The Headliner

By Mickie Stepford

The Headliner by Mickie Stepford

Cara “CeCe” Chambers has always had a lot to say. As a nine year-old girl, CeCe presents life as the only child of two very different parents in The Headliner. The Headliner is the first black fiction to explore the life of a black female comedian. Author Mickie Stepford captures the wit and the wisdom of the black middle class, and subsequently acquaints the reader with a comedian anyone would want to know.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Jun 2, 2013
• ISBN: 9781483500652

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parents

The Reunion

I don’t like family reunions. The last time we went to one, people kept talking about how pretty my dress was. They was straight up lying. That was the ugliest damn dress I ever wore. My auntie put that on me, talking ‘bout Auntie’s baby look so pretty with all them roses. I don’t like flowers much. They pretty and all, but if some man were to ever buy me flowers I would tell him to take ‘em back and give me the cash. They gone die anyway. This time I got to wear what I wanted to wear. Mama let me pick this jumpsuit out when we went shopping last week. This time I look good. Everybody keeps calling me lil’ bit. I don’t know these people but Mama and Daddy say they all family. I don’t look like nobody in here but my mama and my daddy. Mama say that don’t mean a thing. We still family.

Come over here and give your cousin Stephanie a kiss.

I walked over to the lady in the wheelchair with the blonde wig on. She don’t know that I know that she got a wig on. Last time I remember she wasn’t in no wheelchair, but she walked funny with a stick. I guess she got sick of walking funny and just decided to sit and roll around instead.

Hey, Sugar!

Crazy Cousin Junior. He and Mama are real close cuz they grew up in the same house together when his mama shot herself. Mama don’t know I know that his mama shot herself, but I heard her talking to Daddy once when I was a little kid.

What you know good?

I’m fine.

Where ya mama?

Upstairs.

When did y’all get here?

A little while ago. We can’t stay here long, though. Daddy got to find a job.

Junior shot me a real funny look and patted me on the head before he walked away.

I like your jump suit, Cara, said my cousin Agnes.

I got one kind of like it, but it has gold buckles instead of silver buckles.

Where did you get yours from? I asked. I didn’t really care where she got her jumpsuit from, but I knew how to be nice when I wanted to be.

Kmart. Where did you get yours from?

Marshall Fields.

I shut her butt up real quick. She came over here to brag about her damn buckles. Gold. Don’t she know that them buckles ain’t real? Silver’s better than gold anyway. I bet her jumpsuit looks cheap. The last reunion I went to she kept following me everywhere I went. Mama didn’t help none either. ‘CeCe, keep up with your cousin. CeCe,’ she said, ‘Agnes is looking for you.’

Agnes is somebody’s cousin’s cousin. She about my age, but she act crazy. Mama always be trying to get me to hang around people my own age, but I don’t like them too much. Most of the kids like playing games and playing outside but I ain’t played outside in three years. When we have recess at school my teacher be telling me, CeCe, you gotta start socializing with some of the other kids in class. You’re only making it harder on yourself if you don’t make friends now. What she don’t know is that I got plenty of friends. Tina and me are best friends. Nelson and I get together almost everyday. Ms. April calls me over every week. Ms. Leslie picks me up after school sometimes and we watch television together. Next-door Ashley takes me to the store with her. My teacher don’t know what she talking ‘bout. She just mad because I don’t want to be bothered with them dummies at school.

Mama came over to let me know what I could eat. My mama don’t trust nobody’s food—family or not. Wherever we go, my mama has to see who made what before we eat anything. Daddy doesn’t care. He would be like, Aw, girl. Ain’t nothing wrong with this food. Go ahead and fix yourself a plate. Ain’t nothing gone hurt you.

My mama acts like she doesn’t hear him and sits back to see who made what anyhow. One time we got a hold of some dirty greens. Ain’t nothing worse than dirty greens. Mama almost threw up right there in the woman’s house—she’s a cousin but I don’t know her name. Tasted like somebody poured sand in the pot right along with them greens. Felt like I was chewing on the beach.

***

Mama told me that the fish was alright for me to eat. Oh yeah, and I could have some macaroni too. I wanted some potato salad, but Mama said she didn’t know how long it had been sitting out. That spaghetti was sure smelling good, but Mama swore up and down that nasty cousin Sophia didn’t wash her hands when she went to the bathroom.

Did you meet your cousin Tilly?

Mama think she slick. She know that I met Tilly at the last family reunion. This is the one who peed on herself at the picnic. Mama just want me to be friends with this girl. Hell yeah I remember Tilly.

Hey, CeCe.

Hey, Tilly. What you up to?

Nothing. What grade are you in?

The fifth.

I’m in fifth grade, too, Tilly said without me even asking her.

I can’t wait ‘til school starts next month. My mama is gonna get me some of those pants like they got on the commercial with the light-skinned girl on the skates.

CeCe, bring me a beer out the cooler, I heard my daddy say.

I left Tilly standing there looking stupid. I told her I’d be right back. I was lying. Tilly is too damn boring for me.

Here, Daddy.

***

Daddy got fired from work today. He said that he could do his job in his sleep, and he had. He said that they had no business letting him go for knocking off at the job because people did it all the time. I hate them people. I hate that they fired my daddy. Now my mama ain’t never gonna be home. Mama leaves when she gets mad. She don’t stay gone longer than a few days. When she comes back, she just as pissed as she was when she left in the first place. She gone be real mad over them people firing my daddy, though. Daddy says that’s how Mama deal with things. She don’t like to argue or talk loud so she just leave. Daddy says that he don’t like her leaving but know that she is gone always come back, so he don’t fuss too much about it. Except one time.

One time Daddy got so mad for her leaving he threw an iron across the living room when she walked out the door. We got a big dent in the wall so Mama threw a picture frame over it when she came back. She was real pissed ‘bout that damn dent in the wall. Daddy was real pissed cuz he had to sleep on the couch for about a week. One thing I know is when I get married I ain’t gone be arguing like that. I don’t see why they can’t be friends all the time. Seem like when they first met they woulda figured out that they didn’t like each other that much in the first place. Grown people can be silly sometimes.

I remember one time Daddy went out with the boys until real late. Mama didn’t know that I knew what time Daddy came in but I did. I heard them clowning all night about what time Daddy got in.

Alyssa, I told you that I was going out tonight. Besides, I don’t have to report to you. You ain’t my mama.

You do this every payday, Lester. Every payday. I told you before that I could care less about the going out thing. It’s the coming-in-all-hours-of-the night-thing that I got a problem with, my mama said. And please don’t bring your mama into this; we got enough problems with her in our business.

What the hell is that supposed to mean? God better help somebody! My mama ain’t the issue. You the issue. If you quit being so controlling and lighten up some, we’ll get along just fine.

The word is not ‘controlling,’ brother; it’s ‘responsible.’

Mama sounded it out for him.

Re-spon-si-ble. Sound familiar?

People in glass houses shouldn’t through stones, ‘Lyssa. I didn’t hear you talking about ‘Re-spon-si-ble’ when you jetted off to Michigan last month. I sho’ didn’t hear you say nothing ‘bout ‘Re-spon-si-ble’ when you left your little girl to go to Vegas. I didn’t leave her. I left you, you buzzard.

They can go on forever with that arguing, but usually I just fall asleep before forever comes.

***

Daddy had a serious card game going on. He and Mama looked like they were having fun. She was sitting around with some of the other women talking about when they were kids. Daddy had a cigar hanging out of his mouth like they do in the gangster movies. Daddy didn’t smoke, but when he had some of his friends over he would show off my mama would say, and pop a cigar in his mouth. He never lit the cigar. He just let it sit right on the edge of his mouth.

Baby, why don’t you go back in there with the other kids? We ain’t doing nothing in here but talking ‘bout grown folks business, said one of the adults. I don’t even know who this woman is, and she telling me what to do! I looked at the funny-looking lady like she was crazy. I ain’t going nowhere unless my mama or my daddy tell me to go.

CeCe, gone in there with the other kids, Mama said anyway.

Tilly. There she is, just looking at me like I’m the crazy one. Tilly’s family is Jehovah’s Witnesses. I don’t know what that means, but I know that it has something to do with God. Mama say that Jehovah mean God, so I guess they all God’s witnesses. Don’t ask me what they be witnessing Him do. Mama say she think Tilly’s mama made ‘em witnesses cuz she was too cheap to buy Christmas gifts. See, them witnesses