Redefining Teshuva:
What is a Baal Teshuva?
A master of returning
Returning what?
Returning the hey to the rest of the name of G-d (first 9 sefiros)
Hey represents malchus (the 10th sefira):
Dignity, open, softness, flexibility and receiving deep nurture and connection, letting go of control… watching in wonder as things unfold with deep inner joy and pleasure that comes from presence… letting go of all stories, expectations and assumptions and laughing with G-ds plan
When we are born
We are completely divine and completely instinctive
Divine soul and animal soul do not communicate with each other, they are in a state of fragmentation
The divine is always there, yet it doesn’t have expression… as the animal soul develops, we spin our stories and create belief systems about how to keep ourselves safe through the journey of life
One of the ways we keep ourselves safe is though attempting to control that which is out of our control this is the fragmented hey… the fallen malchus
As we go through life, we learn that the more we try to control the more pain we experience the tenser and more ridged we become the more we break when we fall… the more we try to control the more we smash into a million pieces when things don’t go as we ‘planned’. The more we resist this the more we blame, others and ourselves, the more we fragment the more shame, guilt and doubt we experience
However it is also our experiences that are the ideal opportunity for integration. We integrate both souls through our experiences… through letting go again and again and choosing love and connection over being ‘the right good one’
A master is one who lives doing this work… the work of letting go, every day choosing deeper connection and integration of parts, everyday facing apathy, shame and guilt and asking what are you afraid of today… every day choosing presence and joy over getting things done and stress
We are masters of retuning to our wholeness… integrating divine and animal consciousness when we hold the tension of opposites, see all our parts and get curious without fear, have unconditional compassion and see the good intentions behind everything
When we return we experience anew that there is no good, bad, worthy, unworthy, we are all everything and everyone… it is all within us… The whole world and G-d Himself
The place where the Baal Teshuva stands the complete Tzadik… (the one who is fully integrated and transparent) cannot stand.
It is only through facing the fragmentation, that we grow and stretch so deep and wide that we can see that everything was perfect all along and we were never In need of fixing because we were never Brocken in the first place.
The ratzina says:
True Teshuva is when we recognise that we didn’t need to do Teshuva in the first place, but we only get to the point of knowing this by doing Teshuva