Long-term relationships inevitably have their ups and downs, but couples will be much happier if they have an understanding of what they need from each other and themselves. That’s according to psychotherapist Charlotte Fox Weber, who has been counselling couples and individuals for 11 years. In a new book, What We Want: A Journey Through Twelve of Our Deepest Desires, she says that understanding what we want helps us to make good choices – in life and in love. Here is her advice for long-term couples. 1
1 When did you last hold eye contact? Remember, a lack of attention can lead to affairs
Giving and getting attention is fundamental to feeling cared for, yet long-term couples can often get complacent or simply forget to pay attention to each other, Fox Weber says. Having to ask for attention directly feels exposing and demanding, so we end up disguising our need through attention-seeking behaviours. I think of my husband once jokingly joining in my online workout. I accused him of mocking me. ‘Oh no,’ he cried. ‘It’s my way of getting your attention!’
If the attention deficit is acute,
