Notes & Swearies
Professor Bernard Fuck of Saint Arsehole’s College, Oxford ponders your Profanisaurial problems
Dear Professor Fuck,
WE ARE all familiar with the social norm of holding in our flatus and emitting it at a time of our choosing. This becomes more challenging with age, but I have recently discovered, as the years advance, that I am occasionally releasing loud farts which I didn’t even know were forming a queue within my back passage. At a recent event at Buckingham Palace, I bowed as I was introduced to The Queen and let loose a rasper that arguably surprised me almost as much as it surprised Her (shortly thereafter late) Majesty. Is there a term in your foulsome lexicon for an inadvertent release of an audible flatulisation when one has absolutely no knowledge one was actually holding the fucker in?
K Caswell-Jones, Wrexham
The following definitions relate to Mr Caswell-Jones’s query:
… An unexpected and disastrous venting of gas, which necessitates the abandoning of all plans, and an emergency return trip home. An crisis is only averted once a safe has been achieved. And one’s trousers and underpants have been put out for the binman. From the ill-fated Moon mission starring Tom Hanks; Shocked or surprised by an unexpected ; … The sudden, unexpected, release of a from the , which occurs as a result of an over-exertion, Moving a piano up a fire escape, stretching in a quiet yoga class or standing up after being knighted. Usually accompanied by a short, sharp ripping noise and a red face.
