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    Hey, who cut the eyeholes in Mar-a-Lago's white tablecloths?

    by Carl Hiaasen, Tribune Content Agency Aug 28, 2017 3 minutes

    (Rejected first draft of confidential report to President Donald J. Trump from the events manager at the Mar-a-Lago Club.)

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    Dear Mr. President,

    I received your urgent inquiry about our "reduced" winter schedule, and I want to assure you there's no need to burn down the resort for the insurance money. We're doing just fine!

    You expressed alarm about a "Fake News" story saying 20 charities and organizations have canceled or moved

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