I'm Prohibited

By Hanz Moniefiero Medina

This non-fiction book follows three different real life stories that are taken and fused into one main character, named Syd. It tells the story of mental torture, domestic child abuse, sheer neglect, unexpected death and violent rape. All the stories and situations are true.

Medina kept a secret diary as a young child and teen that he re-read, and nightmarishly re-lived, later in his late teens and early manhood. This journal cried out with a plethora of self-reflections, poetry, drawings, and his innermost thoughts. He had written about his daily life, and later, about his two friends he met and their trials and tribulations. While re-reading the journal, he felt compelled to deliver a meaningful message that would raise awareness about the abused and neglected.

I’m Prohibited tells the tale of main character Syd and his family. Delving into how his multi-cultural parents first met, the book tells the story of their life together then merges into how Syd was born and raised from his point of view as a child. It shows him encountering a mentally-ill and violent mother and her abuse and neglect, as well as the merciless rape he endured as a child when he then went on to being a slave to other's sexual pleasures. It also sheds light on his relationship with a father who loved him, but wasn’t always present, and a grandfather that was the light in his dark world.
I’m Prohibited, which might be considered a controversial publication based on its violence and taboo subject matter, was recently released to create awareness for the abused and neglected. With many people committing suicide from coping with daily abuse, neglect, bullying and not being able to deal with the repercussions of such, this e-book gives them a voice. It’s for the modern world so that they may open their eyes and be educated about the truths of these inflictions that occur in some families.

Many sample readers of I’m Prohibited anonymously emailed the author about how brave he was to have written the book about himself and two other friends, one of whom has unfortunately committed suicide and the other who is under counseling care and medications.

I’m Prohibited has been re-written countless times over a course of five years. Medina is writing a follow-up title to I’m Prohibited which will be more explicit, bolder and even more controversial than his debut e-book. Medina feels it must be told this way, in order to create the awareness about the atrocities.
Medina hopes to raise awareness for the abused and neglected with his books. He plans to raise some funds for his selected charities throughout his life, in his own time and accord, from book releases to give hope to those who endure abuse, neglect, and rape. He also hopes to have his first two books be made into a movie to create a better sense of awareness.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Hanz Moniefiero Medina
• Release date: Sep 23, 2011
• ISBN: 9781465991034

Hanz Moniefiero Medina

About the Author: Hanz Moniefiero Medina is a young man who is extremely passionate about the arts. He has been volunteering in areas pertaining to the arts and giving his time to humanitarian efforts. At one point, he almost took his life due to the abuse he faced and over the people he lost so dearly to him over such a short period of time. He was very depressed for many years. To add to the pain, he was diagnosed with a medical condition. He later on penned his debut e-book, I'm Prohibited, as a way to recover himself and to honor two of his friends who were also victims of long periods of abuse and neglect. Hanz works at a perfume store, designing perfumes for interested clients, while also working at freelance modeling, acting and singing. He hopes his books will create awareness about abuse, neglect, and rape.

Book preview

Dedication

For those lives that have been wretched by circumstances, dying to come out a free soul to the world.

Special Thanks to Guy Vincent

& Honourable Thanks to Johari Kazura and Lizzie You from Sifr Aromatics perfumery for allowing me a little bit of time from, from work to complete this E-book.

This book is dedicated to two of my beloved friends who have allowed me to write about them in this E-Book.

God Bless All You Readers Too.

Table of Contents

Dedication

Introduction

Chapter 1: Cooookieeee!!!!!!

Chapter 2: The Syd Effect

Chapter 3: Solitude, Coffee & the Blonde Lady

Chapter 4: The Crazy Last Night

Chapter 5: Unexpected Presence

Chapter 6: Mugged

Chapter 7: ‘’How can we not?!?’’

Chapter 8: Where Do We Go From Here?

Chapter 9: God’s Will

Chapter 10: 3am

Chapter 11: Asia’s Special Mix

Chapter 12: You’re Disgusting!

Chapter 13: Faults & Exchanging Ideas

Chapter 14: A Burnt Blooming Flower

Chapter 15: Blood-Stained Stinky Letter

Chapter 16: Separation

Chapter 17: ‘’Oh No You Didn’t!!’’

Chapter 18: ‘’Come in dear, come in’’

Chapter 19: The Raspy Voice

Chapter 20: Cutting It Short

Chapter 21: Desert Letter

Chapter 22: The Torture Delivery

Chapter 23: Uncalled for

Chapter 24: Derailed

Chapter 25: Plunged

Chapter 26: AaarmserTam!

Chapter 27: The Abuse

Chapter 28: The Stare

Chapter 29: Frank & Ella Did Not Help Tame The Beast

Chapter 30: The Rottweiler Gets Tamed by The Bitch

Chapter 31: What Say You????????????

Chapter 32: True Emotions can’t be substituted

Chapter 33: The Return of the in-law

Chapter 34: Rediscovering

Chapter 35: Next Phase Gone

Chapter 36: Mr Bunny Rabbit Looking Around

Chapter 37: No More Lasagne

Chapter 38: Lady Lips, Curly Girly Lashes

Chapter 39: Shhhhh…

Chapter 40: Paranoia

Chapter 41: The Awakening

Chapter 42: Is that you?

Chapter 43: Whirlwind

Chapter 44: Robbed

Chapter 45: (………..)

Chapter 46: Merciless

Chapter 47: First Aid

Chapter 48: If Only You Knew

Chapter 49: Exposed?

Chapter 50: Judged

Chapter 51: Continuum

Chapter 52: Phase 3: Giving in (Two Years On)

Chapter 53: The Day His Soul Died

Chapter 54: 9.55am

Chapter 55: It’s Not The End Yet

Thank You Note

Introduction

How and where do I even start? I am going to just ramble through on this part. Basically, this book is about coming out of the spectrum of the unknown world of silence – more painfully when you have no voice as no one would care or even believe the strings of events that has happened for this individual’s life since he was a kid. A KID. Life is tough, everyone knows that. This book has been re-written countless times for the past five years. Reason being, for me writing this book, pains me to force out to the world of what they should know and how they could and can save their lives and in turn helping others to break free. I’m guilty for not finishing it up sooner. But ultimately, I was scared to even put them into words. Why? You might ask. I do not know either. Too many reasons in fact. You will decipher it through your own sphere of understanding.

The endless of endlessness of reasons.

If you are a psychologist or a psychiatrist, by all means, study it and please contact me first.

So why have I decided to just finish this book? Because I realized people need to know. You need to know for I will not die in peace if I do not put this out to the world.

This book is not meant to disregard anybody or even teach anyone life lessons. You interpret it however you want it. I will be taking you on a journey of a deeply personal life story. Some are true while some are altered to protect whatever privacy is left of me.

WARNING! This book could appear very depressive and negative and also contradicting. I won’t deny that. I have tried my best to put it as light as possible wherever I can so you can smile a little bit if not laugh. It is a tell- all book. You will read the transitioning period of this individual from just a little boy to a young adult and the many struggles this person have been through. For Real. The style of writing would be described as a ‘stream of consciousness’’ so I am, in my words, talking to you as if I am having coffee, telling you about this kid.

It is also a path for me to conjure up my energy and confidence to live a more spiritual and peaceful life from hereon.

So, ‘’Fuck it!’’, I am going to write. It is now or never or forever I shall be in guilt for not telling this story.

Mom.

Dad.

Siblings.

I do not know them.

Really, I just don’t.

Cooookieeee!!!

Syd, a scrawny kid came up to his granddad one day and asked, ’Where’s my white macadamia cookie?’’

‘’Aren’t you afraid that you would lose all your teeth?’’ Harris gave him a worried look.

‘’ It’s organic, dada, I say many times to you it’s healthy!’’ Syd reasserted .

‘’Fine’’ Harris relented.

Syd was born in Asia but was brought to Holland at the age of two by his father, Al. Al had his work transferred there after promotion where he and Syd used to be in Asia. At aged four, Syd has already started mimicking the gestures and mannerisms of most adults he saw on television or mimic his granddad. Harris was a military authority back then. He was like a Rottweiler breed, ready to bite. However, like most Rottweilers, Harris had often been misunderstood to having a bit of a reputation as a dangerous breed, an unfair generalization surely – for most Rottweilers or Harris for that matter, are calm and affectionate – only to Syd and Al ; but especially to Syd. Syd would do anything to be described as a child of the devil but Harris was always the angel, soft as a feather pillow on Syd with his fashionable sarcasm (this from the military language habit which couldn’t be changed anymore).

‘’You mixed your dark chocolate cooookieee in my white macadamia coooookiee!

You have tainted my coookieee! I don’t want it anymore!!’’ cried Syd (and who the creeps use ‘tainted’ at that age?)

Harris would reply with his comforting, heavy sigh. "I will eat the diseased cookie all by myself and buy you a new jar and I am sorry. Deal?’’

In the morning, Syd never failed to wait outside the door of his house for the milkman and the paperboy. He would give them his oh-so-precious white macadamia cookie but they must finish it in front of him just to see the satisfaction on their faces. In return, the milkman would always bring an extra packet of chocolate milk for him and the paper boy would come back after sorting out his papers to spare him a few joyful moments just to accompany him to sit and talk. Also, he loved giving hugs to them and shouting with such certainty ‘’ I will wait here tomorrow!!’’

One individual that Syd was scared of was the postman or post lady to be precise. She was big and never smiled, not once even. Once, Syd offered his hello but she did not utter any reply to the poor Syd . After that ‘hello’ incident, whenever she came by, Syd would just hide behind the curtains to peek at her and pray that one day she would be happy. His precise words were ‘’Dear Great God, make the post lady smile and be happy one day so I can give her my cooookieee’’ in his exaggerated zeal of a child.

Syd was also over protected by Harris and Al. They both agreed that Syd had nothing much to gain from the Dutch language or be sent to a school just because every other kid went to. It was only natural with their non-conforming views that Syd would be better off homebound. Yes, home-schooled. Syd’s learning hours was a non-routine. It had to fit in the professor’s schedule. Professor Arnold was his name. He would come at his desired time every morning with his walking stick on his left hand and his messenger bag on his right.

Syd once asked why he needed to use the walking stick and wondered if it was for punishing when Syd made mistakes in his homework. The professor then told him that Syd had just given him a good idea to be used on Syd but ultimately, Professor Arnold had a road accident that left him with a weak left leg for the rest of his life. Syd hugged him for telling him about the unfortunate event and whispered ‘’So please don’t beat me, Misser Arnold, you need the stick more than me’’.

Professor Arnold agreed with the two men that Syd was an intellectual boy far beyond his age. Too bizarre in fact. Maybe because Syd’s daily routine was to skim through Harris’s newspaper. He was a freak of nature, indeed, said the Professor who earned a Doctorate in Psychology and Social Science. Syd would finish all his homework on time and could solve very complex problem sums from a simple explanation . Noticing how much Syd was enjoying his work, Professor Arnold gave Syd several High school Mathematics problem to solve through his one example just for the fun of it.

‘’May I excuse myself to have a little chat with your dada and to have a little cookie with him?’’ asked Professor Arnold with such respect for his little subject.

‘’Ok, you can take three cooookiees from my jar,’’ darted Syd whilst shifting his focus almost abruptly onto the Mathematical problems.

‘’That’s very nice of you, Syd, I will and thank you.’’ Professor Arnold spoke slowly, studying the child’s burrowed brows intent in his world of tackling the questions.

You got to know that it is bizarre for young Syd or any boy at the age of four to be quiet for a long time, an hour passed in silence might have spelt death for a baby. When Professor Arnold came to the study room with Harris , Professor Arnold was stunned to see Syd napping on his books but more stunned to discover that the questions he had given earlier showed the right steps to the solutions! With the exception of four wrong answers