Sacrificing 16, Part 1

By Liana Resles

Determined to escape from a life of lies and abuse, 16 year old Carleigh DuMetz tries anything she can think of to get rid of her husband, Richard. Plunging into depths she never envisioned, Carleigh finds herself on the wrong side of the law, and feeling worse about herself and life - something she never thought possible.

A victim herself, she cannot see what she is doing to those who love her, until the damage has already been inflicted. When all is said and done, will there be anybody to catch her when she falls?

Based on actual events.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Sep 8, 2013
• ISBN: 9781483508061

Book preview

creativity.

1

Tomorrow is April sixteenth–my birthday.

I’ll be turning sixteen; but, I wish I could be turning fourteen again. Fifteen was so incredibly awful, that I think I’ve suffered enough pain and disappointment for a lifetime; so, perhaps, sixteen will actually be better. At least I’ll finally be able to drive myself places.

For the last six months, I’ve had to get rides from either my best friend Beth, my boyfriend Justin, my husband Richard, or my parents.

I only call on Richard for a ride as a last resort. He’s such a jerk! I’ve been throwing all kinds of ideas around in my head about how to get rid of him; but, he won’t leave me alone! I seriously have no idea what his problem is, or why he keeps insisting on continuing this façade of a marriage. We don’t even live together, for God’s sake! I’m underage! How can this possibly be legal? I’m so frustrated with this whole thing!

Last week, my Dad and I went to the used car lot and got a nice, little sports car for me to drive around. My parents had actually gotten me this huge boat of a car at Christmas to practice on; but, it was so freaking huge I was afraid to drive it. I kept thinking I was going to hit all the parked cars along our street, and refused to drive it anywhere but right in the middle of the road.

For a whole week I’ve been able to practice driving and getting used to my new car. I have an appointment at the DMV tomorrow to take the driving portion of my test–the final part before I get my driver’s license. I can’t wait!

I know the first thing I’m going to do is pick up Beth, Justin and Damien and drive to the beach. I’ve always wanted to drive through the canyon on my own. It looks like so much fun!

Damien has become part of our little group lately, since he’s been hanging out with us at lunch in the cafeteria. I just have to say this…Damien Vogel is totally awesome! He has the greatest sense of humor, he’s really cute, a major flirt, and he surfs. Always a major bonus in my book.

If he wasn’t a year younger than me, I would be all over him in a heartbeat! No doubt about it.

I don’t know why the age thing is such an issue with me. For some reason, I have always been attracted to older guys–well, except for Rudy Hayes and Tony DeRaimo. Including these two, I could count on one hand the guys my own age I’ve been attracted to; and, I wouldn’t even have to use all the fingers.

Not only that, but Rudy is the only one who seemed to be remotely attracted to me in return. He was my first boyfriend, and we were only in sixth grade. Unfortunately, both of us were way too shy to try anything, or even get together outside of school. I did shake his hand once, though. Out of all the boys in my class, Rudy was definitely one of the few I was comfortable around, probably because he was so nice.

I’m convinced if we had met again in high school, it would have been a completely different story, altogether.

I’ve certainly never been attracted to anyone younger than me; so, this is something new.

I knew as soon as I met Damien that something was going to happen between us someday–something extremely fiery and incredibly spectacular!

As soon as I shook his hand, when my boyfriend – Justin - introduced us, I felt electricity warming my hand and crawling up my arm. I’ve never felt anything like that before; so, I took it as some sort of message that passed between us.

For months I wondered how things were going to play out; but, I found out two months ago, when Damien started calling me to chat for no apparent reason.

Since we’d been hanging out as a group, it didn’t really seem that weird for us to talk without Beth and Justin around…until the conversations got a lot more interesting!

Then, it became so deliciously wicked, I knew something would happen soon.

I honestly tried to put things off with Damien, so I wouldn’t be cheating on Justin with him; but, somehow, things got just way too hot to ignore!

Plus, I started having feelings for Damien, similar to those I had for Aiken when we first started dating. I’ve been totally afraid of falling in love again since I lost Aiken; and, I don’t think I could go through losing someone else that special to me again.

Ironically, I’m also afraid of not letting myself fall in love. What if I miss out on something really great, because I refuse to break down my Aiken barrier?

It’s the strangest feeling being around both of them at once! I really want to be with Damien instead of Justin; but, again, I’m afraid of breaking up my little group, so I keep my mouth shut.

It’s gotten so bad, that I can act like I’m listening to Justin when he’s talking to me; while, in my head, I’m passionately screwing Damien at the same time. I’ve gotten so good at this, that Justin has absolutely no clue.

Talk about a complete mind fuck!

Ultimately, neither one of us could take it anymore; so, we made plans to go somewhere together as soon as I have my license. He still won’t drive for another year, so our transportation in this little affair is completely up to me for once.

Not that I mind! It’ll be nice to be in the driver’s seat for once with a guy. Especially a guy whom I know will never hit me. Aside from Aiken and Rudy, this will definitely be a first!

The only time Aiken ever got remotely violent with me, was when he pushed me once; but, that’s just because he was so freaked out about Peter calling me in the middle of the night. Since I hadn’t yet informed him of my friendship with Peter, he was completely blindsided by it. I know if I had told him ahead of time, he wouldn’t have been so upset; so, that one was definitely my fault. Other than that, Aiken never raised a hand to me ever again.

What do you want for your birthday? Richard asks that night in my room.

I’m tempted to tell him I want a divorce, but I know that would just cause problems. I really don’t want anything from him, except for him to leave me alone. Unfortunately, I couldn’t possibly tell him that without expecting some painful recourse.

I don’t know, I say with a shrug.

"You’re gonna be sixteen, Carleigh! Isn’t that supposed to be a big deal with girls–you know, Sweet Sixteen, and all that crap?" he asks.

Yeah, I mumble.

So…what do you want? he presses.

I look into his steel blue eyes, and feel like crying. I know he would get me any gift I ask for, as long as he can purchase it from a store. But I don’t want anything like that. I just want my life back.

Even though I’m deathly afraid of him, I know I’ve got to at least say what I want, or else I’ll never get it. I take a deep, cleansing breath to help boost my courage.

I want a divorce, I say sadly, trying desperately to hold back the tears that threaten to burst forth.

I watch for a response, never knowing what to expect from him.

His eyes slowly turn to a sharp gray, which tells me he’s getting angry. He takes a deep breath, and his temple starts twitching.

Shit, that’s not a good sign.

Slowly, he stands up, and I wait for him to hit me or something; but, I’m absolutely dumbfounded when he just climbs out my window and leaves without saying anything.

Richard is rarely speechless. The few times he has been, it’s because he’s been mulling something over–like how to best torture me as a form of punishment for some perceived wrongdoing on my part.

Sigh!

Now I’m going to be up all night worrying about how this is going to play out.

I know he won’t allow me to divorce him. He’s already made that perfectly clear many times.

My life is such a complete fuck up, I can’t believe it!

I know it sounds awful, but I almost wish I had never started dating Aiken in the first place. If I hadn’t, then Richard wouldn’t have been given permission by Aiken to watch over me while he was in Africa.

I know his intentions were good, but Aiken obviously didn’t know what kind of person he was dealing with in Richard.

I wonder if he knows now; and, if so, does he regret it?

I like to think he does. After all, Aiken is the only guy I’ve ever been in love with; and, he was so sweet and gentle that I know he would never have intentionally put me in this position.

Reaching under my mattress, I feel around for the promise ring he gave me. I pull it out, slip it onto my finger, and rub the smooth metal in remembrance of him. After a few minutes, I pull it off, press it to my lips, and kiss it.

God, I miss him!

He should be here for my sixteenth birthday, for then it really would be a Sweet Sixteen.

I reach over to my nightstand and grab a tissue to wipe away my tears. I’m getting tired of crying every night, and I know my heart is starting to let go of him. That knowledge alone is enough to make it start breaking again.

It makes me feel like such a bitch!

Ever since I was little, I figured when I fell in love with someone it would be for life; and, I really think I was starting to fall in love with him when he left for Africa. I now know that’s not realistic; but, I still feel the need to preserve my romantic love for Aiken. I’m not willing to give that to anyone else. Not unless I find someone who’s even half as special as him. So far, the only other guy who comes close in my book, was Rudy; but, I haven’t seen him for almost two years now. Plus, he probably doesn’t even think about me anymore, aside from the fact that he probably has a girlfriend.

I’m determined to hold onto Aiken as long as I can, but each day it seems like he’s slipping further and further away.

In three months, it will have been a year since he died. I’ve got to hold onto him until then at least. I don’t know why, but I do.

His mom still calls me on the twenty-seventh of every month, and invites me to go with his family to visit his grave; but, that’s something I’m still not ready to do. If I see his tombstone, then I’ll have to accept that he’s never coming back.

I can’t do that, yet.

I give the ring one last kiss, and then push it gently between my mattresses. Once I’ve turned off the light on my nightstand, I curl up into a ball and try to sleep.

2

At 6:30 in the morning, my mom walks in and starts to sing Happy Birthday To You.

Ugh!

Time to wake up, Birthday Girl! she says happily.

It is way too early for this.

I try not to glare at her when I say, Thanks.

What do you want to do tonight? she asks.

I shrug, I don’t care.

Why not? It’s your Sweet Sixteen!

I feel like crying, and do my best to hold back the tears. She would never understand what I’m going through right now, and it would totally bum her out if I started crying.

I don’t know, I say again.

Well, give it some thought and let me know. Call me at work when you decide, she says.

Okay, I mumble.

As I’m getting ready for school, I wonder if Justin and Beth are planning anything special for me today.

I also wonder if Annie remembers that it’s my birthday. Not that she would care anymore since she dumped me; but, I still wonder. After all, I quit my job at Pips on her birthday, just so I could go to an amusement park to help her celebrate.

If I had known then, what I know now, I would not have even considered quitting my job just to help my best friend celebrate her birthday.

Since I had to lie about my age to work at Pips, I haven’t been able to find another job yet. Knowing I wasn’t even going to try to get another job until I turned sixteen, I ruefully accepted the fact that I was going to be broke for the next seven months.

Being a teenager who loves clothes, I decided to add clothing to my shoplifting list to get what I wanted. So far, it’s mostly been books and other small stuff; but, seriously, a girl has fashion needs!

I really don’t like to shoplift; but since I have no money, I feel like it’s my only option. It’s not my fault that really cute clothes keep popping up in all my favorite stores; and, I definitely have to add them to my wardrobe somehow.

Of course, not going into the stores in the first place, never even crosses my mind.

I still remember the first clothing item I shoplifted. It was the paisley jeans I was wearing when Justin asked me to be his girlfriend. Remembering how he commented about my jeans and how his parents would think I was weird for wearing them, I let out a little chuckle. If he only knew!

Justin and Beth have absolutely no clue that I shoplift. I really have no idea how they would react if they knew. Both of them would probably think I’m crazy, and start lecturing me. I really don’t like to be lectured…by anyone; so, I just keep this to myself.

They also don’t know that I’m married to Richard. If they did, maybe they wouldn’t worry about my illicit activities as much.

I look at it this way–since Richard is my husband, and he loves me for some reason, he would do whatever is necessary to keep me from being arrested. I don’t doubt that for one second.

Of course, he doesn’t know I still shoplift, either. I know if he did, I would get an hour long lecture from him, too. So for now, this will remain my own little secret.

When I’m finished applying my makeup, I step back and look at myself in the mirror. The person looking back at me seems so different than how I feel inside.

I used to consider myself fairly attractive, but now I don’t know what to think. I know some people think I’m good looking, but not enough to make me feel any better about myself.

Inside I feel a dark emptiness that is constantly swirling with pain and uncertainty. Sometimes the feeling is diminished; but, it’s always there nonetheless.

Ever since my conversation with Richard, when I accused him of trying to get me pregnant, and he admitted he was sterile, I’ve been looking for a way to manage it on my own.

In addition, since he’s totally against the idea of having kids, I figure if I can get pregnant he’ll finally leave me alone.

Unfortunately, the only other logical person for me to have sex with, still won’t put out. I really have no idea why Justin won’t do it. Maybe Richard was right when he suggested that Justin was gay?

I know for damn sure, that Damien is more than willing; and, I have been so hot for him lately, that Justin is fading very quickly from my mind.

As of today, we will have been dating for six months; and, since most other girls I know started sleeping with their boyfriends within the first month, I find this extremely exasperating.

What is it with him and Aiken?

It seems like every other guy I get to know is begging me for sex! And I have been getting to know a lot of other guys recently, since my school is packed with them.

Since I decided to get pregnant, I’ve been surreptitiously interviewing them to determine if they would be a possible candidate; but, I vowed to wait until my sixteenth birthday to give Justin a chance to come around.

Aiken wanted to wait until we got married, which was incredibly aggravating; and, then he went and died on me. I know it wasn’t his fault, but I’m still pissed at him for leaving in the first place.

And Justin just won’t do it for some reason, even though I’ve been his girlfriend for six months. I still don’t love him as anything more than a friend, but he’s a good person. I think.

As soon as I’ve gotten my license today, I might ditch Justin somehow and make a visit to Damien. We already planned that a