In this episode, the final one in our 'mini-series' about sex and codependency, we discuss Brian's past experiences of sexual trauma and how they had led to codependent behaviors in his relationships.
We highlight three key elements that contributed to his current healing sexual relationship:
Safety: Unlike his previous relationships, he felt safe with Stephanie right from the beginning. This safety allowed him to open up and be vulnerable in the sexual aspect of our relationship.
Desire: In our relationship, he has felt genuinely desired by Stephanie, and also desired her in return. This mutual desire was absent in his past relationships, which were often transactional in nature.
Pleasure: Our sexual relationship has been a source of pleasure for us both physically and emotionally. This contrasts with his past experiences, which were often filled with shame, fear, and performance anxiety.
We also discuss the importance of distinguishing between needs, wants, and desires and how this understanding helped Brian reconnect with his emotions and authentic desires. Additionally, we talk about the significance of being able to discuss these topics openly and how it has contributed to healing from sexual trauma and shame.
00:01:11 When we met
00:04:07 Sex as performance
00:06:45 Our sexual connection
00:07:50 What was necessary for healing the sexual trauma?
00:08:10 Safety
00:12:04 Being desired
00:16:15 Desire
00:23:45 Trauma and desire
00:26:13 Reconnecting with desire
 
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