The Crabby Old Git Series

Crabby's best mate, Reg, has foolishly asked for his opinion on cruise holidays. The Old Git lets Reg have it with both propellers: Cabin grade and the effect it will have on his bank balance - and stomach; perils of the arrivals hall; the curse of the ship's paparazzi – and then there's the upgrade hustlers! ...And then there are his views on... How to avoid the bowels from hell Sage words on sea sickness Being alert for geriatric entertainers with books to flog And don't get him started on the price of shore excursions! You never know, his views may well have you rushing to book your next cruise holiday – just so you can spot the characters and sights that the Crabby Old Git talks about - and, of course, so you can experience that feeling only a cruise holiday can give you (if you know what I mean!)  

The Crabby Old Git short stories have enjoyed success and have received some successful feedback. Buying all four titles together is cheaper than buying them one by one, and saves you the cost of a snack or a drink..   The Crabby Old Git on Cruising Anchors away for a fantastic cruise holiday parody! Reg, Crabby's best friend, has made the mistake of asking for his opinion on cruise holidays. Reg gets an earful from the self-proclaimed expert, the Old Git, about cabin grade and the way it will affect his bank balance and stomach. How to avoid the bowels of hell Sage words on sea sickness Being alert for geriatric entertainers with books to flog And don't get him started on the price of shore excursions!   The Crabby Old Git on Exercise Crabby's trouble begins when Maude enrolls him in the village exercise class. He's someone you shouldn't let near keep fit equipment. Everyone around Crabby, and especially Maude, thinks he's one of a kind – and they don't mean that as a compliment! The thought of circuit training, exercise bikes, and rowing machines doesn't scare our hero since he'll do whatever it takes to avoid it. He soon realizes the trainer's intention to challenge him to a strenuous workout. Is he a pain? Absolutely Does he get on Maude's nerves? You bet. Is he insufferable? Yes Why not spend a little while in his special world—it beats the real thing!   The Crabby Old Git on Weddings The Old Git hates weddings, but Maude says he has to go. He knows it'll be a disaster, and sure enough, it looks as though he's on the money. Crabby ' nerves are on edge after learning of Maude's scheme to turn their invitation into a romantic weekend for two. Can Crabby escape Maude's amorous advances? Will the vicar stay sober long enough to get through the marriage vows? Should the photographer leg it? Enjoy a giggle as the Old Git retells the tale of his weekend from hell to his best mate, Reg. It'll get you thinking about every wedding you've ever been to.   The Crabby Old Git on Parenting Our hero stumbles across his niece and her new husband in the village wholefoods shop after their return from their honeymoon at the M93 protest camp; Having spent a week in wellies and avoiding the police by mooning at them from zip wires. Despite their age, they are naive and approach Crabby for advice on starting a family. They have lived in a commune for years and have been saving themselves for each other, but are unsure about the process. Crabby rises to the challenge and spends a couple of hours giving them the benefit of, in his words, 'his vast experience' of the bedroom and parenthood… Myths about getting pregnant and how to avoid dizziness. Childbirth and the wonder of gas and air as an aid for the man of the moment. The first five years, then the next ten, and how to remain sane … or at least fractionally. Crabby provides a comprehensive guide to vasectomies, sparing no detail, even the unpleasant ones that readers may wish to skip. Despite the discomfort, readers are likely to continue reading out of curiosity. Crabby's advice is direct and effective, leaving his clients well-informed and prepared, though perhaps not entirely comfortable.