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    Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 100, March 28, 1891
    Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 100, March 28, 1891
    Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 100, March 28, 1891
    Ebook95 pages44 minutes

    Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 100, March 28, 1891

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    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherArchive Classics
    Release dateNov 26, 2013
    Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 100, March 28, 1891

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      Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 100, March 28, 1891 - Archive Classics

      The Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, Or The London Charivari, Vol. 100,

      March 28, 1891, by Various

      This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with

      almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or

      re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included

      with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.net

      Title: Punch, Or The London Charivari, Vol. 100, March 28, 1891

      Author: Various

      Release Date: August 25, 2004 [EBook #13281]

      Language: English

      *** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH ***

      Produced by Malcolm Farmer, William Flis, and the Online Distributed

      Proofreading Team.

      PUNCH,

      OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

      Vol. 100.

      March 28, 1891.

      THE G.P.O. CUCKOO.

      It was a gallant Postmaster that armed him for the fray,

      And, oh, his eyes were gleaming as he summoned his array;

      To North and South the message went, to W. and E.,

      And where, 'mid piles of ledgers, men make money in E.C.;

      From Highgate Hill to Putney one cry the echoes wakes.

      As the Postmen don their uniforms and shout aloud for RAIKES.

      Brave Postmen, spake an officer, who gazed upon the throng,

      "Ye tramp the streets by day and night, your hours are very long;

      Yet since you love the G.P.O. that thus your feet employs,

      We must not see you flouted by a perky pack of hoys.

      Swift rally round the Master who quavers not nor quakes,

      Our Red Knight of the Pillar-Box, the adamantine RAIKES.

      "What? 'The Public want the Messengers'? We'll teach the Public sense,

      Which consists in looking pleasant while we pocket all their pence.

      Though the papers rave, we care not for their chatter and their fuss.

      They must keep at home their messages, or send them all through Us.

      And we'll crush these boy-intruders as a mongoose crushes snakes.

      They have sown, but we shall reap it—'tis the will of Mr. RAIKES."

      But Punch was there, and listened, and his angry face grew red,

      Like the tape that RAIKES delights in, and he shook his ancient head,

      RAIKES, he cried, "I doubt your wisdom, and I much incline to scorn

      Those who trespass on their neighbour's land, and cart away his corn.

      Let the man who makes the oven and laboriously bakes

      Take the profit on the loaves he sells, nor yield it all to RAIKES.

      "You say you'll do the thing yourself: Monopoly decrees

      That, if boys go making honey, they must lose it, like the bees.

      But, oh, be warned, my Postmaster, it's not a pleasant thing

      To incur a bee's resentment and to suffer from its sting:

      And (to change my humble parallel) I like not him who takes

      A nest prepared by others, like the Cuckoo-Postman RAIKES!"

      SOUND AND SAFE.—We hear that Mr. W.H. GRIFFITHS is to be the new Lessee of the Shaftesbury. Years ago, to the popular inquiry, Who's GRIFFITHS? there was but one answer, The Safe Man. Good omen for the Shaftesbury.

      BAR BARRED!

      SCENE—A Parliamentary Committee Room. Committee sitting at horse-shoe table. Bar crowded at table covered with plans, custards, buns, agreements, and ginger-beer. Huge plans hanging to walls. View in distance of St. Thomas's Hospital. East-West Diddlesex Railway Extension Bill under consideration. Expert Witness standing at reading-desk under examination.

      Junior Counsel (for Promoters). You have told us that there is a cutting at Burnt House Mill, coloured red in plan—in your opinion do you think that the road passing; by Hoggsborough, coloured green, could be so diverted as to avoid the necessity of throwing a bridge over the River Crowe, coloured yellow?

      Expert Witness (with great deliberation, and illustrating his remarks by references

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