The Extremely Inconvenient Adventures of Bronte Mettlestone

Written by Jaclyn Moriarty

Narrated by Charlie Sanderson

Bronte Mettlestone is ten years old when her parents are killed by pirates. This does not bother her particularly: her parents ran away to have adventures when she was a baby. She has been raised by her Aunt Isabelle, with assistance from the Butler, and has spent a pleasant childhood of afternoon teas and riding lessons. Now, however, her parents have left detailed instructions for Bronte in their will. (Instructions that, annoyingly, have been reinforced with faery cross-stitch, which means that if she doesn't complete them, terrible things could happen!) She travels the kingdoms, perfectly alone, delivering gifts to ten other aunts: a farmer aunt who owns an orange orchard, a veterinarian aunt who specializes in dragon care, a pair of aunts who captain a cruise ship, and a former rock star aunt who is now the reigning monarch of a small kingdom. But as she travels from aunt to aunt, Bronte suspects there might be more to this journey than the simple delivery of treasure.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Recorded Books, Inc.
• Release date: Oct 26, 2018
• ISBN: 9781980027447

Jaclyn Moriarty

Jaclyn Moriarty grew up in Sydney, Australia and studied in the United States and England. She spent four years working as a media and entertainment lawyer and is now writing full time. Jaclyn is the author of bittersweet teen bestsellers FEELING SORRY FOR CELIA, FINDING CASSIE CRAZY and BECOMING BINDY MACKENZIE.

Reviews for The Extremely Inconvenient Adventures of Bronte Mettlestone

[Cassie Wigley · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Very enjoyable story and the narrator was wonderful!!! I highly recommend.

[humouress · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

{First of 3 in Kingdoms & Empires series; children’s, fantasy, adventure}(2018)(Audiobook read by Charlie Sanderson)Bronte, now 10 years old, was left at her aunt Isabelle's as a baby by her parents, who went off to have adventures by themselves. As the story opens, Bronte and her eleven aunts learn that her parents have been killed by pirates. Their will instructs Bronte to take a treasure chest of gifts and visit each aunt to deliver them (only some of whom she's already met) but she has to go by herself. And she has to follow the instructions exactly because the will has been faery cross-stitched and so disaster will befall Gainsleigh, her hometown, if she doesn't. As she travels, she has adventures and comes up against obstacles, such as saving a baby from a river, an absent minded aunt who lives in snowy mountains but doesn't allow fires to be lit and pirates chasing her aunts' cruise ship. Bronte has been warned about witches and sterling silver foxes but it's the Whispering King who is the real danger to the world.Over the next three days, I did not breathe.Well, I probably did breathe, otherwise I’d be dead.But it really seemed as if there was no time to breathe.We ran out of the lawyers’ office, and then we kept on running.Planning, packing, folding, zipping, visiting the seamstress for new frocks. I read my parents’ instructions over and over, and had nightmares about losing them or spilling lemonade on them. “The ink has run!” I screamed in my sleep. “I can’t read the words!”Of course, we had to race to the bank to collect the treasure chest from the vault.It turned out to be very small, the size of a large shoe box. For a moment, I thought it shimmered with jewels, but those were only glued-on sequins.Accompanying the chest was a small sack of silver coins “for expenses” on my journey. “Handy,” sniffed Aunt Isabelle, but then she pivoted and ran out of the bank.As we raced about, Aunt Isabelle drilled me on the dangers of Dark Mages.“How can you tell if somebody’s a witch?”“They often look confused. They wear socks with sandals.”“Good. What do you do if you see one?”“Stay quiet. Try to blend in.”“How do you know a Sterling Silver Fox?”“Lots of jewelry. Sharp ears.”“What do you do if you see one?”“Laugh loudly. They can’t stand the sound of laughter.”“How do you know a Whisperer?”I paused. A Whisperer was the most frightening Dark Mage. The others tended to leave you alone unless you bothered them, but Whisperers kidnapped children.“But I won’t see a Whisperer, will I? They’re all safely bound in the Whispering Kingdom?”“True.” Aunt Isabelle nodded. “But what if a Whisperer escapes? How do you know a Whisperer?”“They don’t escape, do they?”“Bronte. How do you know a Whisperer?”I sighed. “They never cut their hair. You hear a voice in your head like burning steel.”“What do you do if you see a Whisperer?”“Run.”“How fast?”“As fast as I can.”“Faster, Bronte. Faster.”We went through all the other Dark Mages—ghouls, radish gnomes, fire sirens, and so on—and covered other dangers too. Getting my new frocks muddy. Forgetting to say thank you. That kind of thing.This is a light-hearted children's book by Australian author Moriarty, set in a Victorian-era (ie motor cars are a novelty) fantasy world with kingdoms and empires. At first, given that the narrator gave aunt Isabelle a posh English voice, I assumed it was set (to begin with) in a parallel London but Bronte's first stop on her tour, to which she travels overland, is in an orange-growing part of the country so it's probably more Australia-centric.Aims at quirky and achieves it for the most part; a look at the Contents shows 109 chapters divided into sections, mainly, by aunts (there is also a map in the print version). I felt the threads weren't tied up at the end as neatly as they could have been and brought up some questions. Even though I know there is a sequel to this book, it isn't suggested by the ending.I listened to this as an audiobook and it took me a long while to get used to the narrator's style - though I did appreciate that she did do accents for the large cast well and her job wasn't helped by having to speak dragon or read recipes which were half obliterated which would work in print but are harder to convey on audio.Fun and quirky.3-3.5****

[herenya_1 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

When Bronte was a baby, her parents left her with her Aunt Isabelle before gallivanting off on adventures. Ten years later, Bronte receives the news that her parents have been killed by pirates, and their will insists that she set out alone on a journey to visit her all her aunts and deliver each a gift. Moreover, the will is Faery crossed-stitched, so there will be disastrous consequences if Bronte doesn’t follow it.This is quirky and entertaining, and what begins as a episodic adventure - meeting her cousins, rescuing a baby from a river, rescuing an aunt from wrongful imprisonment, learning to talk to dragons, accidentally causing an avalanche - eventually twists together in Moriarty-fashion. I suspect I would have stronger feelings about it were I still Bronte’s age or if it hadn’t been so light-hearted. I was not a fan of the illustrations, which are not to my tastes, but fortunately found them easy to ignore - and I can see how they might appeal to the book’s target audience. All the same, I’d happily read more set in this world. “Oh, I love to have a child in my library! I’ve just finished redecorating the children’s section, so this is perfect, dear child! Trust me! You are going to love it!” [...]“Well,” I said. “Thank you… But may I look something up instead?”“Research!” the librarian shrieked, and inside the library people cleared their throats. One woman shot a crank Shhh! in our direction.The librarian looked guilty. “I make too much noise,” she confided. “But I love it when people want to research! Do it! Dear child, you will love it! The catalogue is over there!” Her voice rose to a shout at the end. People muttered disapproval.