the sneering piece of paper.

Finally, NORM'S CAMERA floats up over the front edge of the desk, until Will's eyes rise and look DIRECTLY INTO CAMERA:

WILL: (frustrated) I told you this was a stupid idea.

NORM (O.C.): It's okay - I'm cutting out the boring stuff.

Will stares a moment longer and then rises, heading out the bedroom door. NORM'S CAMERA FOLLOWS into the

INT. APARTMENT - DAY

a modest 2-bedroom affair, TRACKING WILL into the kitchen.

Norm's camera technique shuns amateurism: There's no skewed angles, no infatuation with the zoom lens, no problems of following focus - this is good, competent filmmaking, documentary-style.

Not unlike This Is Spinal Tap.

Will gets a drink and sits down at the kitchen table. He glares INTO CAMERA for a few seconds:

WILL: This is stupid, Norm.

NORM (O.C.): I think it's interesting.

WILL: You're stupid, Norm.

NORM (O.C.): You said I could.

WILL: I'm stupid, Norm.

NORM (O.C.): How about a few questions...?

Will jerks to his feet and wanders into the living room:

WILL: You can't film somebody getting a stupid idea...!

NORM (O.C.): Well... I can at least get what leads up to it, and maybe how far it goes when you get it. You're the only real writer I know, Will.

Will moves about, absently tidying a room that would already make Merry Maids jealous, while NORM AND HIS CAMERA FOLLOW.

WILL: (mumbling) Two episodes of Rogue Cop hardly make me a real writer...

NORM (O.C.): It got you into the Guild, it got you an agent--

WILL: (looking up) It got me a starring role in Stupidity by Cecil B. DeRoommate.

NORM (O.C.): So... irritability - is this the stage after procrastination, or just a part of it?

WILL: I'm not procrastinating.

He straightens another knickknack.

NORM (O.C.): My mistake.

WILL: It's all a process, you know? It takes time. You gotta gestate. (picks at wall paint) It's got nothing to do with procrastination...

He pulls himself away from the wall and looks toward the bedroom, resolute.

WILL: But... you've gotta put in the time. That's the key. You've gotta sit in the little chair at the little desk and lay the groundwork. It doesn't happen by itself. Nope - you gotta put in the time... (steps toward bedroom, hears something) Is that the mailman?

And as Will suddenly changes directions to intercept a staunch ally of procrastinating writers everywhere

CUT TO:

INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT

completely DARK - until three slivers of light PAN into view and outline the shape of a door, slightly ajar.

NORM'S CAMERA slowly approaches the opening:

NORM (O.C.): Will? Will...?

The door pushes open to a flood of light, and NORM QUICKLY STOPS DOWN:

NORM (O.C.): I knew it!

Lamplight illuminates Will as he writes furiously at his desk. He expends all the energy he can spare to acknowledge Norm's presence:

WILL: (not looking up) Ngh.

NORM (O.C.): You got an idea, didn't you?

WILL: Ngh.

The pattern continues as NORM AND HIS CAMERA APPROACH:

NORM (O.C.): Jeez, it's after three in the morning!

WILL: Ngh.

NORM (O.C.): How long have you been working?

WILL: Ngh.

NORM (O.C.): When did it hit?

WILL: Ngh.

NORM (O.C.): I can't believe it! Why didn't you get me up?

WILL: Ngh.

NORM (O.C.): Is that all you're gonna say?

Will stops writing just long enough to deliver a laser glare TO CAMERA.

NORM (O.C.): (gets the message) Ngh...

NORM MOVES around the desk toward the bed.

NORM (O.C.): I'll just... set up over here, out