The Wand Goes Wild

By W.W. Rowe

A Boy who can run like the wind seems a sure bet for the upcoming runball game. A girl's ugly eyebrows impossibly vanish. A movie, The Wizard of UZ, abruptly leaves the "tracks of sanity." An intelligent bulldog chases an elusive whizzer bird up a tree and conspires to steal human food. The minds of a boy and a girl weirdly trade places! What's going on here? Is someone practicing malicious witchcraft? Are alien beings influencing human behavior? Does a crackpot seer's crystal ball suggest an answer? The wild and magical Wand just keeps on granting wishes, forcing itself to ignore the consequences.

• Language: English
• Publisher: W.W. Rowe
• Release date: Oct 23, 2010
• ISBN: 9780983001850

Book preview

The Wand Goes Wild

By W.W. Rowe

Illustrated by Charles A. Filius

Copyright © 2010 by W. W. Rowe

Published by Funny Little Books

A Division Of Sanctuary Publications, Inc.

P.O. Box 20697, Sedona, AZ 86341

Book design and production: Jane Perini

Thunder Mountain Design & Communications

All rights reserved.

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ISBN 13: 978-0-9843754-4-8

ISBN 10: 0-9843754-4-9

LCCN 2010931487

On the planet Mirth, in the Enchanted Forest, the wand wobbled steadily along on new-grown magical legs. It paused only to cast spells upon obnoxious Forest creatures.

The wand waved itself, and a hairy, drooling monster became a pale-pink butterfly. Zap! A slimy three-eyed serpent was transformed into a shimmering peacock. Zap! Zap! Two ghoulish beasts, about to seize the peacock, became a pair of reindeer lawn ornaments.

The Wizard’s wand had left the Golumph palace in a huff. Disgusted by the spells it was told to perform, like helping the Wizard spy on Queen Snarelda in her marble bath, the wand had left the Wizard for good. Golumphs, as you may know, are tiny gnome-like beings, invisible to humans.

Once before, the wand had become visible and allowed human children to find it. It had generously granted their wishes, though they had no idea of this. It had healed a dog’s broken leg, made a school disappear, and transformed a slow-witted girl into a genius.

Now, the wand thirsted for still more stimulating adventures. Really wild ones! Far-out, funny, and weird. It wanted to grant some totally off-the-wall wishes, like a picture book with any ending the reader imagines. Or piano-playing pigs. Or a swimming pool filled with light-blue water-balloons.

Humans were amusing. Also quite helpless. They could be stupidly selfish, though they sometimes tried to do good. And once in a while, the most zany ideas popped up in their egg-shaped heads.

***

Inside the Golumph palace, Queen Snarelda stamped her slippered foot so hard, she almost broke a toe.

What!? she screamed. How can your wand be gone? It only just returned!

Yes, Highness, the Wizard replied. That’s quite true. His voice sounded soft and pleasant, but a touch exasperated. As you know, my wand has a mind of its own. Sometimes it grows a pair of legs and wanders off.

But— But I need you to cast a powerful spell.

The Wizard patiently smiled. The instant my wand returns, he declared, we shall both be at your Majesty’s most-deserving service.

Loretta Longhorn, the mayor’s eleven-year-old daughter, lived in a large old house on Mainberry Lane. Unfortunately, she had inherited her father’s dark, caterpillar-like eyebrows.

Staring into her blue-framed bathroom mirror, Letty scowled. What a jerkass picture! Two years ago, she had trimmed her ugly brows, but they grew back thicker, almost as if they enjoyed the challenge. At least, she had her mother’s wavy, brown hair and pretty features: clear, blue eyes and a nice nose that—

Her thoughts were interrupted by a low, impatient howl. Snorty was at the kitchen door, demanding to go out.

Snorty was her father’s intelligent brown